over my head.

     –– jamie entire body froze. he wanted to tell himself he heard him wrong, but he knew exactly what he heard from him. the idea of this becoming so real to him hadn’t hit him quite yet. he knew that there was a baby growing inside of his boyfriend and he knew it was his. but it more of a casual thing than it had just become. the baby that was growing in front of him was... ALIVE. well, kind of. it was still practically as small as his big toe, but regardless, they’re moving. “ w-wait, really ? benji, that’s incredible. ” jamie couldn’t hide the smile growing on his lips as he reached around the smaller boy, arms tightly around him as he picked him up. “ benji, they’re actually moving, they’re REAL. ”

    –– the day felt like it’d been in slow motion for a majority of it. like everything he was doing was slowed down to half speed. but the looked benji had given him when he couldn’t share his EXCITEMENT did the job a cup of coffee would do to him. “ wait, benji, ” he mumbled, taking his hand and looking at him. “ i bet it CAN’T wait. tell me what’s up, sweet thing. ” jamie told him, almost a demand rather than a request. because now jamie was going to get it out of benji one way or another. 

   ––– jamie’s eyes were lidded as he took the few steps pass the threshold of their home and benji’s voice was echoing in his mind. like his brain was turned to mush and all he heard were echoes. it was nearly deafening. “ baby, i’m really too EXHAUSTED for this. ” he mumbled, his body wanting to fold into itself. jamie leaned down, giving his back a rest and a chance to kiss benji, “ seriously, can it WAIT ? ” knowing benji, it probably couldn’t.

     ––– exactly eight hours of interview after interview, playing singles from the song with just him and a guitar, the feeling of a microphone still linger on his lips. pretending to be excited and happy and full of energy when all he wanted to do was get the sleep he didn’t last night. after the final goodbye, he moped back home, back to benji. “ benji ! ” he called, voice lazy, weak and a bit drawn out. “ benji, c’mere, please. ” he called, just needing a lap to rest his head and a kiss before he passed out on the ground. 

   ––– jamie was never GREAT at touchy-feely moments. he was a pro at putting on the act of a song written about nobody was about every girl in the audience. but, when it came to real emotions, it was hard for him to stand there and just stay as serious as he could. so, the moment was short-lived, but was simply packed with enough emotion to last him a lifetime. as it always was, every moment with benji was simply filled with love and emotion. love that he would never imagine to reciprocate. “ hey, benji ? ” he grinned, pulling away from him and he ran and hopped onto his bed. his body forming into the iconic ‘ paint-me-like-one-of-your-french-girls ’ pose from titanic. “ are we going to fuck on your bed ? i’ve always wanted to know what it’s like to fuck someone while i was watching myself fucking someone. ” it made no sense, but he knew if he though slowly enough, it’d make some ounce of sense. 

       –––  jamie couldn’t help but let a soft grin grow on his lips, a chuckle to follow as his eyes continued to scan everything in the room. honestly, seeing his name and face on just about everything in the room was a little terrifying. he knew when we was younger that he wanted to sing, he wanted to be famous. but he never knew how much he meant to people, he didn’t know that he saved lives, was looked up to as a role model and had a million covers on youtube done of his songs. but, this... well, this was his boyfriend’s old room. benji must’ve idolized him. seen him as a higher up, put him on an unnecessary pedestal. looking back at his boyfriend, he tugged him into the room, shutting the door behind the smaller of the pair. “ this is adorable, truly. i’m not saying that to tease you, i love it. i like knowing how much i meant to you. ” jamie whispered, a secret between the two. “ seriously. ” he quickly tagged onto his finishing statement. “ i love it –– i love you. ” he grinned, back extending to reach the shorter boy, catching a quick kiss onto his lips.

     –––  jamie would be lying to himself if he said the pet name hadn’t made him want to turn back and let him clean up. benji seemed DESPERATE to the point that it was almost sad; jamie almost pitied him. but, they were in a relationship and you’re supposed to SHARE everything with your boyfriend... aren’t you ? sure as hell, jamie didn’t follow that RULE. “ hey, it’s not ever as bad as you think it is, you know ? ” jamie reassured him. when you’ve seen someone throw their bras at you on stage and also been sent ( unfortunately used ) tampons in the mail, you’ve seen it all. “ don’t worry, benji. i’ll still LOVE YOU after it. ” he kept a grin on his lips as he peeked behind the door, SO MUCH BLUE. “ was blue really my... theme ? ”

     –––  it was like jamie and his mother were plotting against benji, like they had a special link to know how to push his buttons. jamie was close with his own mother, god was he close with her. but there was just something special about benji’s mother that made him feel SAFE and SECURE. it felt like he was accepted freely in his home. his dreams were PRAISED and lifestyle was cherished. it was a sanctuary away from the boxing ring that became of his home moments after dinner was served. besides, this house had his favorite human being on planet earth. “ i know you’re begging me, but SWEETHEART, you know i love it when you save that for when we’re both very naked. ” he swore he heard orion screaming ‘ EW ! ’ from the room over. his arms were placed under benji’s arms, picking him up from the door frame, placing him beside it, BRACING himself for what his room could possibly look like.

   ––– there was only a quick moment of HESITATION when jamie heard his mother continue about the posters, the blankets, the merchandise that was hung around his room. he couldn’t imagine how GOOD it was, but he needed to see it for himself or he was going to regret it for the rest of his life. but as the boy was out of his lap, that means he was F R E E to move around. “ you know what, mrs. harrington ? you’re the most AMAZING person i’ve ever met in my life. ” jamie complimented before looking up at benji from his seat. hands firm on the table as he got up. “ but if you wanna hide it, you’re gonna have to CATCH ME, baby. ” jamie winked, placing a quick kiss to his lips before maneuvering around the table and making a bee-line toward his room. 

    ––– jamie is really trying to pay ATTENTION to everything the woman is saying, offering to help multiple times but being turned down. only to just sit with the boy in his lap, fingers tracing the SKIN his fingers were able to touch. a soft grin on his lips, one that wasn’t going to fade any time soon. seeing as linda confessed something for benji, his interested had been piqued. “ EXCUSE ME ? ” jamie cleared his throat, in disbelief mostly. “ aren’t we supposed to be sleeping in your room tonight ? why didn’t i know this before, darling ? ” eyes narrowed toward the boy who was no longer in his lap.

     ––  tannin did his best to hide the SMILE the appeared on his face, not wanting to scare the poor boy away. he needed this, he needed something to bring back to the big guy DOWNSTAIRS. “ i promise, i’m no trouble at all ! ” the continuous string of lies that came from his mouth felt like lyrics he’d N E A R L Y forgotten to a song. it’d been too long since he’d been on the field, so to speak. “ so, you PROMISE to help me ? ” he asked, sliding his hand out across the table. “ right ? ” it was a loophole he found; instead of shaking, as long as the angel touched his hand... IT WAS A DEAL. 

      –– the angel’s ignorance was intoxicating. the manifestation of evil and chaos looked at him, craving more and more of this fool to DANCE for him. he knew he controlled this boy like a puppet on strings. the second he’d gotten him to agree to ‘ SAVE ’ him; he knew that he was ready to go all in. he was ready to do whatever he could to clip his tiny wings. eyes full of faux wonder, puesdo hope, “ really ? you think so ? ” his voice as SWEET as the aroma the angel gave off. “ you’re the only angel who hasn’t REJECTED me. ”

      ––  tannin nearly felt his voice soften, the sound of a WHIMPER escaping his lips. though, in his mind he could feel his insides burning. the flames that stayed on his tongue, still dripping from his lips. trying his best to swallow them with each syllable he tossed at the hidden wings before him. “ please, BELIEVE me. ” he whispered, the smile leaving his lips, lashes batting slowly toward him. “ i need something holy –– something pure. ” it was the lying that kept the fires in his chest burning. “ SAVE ME. ”

    “  ––  BRILLIANT, ” the demon sneered, eyes narrowing at the angel as the noise resembling a laugh died down slightly. this was his job and he was GOOD at what he did, there was a reason he was SUPPOSED to be busy training others how to do this without killing the poor winged creatures. “ hey, c’mon, i’m not trying to H U R T ya’. ” a lie, a complete and total LIE. but it was told with such a genuine tone, it almost made the demon believe himself. “ i’m trying to... FLY.  –– like you.” words accompanied with a soft, friendly grin.

       ––  it was almost like his scent was CHOKING him. it was sickeningly sweet, the smell of cotton candy at a fair or the smell of syrup straight from the maple tree. it made his stomach lurch into his THROAT, fist covering his lips to hide the gag that rose with his abdomen. but, he knew it was his job, so he pushed it down, sliding into the chair in front of the presumably younger boy. “ havin’ some TROUBLE there, kiddo ? ”