Dan Smith sketches
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@malspinningyarns
Dan Smith sketches

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What is "walking distance" to you? (provided that the weather is okay)
Less than 5 minutes.
Less than 15 minutes.
Less than 30 minutes.
Less than 1 hour.
Depends on... add a tag.
other/I'm not canadian and don't measure distance in time.
I saw a post like this recently so I'm making a classics version
Spin the wheel. This Greek mythological figure is trying to kill you
Spin the wheel again. This Greek mythological figure is trying to protect you
Are you surviving?
100% no, my corpse is desecrated
100% no, but I am given a proper burial
Yes, but with major injuries
Yes, but with minor injuries
100% yes, not a scratch on me
Other (explain in tags)
Why are the World Cup semifinals on at 3 PM EST? If you want to grow the sport in the US, why are you airing it when the vast majority of adults are still at work? I know the answer is āitās primetime in Europeā, but with the Olympics at least the bigger events air during the host countryās primetime. I had to watch figure skating this year in the early hours of the morning if I wanted to avoid spoilers.
Lizzie, you have grown up with no shortage of suitors. At home, too, you have always been... Oh, Mary, we've had largely the same upbringing. No! No.
THE OTHER BENNET SISTER ā 1.07 "Chapter Seven"

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Mary Bennet: *does anything* Tom Hayward: *immediatelyā
"I knew quite clearly from Ryder's incredibly irritating behaviour that he had a liking for you. As I also had... As I also have." THE OTHER BENNET SISTER (2026)
Honestly, I canāt come up with a joke funnier than this.
i was so naive in thinking that spirk shippers were exaggerating. what the fuck is wrong with these two.
SPOCK HAS A MATING CYCLE?????
š š„³ š

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all these fellas out here looksmaxxing but they need to be booksmaxxing.
You have became this medieval role, how do you feel about it
you are in the medieval era and you have this role!
How do you feel?
great!! I love this
good!
It's okay
So bad. I hate this
This is similar to my real job!
Results/other
okay, for those interested, here is a full timeline of how we got to Count Binface:
1977: Star Wars is released, featuring, of course, Darth Vader
(Pictured: Darth Vader)
1984: Director Todd Durham releases his Star Wars parody movie, Hyperspace, featuring Darth Vader inspired villain Lord Buckethead.
(Pictured: Hyperspace poster featuring two Jawa-esque aliens flying through space in a shopping trolley.)
1987: Hyperspace is released on video in the UK, under the new title Gremloids.
(Pictured: Gremloids cover in the style of the original Star Wars poster, featuring Lord Buckethead.)
To promote the film, Mike Lee, the owner of the distributing company, ran for parliament as Lord Buckethead. He ran in Margaret Thatcher's constituency, Finchley, in order to get on TV. Lord Buckethead was representing the Gremloids party.
(Pictured: Lord Buckethead on TV with Margaret Thatcher.)
1992: Gremloids is re-released. Lord Buckethead rides again, this time against prime minister John Major in Huntingdon. (Here's a fun fact about Huntingdon: I was born there! :D) 87/92 Buckethead seems to have leaned pretty hard into the space supervillain thing, with campaign promises including 'demolish Birmingham to build a spaceport'.
(Pictured: Lord Buckethead on TV with John Major. Other notable candidates include Screaming Lord Sutch of the Monster Raving Loony Party.)
2017: comedian Jon Harvey, having recently watched Gremloids and learned of Lord Buckethead's candidacy for parliament, decides it's a great bit. He runs against Theresa May in Maidenhead. 2017 Buckethead seems to have a wackier and also more political approach, with campaign promises ranging from nonsense like 'nationalise Adele' to gesturing at actually sensible policies with stuff like 'lower the voting age to 16 and restrict voting after age 80'.
He also made an appearance on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. As with his previous incarnation, he was a member of the Gremloids party.
(Pictured: Lord Buckethead dabbing on stage with Theresa May.)
2018: Director Todd Durham asserts his legal ownership of Lord Buckethead. Jon Harvey opted not to go to court over Buckethead and handed over the reins. Todd Durham extended an invitation to anyone who wanted to be the 'authorised' Lord Buckethead.
(Pictured: the new Lord Buckethead.)
2019: Lord Buckethead, now played by journalist David Hughes, stood against Boris Johnson in Uxbridge and South Ruislip. He ran for the Monster Raving Loony Party, the UK's pre-existing gag candidate party. He ran with a similarly silly manifesto as the 2017 incarnation, but with a bit less of a political edge. His promises included 'All doorways to be increased by 1 foot (30Ā cm) in height' and 'Nigel Farage to be sold for parts'.
(Pictured: Lord Buckethead and Count Binface square up.)
Meanwhile, Jon Harvey in his new persona Count Binface, also ran against Boris Johnson. Buckethead and Binface face off! Binface ran as an independent with a manifesto once again blending silly and semi-serious promises such as 'nationalising model railways' and 'giving £1 trillion a week to the NHS'. This was also I believe the debut of his promise to 'move the hand dryer in the men's toilet at Uxbridge's Crown and Treaty pub to a more sensible position'.
(Pictured: Count Binface presenting the offending hand dryer, inconveniently close to both the sink and the urinals.)
He has a point.
2021: Count Binface runs for the position of Mayor of London for the first time, with promises such as 'London to join the European Union'. He notably finished ahead of far right party UKIP.
2023: Count Binface runs in the Uxbridge and South Ruislip by-election following Boris Johnson's resignation. He once again gets more votes than UKIP.
May 2024: Count Binface once again runs to be Mayor of London, debuting his now iconic 'build at least one affordable house' promise. Notably, he finished ahead of far right party Britain First.
(Pictured: Count Binface with Rishi Sunak. Also pictured: Monster Raving Loony Party candidate Sir Archibald Stanton with a ventriloquist's dummy.)
July 2024: Count Binface stands in the general election, running in Richmond and Northallerton against prime minister Rishi Sunak. He debuts his promise to cap the price of 99p flakes at 99p. This is his most successful election to date with 308 votes.
(Pictured: Count Binface with Andy Burnham. Also pictured: independent candidate Robert Pownell, dressed as a fox for his own reasons.)
June 2026: Count Binface stands in the Makerfield by-election against Andy Burnham, (recently) former Mayor of Manchester running for parliament with the intention of standing in the Labour Party leadership contest.
(Pictured: Count Binface on BBC's Newsnight.)
July 2026 (this week): Count Binface announces his intention to run against Nigel Farage in the upcoming Clacton by-election. He is briefly the only other candidate in the race and by the time other candidates announce themselves the narrative of 'Nigel Farage vs Count Binface' has already bedded in. And then it was now, and then I don't know what happened.
The long-lost remains of King Alfred the Great have been found buried under a car park, investigators claim.
Alfred died in 899, and his bones were repeatedly moved. He was buried in Winchester CathedralĀ until 1110, when his remains were moved to Winchester's Hyde Abbey, where they were interred before the high altar between the bodies of his wife and son. The abbey was demolished after the dissolution of the monasteries in 1539, and the place was left in ruins. In 1866, during construction of a workhouse on the site, the English antiquarian John Mellor excavated the area, found what he thought were Alfred's bones and had them reburied at nearby St. Bartholemewās Church. But in 2013, when archaeologists exhumed and carbon-dated the bones from St. Bartholomewās churchyard, they proved to date from over 200 years after Alfredās death - sparking Graham's interest and search. He said: "Whoeverās bones they were, they werenāt Alfredās. So, I decided to discover what happened to them. "The quest has taken me 13 years.ā
shut up they did not find another goddamn king under another goddamn car park
"girl dinner" "boy kibble" can y'all just eat a meal gender neutrally
gender neutrients

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New York empties out on holidays, so this little Dachshund had Madison Avenue at 30th Street all to himself. July 4, 1958.
Photo: Associated Press via Stuff Nobody Cares About
There are many things we could say about the whole āOkay, what the fuck is happening with Mitch McConnell?āsituation, but I bet ādonāt pull the plug on me until itās the most inconvenient for Democrats ā is probably in his death directive.