we never finished/posted this but i want it on this page as The Final Thing™
The day was hectic, to say the least. Malia had been planning this for weeks, readjusting where needed, redoing when it just didn't seem perfect enough. Eventually, she settled on simplicity, above all else. Tonight was about them, as a (potential) couple, not about anything flashy or of the like. She'd gotten Mike's help earlier in the day during lunch hour to go get supplies for the big date, extra blankets, pillows, red wine, etc. She'd even gotten an entirely new outfit for the occasion-- a new flannel and some jean shorts.
And when the time came, Malia snagged Ryan's truck and took Rachel out to town first, stopping by a fancy pizzeria she'd called an order to earlier that day-- a vegan half broccoli and half pineapple pizza. She didn't let Rachel see what kind of pizza it was and teased her about all the precious pineapple that would be on it, instead, in her usual cheeky manner. They were settled on a hill overlooking the town and school. The bed of the truck had been adorned in a blanket and some throw pillows. There were flowers in a glass coke bottle on the blanket, random flowers that looked like they'd been snatched from someone's yard. Red wine, too, and it was a proper picnic, worthy of heart-eyes.
And when they'd more or less finished eating and chatting up a storm as they usually did, Malia's demeanor took on a more hesitant and nervous turn. "So. It's uh..time we talked about the thing, huh?" She was sat right next to Rachel in the small truckbed, looking down at her own fidgeting and slightly shaky fingers.
Rachel had never been more nervous than during that Friday. The date alone would be enough more than freak her out, but add to the the conversation they were certainly going to have in a few hours, and Rachel was in full crisis mode for most of the day. Of course, as always, it all got a little easier when she saw Malia, beautiful as ever, smiling at her. That entire week had been a long pause button in one of the most important conversations of her life — she would take advantage of it while it lasted.
And she did. For the most part. The date was absolutely lovely, and every new surprise Malia pulled only made more sure that she was the girl she wanted to be with for as long as she could. But what if she didn't? What if this was only an elaborate plan to soften the blow for when the Sub finally says she doesn't want her? What if it was driven by pity? What if that was the last night before they went their separate ways forever? Rachel didn't want to, but she couldn't help but think about that more than a few times during the night. Thankfully, the cheeky grin on Malia's face always managed to make her forget about all of it, even if just for a little while longer.
Rachel could feel the conversation taking a turn, her shoulders tensing up a bit as she looked down to adjust her dress. As much as she asked for this conversation herself, and as much as she knew it was necessary, she simply didn't feel ready for it. Not alone anyway. "I think so, yeah," she spoke softly before taking Malia's hand on her own and placing a kiss on her cheek. "Whatever happens, we're doing this together, okay?" she took a deep breath and looked up to the stars in the sky. "I believe you know how I feel, so why don't you start?"
Malia nodded. "Yeah..together. Right." She echoed, taking a deep breath to hopefully calm the nerves. Not only was this new in general but navigating these feelings were also new for Malia. Navigating the past few months of absolute bliss she'd spent with the girl and what that meant had been hard, too. With so many thoughts swarming in her head at once, Malia huffed lightly at herself and squeezed Rachel's hand. "Okay- this is like, a lot." She started, eyes cast downward still, brows pinched together.
"First, I wanna say that I'm so fuckin' sorry about everything I've put you through. This whole ass week, has given me a whole lot of time to think. And it seems like every so often, I've got you jumpin' through some hoops. And that's not fair. I made you feel like you were my second choice time and time again and that's never been the case. Like, ever. You've always been first for me." Malia looked up at the girl, hoping to meet her gaze. "I can't say sorry enough and I know you said that we both make mistakes n' stuff but I just..kept making 'em. And I get how that would make you feel. Mistakes have always been my thing, even though they've always been unintentional. And I don't wanna make anymore with you, not if I can help it."
As Malia talked, Rachel's first instinct was to protect her somehow. Tell her that she was wrong, that she didn't feel like a second choice, that Malia didn't make any mistakes. But that would be a lie, and not at all the reason why they were doing this. It hurt, more than Rachel could describe it, but it was important to go through this, no matter the outcome, she'd decided that long before that night.
As she knew she eventually would, the girl started over-analyzing every girl that came out of Malia's mouth, hoping to figure out what direction the conversation would take next, somehow always reaching the worst possible conclusion, even if most of what the Sub said didn't support that. Brushing her thumb over the back of Malia's hand, she forced a smile, "I don't even know what to say," Rachel said, shifting her body slightly so she could face her. "We all make mistakes, Malia. I know you were never malicious, and I know it was never your intention to hurt me. I've forgiven you for all of that a long time ago. Most of the time immediately after it happened," she chuckled, "the important thing is that we learn from them. Mistakes don't have to be your thing. You're so much more than that." Rachel shifted again, this time moving closer to the other girl. "I believe in you more than I've ever believed in anyone else."
Malia hung onto every word, onto every indication that it really was okay. This was it. No deflecting, minimal jokes-- which, admittedly, made this ten times more difficult. But she knew needed to stop weaseling her way out of these conversations or they'd always come back, with no absolution. So Malia took Rachel's words for what they were: the truth.
As they shifted closer and closer together, Malia couldn't help herself and stole a kiss, short and sweet, with a whisper. "Thank you." No arguing, she reminded herself. "I believe in you too, y'know." She started, using that as a segue. "You're like, really important to me. It's kinda scary. Sometimes I feel like, if somethin' tragic happened and I had to pick between you and Ry, I'd probably lay on the floor and just cry." she chuckled dryly but quickly shook her head at herself. She had to be serious. The three words she wanted to blurt out were building up in her chest, in a way that was warming her skin, causing butterflies, and probably making her cheeks flushed too. "I've never felt like this with anyone and like I said, you're number one for me. My first priority. You're such a priority, in fact, it feels almost wrong for me to want you like I do. 'Cause I do wanna be with you, just so we're clear." It was said with a sense of finality that Malia didn't know she was capable of. "But like we talked about, I'm scared of hurting you or just gettin' in your way. My uh..dad always had some shit to say and it's hard getting that stuff out of my head. I get stuck about bein' good enough for you and that's not fair, i know. Like you said, only you get to decide that. Fuck, I'm ramblin'. Okay, I guess--"
"What I'm tryna say is that Iloveyou." The three words came out rushed, barely intelligible. Almost like she was scared of Rachel's reaction. Though she'd been nothing but supportive and understanding, there was still a nagging voice in Malia's head that she could never really part with. But she was trying.
Rachel was happy to reply to Malia's kiss. It could be the last one, so she wanted to enjoy it, regardless of how short it was. It was special.
Many times as the girl spoke, Rachel felt a need to interrupt, to say something, to say that she felt the same about all of it, that she also never felt the same way about anyone else, that she wanted to be with her too, that she was her priority too. And as the ramble went on, she only felt more and more strongly about it. Her smile grew warmer, more natural, she leaned forward, absorbing every word that left Malia's mouth. It truly felt to her that all the weight she'd felt for the past few weeks had finally been lifted. And then the bomb came. Rachel leaned back again, wordlessly, and her smile vanished just as quickly, even her hand moved away from Malia's. Of all the things she expected for that night, hearing those three words were not on the list. She blinked a few times, still silent for what it felt like the longest she'd ever gone without saying anything, even if it only lasted for a moment or two. And then she moved.
Rachel kissed Malia with the strength of everything she'd felt since that night during prom, thinking about every time she so desperately wanted to say those words but couldn't — it was never the right time. In a way, the previous kiss really had been the last one; the last one they shared before Rachel knew Malia loved her. "I love you too, Princess," she finally let out, eyes watering as she pulled back from the kiss, smile fully back on her lips. "You have no idea how long I waited to say that."
When Rachel pulled away and Malia saw her beautiful as ever smile fade away, an intense flurry of expected emotions passed through her. Regret, heartbreak, fear, rejection. The moment of silence didn't last very long, in reality, but to Malia, it lasted for damn near forever. She felt like she couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything and the sound of the crickets and wildlife in the distance was replaced with the deafening silence. Was this a mistake? Did she say too much? Of course, the one time she made an attempt at having a serious conversation, this happened.
And then all of a sudden, lips were on hers and she made a noise of surprise in the back of her throat before she melted into the kiss, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek. When they parted and Rachel uttered those three words back, teary eyed and all, Malia grinned, tears welling up in her eyes out of sheer happiness and frankly, relief. She dropped her hand and looked away for a second, letting out a slow breath as she tried to get a grasp on everything. "Holy shit." She looked back at the Switch, at her Domme, unable to hide what was probably the most lovestruck, biggest smile on Earth. "I'm a smidge salty you waited but I understand why you did, I think. I wasn't the most forthcoming with my shit, huh?" A beat. "Wait, hang on, how long?"
It would be impossible for Rachel to stop smiling widely in a moment like this. Virtually everything she did since Malia and her first started talked was leading up to this exact moment and as much as she dreamed about it, she never thought it'd feel this good, this right. "Since prom, actually," she confessed, biting her lip. "Well, I wasn't ready to tell you exactly, I still had to do some soul searching of my own, but that's when I knew," there's a light shrug and an awkward chuckle — she's still being vulnerable in front of the girl she has a crush on, the girl she's in love with. "I'd tell you before, I've wanted to many times since, but it was never the right moment and I didn't want to make anything weird between us, so I waited. This is the right moment."
Rachel leaned forward to steal another kiss, just as filled with emotion as the last one, her hand cupping Malia's cheek. "We're doing then, right? You and I, together?" she began once she broke the kiss, her own face still only a few inches away from the Sub's. "Because I have to say, it would be very cruel to tell me you love me, just to break up two minutes after," she half joked with a pout.
Malia nodded slowly, taking in her words and mulling over them. Rachel was right. This was the right moment, despite all that'd happened for them to get to this point. On some level, Malia had known the extent of her feelings for a while too, the crux of the issue being that she was never really able to confront them or what they meant. Now, after having admitted to her feelings out loud, Malia felt so much lighter, especially with Rachel by her side. She brought a hand up to cup the side of Rachel's neck, thumb resting on her jaw when she felt soft lips on her own again. She couldn't help but chuckle at how cute the brunette was being. "Yeah." She breathed, nudging her nose with her own, before continuing. "Yeah, you and me, together. I wanna give us a shot."
"Girlfriends." She mused mostly to herself, unable to keep the shy smile away. It was new territory, after all. And the moment was so vulnerable, she was laying everything on the line. "I'm scared, y'know." She continued after a moment, "There's so many possibilities with our future but I do wanna give this a chance 'cause I can't imagine being without you. Like, I could, but I'd probably cry. And that'd kinda ruin the whole badass vibe I'm goin' for." She half joked.
Rachel's heart had never felt warmer than when that word left Malia's mouth. "Girlfriends," she agreed with a light nod, her lips curling upwards even more. So many times she wondered if this moment would ever come but now that it was finally here, it was so much more special than she could have ever anticipated. Nothing else mattered in the world. It was only her, Malia, and the stars above them. "It's okay to be scared. To be frank, I'm a little scared of what comes next too, but right now we have each other and that's all that matters to me. The excitement is so much more powerful than the fear, you know? That's what you bring in me."
Rachel chuckled at Malia's joke, followed by a playful eye-roll, "Don't worry about your vibe, Princess, it's completely safe right now. As long as I have a say in it, you won't have to be without me any time soon." It was refreshing to say the least, not having to worry about losing Malia — and one thing was certain, now that they were together, Rachel wouldn't let anything break them apart. "Thank you for this," she spoke quietly, hoping to convey as much sincerity as she could, "For everything, the date, the talk, the yes. All of you. You were amazing. You are amazing. I couldn't be happier than I am right now."
Not even to save her own life, Malia could never have imagined how happy this moment would make her. She could physically feel the fear and anxiety ebb into a dull, barely there feeling. It was still there, just behind the love and support of the girl she loved. Rachel always had a way with her, a way of making all the bad things not seem so bad anymore. "You're right." She said, for what felt like the thousandth time. "Us together, it's all that matters and uh, everything else, we can figure out later." Everything else being the rest of what Malia hoped to be their future.
Affection swimming in her eyes, Malia took a second to just look at Rachel. The sun had set a while ago but the area was lightly illuminated by the town lights in the distance and the stars in the sky. On instinct-- she shifted, the truck creaking lightly as she did, to sit next to the Switch and took her hand, lacing their fingers together. "Thank you, Queen. Forreal. You've been so patient. And caring..and just...perfect. You make me so fuckin' happy, it's almost overwhelming sometimes. But in..a good way." She spoke just as quietly, voice soft. "And um, besides, not all the credit goes to me for the date. Mike and Ryan helped." She mused, playfully bumping her shoulder with hers.
As Malia shifted, Rachel took the opportunity to rest her head on her girlfriend's shoulder, hoping she'd never have to spend another minute without feeling the girl against her somehow — an unrealistic goal, sure, but at least for that night, there was nothing that could possibly stop her. Her love was too great. Their love was too great; or at least that's how it felt in that moment. A moment that would last forever on her mind.
"You know I would've loved anything you came up with on your own, but I'll be sure to send Mike and Ryan thank you notes and some cookies for the part they played in this," she spoke with a grin. "For you, I'll try to come up with something a little more elaborate. I feel like an event like tonight's deserves even more celebration." Rachel had no idea what she could possibly do to follow up that, but she knew she had to do something. That was already the best night of her life, all she wanted was to make the moment last forever. "But either way, I want you to know it wasn't necessarily the dinner that made this night so special, or the truck, or the stars, it was you. You make me feel more special than anyone else ever has. I feel so lucky to be here with you and I do love you very much right now."
Malia's face felt stiff from smiling so much but she couldn't bring herself to care much, or to really make an effort to hide it. One of the things she loved the most about Rachel was that she could completely and utterly be her goofy, happy self, without judgement. Even when she was just joking around about being tough and badass, and fought about cuddling vs softly tackling -- she felt like on some level, Rachel saw past all of that. So she allowed herself to be as happy and as vulnerable as she wanted. Fuck the Fabray mentality that said this was weak. If this was weakness, Malia decided she'd happily fall into it because nothing, absolutely nothing, could beat this.
She pressed a kiss to the side of her head and squeezed her hand before looking up at the stars with a decidedly lovestruck expression. "Oh, hey, don't get me wrong. I did ,come up with this on my own. Mike just helped with shopping and Ryan provided the truck and helped work out the kinks of the date too." Malia looked back down at their joined hands before continuing. "If I can make you feel a fraction of how special you make me feel, I'd say we're on a pretty good path. I'm glad, though, that I make you feel that way. You deserve it. The nights not over, either. You're totally gonna get girlfriend sex tonight too." She teased.
Rachel's eyes closed for a moment when Malia pressed a kiss against her head, half expecting to wake up from the most wonderful dream of her life. It was almost shocking when she didn't. Yes, Rachel had had a relationship before, it wouldn't be the first time she'd be someone's girlfriend, but nothing she ever felt came close to the way she felt about Malia and the way Malia made her feel. It was too special. All of the plans she'd worked on for her life predicted a relationship like this, but that was the first time she actually felt that it would be achievable. It was happening, right now, it was real. Malia was real.
"No need to be jealous, you're still getting the best gift of them all. Other than being my girlfriend, of course," Rachel teased with a chuckle. That part scared her a little. It felt easy for her to date someone, but she couldn't say the same about what it would be like for someone else to date her. Her maintenance, while cute and exciting, maybe wasn't idea for a long term relationship. Still, that wasn't the night to worry about that, it was night for celebration? "Oh?" Rachel rose an eyebrow, turning to look at Malia. "And what exactly does girlfriend sex entail? Because now I'm very curious."
Malia's heart felt full when Rachel called out the little bits of playful jealousy she dropped. She knew her so well. Being her girlfriend now, Malia knew she'd have to remind herself that they were, in fact, girlfriends and while she wasn't sure what that meant for them in terms of monogamy and scenes and such, it did mean there was a level of commitment there from both sides. Rudimentary shows of jealousy, much like what happened during the Never Have I Ever event wouldn't fly anymore. She'd need to stop and think-- something she often had trouble doing. She let out a soft chuckle and with a shake of her head, "You're really hypin' up this gift that you absolutely do not have to give. You're more than enough."
"Well." She began, with a click of her tongue against the roof of her mouth, "Y'know how I got princess sex the night of prom? Image that, but like, girlfriend sex." A pause. "Forreal, though-- anything you want tonight, we can do. But I do insist on maybe, possible, definitely worshiping that body of yours tonight, at the very least. It's my given right, as your princess." She spoke cheekily.
