Alright. Listen. I know I have a reputation for exaggerating. âMalfatti, you make everything sound like an action movie.â âMalfatti, not everything is a conspiracy.â âMalfatti, you canât just call Professor De Luca âThe Villainâ in front of his face.â But what happened today? Undeniable proof that Iâm either cursed, gifted with divine foresight, or the universeâs favorite chew toy. It started with the staircase, the one in AURâs B Building. You know the one. The spiral death trap that looks like it was designed for monks who took a vow of "falling dramatically." Every time I walk up it, I feel like Iâm about to be yeeted into another dimension.
So I said, out loud, to absolutely no one: "One of these days, someoneâs gonna fall through this thing, and weâll find out it was hiding an ancient secret passage all along." Not even five minutes later, I hear CRACK. And then? WHOOSH. The floor actually collapsed. With me on it.
For one glorious second, I was convinced I had unlocked my inner Indiana Jones. That I, Malfatti "Lucky" Fortuna, had single-handedly discovered a hidden underground vault full of lost Roman secrets. But no. You know what I found? A maintenance worker, mid-lunch break, sitting in a dust-covered storage room.
Let me tell you, Paolo the janitor did NOT appreciate me tumbling through his ceiling, landing in his sandwich, and yelling âTHE PROPHECY HAS BEEN FULFILLED.â Apparently, this wasnât a lost crypt. It was just an old supply room nobody uses because, and I quote, âit smells like wet ghosts.â (???)
So now the official story is: The staircase was just old. The floor was just weak. I am just an idiot.
But I ask you, how many times does âcoincidenceâ happen before itâs fate? Because first, I joked about a âsecret lair behind an ugly tapestry,â and guess what? There WAS a hidden door behind an ugly tapestry. And now? I call the staircase a death trap, and it betrays me IMMEDIATELY.
Iâm telling you, something weird is happening. And whether itâs luck, fate, or my personal curse, Iâm gonna figure it out. (But first, I need to go apologize to Paolo and buy him a new sandwich.)Â