[ a l p h a .]

@that-dashing-moron | @maledictiion | @vxrgil | @painttesting | @polychr0matics

( x ) ( x ) ( x )

   MR. KNOW-IT-ALL,                           HAD HIS REIGN AND HIS FALL.                                          ( at least, that’s what HIS BRAIN is telling all. )

Greeter Memes || @maledictiion

  “ Sorry- sorry. You, ah- you looked like you had it under control! So, uh, thought to m’self, ‘ guy’ll be bloody furious if I try an’ mess with ‘im ‘! So. Ah. Gonna help now. Real sorry, Truly unintentional. Was- was not my intention to deny you assistance. Will be assisting shortly. Give me a mo’, mate. Gonna be right there to help! Right- ah- there. “

  Whether intentional or not, Nathaniel’s assistance was heavily delayed. He talked too much for his own- or anyone else’s- good. He knelt down, and began grabbing the few remaining items that had clattered to the floor. Whoops. He made an attempt to clean off several sheets of paper, before awkwardly returning them to the man in front of him. 

He was supposed to be taking these schematics to his team to work on, as well as a few various things like sodas for Nigel.

     It was sort of nice just having a conversation with someone, Oliver thought. It distracted him from certain things that he tended to dwell on- things he’d really rather not think about. Maybe company would be good for him.

       While nothing that Oliver had done was ENTIRELY of his own volition- primarily just moronic and terrible, awful ideas that the coding had put into his head, what he’d done was still BAD and it was rare to see anyone not wholly uncomfortable with being near him.

              “ I was deactivated for a while, back when they were changing my programming. “

        He decided to keep things a bit brief.                “     but that was quite a while ago. Recently, though, I just wasn’t really able to go anywhere. “

         By ‘not going anywhere’, he meant that his wireless access was restricted and he was trapped down in ANDROID HELL, with all the screaming broken robots.

“ Oh? Well…I’m sure you didn’t miss much. Nothing out of the ordinary really happens in Aperture. ”

He was definitely out of the loop. The near destruction of the entire facility definitely fit into the category of ‘out of the ordinary’. But Mallory had no reason to be activated at the time, so he must have missed the entire ordeal, on account of being inactive the whole time.

Then again, he technically didn’t have a reason to be activated at all. The fact that he was even still functional was a mystery all by itself.

“ But changing your programming? I don’t imagine that was pleasant. ”

"It, ah... it was awful, honestly. Imagine bein' important to people, bein' happy. You've got everything going right for you. Then... one little thing goes wrong and suddenly... you're not who you used to be anymore no matter how hard you try."

He let out a deep sigh.

Oliver was really just looking to have a little fun. He hadn't been out much lately, and there was a reason for that.

               ALRIGHT                I’VE BEEN THINKING . WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS ,

drunk texts:

( ✉ → sms ) plea se eh elep me im drunk and i dotn know whe re i am

( ✉ → sms ) i fukcing miss yo u

( ✉ → sms ) i look so fuckigjn GOOD

( ✉ → sms ) i csnst stop throwiging up

( ✉ → sms ) fu ck you  for hurting me

( ✉ → sms ) why dotn you ever call me anymore huh

( ✉ → sms ) stop being so fuckigjn borign and coekm to my party

( ✉ → sms ) i dropped my pzziza o nt eh floror im fuckgin pissed

( ✉ → sms ) i j sut left you a 3 mintue long voicemail singing. sorry

( ✉ → sms ) even when i’m durnk ic ant sotp thinking about oyu

hateful texts:

( ✉ → sms ) you’re pathetic

( ✉ → sms ) you make me miserable

( ✉ → sms ) fuck you. delete my number.

( ✉ → sms ) you never meant anything to me, anyway.

( ✉ → sms ) fuck your apologies, you can keep them.

( ✉ → sms ) congrats on always ruining everything

( ✉ → sms ) my life would be so much easier without you.

( ✉ → sms ) and next time you feel like calling me… don’t.

( ✉ → sms ) i don’t want anything to do with you anymore.

( ✉ → sms ) if your goal was to make me hate you, then congratulations. mission accomplished.

misc/random texts:

( ✉ → sms ) i think my neighbor is an alien.

( ✉ → sms ) help me think of a name for my new dog

( ✉ → sms ) sooooo… what was your first impression of me

( ✉ → sms ) should i get pizza or chicken wings for dinner?

( ✉ → sms ) no one’s ever made me feel the way you do.

( ✉ → sms ) i borrowed your weed. hope you don’t mind.

( ✉ → sms ) why do they say drugs are bad when they make you feel so good

( ✉ → sms ) today is the oldest you’ve ever been, but the youngest you’ll ever be again…

( ✉ → sms ) [ File Attached: 001329.jpg ] of all the drunk pictures i have of you, this one is my favorite.