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Me having sex after 10 years of playing WoW: i need you to wear these giant shoulderpads Her: why? Me: please

cell phone doesn't like water because it is a combination of the other three elements. it is a rock (earth) that we fill with lightning (fire) that can control radio waves (air). if it contained water too, it would be too perfect; it would be like a god. to prevent this, the universe kills the would be uniter-of-the-elements. it's basic science.

Hey op google what LCD stands for

i took an oath in third grade to never do drugs

Actually when I was younger, my mom gave me this book and it teaches young girls to love themselves before they worry about what guys think of them. It really helped 12 year old me. The end of the book says “guys like girls who like themselves.” The title is meant to catch the attention of self-loathing teenage girls because they’re the ones who need to read it the most. So you all literally just judged a book by its cover. Go stand in the corner and think about what you did.

oh

LMAO

Sucking two dicks at the same time like that pig in chicken little

people are always like "Oh a vampire wouldn't get horny while drinking someone's blood, that's like getting horny while eating a sandwich" and like man have you never had a really good fucking sandwich?

The sandwich i had for lunch didnt moan and scream and squirm against my body and then become limp and pliable when i was done now did it

Always bear in mind that there is absolutely no legitimate evidence that Luigi was actually the one who killed the insurance company guy.

Of course he wasn't. He was at a party with me that day.