tragic endings & new beginnings

a sigh escapes his lips and he runs a hand through his wet hair, grimacing at the feeling of gel on his fingers. he wipes his hand on the back of his jeans, releases another sigh and breathes in to somehow silence his fast beating heart. it feels like it’s going to jump out of his chest. he’s already a mess after seeing jackson’s expression turning from curiosity to horrified to pissed in a matter of seconds.

he calms down. breathe in, breathe out. okay, he’s calm. he can do this. for-- for whatever this blooming feeling in his chest is.

jaebum raises his hand, poised to knock again when the door opens and jackson is there, looking sheepish. the blonde’s previous expression is gone and he’s just-- indifferent, blinking at jaebum, confusion clear on his dark eyes.

jaebum clears his throat. “hi,” he says and he’s so eloquent he’s ready to bash his head against the wall.

jackson continues to stare at him for a few seconds before his lips tugs into a smile; warm and familiar and jaebum’s breath stutters on its way out.

“hi,” jackson replies, bouncing back and forth on his heels. he’s wearing a huge black knitted sweater that makes him look small and jaebum thinks he’s damn cute . “what are you doing here, jaebum-ssi?”

jaebum-ssi? the older furrows his brows because as he remembers, jackson has never called him that little span of time they were together.

jaebum brushes it off, ignores the cold crawling up his spine and thinks of all the lines he’s memorized, prepared for this question like the paranoid guy that he is. but the words flies from him, like the sight of jackson is enough to completely wipe his mind out of sanity. ridiculous.

another clear of his throat with his heart throbbing against his chest wildly, he addresses the other. “i’m here to apologize?” that sounds like a question, he thinks and repeats it again with more conviction. “i’m here to apologize.”

jackson bites at his lower lip, red as always and jaebum’s eyes narrows at the action because he remembers tasting those lips. he remember’s ravishing those plump red lips, biting and making moans escape--

“apologize for?” jackson keeps on swaying back and forth, a hand holding the doorknob.

jaebum feels kind of unwelcome which is not surprising. he won’t welcome an asshole like him either. huh.

he forces himself to say the words before he can swallow them back down and say something shitty instead. “apologize for how i acted a few days ago. i’m just--” he pauses, brows furrowing. “overwhelmed, i guess. seems like i came to like you in that short amount of time.” he confesses, shifting on his feet.

silence follows and jaebum worries if he said something weird. like maybe jackson won’t like him back. wait, why didn’t he think of that? like hey, maybe jackson thinks it’s only a one-night stand and that spark between you two? yeah, that was just static from heat or something.

his internal monologue is cut when jackson lets out some noise that suspiciously sounds like a combination of a snort and a groan. he looks at the blonde, a brow cocked in question.

“really now?” jackson retorts and closes that short distance between him and jaebum. “are you serious, im jaebum?” this time jackson’s voice is calm; serious and full of hope.

jaebum narrows his eyes at the blonde and nods, lips twisting into a small smile. “do i look like i’m joking, jackson?” he retaliates, stepping closer, a hairs breadth away from the blonde’s face.

in reply, jackson rolls his eyes but he’s solemn, like he’s thinking deeply while trying to make their conversation casual. jaebum wonders why.

“i don’t know, man.” jackson sighs, taking a step back from jaebum and he almost reaches out to grab jackson’s hand, wanting the blonde close to him. closer . “i sat there on the café, drinking my tea peacefully and then you just-- ran away. technically, i did but you know what i mean?” the blonde sounds exasperated and he’s gesturing with his hands wildly. jaebum watches him with rapt attention.

“i’m sorry.” jaebum offers and he knows it’s not enough when jackson scoffs. jaebum deserves that.

“no, seriously.” jackson starts and right now, he’s like a firecracker. fierce, wild, full of energy. “i’ve been like in love with you for, what, a century? no, scratch that. that’s understatement of the year. and you just brushed me off like i was nothing and i don’t know, maybe i’m just sensitive? i mean, it’s just one-night stand. no big deal, bro . but it was for me, you know? and i honestly felt like there was something there and i’m so frustrated right now, jaebum!” jackson cries, hands covering his face as he tilts his head back. the tips of his ears are red and further inspection shows that his pale neck is too. jaebum finds it cute. adorable .

he stands there, watching jackson heave a huge breath, rubbing at his face. he’s making some weird noises, like those ones that youngjae calls dying whale noises . somehow, jaebum finds it endearing. he smiles, stuffing his hands deeper into his pocket.

honestly, he doesn’t know what to say. and backtracking, he recalls jackson saying i’ve been like in love with you for, what, a century? and jaebum thinks that’s weird. they just met. they just met and he should feel creeped out because this isn’t some korean drama. however, he only feels warmth spreading on his chest at the reminder that jackson does, indeed, like him. following that is the feeling of guilt because he now understands why jackson looks so broken there, in the café, when he dismisses him like some casual fuck. shit .

he opens his mouth, i’m sorry on the tip of his tongue but jackson finally drops his hands and looks at jaebum with intense eyes. the same ones he saw in that party and he only realizes now that they’re longing and adoration bleeding into one emotion in the blonde’s eyes. it’s a look that makes jaebum forget how to breathe.

he swallows. “are you quite done yet?” the words escapes his mouth and oh shit follows when jackson glares at him.

“am i quite--” jackson sputters. “what the actual fuck? yeah, okay. no, we’re done here. you know what? i’ll get over you and your phenomenal dick and your annoying handsome face because your personality? shitty .” jackson rants once again. “fuck you and your attractive moles, jaebum!” the blonde shouts and jaebum can hear doors opening in the once quiet hallway.

jackson backs away, ready to slam the door on jaebum’s annoying handsome face again but before he can, jaebum catches his wrist, pushes them inside jackson’s room and slams the blonde against the closed door.

“jackson.” jaebum breathes, hands resting on the blonde’s shoulders to keep him in place. jackson’s squirming stops and he watches jaebum watch him. they stare at each other and jaebum smiles and jackson blushes and attraction is a very curious thing.

the sliver of skin that his fingers is hovering over is warm under his touch and the proximity of jackson, this close to him, does some weird shit inside him, his mind closing in on the fact that jackson is close and near and here .

jaebum takes a moment to collect his thoughts before he leans close to jackson.

“hey. i’m sorry, okay?” he whispers. “i didn’t know.” he shakes his head when jackson opens his mouth to bite back at him, wanting these words out of him in one go. “i’ve known you for how long? one and a half day, not counting the days we spent in silence. but you’re always on my mind and your face keeps popping in my head while i try to edit some video for a project. i’m not sure if i’ll ever catch up to your feelings but i can try , jackson. i know attraction when it slaps me in the face and with you, i feel like it’s more than that and i was-- scared.” he tilts his head and jackson copies his move, puppy eyes glued to his face. “your sunshine smile practically blinds me but i’m willing to try, you get me?”

jaebum leans his forehead against jackson’s and mutters, “jackson, you might be the only one in love now. but who’s to say i won’t love you back in the future?”

  ☂☀☂

  he finds out about it in the most awkward way possible.

“ah, yes. harder.”

“shut up. i’m being careful. you’re so wound up.”

jaebum stops in the hallway and blinks at jinyoung who looks at him with laughter in his eyes.

that moan-- sounds familiar. in fact, he’s still recovering from hearing it last night. why the hell is jackson moaning in jinyoung’s living room? he looks at the said person with a funny expression. he can’t quite settle if he’s aroused or betrayed from hearing that sinful voice, so he shakes his head and walks further inside.

he’s supposed to hangout with his friends today after ignoring them for how many weeks and with jackson on the picture, the time he spends with them gradually lessens. he feels kind of bad for always saying no to hanging out, opting instead to study, practice, and call jackson for movie nights in his apartment.

now he’s got the time to hang out with them, supposedly, sans jackson. but apparently not because the scene in front of him is unexpected.

“mark, what the hell? why did you stop? continue the massage, please.” jackson whines, flapping his arms on the arm of the couch.

mark tilts his head at jaebum, shifting on his perch on jackson’s ass. he snickers at the look jaebum gives him before tapping jackson on the shoulder. “your loverboy is here.”

jackson immediately sits up, making mark tumble on the floor which is by the way, funny. he laughs at mark’s startled yelp - serves him right - and trains his eyes on jackson, ignoring jinyoung fussing about mark. he smirks, cocking an eyebrow.

“what are you doing moaning under mark, jackson?” more specifically, what are you doing here? his tone suggests the unspoken question.

jackson smiles widely at him; that bright smile of his that makes jaebum squint, like he’s doing right now.

“what? you don’t know? mark’s my broe from another hoe.” jackson replies.

jaebum stares before moving and shoving jinyoung out of the way as he settles on the couch beside jackson. “you’re friends?” he asks, brows furrowing.

jackson hums, nodding, smile still plastered on his face. “best friends.” he corrects, clicking his tongue at jaebum.

and that’s how he finds out that jackson has been officially part of his circle of friends for a long time and how haven’t he met jackson before? in which mark replies with you have. don’t you remember? and he doesn’t so he doesn’t reply and jackson sits quietly beside him as they watch a movie and munch on popcorn.

  ☂☀☂

  the thing with feelings is, they don’t just appear and develop in a day. it takes time to grow like a plant; it needs sunlight, water, care . jaebum knows this. he does and he’s trying. hard.

however, it is hard when jackson eyes him like he’s going to bolt out of whichever place they decide to hang-out in. like he’ll suddenly say something in the lines of i’m out, jackson. goodbye or sorry, man but no homo or the ever unforgettable i need to go that he somehow still can’t forget.

jaebum feels insulted in how jackson lacks trust in him and sometimes he snaps because they’re opposites and it’s not all the time that opposites attract . sometimes they repel each other just like magnets do but jaebum is a fighter. and he trudges on carefully even after a few weeks of them ‘hanging out’ as jackson calls it. whatever.

“what the hell?” jaebum grumbles, glare trained on jackson.

they’re in his apartment, about to binge-watch some show jackson has recommended when jackson blurts out “let’s stop meeting” and now they’re sitting stiffly, the tension in the air palpable.

jackson is biting his lower lip and his eyes shine with uncertainty and insecurity. “it’s not working.” jackson says. “we’re not working. see, we fight all the time and what’s the point? you’re busy, i’m busy. we’re scraping all these little time to hang-out and make this work.” he finishes as his hand gestures in between them.

jaebum breathes in to calm himself, chest suddenly feeling tight and throat unwilling to work. he exhales then purses his lips.

“these little time?” jaebum repeats because he can’t seem to wrap his mind around what jackson just said.

he wants to say what the fuck are you talking about? we’re working out, don’t you see? and lastly, i’m finally falling . he swallows and watches jackson fidget, turning his snapback round and round on his hand. jaebum follows every move instead of saying what he wants to say, feeling like if the words escapes his mouth, he’ll never have a way out. he doesn’t want to feel trapped.

he feels like it anyways.

a moment passes, the silence deafening. jackson fidgets more, avoiding jaebum’s eyes. the blonde sighs, peeking at jaebum and lets out a huff.

“yeah.” jackson answers, voice quiet. “we’re really not working. it’s impossible.” he sounds like he’s convincing himself instead of jaebum. he sounds like he’s choking on the words instead of feeling relief. he sounds like he’s going to run and cry in a corner in the next few seconds.

jaebum grabs jackson’s hands, letting the snapback fall to the floor. he grips the hands tightly, almost bruising and he knows it hurts when jackson winces but doesn’t snatch his hands away. instead, the blonde grips back just as tight.

“are you sure about that?” jaebum asks, keeping his eyes on jackson’s own dark ones. “you don’t sound like you believe your own words, jackson.” he scoots closer and this time he intertwines their hands, not wanting to let go. never want to let go of jackson .

jackson, for his part, does some weird movement with his head; part a shake as a no and part a nod as a yes and somehow he fucks it up by looking like he’s rolling his head, possessed by some spirit. jaebum bites his lower lip to prevent himself from chuckling because that’s adorably funny .

“no. i mean, yes.” jackson sighs. “i don’t know.” he looks down at their hands, tips of his fingers putting light pressure on jaebum’s knuckles.

“what are you afraid of, jackson?” jaebum asks, searching the blonde’s eyes. because this is fear, he deducts. jaebum has been there, done that and he’s still trying to make it right. he knows fear and doubt wipes away all the things that’s precious to you like a curse.

jackson shuffles and shrugs, chewing on his lips again before voicing what he’s thinking. “i’m afraid of fucking us up, okay? i’ve known you for so long , jaebum. loved you for the same amount. and you’ve only known me for what, a month? give or take a few days. and i’m always afraid that you’re a dream. being in love with you, like this, exhausts my heart.” jackson looks away then chuckles humorlessly. “but i’m happy too, you know? i pretty like this dream because you acknowledge me instead of ignoring my presence.” jaebum wants to say that was once. never happening again but jackson carries on, lost in his thoughts.

“whenever i pinch myself to wake myself up, somehow, you’re still there and you’re here and i’m so happy. this happiness is scary but you’re worth it. always. i’m just, scared.”

actually, jaebum knows the feeling. he’s never felt this serious before. jackson makes him want to take everything seriously; like how when jackson is nervous, he bites his lower lip again and again until they’re blood red. like how when he wants to say something, jackson moves around until he’s able say the words wanting to escape his mouth. like how when jackson is excited, he straddles the person closest to him. and like how when jackson is here, right now, jaebum’s heart feels so full and content and warm.

he feels so damn serious and even when he’s trudging in this relationship with blind eyes, not knowing anything about actual relationships and fearing he’ll fuck up grandly, he’s still going because somehow, after days of coffee slash tea dates and nights of movie marathons on netflix, jackson has become a huge part of jaebum and wow, that’s indeed scary but he’s happy.

just like jackson.

“i know.” he whispers, forehead leaning on jackson’s own. “i know. you’re worth it too.” he smiles then plants his lips on jackson’s own. it’s soft, just them breathing in each other’s space. “we’re going to work. we’re possible. i swear we are infinite.” he adds in slurred english, making jackson giggle because they just finish watching the perks of being a wallflower and they’re dorks who likes to quote movies in serious situations.

jackson inhales and nods. “okay.” he breathes against jaebum’s lips. “okay.” he repeats and kisses jaebum with more ferocity this time but still gentle, their lips fitting with each other perfectly.

the blonde’s lips are soft from all the biting he’s done and jaebum presses his lips harder against jackson’s, a hand moving to the back of jackson’s neck, rubbing carefully, soothingly. he hums as he bites on the lower lip, making the other jerk in his hold and let out a groan. jaebum smiles then, lips still attached to jackson’s and he can’t help but pull away, looking at the person in front of him.

a sound of protest escapes jackson when jaebum pulls from the kiss. he watches as those lips forms into a pout, letting out a huff in the process.

jaebum smiles widely, one that probably can rival jackson’s. “be my boyfriend, okay?”

jackson’s eyes widens then he blinks and no, no one’s smile can rival jackson’s. not even his, he decides. because this smile is so wide, his mouth parting, bunny teeth on display and his eyes practically disappearing and jaebum is so enamoured. enthralled. in love .

“boyfriend? i’ll be your master.” jackson replies with a laugh, nodding.

because jackson is going to sit in a corner again, thinking about all his flaws, drowning in self-doubt and his self-hate and jaebum sometimes wonders how jackson is able to switch from cheerful to depressed in a matter of seconds. he’d say it’s a talent but jaebum guesses it’s taken the other years of practice.

and at that thought, his chest clenches and he hurries to their room, exhaustion forgotten in lieu of making sure jackson is fine. okay. better than ever .

“jackson?” he whispers as he closes the door, the room dark and quiet.

he squints his eyes, sight getting used to his surroundings and spots a lump on the bed, covered with the duvet so tightly he looks like a human burrito.

jaebum swallows and squares his shoulders, stepping close to the other.

“hey.” he whispers, hands settling on what he thinks is jackson’s back but can also be his ass. “let me see you, jacks.”

the lump twitches but doesn’t do anything else. jaebum sighs and lays beside jackson, arms wrapping around what he assumes is the other’s waist. he’s proven right in his assumption when finally jackson emerges from his safety fort, tilting his head to look at jaebum before looking away again and sighing deeply.

jaebum, in just that briefest glance, sees the emotions jackson has hidden for so long written on the other’s face. he wants to take them away. wants jackson to see himself how jaebum sees him;

bright like the sun. cheerful as a child. the most precious human being that jaebum has the good fortune to meet.

“hey, come on. look at me.” he orders, voice stern. jackson moves at that, knowing that jaebum won’t tolerate any bullshit from him.

when finally the blonde faces him, the older stares, enamored. so in love .

raising a hand to stroke jackson’s warm cheek, jaebum meets his gaze, steady. “you know you’re amazing, right?” he says, feeling out of his depth. he has never been good at comforting someone with words. “you’re the sassiest person but you’re also the most beautiful. why are you focusing on the negative, jackson?”

jaebum perfectly knows why because they’ve gone through this conversation before. jackson falls apart more frequently than people thinks, his happy facade falling along with his self-esteem. and jaebum is there to catch him, whisper words of praises; of everything that jackson needs to hear, needs to know, and more. more .

there’s a moment of silence after jaebum’s question and he can see jackson picking out words in his mind, trying to compose the answer that will please jaebum. another minute passes, he blinks, and when he focuses his gaze on jackson once again, he’s met with insecure eyes, bottom lip between the blonde’s teeth and brows furrowed deeply. it’s a look that jaebum doesn’t like.

“i’m just--” jackson starts. “i mean, i’m over them. i am . but sometimes they just, you know.” he jerks his head, like jaebum will understand what the gesture means. he does. jackson continues. “and then i start doubting again, like there’s some trigger inside of me waiting to be clicked and here i am. i’m sorry.” he ends, eyes downcast.

the older keeps his eyes trained on jackson, mind whirling because his exhaustion is making him quite delirious. quite mean, quite fed up, and as much as he wants to coddle jackson right now, he also wants to prove to him that he’s so fucking beautiful. fuck , jaebum sometimes is left breathless.

he sighs in exasperation. “jackson.” he says, voice soft but also tight. he moves on top of the jackson lump before grabbing the duvet forcefully, immediately getting rid of it. the blonde looks at him with wide eyes and he answers with a small smile.

“what the fuck?”

jaebum continues to smile as he takes in jackson’s figure on their bed, clad in nothing but his boxers. good , he thinks because he’s going to wash away jackson’s doubts and insecurities tonight. even just for one night, it’s enough. they’ll talk again tomorrow. for now, jaebum is set on making jackson feel as precious as jaebum thinks he truly is.

“don’t say sorry to me.” he murmurs, hands settling on jackson’s hips. “i’m not the one suffering.” his hands starts trailing down jackson’s thighs, tips of his fingers pressing lightly as he moves them up and down. he watches jackson squirm, pursing his lips, darting his eyes between jaebum’s face and where his hands are touching.

it would have been amusing if jaebum doesn’t know jackson is feeling self-concious. and jaebum continues because he needs to drill into jackson that everything about him, his thighs, his voice, his stomach, his fucking height is enough; what he has now and what he is is more than enough.

he settles his hands on the back of jackson’s knees, spreading the other’s legs so he can settle in between them. he grins at jackson’s questioning stare, puppy eyes blinking in confusion. adorable .

“i really like your thighs, jacks.” he whispers, attaching his lips on jackson’s inner thigh. he feels the shiver that goes through the blonde’s body and he smiles, tongue darting out to lick a stripe on the warm skin. “they’re very muscular and strong. how many times a week do you do leg day, huh?” jaebum teases, teeth clamping down on the skin underneath and sucking a bruise there. been here , it says. mine , louder.

“what are you--” jackson breathes out, looking at jaebum with dark eyes. the light coming in from the street lamp outside is enough to illuminate jackson in all his half-naked beauty. it’s arousing .

“shh, i’m talking.” he shushes the blonde, head shaking lightly. jackson’s thighs trembles as he continues to kiss, bite and suck. the skin blooming into a bruise quickly and jaebum finds it beautiful against jackson’s incredibly pale thighs. “did you know i really like it when you wrap your muscular legs around me tightly?” jaebum continues talking. “they only make me wanna fuck into you more, wreck you more.”

jackson lets out a whine and jaebum looks up, leaving his place on decorating the blonde’s other thigh in pretty bruises. jackson is clenching the sheet under his hands, eyes shut tightly, chest moving quickly as he tries to take in some much needed air. jaebum feels satisfaction at the sight.

though he’s not done yet. probably never.

crawling up, he looms over the other, gaze intense as jackson finally opens his eyes and they’re filled with lust, desire swirling in his dark pupils and jaebum can’t help but lean down, capturing those red lips. he relishes in the soft lips that meets his and the sound that jackson lets out after, muffled by their kiss. he bites on the other’s lower lip lightly, tongue soothing after and coaxing jackson to open his mouth. he can’t wait to ravage this person. make a mess out of him, tell him he’s his everything. his fucking world, fuck .

his tongue tangles with jackson’s own and he focuses on the feeling of their combined breaths instead of how jackson is squirming under him, hips wanting to move but can’t because jaebum is holding his hips tightly, fingers leaving temporary marks on him. he sucks jackson’s tongue, leaving another deep kiss before pulling away, breathing heavily.

swollen lips, closed lids, pliant body; jaebum is so taken with him and he wishes jackson can see this. see how he’s irrisistably sinful but at the same time frustratingly innocent. his trust sometimes makes jaebum’s head spin, his honesty so admirable and jaebum wants jackson to witness the pure that is wang jackson.

he breathes in deeply and leaves countless of kisses all over jackson’s face while he rids the other of his boxers. jackson’s eyes snaps at the action, forever questioning.

“i’m showing you how much i love everything about you.” if he isn’t so aroused, jaebum would have cringed at his choice of words because that was cheesy as fuck. jackson though, just stares at him, eyes blinking, disbelieving.

“what?” he gripes, voice weak. “what are you doing? jaebum .” he sucks in a breath as jaebum traces a finger down his hard length.

“ jackson .” jaebum bites back. “so hard already?” he questions teasingly, raising a brow. fingers grips jackson’s cock lightly, moving from base to the head, smearing the bit of pre-come on tip. the blonde’s expression morphs from confusion to frustration to desperation, his cheeks blooming into a deep red.

“jaebum, please.” jackson moans, legs pressing tightly against jaebum’s sides.

“no,” is his firm reply and he lets go of jackson’s cock.

he shifts, grips jackson’s hips tightly and flips the other into his stomach with all the strength he can muster. jackson lets out a squeak and scrambles into his hands and knees, head moving to the side to glare at jaebum.

“what the actual fuck, im jaebum.” he hisses, arousal momentarily forgotten.

jaebum just snorts and rolls his eyes. “shush, you big baby.”

jackson opens his mouth to sass jaebum, he knows , but clamps them instead, teeth clacking at how fast he shuts his pretty mouth before crumbling into his elbows with a loud moan like they’re the only one’s in the dorm. they aren’t but jaebum doesn’t care. not right now.

he slaps jackson’s ass cheek again, skin getting warm under his touch. he leans down and bites at jackson’s cheek then murmurs, “i love your ass too. they’re so amazing. do you know that, jacks?” his hands squeezes the firm ass under them. “it’s so firm under my touch.” he continues conversationally, like he’s not about to eat jackson out. “i love them. and your thighs. and your fucking happy trail. fuck .” he clicks his tongue before using it to lick into jackson’s twitching hole.

a groan escapes jackson, his body trembling as jaebum continues opening him up with his tongue, thrusting in and out in a lazy way, like he’s got all the time in the world eating jackson’s ass out. he squeezes the other’s ass cheeks, spreading them wider and burying his face further into jackson’s glorious ass.

jackson’s moans and groans are increasing in volume. jaebum considers that his cue to insert a spit slicked finger inside the equally spit slicked hole in front of him. he does so slowly, moving his finger just slightly as he moves and covers jackson’s sweat covered back with his shirt clad chest. he mouths at jackson’s neck, careful to not leave any marks.

“hey, jacks.” he presses a kiss on jackson’s shoulder blade. “alright?”

jackson turns his head, blonde hair a mess, and looks at jaebum while biting his lower lip. he nods, eyes half-lidded. jaebum adds another finger inside him, thrusting deeply.

“let me hear you, jackson.” he says, shifting his aim inside the other. jackson smashes his face against the sheets, muffling a cry as jaebum hits his prostate. the older can see how high strung jackson is becoming, ready to explode, body tightening and breaths coming out in short puffs.

he continues to move his fingers, third one joining the other two. jackson’s breath hitches, eyes clenching tightly as his mouth parts.

“i’m com-- jaebum. jaebum.” jackson sobs, jaebum’s name leaving his mouth like a prayer and jaebum feels himself filled with affection and arousal. but tonight is for jackson, so he continues, hitting that spot inside the other with no mercy.

he whispers, “you’re beautiful, jacks.”

he bites on jackson’s skin and mutters, “so fucking gorgeous.”

he licks the sweat on the back of jackson’s neck and growls, “so lovely and mine.”

jackson’s legs are starting to give up as he fists the sheets under his palms, almost ripping them. he’s so strong and jaebum loves jackson for submitting to him.

“come on.” he urges, crooking his fingers and thrusting them fast and deep. “come for me, jackson.” he takes a hold of jackson’s weeping cock, his hand moving in synch with the fingers in jackson’s ass.

the blonde’s body tightens, a loud moan escapes him and his whole body shakes as he releases on jaebum’s hand and the sheets, his tight hole clenching on jaebum’s fingers.

jaebum guides him on his descend from his high, murmuring sweet nothings and praises that he knows soothes jackson’s mind. he moves from hovering over jackson’s form and turns the other on his back carefully, brushing sweaty blonde hair from jackson’s forehead. he kisses red bitten lips softly, continues to caress jackson’s hips and thighs as he waits for the other to stop trembling.

a moment passes and he hears jackson inhale a deep breath, letting it out shakily. jaebum smiles down at the blonde, “good?”

jackson blinks at him, eyes wide, content, and he smiles his gorgeous smile and jaebum is so in love with that smile and the person that owns it. “yeah,” jackson raps out, voice hoarse. “thank you.” he adds after a beat, cheeks flushing a deep red.

the older plants another kiss on jackson’s lips, still smiling, “hmm, my pleasure.” he replies and adds more seriously, “remember this jackson. can you do that for me?” he leans his forehead against the other’s. “remember that you’re always loved, alright? because fuck, if you don’t i’ll make you sleep on the floor.”

a laugh escapes jackson. jaebum follows and his own arousal is forgotten in lieu of settling down beside the blonde, feeling content. and exhaustion is crashing back into him, making his bones feel like jelly.

he feels jackson move, facing him and tucking his blonde head on the crook of his neck. “okay. i will. i promise.” he says, and jaebum belatedly realizes that he’s answering jaebum’s words moments ago. then he quips in that sassy voice of his, “but you didn’t clean me! what kind of lover are you?”

jackson really have the talent to ruin moments. amazing.

he heard more than saw jaebum for the first time. it was on some university charity thing that he was dragged to by mark, a friend from his course, and when jaebum opened his mouth in front of hundreds of people, jackson was gone. he almost exploded and had to check if his insides were still intact. they were, definitely. he wasn’t so sure about his heart but he’d settled for clutching his chest just to make sure.

standing far from the stage and not focusing on what was happening at all - because he couldn’t even understand shit , what was the point anyways - the then dark haired boy slowly turned his head and he saw jaebum . well, he didn’t know his name that time but jackson had the biggest desire to and suddenly his lungs failed to function again. he gulped and breathed in deeply, listening to jaebum’s voice sing some korean ballad song and it was heavenly. jaebum’s voice was amazing, why wasn’t he an idol?

after that, he asked mark all about the boy who owned that “godly voice”. yeah, jackson literally told mark that and the asshole looked at him like he’d grown an extra head but details.

mark, the awesome guy that he was, told jackson about im jaebum : film major, taking a few music courses, anger management issues, sometimes liked to participate in underground bboying. how mark knew all that, jackson didn’t ask, too distracted in memorizing all those informations.

and since that time, he’d seen jaebum everyfuckingwhere and jackson had gone from depressed and frustrated to depressed, frustrated, and annoyed at himself because after months of watching the guy from afar, he still hadn’t approached him. amazing, right?

one time he came with mark to meet his classmate and “friend” jinyoung - which jackson was sure was more than a friend but who was he to judge. at least mark had the balls to talk to jinyoung, unlike jackson - and he almost had a mini heart attack seeing jaebum standing there beside a guy who jackson guessed was jinyoung and he would’ve ran if it wouldn’t look rude.

“hi, jin. jae.” mark smiled at jinyoung and nodded to jaebum.

jinyoung smiled and jackson narrowed his eyes. yeah, more than friend. “mark, my man! ready to study? and who’s this?” he turned to jackson then, who was still wide eyed and rudely staring at jaebum because wow, those two twin moles above his left eye was irrationally attractive. the fuck.

mark jabbed him on the side. “this is jackson. that guy from hong kong i told you about. he’s not so good in korean yet so he sometimes talks in english.”

jackson snapped his head towards his friend and furrowed his brows before arranging his face into a pleasant expression and smiled widely at the boys in front of him. “hi! i’m jackson wang. nice to meet you jinyoung, jaebum!” he greeted, slightly nervous that he’d stutter while talking in korean, before realizing what he said and kicking himself at his slip. no one even introduced jaebum and how was he going to survive all the inquiries that would sure come, how was he going to live life, how--

a grunt forced his head up from bowing in humiliation and he saw jaebum busy with his phone, fingers working a mile a minute and he seriously just ignored jackson. he ignored jackson and okay, that hurt . jackson couldn’t help but swallow the lump stuck in his throat. he forced himself to look and smile at jinyoung instead.

“nice to finally meet you, jackson.” jinyoung smiled back at him, expression in between amusement and apologetic, his eyes side-eyeing jaebum. jinyoung sighed. “jaebum’s just stressed for a project, don’t mind him.”

the dark haired boy shrugged nonchalantly like his heart hadn’t just cracked like some shitty broken glass. “it’s fine! i can relate.” he replied, bright smile forever intact.

and that was his first encounter with jaebum. two minutes of standing in front of someone he liked and jackson was ignored the whole time until jaebum left hastily with only a wave of goodbye for jackson to remember forever. meeting the guy without even properly meeting him. how was that even possible? jackson’s life was just tragic.

after that incident, he’d avoided the older guy so hard that he should be a spy. when mark tried to ask him to hang-out with jinyoung, he’d always declined, not only because the possibility that jaebum would be there was high but also, he was still so insecure with his korean skills and deep inside him, he was afraid he’d just get laughed at. again. so he stuck with his english speaking friends, and life went on peacefully.

peaceful with a hint of all the unrequited feelings he had and some. he still saw jaebum around and he still stared and he still pined and he was still miserable. and going to events where jaebum performed didn’t help at all. but he was getting better.

he’d mostly accepted that his feelings were pointless like, who the hell falls for someone after hearing them sing? only jackson. and only jackson would choke on his own spit at a party in the middle of talking animatedly because he just caught his crush dancing with some chick like they were going to bang then and there. jackson felt sick. but he blamed that on the two shots of vodka he took that night.

breathing in and closing his eyes, he faced his friends again who ignored him after he paused too long on telling his story. everyone was drunk and no one gave him any attention when he leaned against the wall and eyed jaebum who was busy burying his face on the girl’s neck. there goes jackson’s night.

if he was going to be honest, the rest of the night was a blur. a very vivid blur. because he remembered finally approaching jaebum, dancing with jaebum and getting the older guy to take him home and wow, his dreams were nothing to reality. remembering it made goosebumps appear on his skin and it was the happiest jackson felt since coming to korea.

happiness was a very interesting thing though, appearing and disappearing in a flash of emotions, leaving the person empty and grasping for none.

the morning after, jaebum said, “i’ll buy you any kinds of coffee you want.” and jackson followed him like a dog because this was what he always wanted. and he wasn’t stuttering or being shy or god forbid, blushing like a teenage girl. he was normal witty, sassy, funny jackson and he basked in it.

hearing jaebum’s words though, while sitting in a café just a few blocks from jaebum’s apartment, stung. not only because he burned his tongue on his green tea but also because the words kept echoing inside his head.

“so, jackson.” jaebum started, lips tilted into a small smile and jackson couldn’t help but stare. “this is late but nice meeting you.”

jackson stopped staring. he looked down at his cup and thought, three months late. you’re three months late. instead he eyed the other once again and smiled, exclaiming, “that’s the only thing you’re going to say?! after last night?!” he pouted, eyes widening and looking like a kicked puppy. “no thank you? how incredibly rude .”

jaebum laughed loudly, mouth opened like some dinosaur and the blonde’s heart expanded, soaring to high heavens because he made jaebum laugh . and his laugh was great, amazing, made jackson feel warm.

“sorry, sorry.” jaebum finally replied, snickering. “thank you for last night although isn’t buying you green tea a thank you enough?” the older teased, an eyebrow raised.

wrinkling his nose, jackson rolled his eyes. “obviously not. who do you think i am?”

“jackson whom i still don’t know anything about.” jaebum answered the rhetorical question. well, jackson thought it was rhetorical. “tell me about you. any friends i know since you were at that party?”

the blonde wanted to say, mark. jinyoung. yugyeom. you know? same friends as yours? but jackson was a coward. always a coward when it came to jaebum. so he shrugged, fingers gripping his cup tightly. “i know namjoon. he’s friends with jimin.”

“hmm.” jaebum hummed and jackson just--, well, stared. he couldn’t stop staring because after this, they’d go their own way and jackson would, once again, avoid jaebum and their mutual friends. he thought he probably wouldn’t. sitting here with jaebum and talking to him in this relaxing atmosphere made him think that maybe jackson could finally pursue this guy. like, woo him and all that shebang. but jackson didn’t know what jaebum wanted and he was kind of lost which was seriously throwing him off. he wasn’t normally like this. he was brave; he came to a foreign country alone, didn’t he? but somehow, facing jaebum made his heart tighten and his lungs unable to function properly. it was hard to breathe when he thought of the older guy.

“jackson.”

jaebum’s voice snapped him out of his internal panic. he blinked a couple of times at the other then murmured a, “huh?” before sipping his tea.

eyes still trained on jaebum, the blonde watched as brows furrowed and dark eyes studied him. he squirmed a little, self-conscious. “what were you thinking?” jaebum finally questioned.

jackson shrugged and smiled. “nothing much.” he replied. “you.” he added.

previously wrinkled brows shot up high and jaebum’s eyes sparkled with curiosity and amusement. “oh? like what?”

he thought, like how i’m going to ask you on a date. like how we first met. like how scared i am right now. like hey wanna be my lover. but before jackson could blurt out anything of those, jaebum fired him with teasing words.

“oh, like what we did last night?”

jackson crinkled his nose at him then rolled his eyes so hard he feared they won’t come back to the front. “yeah, of course. i’m thinking of how you could probably hit the gym and work on your stamina, huh, buddy?” jackson spat back, lips pulled into a cocky smirk.

jaebum snorted and rolled his eyes too. they could be the rolling-eyes couple, couldn’t they? they could. jackson entertained the thought, smiling widely.

their conversation was random. random questions, random answers, random movements. and jackson continues to drink from his cup of tea, the warm beverage soothing his insides. but then jaebum asked a question that hit too far home and jackson stiffened momentarily, mind berating himself for being such a fuck up .

the older commented, "your korean is good but i hear an accent."

and the blonde's mind provided in the span of the few seconds jaebum continued his sentence, can’t even speak korean right. why did you skip those lessons. you should’ve been there every time. you should’ve stayed in hong kong. go back, go back, go back.

jackson replied politely, albeit tightly but still open. he thanked god that he wasn’t tongue tied because that would just ruin him. he was already grasping on the tip of his self-esteem before falling into despair and he didn’t want to. no, he didn’t.

and they continued. jackson and jaebum. jaebum and jackson. talking, conversing, smiling, laughing. and it was animated. so alive . jackson felt so alive and he talked about his fencing, joking about how his footwork could be considered an art. he was talking and jaebum listened. sometimes he paused to drink tea and eyeball jaebum like a madman, studying the older guy.

jaebum, he found out, was a man of few words. jaebum sat still and listened, sometimes humming to jackson’s inquiries and most of the time just staring back at jackson like he knew why jackson was staring at him intently. that made jackson slightly nervous. but most of the time , jaebum seemed distracted, like his mind was in another place and his face just shifts slightly to show he’d blanked out but jackson knew. after all, he’d memorized jaebum’s face long ago; expressions and all.

“namjoon was laughing at me!” jackson pouted at his cup, hands moving on his sides to express how namjoon was so rude . then jaebum cleared his throat, cutting jackson in his tirade.

he blinked at jaebum, curious. he parted his lips and mouthed a, “what?”

the other was acting strange. jackson suddenly felt like he was going to vomit the tea that he just finished drinking.

jaebum cleared his throat again and said in a cold, monotoned voice, “i need to go.” and jackson shattered.

he sat there, eyes on jaebum and he saw black and white spots. the feeling in his chest was mind-numbing and he wondered if he was going to die there. in front of jaebum.

die of heartbreak.

because what happened next was the most vivid nightmare about jaebum he’d ever witnessed. he didn’t know how or even when he flew out of the café but the biting cold was welcoming and jackson left his ruined pieces behind with jaebum.

he didn’t need them anyway. he didn’t need them in the first place.

and all of a sudden, everything was so dull .

so grey. and it was still hard to breathe.

***

they said silence was virtue. the silence that engulfed jackson when he came back to his room was deafening but he could hear his heart beat a steady rhythm, telling him that he was still alive. despite his mini heartbreak.

and that was how he went on. despite telling jaebum that he was going to call and return the older’s clothes, jackson never got to doing it. not only was he busy with fencing but university was also kicking his ass. he didn’t have any time. he swears he didn’t, okay.

i’m busy , he thought as he laid in bed, eyes trained on jaebum’s clothes folded on the end of his bed.

three days had passed since their coffee date, four since the moment they properly met, and three months, two weeks, five days since their one-sided meeting.

jackson wasn’t counting, he was just aware of time.

and three days had passed when jaebum suddenly appeared in front of his dorm room, face sheepish but deep voice, that made jackson long for the man, apologetic and determined at the same time.

“jackson.”

sipping his coffee with an extra shot of espresso and enough sugar that it’s not so sweet, jaebum thinks of last night.

getting drunk is fine. jaebum isn’t lightweight. in fact, he doesn’t get drunk unless he takes a shot of something stronger than fourty percent alcohol. it’s some weird genes mutation or something. who knows. question is, what is the deal with last night? because he’s only felt tipsy, the world still sober and not even spinning so how did he end up with jackson in his own apartment and now in a café? jaebum wants answers.

but he knows the answers. jackson is a force. a magnet that jaebum can’t help but admire and when the blonde smiles, jaebum still squints because damn, sunshine . although the jackson in front of him right now is quite reserved and jaebum tries hard not to feel uncomfortable. but he does anyways.

he does because he’s slept with a few people before and what he feels for jackson is making his heart thud scaringly loud inside his chest. he wants the feeling gone because this is serious. he’s never been serious before.

so he continues to focus the conversation about jackson. despite what he’s feeling - the anxiety and the clenching in the pit of his stomach - he still wants to get to know the other. why? only his sub-conscious knows.

“your korean is good but i hear an accent.” jaebum says and he watches as jackson stiffens for a mere second before relaxing. he furrows his brows in curiosity and continues, “are you an exchange student or something?”

jackson sips his green tea, looking at jaebum behind sweater paws and with that huge eyes of his. jaebum finds it adorable, goddamnit .

“or something.” jackson finally replies, smiling and his teeth shows. bunny teeth and jaebum is ready to smash a table against the wall because jaebum can’t handle this human being “i’m from hong kong and is actually studying in the same university as yours.”

makes sense , jaebum thinks. but did he tell jackson where he’s studying? he purses his lips, thinking for a while before shrugging. maybe he did last night in between rough kisses and quiet moans.

“really.” jaebum says, eyes trained on jackson. he eyes the other with interest, anxiety temporarily forgotten in lieu of tracing the blonde’s features with his eyes, memorizing how jackson taps his fingers on his cup, how he darts his eyes to the side and then stares at jaebum for a long while, then looks down at his almost empty cup.

jaebum thinks of last night and the way he feels. like he’s hypnotized and can’t help but take jackson’s hand. like he doesn’t have a choice but drown in jackson. he thinks of soft lips pressed against his, hard muscled body clinging to him, and deep whining voice begging him to take and take and take .

and his stomach suddenly feels like someone forced him to swallow acid. he feels sick because he’s scared and his heart pounds loud beats of ominous song and he wants out .

he looks at jackson who’s talking about something and seems to doesn’t mind that jaebum’s attention isn’t on him or maybe he hasn’t noticed yet. his hands are now moving along with his mouth and he’s eyes are bright and he’s so full of expression.

and jaebum wants out .

he eyes his cup of coffee, disgustingly cold and he looks at jackson then clears his throat. he breathes in. then out. clenches his fist. clenches his jaw. narrows his eyes. and relaxes his emotions. the wave of feelings calming, a comforting background in the back of his mind.

jackson’s now staring at him with confused eyes, blinking once, then twice and jaebum smiles tightly.

“i need to go.” he says, monotone, and witnesses jackson’s eyes zero in on him, loses its shine and gets veiled by a wall that jaebum doesn’t know how thick. he thinks it’s iron. and he feels sicker.

“okay.” jackson replies with a smile and jaebum can see it’s forced but he wants out and he doesn’t want anymore damage. “any schedule today?”

jaebum nods, eyes blank of emotions. “yeah.” he croaks out. “got some practice and studying to do.” he reasons and it’s not really a lie. it’s not .

“oh, i see! the same here!” jackson is lively again but not like sunshine. his flame is dwindling. “thank you for the tea. and for last night, jaebum.” there’s a hint of teasing in his voice and jaebum relaxes his tense muscles.

he smiles back and nods at jackson. “yeah. thank you too. it was great .” too great that jaebum feels nauseous of wanting more.

“well, uhm.” jackson stands and gathers his bag of dirty clothes. “i mean you totally don’t have to but i have to eventually give you back your clothes, right? so, i mean, you really don’t have to if you don’t want to but here.” the blonde hands him his phone and jaebum stares at it. “your phone number. i’ll text you when i’m done washing your clothes.”

he really shouldn’t. jaebum can buy another set of clothes. and this is not one-night stand etiquette. nor is buying the one he slept with a drink but he already did that, didn’t he? he really shouldn’t but he keys in his number and saves it on jackson’s phone. when he hands the phone back, jackson is beaming and jaebum narrows his eyes before looking away. too bright , he thinks.

“thank you.” the blonde morphs his huge smile into a serene one; genuine and kind and jaebum stops breathing.

he nods and forces his throat and mouth and lungs to function. “you’re welcome.” he replies. “i’ll see you around, jackson.”

it’s a dismissal and jaebum feels like an asshole when jackson’s smile drops. but the blonde nods, waves and scurries away, and jaebum breathes a lungful of air.

the high he’s felt last night and earlier subsides. like a drying river on the hottest day of summer. he’s out .

second groan and second time lifting his eyelids open to greet the merry morning, he moves his hand and meets soft skin. soft skin and suddenly jaebum is very much awake, along with a pounding headache that he chooses to ignore in lieu of staring at jackson.

jackson who’s sprawled almost on top of him. jackson who’s breathing softly on his chest like he belongs there. jackson who should really wake up before both of them win the award for burning hot like hell and getting visited by satan himself for stealing his personal heat.

ugh. seriously, jaebum would wake the blonde up but--

he looks so peaceful. and despite jaebum thinking of not wanting to wake up to jackson in the morning, he finds himself pleased that the blonde stayed. it’s nice to wake up with someone there with him. kind of.

he exhales a breath and shifts slightly, making jackson move and burrow his head deeper on jaebum’s chest and he can’t help but smile. it’s adorable and different from the straight forward jackson from last night who’s filled with wanton desire and demands jaebum to mount him then and there on the dance floor. he didn’t. he’s got more self-control than that but getting to his place is another matter and his control can last long but not with jackson’s constant whining and jibes to his libido.

shutting jackson up, as jaebum remembers, is not easy but his methods work and jackson is instantly putty against him; kissing him like there’s no tomorrow, tongue trailing down his long neck and biting on his collarbone. he can feel the throb of the bruise there and he inhales loudly because thinking of last night is seriously getting him worked up and that’s just--

“good morning.” sleepy voice graces jaebum’s ears and he looks at jackson. the blonde’s eyes are bright and his smile more so. he briefly wonders who’ll win the contest of the brightest star if jackson and the sun competes. jaebum thinks jackson would.

raising a hand, he uses his thumb to rub soft circles on jackson’s cheek. “morning, sleepy head.”

jackson snorts in reply. “okay. who are you and what have you done to jaebum?” the blonde asks suspiciously, tone teasing.

“excuse me?” jaebum mutters, confused. what the hell is this wacko talking about now?

the shorter man shrugs. “i mean, you’re nice. why are you nice? you’re supposed to be like--” jackson gestures at jaebum’s body before continuing, “rage-y and mysterious and rude as fuck.”

rude as fuck? jaebum pinches jackson’s cheek and the boy winces, making him smirk. “and how do you know that? have i been rude to you last night, jackson? i’m pretty sure i’ve been nice. took care to explore your body, prepped you right, fucked you nice, made you co--”

“hey hey hey.” jackson interrupts him with a shriek, face red and jaebum can’t help but let out a loud guffaw because morning jackson is very different from last night’s jackson and jaebum finds that so damn adorable. he’s still sunshine incarnate but he’s got this cheeky side to him that jaebum can’t help but adore. damn.

“i mean! i mean!” jackson moves and jaebum can feel his naked body press against him and oh. okay. someone’s happy to see him this morning. jackson notices this and reddens more before continuing his tirade, “when i see you on campus you’re always, i don’t know, a snob. you never smile and i’m always wondering what kind of pole you’ve got stuck up your ass.”

this conversation is getting long and jaebum still has an amazing headache but what he does catch in jackson’s babbling is that the blonde knows him. even before they met at last night’s party. he knows and jaebum should feel all kinds of weird but all he feels is warm and he recognizes happiness when he needs to and it really is slight happiness that he feels when jackson slips out that he’s known him and deliberately picked up jaebum on a drunken party and here they are. wow.

jaebum’s quiet for a while, disregarding jackson’s words before he feels the blonde moving again, this time literally laying on top of him and jaebum exhales a breath because jackson isn’t light. he packs muscles. jaebum isn’t weak either so he shifts just a little to accommodate the shorter man and yes, their naked bodies sliding together is seriously making his dick hard.

stretching his arms and folding them at the back of his head, jaebum stares down at jackson and shrugs, all nonchalant. “university is for studying, don’t you know, jackson or are you just here to pick up guys and fuck them the whole night?” he teases, corner of his lips twitching to one side when jackson bristles at his reply.

“pfft, no.” jackson fires back, lips set into a cute pout. damnit, damnit, jaebum wants to kiss that pout off jackson’s handsome face. “in fact i’m here to woo guys named im jaebum and become their live in wife. what do you think i’m here for, you asshole.” the blonde pinches jaebum’s nipple and he winces then laughs at how adorably sarcastic jackson is. he’s perfect, jaebum thinks and punches himself mentally.

“stop that.” he warns when the other leans and licks at his nipple, pleasure shooting up his body.

it’s so early and his head is playing some tribal drum rendition but he can’t help remembering last night and jackson’s lips and shit, fuck headaches. no seriously, fuck the headache out of him.

he looks at jackson intensely, eyes dark and jackson gets it. too perfect, jaebum mouths and settles comfortably on the bed while jackson trails kisses down his bare stomach, biting here and there. the blonde stops and jaebum can feel jackson staring at his hard dick before he feels warm breath ghost on the tip of his cock. he hums and jackson mouths at the head and jaebum stares, trying to commit to memory how the blonde looks sucking on his member because it’s truly arousing and beautiful. beautifully arousing is what it is.

a hand reaches out and card through jackson’s light hair. it’s not as soft as jaebum expects but it’s still a great texture and perfect for gripping as jackson moves down his cock deeper, mouth stretching obscenely while he hums like he’s enjoying it. which he is. jaebum can see jackson’s own hard cock, already leaking pre-cum. a groan escapes him when jackson uses that sinful tongue of his, looking up at him as he licks jaebum’s cock from head to base and jaebum wants to record this (this filthy scene with jackson’s lips swollen red and cheeks decorated with a deep blush and corners of his mouth covered in his own saliva and jaebum’s pre-cum) and use it as fap material on nights that he’s only got his left hand as companion.

his thoughts shatters when jackson swallows him whole, ending at the base. the blonde’s throat works and swallows and jaebum’s dick twitches, his stomach tightening as he savors jackson’s talents; namely, no gag reflex. his grip on the blonde hair tightens when jackson starts bobbing his head, cheeks hollowing and it’s seriously fucking up with jaebum’s mind because he’s nearing his orgasm this early. he mutters, “good jackson” and “you look so amazing like this” and “swallow everything babe”. he’s encouraging the blonde with his words and jackson moans, movements unrelenting and it’s when the blonde tongue’s at the slit of jaebum’s dick when he grabs jackson’s head with both hands and shoves the blonde down his cock, shooting his come down the blonde’s throat.

it’s damn filthy and jackson coughs and breathes heavily when he comes up. jaebum’s breathing hard too as he stares at disheveled jackson, morning sun insistent on filtering through his room and jackson, with his wide bright eyes and mouth parted with slight cum trailing down the corner of his lips, looks better than anyone jaebum has ever bedded or seen and he’s seriously fucked. figuratively and literally.

“i want coffee.” jackson mutters suddenly, blinking at jaebum like he’s innocent and hasn’t just given the taller guy one of the best blowjobs of his life.

blinking back at jackson, jaebum gestures at him. “but you haven’t--”

jackson shakes his head, head bowing slightly and jaebum somehow gets it. just with how jackson is acting and the deep blush high on his cheeks and okay, that’s fucking hot.

“did you just come from blowing me?” he asks just to make sure.

jackson snaps his head up and tugs the blanket towards him, covering his lower body with it. “so? it’s not like it’s a big deal! shut up, jaebum!”

he hasn’t even said anything after the question but jaebum’s eyes is teasing jackson. he shakes his head though, leaving it alone and stretches his body like he just woke up from the best sleep of his life.

it’s honest to god weird being eyed and dragged to the dance floor by a girl who jaebum thinks already has too much too drink for her own good. he thinks of resisting but the alcohol in his system makes him a little loose and he lets the girl lead him to the surprisingly large dance floor. she grips his hands and moves him for a while before she jumps in glee when the song changes. suddenly jaebum is full of curvy body, soft skin under his fingertips and warm skin under his lips. the girl’s hair smells good and he buries his face deeper into her neck, moving in tandem with the person grinding her ass against his crotch.

it’s weirdly exhilarating looking up and meeting intense dark eyes before the flashing lights distracts him and he loses the sight. he looks down at the girl softly holding onto his hands as she sways with the upbeat music. too intoxicated, he thinks and leads both of them to sit on a couch. she knocks off almost instantly on the arm of the leather couch and jaebum breathes out, rubbing his face. he’s really not into this kind of scene.

“hey.” a body settles, more like jumps, on the space beside him and jaebum almost has a heart attack. what the fuck.

he looks to the side and meets familiar intense dark eyes. jaebum swallows and blinks, taking in how the other looks. he studies the guy’s face, finding out that other than his eyes, his features are quite puppy like, even when a tad bit intoxicated. meaning, in jaebum’s tipsy mind: he’s handsome. and when the guy finally smiles, it’s like the sun and jaebum squints because shit, he won’t want to wake up to this guy in the morning, no. too bright for him.

“hey.” jaebum finally replies after a long awkward moment of ogling the guy. embarrassing.

another large smile. “i’m jackson.” the guy introduces himself, head tilting to the side and jaebum’s fingers twitches in a sort of misplaced desire to card his fingers through soft looking blonde hair. shit.

instead of doing just what his hand wants him to do, he raises an eyebrow in curiosity. “jaebum.” he says, loud enough to be heard when another upbeat music plays that’s got the crowd grinding like horny animals in the dance floor. they probably are. jaebum isn’t judging.

jackson doesn’t lose his smile and jaebum continues to squint at him. not judging, just-- overwhelmed.

“let’s dance.” the puppy looking guy suddenly grabs his hand and pulls him to a stand before literally dragging him in the middle of the crowded dance floor where sweat and smoke meets each other and is that yugyeom he sees making out with someone? what the hell.

he isn’t given more time to dwell about yugyeom and his conquest as jackson pulls him closer and okay. okay. jaebum is cool with a guy grinding on him like he’s a pole. happened before, really but jackson is a good dancer and jaebum might just do more than what youngjae is doing right then and there on the dance floor.

his fingers grips jackson’s hips and he feels the other’s fingers squeeze his shoulder. he looks down at jackson who’s surprisingly shorter than him. cute.

they’re close. so close that even proper dancing is hard to do which they weren’t doing even from the start.

jackson pulls him down by the neck and moves and sways his sinful hips like he’s practiced this kind of move before. jaebum tightens his fingers on jackson’s hips and meets the shorter’s hips and yes, no. this isn’t really dancing. he bets jinyoung would call this something like clothed sex or dancing sex or whatever horrible name he can come up with on the spot. shaking his head, he mouths at jackson’s neck, tasting sweat; salty and everything that jaebum needs to pull the other closer.

belatedly, he thinks this is really weird. he’s back on square one of thinking everything is weird but jackson, a stranger, suddenly appearing and just wrapping him in his clutches like jaebum is that easy to capture makes the weird feeling bloom into something akin to exciting.

it’s exciting pulling jackson’s hair before smashing their lips together. they breathe against each other’s lips before tongues shoved their way inside their mouths. it’s filthy and jaebum should feel extra weird but he’s not. instead, he feels himself getting hard in his tight jeans, making him grind against jackson who moans against his lips. he continues mapping the inside of jackson’s mouth with his tongue as he places a leg in between the shorter man’s own legs. immediately, jackson rides the leg and jaebum smirks against swollen red lips.

he knows they’re surrounded by people and he also knows this is inappropriate but jackson’s panting breaths and nails digging on his shirt clad back makes him decide that it’s worth it.

the other continues to thrust his hips against his and jaebum slips a hand underneath jackson’s shirt, trailing warm fingers up jackson’s spine. it makes the other shiver and close his eyes. when he opens those intense dark eyes that jaebum swears will be the death of him, he can’t help capturing jackson’s lips again and the other just cups his face roughly with his hands, pushing their lips closer like they’re not eating each other’s face already.

he laughs again and leans into broad chest, hands grasping the soft fabric of the other’s shirt. a huffed chuckle came from the other and rin looks up, a daze smile splitting on his face. the cold bites but rin feels hot; so fucking hot it burns from his cheeks to his throat down to the pit of his stomach. it settles there and rin feels like he’s going to explode. it’s an exhilarating feeling.

“sou.” he says, quiet and clouds of air follows his words. he watches sousuke blink down at him, trying to look sober but failing miserably. he’s doing the same. they’re intoxicated. so smashed. very fucked.

and rin laughs because this is great. he laughs before grabbing sousuke’s face with freezing hands and smashes their lips together, shoving his tongue inside the other’s mouth. it’s messy and it’s filthy and it’s everything that he needs right now. he breathes out and grips sousuke’s hair tight, tight, tighter until he hears a hiss and he grins against the kiss.

he pulls away and continues to grin; feral, hungry, predatory. his eyes takes sousuke’s expression and he takes in a deep breath, letting it out in a quick whoosh. he loves the look on the other’s face. it’s for him, it’s because of him. only him. he licks his lip and drags sousuke down onto a deep kiss once again. it’s not even a kiss. it’s just them trying to eat each other’s face like some starved animals and rin can’t agree more.

he moans loudly when sousuke pulls him closer and grinds against him. he moans louder when sousuke grips his waist tight enough to bruise. he moans in quick succession against sousuke’s lips when his clothed erection brushes against sousuke’s own. he wants this. he needs this. he’s so fucking desperate for this.

“fuck.” he spits out, jerking from the kiss that’s just spit and coppery blood and what the fuck but it’s good and it’s great and rin wants more.

trembling hands pushes sousuke against a wall or a fence or hell, a lamp post. fuck cares. rin pushes sousuke against a hard surface and kneels on the hard gravel. it takes less time than he thought it would to pull sousuke’s dick from his tight jeans and rin swallows the fuck out of it and gags and damn if that’s not hot.

it’s fucking hot and he does it again; taking in sousuke’s hard length and sucking and coating it with spit and pumping the base with his cold hands and he savors the weight of it against his tongue. the fingers pulling on his hair guides him, moving him how sousuke likes; deep, deeper, until rin’s eyes water and his fists clenches the other’s jeans tightly and he let’s him because he likes this.

likes how sousuke moans his name and likes how sousuke groans when rin looks up, mouth full of sousuke’s dick and loves how sousuke knows that rin wants him to do more.

fuck him up. ruin him for others. make a mess out of him. and he loves him for that. loves sousuke more when he pushes his dick so far down rin’s throat and holds rin’s head there, throat constricting and lungs begging for air and head going in a daze.

against the white sheets, red spills beautifully and when the sun hits pale skin, it’s a beautiful masterpiece that haru has never seen before. it’s art and haru’s romantic enough in the isolation of his head to admit that yes, he deems rin his own beautiful art. perhaps not personal but this-- this vision and right this second as rin stirs and opens his bright eyes, haru can say with confidence that rin’s his.

“haru?” blue eyes blinks at the half-asleep red-head.

haru smiles, corner of his lips twitching then hums in acknowledgement. he leans forward and stares as rin slowly gains more conciousness. he watches the boy blink a few times, scrunches his nose then stares back at him with clear red eyes.

it’s beautiful. rin’s beautiful and haru’s chest is so filled with rin that it’s hard to breathe. he leans down and presses a kiss against an eye, making rin huff. he continues down to blush covered cheeks, breathing in and closing his eyes as he savoured the feeling of warmth against his lips. long fingers cards through his hair and he continues down to leave a kiss on pink lips. it’s light and lazy and innocent and everything haru needs.

“haru. what the hell,” there’s humour in rin’s deep voice and when haru looks up, there’s amusement in the red eyes that he adores so much.

“hmmm,” he hums because words can’t explain every emotions going through him. rin continues to run his fingers through dark hair and haru relaxes, like with one touch, rin has righted the tilted axis of haru’s world.

It’s warm; so warm. The wind is just perfect against his skin, the ocean is calm despite the darkness shadowing its blue color, the people are enjoying themselves and it’s warm. So warm.

However, Rin knows that miles away from him, it’s cold, winter still not leaving his hometown. He wonders if it’s snowing there right now and what he would’ve been doing if he’s still there, accompanying his friends on their daily lives, their free time, their random bouts of adventure. He smiles, imagining Nagisa dragging Makoto to some creepy abandoned building on the outskirts of Tokyo. He smiles, picturing Haruka with his indifferent eyes, trying to hide a smile as clear blue eyes watches the spectacle that are his friends. He smiles, as he imagines that dorky glasses guy Rei spout about how nothing is beautiful in the vicinity.

Then he drops his lips into a purse, thinking of that one person, struggling on his own, hiding his misery from the world. He thinks of sad eyes looking away from him as he listens to the waves crashing back to the shore. He thinks of clenched fists, trying to hold on to emotions that the eyes can’t supress. He thinks and he thinks and he thinks and he listens and he imagines-- Rin pictures Sousuke’s figure miles away from him and wonders what the male is doing right now.

Glancing back to where his companions are singing and drinking and being all merry, Rin wishes that Sousuke is there with him, sharing all these moments like they’re supposed to from the beginning; sad, happy, every precious moments of their lives. They’re supposed to share but that-- Reality isn’t so kind, after all.

Head turning back to the dark ocean, Rin glances at his phone and breathes a sigh. “One minute left.” He mutters to himself as he starts walking further away from his friends, wanting peace.

At exactly nine zero zero, his phone begins to vibrate. Rin bites his bottom lip, smile obvious on his face as he flops on the sand before answering the call.

“Hey.” He breathes out as a sudden wave of complicated emotions comes crashing into him; just like the waves, only this time, he feels like he might drown.

The static of the phone greets him for a few seconds before Sousuke’s voice graces his ears. “Hi.” Rin closes his eyes and takes in the deep voice, wanting for the person to be there beside him. “Good evening. Having fun?” Sousuke continues, voice soft; gentle and loving.

Rin nods a few times before realizing that the other can’t see him and so he has to inhale deeply first before breathing out a quiet, “Yeah.” He clears his throat then repeats his answer loudly. “Yeah, I am.” I hope you’re here though, he adds in his mind. He wants to utter those words but Rin doesn’t want to bother Sousuke with this sudden sadness crashing into him. “How-- how about you? University keeping you busy?” He lightens his tone of voice, plastering a forced grin on his face.

Sousuke is silent for a while, his breathing the only indication that he hasn’t hang-up yet. A moment later, he hums in response, Rin holding his breath like he’s waiting for his incoming doom to finally arrive. “Very busy.” The other finally replies, quiet and curt.

“I see.” Rin mumbles quickly, nodding to himself. His brows furrows as fingers clutches the phone closer to his ear. “I see.” He repeats, almost chanting.

I see, do you miss me? I see, are you fine there alone? I see, please don’t forget me. I see, please come soon.

There’s a chant in his mind; I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. I wish you’re here beside me. It’s cold. And he wishes he can say those words without any hesitation, bare himself to Sousuke through the phone but he keeps his silence. Silence is gold, more so Rin’s because telling the other male what he’s thinking; what he wants-- his desires, will just put a heavy burden on Sousuke who’s still recovering.

Sousuke’s still recovering and Rin should just shut up and  be the understanding lover that he is.

Lover-- yes. He’s an understanding lover who flew a continent away to chase his dreams. Sounds like the ideal partner. Haha. Not.

“Rin.” His thoughts breaks as Sousuke’s voice echoes through the phone. He unfolds his clenched fists, not noticing his nails are digging on his palm as he oppresses his emotions forcefully. “Rin.” Sousuke repeats and Rin hums, a small smile gracing his face, negative thoughts slowly dissipating. “I miss you.” And then his breath hitches. “Wish I’m there with you.” Then his red eyes burns. “See you swim with all your might. Watch you smile as you break your record again. Hold you close in the quiet and darkest of nights.” And his hand trembles.

Rin nods his head. He nods and nods and nods even though Sousuke can’t see him. Yes, me too. He wants to shout as he presses his palms on his tear filled eyes. Me too, me too, Sou. He wants hug the other so tightly that both of them can’t breath. He wants--

“--you too.” He mumbles, still rubbing on his eyes. “Miss you too.” Rin repeats, a muffled sob escaping him. “Come here soon, okay?” He whispers so quietly, afraid that his request is too much; too demanding, too-- just too much.

There’s a chuckle on the other line and Rin blinks, sniffling. He opens his mouth to ask what’s funny but Sousuke starts speaking before he can. “I will soon.” Such a simple reply but it has Rin’s heart fluttering.

“Really?” It’s not that he doesn’t believe his lover; he does, with his whole being but sometimes, life is just a bitch. “Promise.”

Sousuke chuckles again then drags a hum. “Of course. Promise.” The male finally replies. “So, stop crying, okay?” His tone of voice turns into pleading and Rin finally grins, knowing how weak Sousuke is to his tears.

“Hmmkay.” He answers and at last, the flood trying to drown him from the inside is slowly disappearing. He still misses Sousuke, still wants the male to be there with him; sitting beside him on Australian sand where the wind is warm and just perfect for him. But there’s reassurance in his lover’s voice and there is promise and Rin feels joyful for the first time in a while.

The said male jerked, bones taut-- tense but still quivering; trembling against Sousuke’s ministrations. Such a sight, Rin was right now. Sousuke wanted to take a picture, or perhaps a video but he quite didn’t want to take his eyes off Rin’s lean figure. There was just something so appealing with the redhead there, on all fours, hands bound by handcuffs on the head of the bed and legs spread as wide as they could. Fucking hell, indeed.

“S-Sou?” Rin breathed out and Sousuke smirked before ghosting his fingers against the pale flushed skin. The redhead trembled all the more as Sousuke finally dug his fingers on the other’s hips, nails dragging up to the back where two dimples begged to be kissed then continuing down to the ass that Sousuke owned.

Sliding further up the bed, large fingers pried Rin’s ass wider, a thumb dipping against slicked entrance and Sousuke felt more than heard the other’s sharp intake of breath, followed by a moan. Music to the ears but he wanted more; make Rin scream, whine, writhe in pleasure that only he could give.

“Those handcuffs really come in handy, don’t they?” Sousuke voiced out conversationally as he slipped his thumb out of Rin’s hole, replacing the digit with his forefinger and thrusting hard that Rin’s back arched beautifully, a loud sound between a hiss and a moan slipping out from swollen red lips. “Bet you’ve thought of this when you got those, eh, Rin?” Voice teasing, the larger man thrusted his finger in and out slowly but harshly, just how Rin liked it.

Rin took in breaths of air, gulping as desire spiked in his veins intensely. “S-Sou…” He stuttered. “Please… please…” A whimper followed the repeated word, Sousuke taking a hold of Rin’s hard cock, dripping with pre-cum.

“Please what?” The hand holding Rin’s cock squeezed and Rin tugged on his restraints, almost trashing wildly but Sousuke was holding him in place tightly, disabling him from moving freely. “Do you want me to suck you?” Sousuke continued, starting to pump Rin’s member slowly, thumb passing along the tip a few times. “Or do you want me to eat you out?” Following those words was a hard thrust against the redhead’s prostate, fingers moving quickly unlike the pace earlier. “Or do you want me to fuck you?”

The redhead sobbed, nodding as red eyes stared at his bound wrists before clenching tightly, a drawn out moan escaping past his lips.

Sousuke smirked as he withdrew his hands away from Rin’s body, hearing a noise of protest immediately after retracting his fingers out of the male’s quivering hole. “What was that?” Teal eyes drank the sight of the redhead’s body; sweaty, aroused, begging for Sousuke to fuck him. He pumped his own cock, biting his lower lip as a light shiver run down his spine. Fuck. “I didn’t hear you, Rin.” He let out, voice laced with intense desire. He was honestly just enjoying teasing the smaller male, nothing more but also, hearing Rin beg for Sousuke to fuck him was always a sure fire to arouse him more, make his cock twitch and want to pound Rin until the redhead couldn’t even stand the next day.

Clenching and unclenching his fingers, Rin turned his head and looked at Sousuke with squinting watery eyes and trembling lips. “I s-said..” He began, chewing on his lower lip for a second before continuing, “I said, fucking fuck me, you little shit.”

Ah, that’s more like it, Sousuke thought, a smirk forming on his face as he covered Rin’s body with his, lining his hard cock with Rin’s tight hole. “What a rude police you are.” He chuckled, taunting the redhead more as he rubbed the tip of his member on Rin’s ass because why the hell not?

A hand took a hold of Rin’s cock once more, pumping slowly as Sousuke continued to push just a little inside Rin before pulling, leaving the redhead empty and wanting for more.

Why, in the name of all that was holy, was Sousuke-- Rin’s bestfriend, childhood friend, trusted friend, trying to molest him in the middle of the fucking palace hallway?! The redhead had been trying to understand the situation-- the reason while the taller man hovered over him, hands in both sides of his face as if to cage Rin and prevent him from running away. Well, he guessed that was good planning for his best friend’s part; knowing that Rin would most probably run away. Huh.

A chuckle met Rin’s questions, light hearted, tugging on his heart strings which shouldn’t have. Goddamnit. “Oh, I can.” Sousuke replied, head tilting to the side as he closed in on Rin. “After all, you’re already mine.” The man continued and Rin twitched, eyes squinting into a glare. “Also, are you saying that you’ve forgotten that promise we had years ago? Hmm, Rin?”

Let him rephrase that: godfuckingdamnit. Prince or not, Rin was a man and a man could never take his word back or else his pride would suffer which was as tragic as a war breaking out in his beloved country. In Rin’s perspective, at least.

Scowling, Rin looked up at Sousuke then growled, “I haven’t forgotten.” How could he? He’d been waiting for the damn person to take claim on that said promise and Sousuke just had to pick this-- ugh. And wait, his? His? Since when was Rin, asshole prince extraordinaire, became Sousuke’s, bastard prince from the neighbouring kingdom? “What the hell do you mean yours?” Brows furrowed in confusion, his fiery red eyes seeking answers.

Teal eyes blinked a few times before a grin broke out on Sousuke’s face. Rin hated that grin; it meant trouble for him. “Oh, didn’t his majesty mention? We’re engaged now. Isn’t that just fun?” The dark haired man teased but there was a serious note on his voice. Rin had known Sousuke since they were still annoying brats and had memorized every voice-- every tune-- every pitch that he knew when Sousuke was fucking around or not. This time, the male was really not bullshitting him.

Rin asked the question anyways, “Are you fucking shitting me?” He stared, wide-eyed as his back pressed against the wall more firmly.

Sousuke shook his head and, still grinning, leaned his forehead against the redhead’s own. “No.” He whispered then his face suddenly softened, lips that were grinning forming into a soft, loving smile. A hand cupped Rin’s quickly reddening cheeks, thumb rubbing the smooth skin. “I’m not.”

And then the rest was history-- Rin wished it was but the feeling of Sousuke’s lips against his was too real, too soft, too loving, too passionate, too-- too much for his fragile heart to take. He worried for a brief moment if he was going into a heart attack but that seemed impossible, what with his own lips pressing against the other’s own firmly, urging Sousuke to kiss him deeper with all the affection that he could muster. The beating of Rin’s heart was a rapid thudthudthud that echoed on his ears and his whole being.

Hands gripping Sousuke’s bare arms, Rin gasped as rough, calloused fingers pressed on his own bare hips, feeling like he was going to burn, turn to ashes and drift off somewhere unknown. Sousuke’s scent was overwhelming, more so how he urges Rin to let go; to just let the pieces fall after having tip-toed around them for far too long. It was reassuring and a bit nerve-racking, but Rin trusted Sousuke and so he gave his all.

Hands pushed on Sousuke’s chest then, after a few moments of lip-locking like they weren’t servants walking back and forth to do their respective chores. Rin’s face burned beautifully, making Sousuke press another kiss on his equally red lips. The servants were giggling at them as they walk by and Rin glared at Sousuke intently, willing the larger male to melt into a puddle. If only looks could kill-- but more than that, Rin felt embarrassed and elated and still fucking confused. The hell.

“Wait, so why are we engaged again?”

Oh well. At least he won’t be suffering any awkward banquets and masquerades and parties arranged just for him to find a so called partner.

Red drips down pale, white, almost luminiscent thighs which are dotted with black and blue and violet and yellow bruises that wants to heal but refuses to. There’s no ending to the misery, and Rin-- Rin throws his head back and shouts the devil’s name because holy God, that hurt. It hurts so much he almost passed out. He could smell-- feel the coppery blood pouring out of his once pure skin-- pure untainted body. It’s making him nauseous, fingers scraping on the cold floor as he arches his back and try to block out everything.

White wings slowly turns to black and Rin almost misses the change. Almost and he would’ve been just fine with that. There’s no need to notice such changes while this tainted man continue to dirty him. There’s no need-- but--

“Look, Rin.” Dark, seductive voice whispers on his ears, making the redhead shiver slightly then tremble violently as his bare hips is pushed down the floor harshly, leaving lines of red marks that will most likely stay on his skin for days. “Your wings are turning black. It’s beautiful.” The man continues, glistening teal eyes looking at the now fallen angel maliciously. “It’s beautiful. They’re beautiful.” Forehead against his, the devil whispers, “You’re beautiful. Finally.”

And Rin sobs because he trusted Sousuke despite countless of warnings from Makoto. He reached out to Sousuke despite their differences. Smiled at Sousuke despite the alarm bells going off inside his head. Loved Sousuke despite everything that makes them indescribably imperfect for each other.

In just a snap of a shackle, everything shattered. Rin broke and this is his punishment for being so naïve.

“Sou..suke…” Rin rasps, tear filled eyes looking at Sousuke sadly, like he’s about to go off on another crying fest. “Sousuke…” He repeats, taking in a quick sharp breath as his body trembles from pain; all kinds of pain.

A cock of an eyebrow meets Rin at the call of the devil’s name. “What is it?” Sousuke pauses his brutal ministrations, thumb swiping the tears continuosly falling down Rin’s face. “My fallen angel.”

Fallen angel. Rin’s fallen. That is-- that hurts more than what Sousuke is doing right now; thrusting into his body with no abandon, gripping his hips tightly, sucking on his neck harshly. Hurts more than anything, knowing that he won’t be able to fly back to heaven.

“Why? Why, why, why?” It’s a chant; in his head, out of his mouth, filling the air that’s starting to smell like sex and blood and sweat and everything that Rin has no damn clue about. “I trusted--” Rin gulps, eyes closing tightly. “I loved you.” He finishes, coughing at a particular hard thrust that Sousuke delivers to make Rin writhe more. Burn more and become Sousuke’s and Sousuke’s only.

“Why?” Sousuke grunts, then laughed; deep, dark, deadly that Rin’s fragile body under him shivered with fear that he’s never felt before. Granted, Rin’s never feared anyone before. Until now, in the hands of someone he has-- had affection for. “Just as you said, Rin. Because I love you.”

Love him? Rin clenches his fist, tugging on the shackles against his wrists. This isn’t love. This is anything but love. Rin can’t comprehend what Sousuke is saying. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love-- Love isn’t supposed to be this painful.

“No.” A slight shake of his head, Rin dodges Sousuke’s lips. He stares at the wall, the shadow of them visible there and Rin feels like vomiting. This isn’t love. “You don’t.” The redhead shakes his head again, a few drops of tears escaping from the corner of his eyes. “A demon like you will never know what love is.” He declares, voice firm and eyes sharp. At least now, his heart isn’t wavering. Whatever his body feels, his mind blocks. This isn’t love. No matter how his heart flutters at Sousuke’s words, Rin knows, in the deepest crevices of his mind that this isn’t fucking love.

Sousuke grasps Rin’s jaw harshly, forcing the smaller man to look at him. His teal eyes is flickering; red to black to teal and back and forth. It’s fascinating in a way but Rin can feel Sousuke’s rage; his anger, his insanity, his darkness. “Rin.” Sousuke growls, thrusting so hard and deep, Rin can't help but scream to the heavens. If only the heavens can hear his plea. “This is fucking love. This here--” Sharp nails digs against Rin’s pale skin, small blots of blood dripping down his chin. “--is love. Love is violent. Love is harsh. Love is dark wanton desire.” Leaning down, Sousuke licks the blood trailing down Rin’s neck, his torture against  the fragile body beneath his unrelenting. “This is my kind of love.”

Hearing Sousuke’s words, Rin trashes, squirms, shouts, tugs on all the restraints Sousuke has on his body, on his heart, on his soul. This isn’t love. Wrong. This kind of love-- this kind of affection is wrong. He refuses to acknowledge it. He will never acknowledge it despite Sousuke tugging on all the strings in every nerve under his skin, visible or not. Rin refuses to fall further.

“No.” Rin whispers, body ceasing all movements except when Sousuke forces him to. His hips are turning numb, toes curling in pain, wrists bruised, once lively eyes red and almost lifeless. No, Rin refuses to fall further. He might love Sousuke but this here-- the two of them; what Sousuke is doing to him, there’s no love in it. “Sou…” He continues, fingers twitching, wanting to cup the larger man’s face. “Sou… No.” Rin breathes in deeply then feels his body convulse, the sudden overwhelming sensation almost taking all his reason away.