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Being a Jedi was quite difficult, actually. You were constantly going on missions, and never had time to make connections with the people around you. You traveled planet to planet, but you could never take time to appreciate the beauty. You had a mission on each and every one, and you knew you would never be able to settle down somewhere for the rest of your life. You were okay with this though, you were prepared to commit your entire life to being a Jedi, this is who you are. You understood why Jedi’s are not allowed to form attachments, because nothing is certain for them. Correction, nothing is certain for you. You often forgot your role as a Jedi, you have been training your whole life, and yet sometimes you would forget; this is your reality.

You loved being a Jedi, or maybe you hated it- just a little bit. Your whole life was spent training to protect others, and not grow attached to others. Your identity was based on this fact, that you could love, but not too much. You could be friends, but nothing more. Maybe this was selfish of you, but you couldn’t really agree with this part of being a Jedi. You did your very best to not form an attachment, to not fall in love with him, but your efforts were in vain.

“Master Y/L/N, what do we have here?” Obi Wan asked as you attempted to mediate in the Jedi temple.

“Master Kenobi, I’m sure you know better than to disturb a Jedi while they’re mediating,” You replied, opening your eyes to look at him.

“I am aware of that, y/n,” He paused. “However, I sensed you weren’t actually mediating. Do you want to discuss why that is?”

He put his arm out to you, and you placed your hand into it as he helped you up from the ground. You tried to wipe off the creases that were made from sitting in your cross-legged position.

“I have a lot on my mind,” You whispered. “I can’t seem to focus on anything.”

Obi Wan nodded his head in understanding as the two of you walked out of the room, and down the hallways of the temple.

“Perhaps we should discuss what in particular you have on your mind?” He prompted. “May I?”

He was of course referring to using the force to reach out to you, to read your thoughts.

“Another time, Master,” You responded rather quickly. “I have to prepare for a mission.”

Obi Wan nodded, you knew he sensed your hesitation, yet never questioned it. You started to walk away from him, heading towards your room to prepare before you heard him call out.

“Y/N,” His voice gentle. “May the force be with you.”

You gave him a smile, and nodded your head before walking to your room. When you entered, your room was dark and quiet. You sat down on the couch, taking a breath to prepare yourself for what you were about to walk into. Your heart was aching, a cloud of sadness followed you wherever you went these days. Maybe it was the weather, you thought. That’s what’s making you so blue right now. Only, it wasn’t the weather- it never is.

You changed into your uniform, clipping the belt on, and adding your lightsaber to it. You did a couple jumps to make sure your belt would stay, you even whipped out your lightsaber and practiced moving it back and forth to get your head back to what really mattered; the mission.

You made your way to the transport dock, conversing with the other clones coming with you. You were leading the mission, everyone was counting on you to call the shots during this. You were concerned, this mission was particularly difficult. You were providing aid to an air attack happening in the outer rim of the galaxy, Anakin was already there but requested assistance.

The fact that Anakin was requesting more people did concern you, because he was never the best at deciding when to call off an attack. So, you really had no idea what you were walking into.

You walked into the ship, getting seated down next to the pilot as the clones went onto the other ship, and prepared for take off.

“You didn’t think you’d be going alone, little one?” A familiar voice called out from behind you.

You smiled, shaking your head as you turned around to be met with Obi Wan’s piercing blue eyes.

“Should I be worried that the council is sending you, Master Kenobi?” You questioned. You hoped you didn’t do anything to make them doubt your abilities to lead a mission.

“Actually, y/n, the council isn’t sending me,” He admitted. He sat down beside you, strapping himself in while talking. “I decided to come on my own.”

“Had nothing else going on?” You joked. He let out a small laugh, then stroked his beard while he looked over at you.

“I needed to see Anakin’s shenanigans for myself,” He responded, half joking. Obi Wan had discussed his concerns over Anakin’s recklessness with you on more than one occasion, and you agreed with him every time. Anakin was reckless, but an excellent Jedi.

You filled Obi Wan in as the ships made their way to the location of the attack. Anakin was facing a separatists ship with only a few star fighters. Anakin had requested you and your clones’s presence for reinforcement, but you weren’t sure if this would end in contributing to the battle, or convincing Anakin to leave.

“You okay?” Obi Wan whispered in your ear. You looked up at him, and nodded.

“Yeah,” You responded. “Just thinking about the mission.”

“You’re worried,” He pointed out. You were about to answer “yes” but you were interrupted by seeing the battle in front of your eyes.

You immediately unbuckled yourself, and started talking to the clones through the comm link, discussing plans on how to help. You ordered the clones to use the clone Z-95 star fighters that were aboard their ship.

You felt useless, you essentially were only here to overlook the battle, and help the clones with where and how to attack. Obi Wan being there made it a little less stressful, he could help you during the attack.

“Finally!” Anakin yelled over the comm link. “What took you so long, y/n?”

You rolled your eyes before you spoke, “We came as fast as possible, Anakin. The clones are coming towards you right now.”

Obi Wan shook his head, then went back to stroking his beard. He was deep in thought.

“Anakin,” He spoke. “Be smart about this, know your limits.”

“Master Kenobi!” He yelled. “What are you doing here? Master Y/L/N, you are a traitor for this!”

You and Obi Wan laughed while watching the clones head towards Anakin to help him. You had hoped to get on to the Separatist’s ship yourself, and take it down from the inside, but you were now realizing that idea was not going to work. Your eyes widened as you started to watch your clone’s ships get blasted by the Separatist ship.

“I don’t know about this, Obi,” You let out. You were shaking your head, thinking of what to do next. He looked at you with great concern, he was realizing this attack was getting out of hand as well. The Separatist ship started releasing fighters as well, and they just kept growing in numbers.

“I’m calling it,” You announced, and Obi Wan nodded his head in agreement. You voiced your concerns to the clones over the comm link, begging for them to retreat.

“What? No! We can get them!” Anakin yelled back. “Don’t retreat!”

“Anakin, please!” Obi Wan screamed. Your eyes widened, as his voice was right next to your ears. You had never seen him this angry before.

“Yes, Master,” Anakin groaned, and began to retreat.

“With all due respect, Master Y/L/N, we’re not going to retreat,” Rex said over the intercom. You slammed your hand on the empty space of the control center.

“And why the hell not?” You yelled back.

“We can take them,” He replied.

“No, you can’t, Rex” You shot back. “Please come back.”

There was silence, and you looked at Obi Wan, his face just as concerned as yours. You let out a sigh, and ran your fingers through your hair. He put his hand on your shoulder, his eyes gently catching yours. You placed your hand on top of his own, acknowledging his effort to comfort you. Anakin had reached the other ship, retiring his star fighter for the night. You and Obi Wan stood next to each other as you watched the battle unfold in front of you.

There was a lot of shooting, and you were glad Obi Wan was beside you as you stood there in such a helpless position.

You felt it before it even happened, the force was calling out to you, warning you. One of the Separatist fighters had hit Rex’s fighter, and you screamed in agony. You saw his ship go down, and you cried out after him. You fell to your knees, one of your best men had just fallen. Everything was such a blur, but you think you remember Obi Wan yelling for the rest of the clones to retreat now.

He picked you up off the ground as sobs consumed your entire body. He took you to the med bay in the ship, sitting on the bed as he continued to hold you. Get it together, you thought. You needed to be stronger than this, your men needed you.

“It’s okay, y/n,” Obi Wan reassured. “It’s okay, Anakin’s got your men. Don’t worry.”

You nodded as you started to collect yourself, and brought yourself off of Obi Wan. You sat next to him, your head in your hands as he placed a hand on your back, rubbing it gently. You sat up to look at him, his blue eyes sparkled in the light of the room. You sniffled, then placed a hand on his cheek. His beard felt rough against your calloused hands. You couldn’t look away, you couldn’t even take your hand off of his face.

“What are you doing?” He questioned while putting his hand over your own, and brought it off of your face.

“I’m sorry,” You whispered. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Attachments are strictly forbidden,” Obi Wan said sternly. He stood up, leaving you on the bed alone.

“I know,” You agreed, nodding your head. You looked at him as he stood in front of you. He looked confused, like he was processing what had just happened.

“What were you thinking?” He ordered you to answer as he ran his hand through his hair.

“I wasn’t,” You responded. You shook your head, then looked down. You couldn’t stand looking at him, how disappointed he was with you.

“You’re smarter than that, Y/N,” Obi Wan continued. “I’m quite shocked at your actions.”

“Master Kenobi, it was just a hand on your cheek,” You defended yourself. “Nothing happened.”

You looked back up at him, and he shook his head. You could feel tears start to swell as you have started to realize he does not feel the same way. He doesn’t think about what it would be like to kiss you when he’s trying to fall asleep, the way you do with him. His heart doesn’t ache every time you are apart, like your heart aches. You were realizing this, and you couldn’t dare be in this room anymore. You just lost your best Commander in a battle you didn’t want to be apart of, and now you’re about to lose your best friend.

You stood up, not saying a word as you walked towards the door. Your hands at your side, you tried not to look back to see Obi Wan one last time. You were certain he was going to turn you over to the council, and you couldn’t bare the thought of that. Before you could reach the door though, his hand wrapped around your arm, pulling you back.

You spun around to face him, your lips only inches apart. You felt his breath on your face, he was breathing so heavy. Your eyes widened in shock, looking down at the hand around your arm then back at his eyes. He stared at you, as if he was contemplating his next move. You went to open your mouth to say something, but he stopped you.

“Not another word from you,” He demanded.

You nodded your head, and he dropped his hand from your arm. Your bodies were so close, you were almost touching him. One small step, and you were his. You inhaled sharply as his hand met with your lower back, his actions startling you. Your hands were still at your side, you couldn’t decipher what his next move would be.

Obi Wan parted his mouth open, as if he was going to say something, but didn’t. The hand that was on your back pushed you gently, so your bodies were touching. You were on fire, the anticipation was killing you. Your stomach filled with butterflies, his beard gently scraping your face. You couldn’t take it anymore, you threw your hands on his neck.

He placed his other hand on your jaw, and pulled you into him. His mouth tasted like salt and mint. Your lips moved together in sync, as if you’ve done this a hundred times. His beard scratched against your skin, and you loved it. The two of you stood in this room, kissing just as you had imagined it. Your lips tangled with one another as the passion and lust encapsulated the entire room. You were aching for more an-

He pulled away from you, putting his forehead on yours and breathing heavy.