Can I get some of Zakkura fluff? :D
Don’t have to ask me twice 🫡 Idk how to do tooth-rotting fluff though, so behold—
Zack: Cloud, buddy, good news!
*Zack slaps a printed PDF onto Cloud’s lap*
Cloud: If this is another petition to put a soft-serve ice cream machine in the armory, I’m not signing it.
Zack: It’s better than ice cream! Kunsel just pulled up the Executive Benefits Clause! Apparently, married military personnel get a thirty percent stipend bonus, double the hazard pay, and a private two-bedroom suite with a balcony!
Cloud: For the last time, no. We’re not getting married for the benefits.
Zack: Why not!? It’s free money! We just turn in the paperwork, get the keys to the apartment, and boom—we’re swimming in Shinra credits!
Cloud: Because it’s fraud! If Angeal doesn’t kill you, the Shinra Accounting Department will.
Zack: Man, the higher-ups don’t care! They’re not gonna audit our souls! They’re just gonna see two handsome, hardworking guys who fell in love in the line of duty.
Cloud: You do realize that to keep those benefits, the marriage has to be legally binding, right? As long as you work for Shinra—which, knowing your contract, is for the rest of your natural life— we have to stay married.
Cloud: So we’d be married forever.
Cloud: And we’d be forced to go through with actual, total domestic commitment. We’d have to move in together. The Turks do random spousal compliance checks to prevent benefit abuse, which means we’d have to share a bedroom. We’d have to split household chores. We’d have to buy matching couch cushions. We’d end up adopting a stray cat from the slums just to make the marriage look authentic. In thirty years, when we retire, we’d be stuck in a seaside cottage in Costa del Sol, sitting on the porch, taking care of cats and arguing about whose turn it is to make the morning tea.
*Zack, enamored, takes Cloud’s hand*
Zack: Don’t threaten me with a good time.
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