i don't know where home is anymore

days later and selina still couldn’t comprehend all that had happened. it was like fear had made a permanent home in her heart and just wouldn’t leave her alone. oftentimes throughout the day, the hufflepuff would just stare out, not focusing during lessons at all, but still attending every single one to keep her perfect attendance, even though her mother said that it was fine — in fact, isobel wanted her daughter to return home with her when she’d visited the school but selina couldn’t leave behind the people and place she loved, even if she was completely terrified.

 hogwarts was in flames, the castle she’d called home for so many years crumbling around her. dead bodies were at her feet as she walked, half-bloods and muggle-borns, some pure-bloods as well. the cause was lost, everyone was gone. the loudest silence that selina had ever heard. a scream pierced the air, her scream, as her eyes landed on the girl she loved so much, the one whom she’d loved since her first day at hogwarts, dead. her eyes were wide open but they were empty, blood stained her face and she lay still. selina dropped to her knees and as she reached out to touch abigail’s face, her head turned towards her and two words spilled from her mouth.

“you failed.”

selina woke with a start, a gasp eliciting from her mouth as she pressed her hands against her mouth, squeezing her eyes shut as she sobbed. she tried to keep her body from shaking but she just couldn’t. sel needed to see her and hold her. with shaking hands, she tugged off the duvet and placed her feet on the ground, ignoring the shiver that ran up her spine. she slipped on the robe that was at the end of her bed and made her way down to the common room, quickly moving toward the door and as she opened it, selina gasped as she came face to face with the girl she wanted to see.

“i was…” a sob, no matter how hard she fought, paused her words, “i was coming to see you… i needed to.” selina explained, her body still shaking, the dream still fresh in her mind.

   after hours of tossing and turning that night in yet another futile attempt to fall asleep, she decided to go. getting up, she pulled on her robe and slipped her feet into the slippers next to her bed before walking down into the common room. stopping before the big door that would take her outside of the common room, she drew a deep, shaky breath as she tried to calm herself. it’s going to be fine. you’ll be fine. you’ll go see selina and everything will be better. she told herself as she stood there, on the verge of just turning around and going back up the stairs. but before she knew it, a shaking hand had reached out and opened the door and she was out in the empty and quiet hallways.

    she couldn’t remember much of how she got down to the entrance to the hufflepuff common room, feeling as if she’d walked there in a trance. but there she was, looking up and the down the hallway as she tried to remember how to get into the hufflepuff common room. i should’ve thought this through better. she thought, the fear building up inside of her again as she feared she’d just have to walk back up again and not even having had the chance to see selina. tears were beginning to burn behind her eyes and she was struggling to breathe when a familiar face appeared. the face she so desperately wanted to see. the face of the girl she’d loved before she even knew what love was. 

    closing the distance between them as she saw the other girl was crying, abigail gently placed her hands on either side of selina’s face, hot tears making their way down her own face as well. “ hey... breathe. ” she whispered through her tears, trying to give her girlfriend a reassuring smile as one hand slid down to her arm and squeezed it gently. “ it’s okay. i’m here. i wanted to --- i needed to see you too. ”

“that is true.” she mused. margaery’s words held truth considering their parents breed and raised them to be this way. but adair had a special way of doing so, cultivating both of her children’s talents to be as deadly as she was. “he definitely is. that much was obvious from the moment you did it.” it was something she envied about the rowle family, even if thorfinn was useless in his own right. “if anyone could get him to shed a tear it would be you. you’re a dragon who could set us all on fire in just one breath.”

     nodding as sienna spoke, margaery let out a soft sigh. adair had definitely done everything right when it came to making sure both archibald and margaery ended up as much like her as possible, and not at all like thorfinn --- even though there were pieces of him in the both of them she couldn’t get rid of. “ i guess it was. ” she replied, the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she thought back to valentine’s night. sure, archibald being proud was nice, but nothing could ever beat how proud she felt of herself after that. blue eyes rolling into the back of her head, margaery couldn’t help but hold back a snort. “ did you fall and hit your head ? ” she asked, raising an eyebrow at her cousin. “ since when have you had such high thoughts about me ? and what are you trying to gain from voicing them now ? ” 

She sighed again. There really was no arguing with a prefect, especially when she was right. “Yes, I suppose so. And I really would feel safer back in my common room. Again, I’m sorry. I don’t know how you do it, patrolling the highways. I got anxious being out here for five seconds.”

    abigail’s lips quirked into a smile as the younger girl agreed with her. “ there’s no need to apologize.” she said reassuringly, feeling bad that the other girl had ever felt the need to in the first place. “ how about i walk you back there ? because if i’m being honest, i don’t like walking around here alone either, and i’m supposed to be meeting up with a hufflepuff prefect for rounds so it works out pretty great. ” 

    “Please do it more often,” Eden pleaded with his friend, a pout on his face. “I think scaring mudbloods and all the wrong sorts away should be a job. Yours, to be exact. Finally a branch of the Ministry that would prove useful.” He basked into the compliments like a flower starved for sunlight, even though he already knew himself to be far superior to a staggering number of people both in and out of Hogwarts. It was always nice to be reminded, though. Putting his hands up he found himself pleading once again, albeit genuinely this time. “Hey, I’m not complaining here! There’s always time to entertain a friend. Or maybe I’m not over the honour of your company and need constant reminders that the stone-faced Margaery Rowle appreciates me for more than my dashing good looks?”

       the smile on margaery’s face just kept getting wider and more genuine with each second, though it was definitely partly due to the high she was still on from valentine’s. “ i would be great at it. ” she agreed with a nod, a slight snort following closely behind. “ oh yes, it could replace the department of misuse of muggle artefacts or the registration of muggleborns or some other absolutely ridiculously unnecessary stuff like that. ” rolling her eyes, she chuckled a bit at the horrendous state of the wizarding community at the moment, her words clearly laced with resentment as she spoke. an eyebrow shot up at eden’s now genuine pleading, and any previous hints of resentment disappeared as red lips once again parted in a slight smile. “ it did sound an awful lot like complaining.” she teased, tutting at eden before letting out a sigh. “ but fine. i suppose i could stay for longer. after all, your face may be pretty but i’d say your ability to know how to actually have fun is far superior. ” the blonde couldn’t help but to roll her eyes slightly, eden’s flattery could certainly come to a point where it’s too much; but he was one of the most tolerable people around and even margaery appreciated some compliments and flattery every once in a while. and with eden, she knew where to turn whenever she wanted some.

    “No need to apologise,” Albus rushed to say. He would have patted Abigail’s arm or done something, but he wasn’t sure encroaching personal space would benefit either of them. He hadn’t reached the stage where it felt natural to initiate such contact yet. “You’re sure though? You look real tired.” Euphemism, sweet tool of communication. By that point Albus was certain he only fell asleep through sheer force of will – a polite phrase for stubbornness – and so didn’t have much in the way of advice. Somehow he supposed it didn’t really matter when Abi was awake enough to pull the prefect stare perfectly. The roll of his eyes was a first element of reply. “Nothing that bad, just looking to borrow a book or two. Basic library stuff, really.”

    nodding once more, abigail gave albus a small shrug as she did her best to put on a reassuring smile. “ i look tired because i am tired. but i’ll be fine. ” had she not been so insistent on keeping up with her schoolwork and prefect duties no matter how little sleep she got, abigail would’ve definitely agreed to the offer; she didn’t even remember what night she’d gotten three hours consecutively of sleep last. but either way abigail knew that eventually, she’d be able to relax enough to sleep properly --- though she didn’t know when that would be exactly; but she hoped it was soon. “ basic library stuff ? ” raising her eyebrows and glancing quickly towards the restricted section. “ in the restricted section ? ” biting down on her lower lip, the ravenclaw chuckled slightly as she met albus’ eyes again. “ the restricted section doesn’t really go hand-in-hand with the basic library stuff... so i don’t know which one of those you have trouble understanding or if you’re just worried i’ll run and tell on you to mcgonagall. ”

       One of the things everyone knew but not many actually voiced was that as awful as the death of young wixen was, the majority of those who lost sleep over it did so due to their fear – either for themselves or people they were close to, but certainly not to extend their grieving time past the sunny hours. What use would there be in that, he wondered? Better make sure no one else would be found in the Forest; he didn’t want to be cold, but he was, and his mind was set on survival now. He couldn’t leave his little sister alone with only their parents as supervisors, there was no way she’d go through hat he had gone through. If he had to crawl over piles of victims to stay alive, then so be it. “Why are we still here?” He hadn’t planned on asking out loud, but he had gotten too wrapped up in his own head to prevent the words from making it past his lips. “Like you said, it’d be hard to blame those who did go home. Why aren’t we doing the same thing? Teachers couldn’t keep the younger years safe, why would we be any luckier?”

     for most parts of the day and even the night, abigail found herself struggling to think about anything else than what if. what if whoever did this was just wandering the halls, waiting for the right time and place to take down their next victim? what if that next victim was selina, or cordelia, or herself? what if abigail woke up tomorrow to find all the other muggleborns dead? what if she didn’t wake up tomorrow?  all these questions along with one that was very similar to noah’s. ‘what if we just left?’ so when she heard those words come out of someone else’s mouth, she stopped for a second and just looked at her older housemate, furrowing her brows as she let it sink in. “ i don’t know. ” she replied honestly, her voice lower than she had expected it to be, as if her subconscious didn’t want anyone but them to hear. “ but there are the aurors now too. ” her words slow, trying to make herself believe them too. “ but would we really be any safer back home? unless we break our wands and vow to never do magic again ? ” 

“Probably but I feel so bad for asking,” Ruth sighed, twirling strand of brown curls in her hand. “If I’d been more careful packing up my bag I’d be able to finish it. I’d feel like I was taking advantage of him.”

     “ don’t. just ask him. ” abigail said quickly, trying to sound reassuring as she tried giving the younger hufflepuff a small smile. “ i’m sure all the professors will be extra understanding now, considering everything.” tucking a piece of strand hair behind her ear, she let out a sigh as she let her arm drop back down. “ after all --- we all have our bad days and forget things we shouldn’t forget. ”  

“ it’s been less than five minutes, abigail. can’t you give me a break? ”  they shared classes together, they weren’t exactly the closest of friends, but roxanne never let anyone feeling left out. she could sense something out of the ordinary with her, not that she could point it out. “ i’m already on my way, how about you walk with me and we catch up? you don’t seem thrilled to be alone in these dark hallways. ”

  furrowing her brows, abigail dropped her wand as she felt her cheeks flush. “ i’m sorry. ” she said, her voice revealing the relief she felt from the person being roxanne and not someone with ill intentions. “ you scared me is all... and you really shouldn’t be walking around alone after curfew. ” raising an eyebrow at her classmate, she tried to regain her prefect authority, but fell a bit short. at roxanne’s suggestion, however, her lips spread into a small smile and the ravenclaw nodded while letting out a sigh. “ fine. i’ll walk with you. ” turning as she began walking towards the gryffindor common room, abigail nodded slowly, giving the gryffindor a small shrug. “ i’ve never been a fan of strolling around the castle alone at night.” she admitted, her cheeks flushing once again as she felt rather stupid. “ and i have to admit i don’t enjoy it more now that people have been murdered. ”

Ruth’s face flushed scarlet with guilt and embarrassment. She couldn’t believe it; the one time she actually attempted to break the rules. “I’m really sorry; I won’t do it again.  Only, I’ve left my potions homework in the library and if I get it in the morning I won’t have time to finish it.”

    abigail immediately felt guilty for being so direct once she saw ruth’s reaction. lowering her wand, she gave the young hufflepuff a small smile. “ it’s okay. ” letting out a sigh, she placed a hang gently on the other’s shoulder. “ but you shouldn’t be wandering the halls alone, not after hours. and i’m sure professor kader will understand and would be willing to extend your deadline.”

james glanced between her face and her wand, eyebrows quirking and lips turning in amusement. “ thanks for the notice, darlin, ” he grinned. “ i’ll be sure to keep that in mind, yeah? cheers. ”

   seeing that the person was none other than james potter, abigail let out a sigh and dropped her wand, though her brows furrowed at his response. “ this isn’t the time to be wandering the halls alone you know. especially not at night.” if there was one thing abigail would never understand, it was definitely the recklessness and lack of fear for things that could kill you that so many of the gryffindor’s had. though while a part of her wanted to roll her eyes at their attitude, there was also a part of her that envied them for it and wished she could just get a little ounce of their bravery. “ though i’m not about to drag you by your collar back to the gryffindor tower, so do whatever you want. ” she said with a sigh, not really having the energy to argue with him on the matter right now. “ just stop sneaking around and scaring people half to death. ” 

Albus forgot his mission immediately at the sight of one dishevelled Abigail. She as the one constantly nagging him about looking presentable, and he might not care much about strangers or vague acquaintances, Albus Potter always did his best when it came to friends. And as bossy and demanding as she could be, Abigail was a good person, one of the rare few who actually kept him in check. To hell with his research, he had more important things to take care of now. “Nevermind, I don’t want it anymore. What were you about to do? Do you want company? I can stand guard while you rest somewhere.”

     furrowing her brows slightly at albus’ 180 turn, abigail shook her head, surprisingly enough not wanting this to be all about her. after all, this was probably as hard on albus as it was on her; his family didn’t exactly have a nice and cheery history with the death eaters. “ no. ” she muttered, pushing one of the many stray strands of hair out of her face. drawing a deep breath, she rubbed her face before shaking her head yet again. albus only meant well, and she didn’t want to come off as rude and push him away. he didn’t know how to dress, but he was a good friend. and right now, she wasn’t one to judge on clothing choices anyway. “ sorry. i really appreciate it. it’s not that. i just... i was going to get some studying done before prefect duties. ” she said with a sigh, being scared for your life really was exhausting, but it wasn’t like she could get any rest anyways. a weak smile inched its way onto her face as she adjusted her bag slightly. “ though i’m not one to turn down some company. and while you’re at it you could distract me by telling me what you wanted in the restricted section. ” one eyebrow lifting slightly as she spoke, her voice gaining a hint of the lecturing tone it so often had when she spent time with albus.

“yeah. i’m glad.” she nodded, not knowing what else to say about it. moving to sit onto her own bed, sienna’s exhausted body did its best to gracefully settle upon it. “there was a few people lurking here and there but for the most i saw no one. and those who i did see had places to be and things to do.” no one was really out wandering for the sake of doing so and although that fact was odd to her, she was not at all surprised. despite her roommate not making eye contact with her, sienna nodded along to her words anyways. the two of them were on opposite sides of the spectrum when it came to the current political climate. sienna was considered the hunter where abigail was the prey who had to spend her days living in fear, never knowing which moment could be her last. moving to the other girl’s bed, she hesitated before placing a reassuring hand on the other. she was still a bit guilty that she herself was a part of the reason why abigail had to spend her days in fear for her life. “i’m here for you with whatever you need just say the word.”

    “ that’s good. i’m glad you’re glad. ” abigail replied with a small nod, not sure what to say or do herself. after all, there wasn’t much to say, nothing would bring the kids back to life or make the situation at hogwarts less terrifying. “now that you mention it, i should probably get out soon too...” she muttered, brown eyes falling to the ground as she spoke, wringing her hands at the mere thought of it. “ i still have my prefect duties after all. and there’s also classes. besides, i don’t want selina and my friends from the other houses to worry too much. ” brows furrowing slightly as she spoke, worrying that she’d abandoned all of those things for over a day already. time had just flown by, when at the same time it felt as though it was standing still, and abigail struggled to get a full grip on it. the dark-haired girl was pulled out of her thoughts when sienna sat down next to her and placed a hand on her, turning her head to look at her roommate, abigail nodded slowly and gave her a small smile. “ thank you. ” placing her hand on top of the other’s, abigail gave it a squeeze. “ and that goes for you too. ”

   propping herself up on her elbow, margaery looked over at the bed next to hers, craning her neck in an attempt to glimpse persephone’s face. she couldn’t sleep and wanted to see if the other was awake for a late-night chat. “ seph ? ” she called out in a whisper.  “ are you awake ? ” as she waited for a reply, margaery chewed on the inside of her cheek impatiently, patience wasn’t really her strong suit. a low groan was all she got in response, but it was enough. after all, their late night chats weren’t a rare occasion, and she knew persephone would probably be a lot more awake as soon as margaery got over there.

   bare feet tapping on the cold stone floor as she quickly made her way over to her best friend’s bed, covers draped around herself, her wand in hand and a letter with adair’s neat handwriting tucked into the pocket of her pajamas. sitting down on persephone’s bed, she pulled her feet up and got comfortable, a quick wave of her wand cast a spell so that the rest of their roommate’s wouldn’t hear what they said, even though most of them had gotten the sense to not cross the two of them by now. meeting persephone’s eyes, margaery tilted her head slightly as she narrowed her eyes. “ you look tired. if you really want to sleep, it can wait until tomorrow, but i can finally hear myself think once there’s a break from the crying and comforting each other and whatnot that’s happening all over the castle these days. ” 

Sabine sighed outward, wanting full well to chew the others out and stand up for someone, seeing as typically couldn’t do that for herself. Though, she knew it would only cause trouble and the other had asked her to stop; she respected that Abigail had asked her to give it up. “ You’re right, it probably wouldn’t do any good, especially for someone who is so lost in there ways that they think THAT is okay, ” she said, an unusual bite in her words as she gave one last glare before turning back around. Gripping the corner of her textbook, she tried to calm herself for Abigail and the essay’s sake.  “ Right again, I shouldn’t waste our time on them. I’ve already wasted enough looking through this book. ”

   giving sabine a small smile, she put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze, appreciating that she’d stood up for her. usually, abigail had no problem snapping back at anyone who dared calling her that name, with most of them then apologising quickly and not doing it again --- but she didn’t really have much bite or anger in her now, most of it having been replaced by fear and sadness. “ anyone who thinks it’s okay to call someone that after what just happened is a lost cause. ” she said, shaking her head slightly. “ but thank you. you don’t have to do it you know, but yourself on the line like that...”  turning the page of the book, the ravenclaw let out a heavy sigh. “ this is hopeless, i can’t focus and this makes no sense. ” she groaned, rubbing her face, she usually had no trouble getting her schoolwork done, so being this stuck was awfully frustrating. “ do you think anyone else will be handing it in on time ? ”