should i give up or should i just keep chasing pavements?

“That’s not the way it goes, unfortunately. I’m only assistant coach, I can’t change the schedules.”

“That stinks.  I wish you could be a part of Glee this year.  I’m sure Kurt and Rachel will do... fine but another person couldn’t hurt.”

“Nobody hates you, Marley. It wasn’t all your fault. Sometimes we lose, sometimes we win.”

“And this time we lost.  Because of me.  I’m sorry, Finn, I know you’re trying to help, but I don’t think there’s anything you could say that could make me feel less miserable about this.”

“I’m allowed to be this way. Having a wall up - it protects me from getting hurt. I’ve been hurt enough to know when the wall needs to stay up.” Spencer isn’t one to show vulnerability and Marley isn’t going to be an exception. “I didn’t come here to make friends, I came here to sing. Because I like to do it and I’m good at it.”

“You are good at it, and I’m glad you like to do it, but we all need to trust each other here,” she tried to explain.  “I’m not saying you need to let us completely in.  We all have our walls to try to keep us safe.  We’ve all gotten hurt, but the great thing about Glee is that when we’re hurt, we have each other to turn to.  If you don’t let us see part of the real Spencer, you won’t have us that way, and I think you’ll really regret that.”

“What do you want now, Kitty?”

“I wish it was possible but Glee and Football run on the same days, mostly.”

“But if you’re in charge, you can change the schedules, can’t you?  Didn’t you used to do football and Glee?”

“You can’t do that to yourself, Marley. If you put all the blame on yourself, you won’t be able to cope and it’ll happen again. Other people are at blame, not just you.”

“Who cares if it happens again?  We’re not going to Regionals, everyone hates me, and I don’t really blame them...”

“You really think I don’t know how it feels to be not accepted? It’s cute that you think you can throw all that at my face without really knowing me. How often do we talk, huh? Tell me that and then you can lecture me on how I act.” It’s spat at her in frustration, in anger. She doesn’t know a damn thing about his life, so she holds no right to lecture him.

“You’re right.  I don’t know you, but who’s fault is that, Spencer?” she asked, raising her eyebrows at him.  “We’ve been trying to get to know you since you joined the club, but you have this wall up.  You act like a total jerk to all of us, and that’s not fair.  If you don’t want to be one of us, then what are you doing here?”

Removing his hands after a moment, he make sure she was able to stand on her own, not wanting her to fall over from the shock. Most people would have reacted completely differently, but she seemed to be taking it quite well. he was strong, he could tell. “Don’t need to thank me. This is what I do,” he said with a small smile, taking a step back,. “I’ll need an address, or somewhere close to your house. I want you to get home safe.” Hearing what she said next, he laughed lodly. “Strangely enough, most people say I look shorter.”

“Yeah, but usually you’re like stopping the city from being blown up or catching dangerous metahumans.  Stopping a girl from...” she trailed off, unable to even finish that thought.  She had no idea what would have happened if he hadn’t shown up.  “I, um, I live at in Chubbuck.  A few blocks from the hospital.  Luckily I don’t need it tonight,” she joked lightly, managing a soft smile.  “No way.  Definitely taller.”

He shook his head, his own arms crossing over his chest. He was pretty certain that he didn’t come to this place on his own. “Well, I wasn’t exactly brought here when I was conscious, otherwise I wouldn’t have come. I have much better things to do than follow a girl through the woods.”

“You seemed pretty conscious to me,” she insisted, her eyebrows still furrowed in confusion.  “None of what you’re saying is making sense.  I told you, I was just sitting here, singing, and minding my own business.  I didn’t do anything to make you come here.”

❛ Last time I checked, observing isn’t cheating. ❜ he argues playfully with a delightful grin across his lips, keeping his tone nice even though he craved a feud. ( It’s hard now && then to keep from snapping at someone. This nice guy thing is a job in itself. ) Sebastian feels himself wanting to give an eye roll, jaw clenching before he feels himself caving internally. He had to sass her back, just this once. Dropping the smile, he raises an eyebrow. Voice goes from soft to a hiss. ❛ But now that you’ve played an obnoxious game of twenty one questions with me, it’s my turn to ask—- Why do you keep whining? If you were so strong you wouldn’t feel threatened by me coming here. Just admit it, you’re scared && intimidated. It’ll benefit you more if you give up the act now. Your sad fail at hiding it just makes me feel bad for you. I wasn’t gonna say out loud how much coming to McKinley feels like charity work, but you’re so easy to be tell secrets to. ❜

“It is when you’re not invited,” she argued back, crossing her arms over her chest, mostly defensively.  She still didn’t like Sebastian, even if he was turning over a new leaf.  There was something about him that unnerved her.  And there it was.  Her eyebrows furrowed, her lips turning down into a clear frown at his comments.  “You don’t know anything about me, what I’m feeling, and your judgment of McKinley just proves how little you know about us.”

“Oh God I do–don’t I?  Sorry–just–sorry.”  Marley calling him out on how he wasn’t quite making eye contact while stuttering for the proper way to word himself on something he was so–scared–of messing up to the point of freaking himself or worrying that this was going to be a huge disaster–was justified.  Pretty much.  What was he doing?  What was he going to New York City to re-build when he wasn’t sure of the foundation he was building it on?  He just had to circle back and tell himself he knew that this was right and everything would work out.  If he could just shut out the nagging voice dooming him and his chance before it began.  “You know?  It is and I hope I do?”  Tossing on his best reassuring smile and forcing the excitement that made his toes wiggle in his shoes back out of the clouds that doubt hid it behind–Blaine stepped into pulling her into a hug whispering over her shoulder as he held tight.  “And thanks for caring about me enough to question my reasons.  I appreciate you caring enough to ask.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me,” she assured him, laughing softly.  She knew this was a huge decision for him, and she would be faced with her own big decisions soon enough.  A small smile brushed her lips at his seemingly certain reply, glad to see her questions forced him to rethink it.  She wanted him to be sure about this, because if he wasn’t it could lead to a lot of mistakes.  When he pulled her into a hug, her smile brightened, and she hugged him back just as tightly.  “I just want what’s best for you.  What’s best for all of you.  You guys are my best friends, and I want you all to be happy.”

tagged by:  @angelfacedhummel

NAME: Janille, but you can call me Jan

BIRTHDAY: March 26th

GENDER: Female

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single Forever Alone

SIBLINGS: One sister

PETS: None, but I’m trying to convince my parents to let us get a dog

TIME: EST

TYPE OF PHONE:  iPhone 6

LOVE OR LUST: Love

LEMONADE OR ICED TEA: Both (Arnold Palmer babyyyy)

CATS OR DOGS:  Dogs, but I love cats too

COKE OR PEPSI: Diet Coke or regular Pepsi.  I don’t like regular coke that much or diet Pepsi

DAY OR NIGHT: Night

MAKEUP OR AU NATURAL:  Light, natural looking makeup

MET A CELEBRITY:  Yup! Paul Pierce, Tara Reid, Harry Connick Jr., Anthony Michael Hall, Michelle Chamuel, a few American Idol people through backstage packages for the tours, a few members of Team StarKid, and I think that’s it haha

LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO:  Chandelier by Sia

Derek stared at her with his green eyes, listening intently as he tried to figure out what the hell was going on. “You, uh, you had me follow you here, I think,” though he wasn’t entirely sure. “I don’t know why else I would be here with you. I wasn’t anywhere close to this spot before I woke up.”

Her head shook at his comment, confusion still clear in her expression.  “I didn’t do anything.  You came here on your own,” she argued, crossing her arms over her chest almost self-consciously.  “I was just sitting here, singing and working on my schoolwork.  You showed up out of nowhere.  And what do you mean ‘before you woke up’?”

Taking a very cautious, slow step towards her, he placed his hands on her shoulders, giving them a reassuring squeeze. “You’re going to be okay now. Nobody else is going to hurt you.” Nodding his head, he offered a smile. “That I am.” His voice is vibrating, distorting his real voice. “Do you want me to take you home?”

She watched as he came closer, still shaking slightly but stilling when his hands squeezed her shoulders, a sigh escaping her as her eyes fell closed momentarily.  Her voice was tight as she muttered a soft, “Thank you,” her eyes shiny with unshed tears.  She was slowly calming down, but it would be a while before she was completely okay.  “I, um, sure.  I mean yes.  Yes please,” she nodded, flashing a soft smile.  “You must get this a lot, but you’re taller than I imagined.”

“Of course,” Blaine was quick to correct her bringing up both hands to show he didn’t mean to be as rushed or brash as he might come off.  “NYADA is the best school–one of them–in the country for someone who wants-,” he tripped and fumbled in his rush to turn their conversation away from the idea he was doing this all for Kurt. So fast that he didn’t finish his opening argument before contradicting himself.  “What makes you think this is only–No.  I mean no. I started convincing myself that maybe I wouldn’t go there because it would be too awkward.  Too weird and it might hurt too much but things are different.  Better,” he met her eyes.  “A lot better. Who knows what might happen but if I stand a chance at getting–,” his lips rolled between his teeth and he smiled in a fluster, “getting–onto Broadway–NYADA is the place to be.”

He was still clearly flustered, and she couldn’t tell if it was because she was asking the hard-hitting questions or because he was unsure of the answers he was giving.  She hoped it was the former, because if he was unsure and he was still going to NYADA, then it could turn out horribly.  “You know, you’re kind of reminding me of Leslie Knope when she’s trying to lie to Ron about sleeping with Ben,” she mused, smiling awkwardly.  “If this is really what you want, then I think that’s great, Blaine.  NYADA is an amazing school, and I’m sure you’ll do really well.”

      ❛ Pretending is good enough for me. I’m here to check out all the New Directions new comers. See what kind of competition we have this upcoming show choir season. Nothing shady, just observation. Thankfully you guys still have Blaine. Without him it’d be a mess. ❜

“Isn’t that kind of cheating?” she questioned, raising an eyebrow.  “It’s not like we’re going over to Dalton to spy on you guys.  And for the record, it isn’t like Blaine is carrying the team.  We all have our strengths.”  It’s just figuring out how those strengths mesh together that’s the challenge.