magically binding

THE AESTHETIC SERIES » THE STARGAZER.

A knot formed in his stomach the moment she reached out for his hand. When she met his eyes with that look - one that seemed to reciprocate what he felt, he was so relieved. Before he had spoken about how much he missed her, he could see in her face that she was thinking about how he had hesitated, and he wanted to tell her why, but now…he didn’t suppose it was a good idea. It was forgotten now, and in fact, to him, any thought of the other girl was drowned with the wild thumping of his heart against his chest, and the happiness that spread all throughout, emanating from the tips of his fingers interlocked with hers. I still love you. It was all he could think about while he stared at her beautiful face. His head spun the minute she admitted that she, too, missed him so.

It was all so familiar, her small hands that fit perfectly with his, the small smile on her face. It felt like everything was right again, as if for the past two months there was something missing, but now it’s back, and everything seemed brighter. I still love you. It kept ringing inside his head.

She was right. They probably didn’t have a future. And he didn’t know how long the present could be for them. Or long she could bear to be with him knowing they couldn’t go further, into the life she had planned in her head. But he wanted this again, so bad. He wanted to be with her, to be this close, again.How long could this go on? But that thought seemed to be drowned by the torrent of exhilaration that only Eirlys could make him feel, and the constant hum of I still love you.

“And another, and another. I don’t want this night to end.” He finally said, looking up at her. He definitely didn’t want her to go anywhere. If it meant that they could be like this, for a night, then he didn’t even want it to end. He broke free from all the other thoughts that desperately push him back to reality, all those that tell him it wouldn’t last anyway and it would be even harder this way. But he was intoxicated with the promise of spending this time with her like they used to, as two people who are deeply in love with each other.

At the soft, gentle touch of her thumb against his - the small singular touch that he thought he would never feel again, a smile crept up into his lips, his gaze travelling from their hands, up to her arms, and landing once again, on her face…with the small smile that told him everything was alright. I love you.

Simply watching his face was enough to show her that he wanted this just as badly as she did. The panicked expression was gone, something she was glad of, replaced by a smile which seemed to instantly brighten his face. What could ever be wrong with this? She knew the answer of course, but tonight it didn’t matter. “One more night.” She spoke softly, eyes watching his face, her mind relenting to what her heart wanted most. “Once more night never hurt anyone.” All hint of sense was gone now, Eirlys knew she wouldn’t leave his side until there was no way she could stay.

They sat like that for a moment, the table between them, fingers intertwined. It was a beautiful moment, eyes meeting his, but she knew they couldn’t just sit in silence and stare at each other all night. Besides, the table which had once separated them, kept them from making a mistake had failed at it’s job, and now it was simply in the way. Breaking the gaze between them, she gently pulled her hand away from his, standing slowly. “I’m assuming you’ll take the same drink? We’ll need something if we’re going to be here into the early hours.” Without even waiting for an answer she turned towards the bar, breaking the moment of quiet between them and bringing herself back into the noise of the establishment around them.

Leaning up against the counter, waiting for the bartender to find her change, Eirlys could feel reality creeping back into her thoughts. It was clear to anyone with half a brain cell that she was still completely and utterly in love with Gale Avery, and it seemed he was still invested in her too. But they both knew it couldn’t last. The sensible thing to do would be to walk away now, to break both their hearts and leave them that way. Sure, she’d hate herself for leaving him at that table, but wasn’t it worse to allow both of them the one more night they clearly wanted. Did they need it? She glanced back at the table for just a moment, his form easy to make out despite the dim light. Who was she kidding? She couldn’t walk away, she’d never leave him.

Change in her purse and drinks in hand, Eirlys knew she couldn’t go. She’d passed that door way back, now she would simply let the worries go and be with him for one more night. The thought brought a smile to her lips and the furrowed brow vanished. Setting the drinks on their table, she didn’t move back to her own seat. Instead, she gestured for him to move up, shifting further into the booth so she could slide in next to him. Now wasn’t the time to be coy, if this was the last night, she wasn’t going to spend it sat across a table from him. “Two more red thingymabobbins.” She announced, passing one over so it sat in front of him. She forgotten the “With extra vodka, because I just know you so well.” Sat this close to him felt more perfect than ever. 

“It does, huh? The santa tini was tolerable, the grinch was bland…but this one, it’s just sweet and warm. And in my case, has lots of vodka. So that’s good.” He replied, trying to keep casual. Each time he had to look across the table and at her, he would notice the dress she wore, and how her lips were getting red because of the cranberry. “I think we should get more of this, yeah?” he asked, breaking away from his trance. He sighed internally. Now that she wasn’t by his side, all he could think about was her. If only he hadn’t acted that way when she started talking about their future… But it couldn’t be helped. He couldn’t see himself settling in only one place. Even while here in the university, he’s always off to somewhere, always seeking a new place, a new adventure.

The moment their eyes met again, he feels that desperation again. He wanted to hold her, feel her body against his again. It went against everything he told himself for the past two months that he has been trying (and clearly, failing miserably) to move on. He sighed. They are friends. Just that. Nothing more.

The truth was, for the past month he’s been convincing himself that liked this other girl. She’s in his year, studying magical creatures. She’s beautiful, she understood him, they’ve known each other for a long time. She’s a great girl. At some level, maybe he does like this other girl. But now with Eirlys just right in front of him, one of the few constants in his life, he realized that nobody could replace Eirlys just yet. Hanging on for her answer, he was almost relieved to hear it from her. But now that she’d turn it on him…he had no idea whether he should say anything about the other girl. He opened his mouth, closed it again. Then finally, he was able to answer, “No…not really, no.” He shook his head, looking away. After those words came out of his lips, he almost instantly regretted them. He could have just said no, and not hesitated. Breathing in deeply, he looked across the table, his eyes staring straight into hers. “Look, Eirlys…” he trailed off. He was on the verge on saying what he really felt. It’s a bad idea. It certainly is. “…I know we decided this was going nowhere, but I just miss you so much…” his voice was starting to crack, his heart pounding. “I miss being with you so much that for the past two months it felt like I was going insane…” There he was, throwing all caution to the wind and saying everything he has ever wanted to say since the first moment his eyes landed on her this night.

The drink in her hand was forgotten, and she couldn’t bring herself to even reply to his first question. Eirlys watched as he stumbled over his answer, and it brought only more questions. Why would he hesitate if that was the truth? What did not really mean? Was he moving on? She wasn’t ready to see him go, that much was clear. If he was lying, why? Was he trying to spare her feelings? Was he worried she wouldn’t approve? Should she have lied and said she was seeing someone?

It seemed his next words were about to show her how hung up on her Gale still was. She almost interrupted him as he spoke, wishing she’d never asked the question at all. If he just didn’t say it, she wouldn’t hear it, and they could go on pretending that there was nothing left between them. A bad pretence, but one protecting them none the less. Before she could decide, it was too late. The words left Gale’s mouth and the expression on his face showed he meant them. 

The crack in his voice almost broke her heart, seeing him so devastated, so on the edge. She forgot about the uncertainty of his last answer and finally let her eyes meet his, an admission that she felt exactly the same. Instinctively her hand reached out to his, fingers interlocking in the familiar pattern. She would not look away, she would not let him think that she didn’t feel exactly as he did. “I miss you too.” They were the first words to leave her lips in a good while, and although they were quiet, she was not shying away from them. Eirlys bit the corner of her lip for a moment, considering her next few sentences, before deciding they’d gone too far to go back. A bad idea, but never a mistake. Gale is never a mistake. She spoke quietly now, just to him. No one else around them mattered in the slightest. “This may not have a future, but that doesn’t mean it can’t have a present.” Seeing him so on edge was never something she could deal very well with, so she instinctively pushed a small smile onto her expression to try and pull things back to somewhere a little more comfortable. “Maybe another drink is a good plan, because I’m not going anywhere. Not tonight.” As she spoke, her thumb brushed over the side of his, soft a gentle, a habit she’d always had. It felt familiar, like home, and knowing Gale was still just as attached as her lifted a great weight from her mind.