Call me Mistress

Yet admittedly, to learn that Magda always wanted her, whether real or not, did admittedly break down her walls slightly. Of course, she wasn’t sure if she was fully ready to have her back into her life again just yet. She wasn’t sure when exactly she would be. But… If there was anything, it was that she deeply missed her mother. More than words could ever possibly say. She missed being held by her, talking to her about books, laughing with her, shopping with her, just getting to be with her. She missed so, so much with Magda. She missed the chance of having her be there for the pregnancy and celebrating her marriage to Monroe… But then she remembered something: they were wanting to have another pregnancy. They were planning on having another ceremony to celebrate their one year anniversary, to finally have a big wedding where the people they love can come to and celebrate fully instead of the courthouse wedding they’d done a few months back.

Maybe Magda can be there for that. Maybe… They can work on things… And then she can be there. Avery still needed time, of course, but the thought was nice. Hopeful even. So pressing her lips together, her eyes cast down to the card and she cautiously took it. “I-I still need time,” she reminded her. But she looked back at her mother and gave a small smile. “But I… I’ll try to consider it.”

She looked down at the number. She read it quietly to herself over and over again. Taking a shaky deep breath, she finally breathed out, “Her Arms Are Home, by Avery Oliveira.” Dark brown eyes, she glanced back at her mother. She tried to continue riding the wave of courage she received. “That’s my book. A modern sapphic retelling of the myth of Psyche and Eros… #1 New York Times Bestseller… Now an international bestseller in forty different countries… Translated into thirty different languages… Thousands of five star reviews… The first book in an anthology series… I-I finally did it, mummy. I’m finally a published author… L-Like I always dreamed about.” Her lips tilted into a gentle smile as she whispered, “Monroe inspired me to write it.”

She felt her heart pounding in her ears and could only breathe when Avery finally took the small card. Magda wasn’t at all sure how or when or even if Avery would get in touch but for the first time in years she was hopeful. “Thank you ... for considering it.” She murmured quietly.

Magda glanced up, her eyes growing wide at this information. “Oh Avery! I always knew you could. Your stories were always so creative. Oh I am just so proud of you.  So young and already published! Oh goodness. That is wonderful. Sounds like Monroe is very good for you and your little one. My baby has a family. Oh my gosh ... I just ... I am so happy for you. You have all the things I always wanted for you.”

“Well as long as you are having fun.” Magda replied with a laugh, “Nothing wrong with a few small addictions as long as they don’t harm anyone else.” She laughed lightly, “Is someone hinting for a meal.... I’m not averse to flattery. Just saying.” She laughed, pulling open the door to the small cafe. “After you.” 

“You’ve really mastered this form of manipulation haven’t you?” Knox sighed as he pushed off of his own car and took a step so that he was closer to the woman, he really hated that as mean as he tired to be they always seemed to manage to get him anyway. “Look I’m not going to leave you out here now. Guess I’m feeling more moral than I thought today.” 

“I haven’t done anything and neither have you.” Magda returned with a frown as she circled around her vehicle and hit the call button on her phone. “Feel free to leave. I’m not asking you to stay. Seriously ... just go. Sorry for bothering you. You are free of all moral obligation.” 

“To our senior years.” He said, raising his glass to toast for them and the years to come. It would be wonderful, and it would be delightful. “To senior years filled with nudist stories, food to make us happy, and probably enough booze that I’ll have to carry you to bed a few times. And you’ll probably have to drag me other times.” 

“That’s a fair assessment.” Magda replied laughingly. Although I might just cover you with a blanket and give you a pillow where you fell.” She teased. “After all you are a mountain.” 

Knox often prided himself on how much of a dick he was, but being in his annual round of therapy was clearly doing something to him because as the woman sighed he found an ever so slight nag of guilt. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

“Well I think that we’re all in need of a  a little extra kindness today.” Bear mused softly as he looked at the woman. He really wasn’t bothered whether or not the people that were eating today had been at the carnival, he just wanted everyone to have an easy day, because he didn’t doubt that they had all been affected by it in some way. “I’m not so bad though, made it out with no injuries and all my loved ones are safe so I’m happy about that. One fully loaded burger coming your way though….you want coffee or another drink Mags?” 

“I would agree with that.” She acknowledged sadly, “I probably just should go home but being alone after this kind of news ... it just feels too much, you know?” Magda shrugged lightly, “Beer if it is pouring. Otherwise a coffee will do. Was everyone involved caught? Do you know?”

She felt as if she couldn’t breathe. As if one hand was wrapping around her throat and squeezing tightly. From what Ranveer told her, the redhead did nothing. No protesting, no fighting, just silence. That the woman before her did nothing. That she didn’t care for the young brunette. And she thought that since she wasn’t trying to contact her, it would be moot to try and reach her. Had she been wrong? Who was telling the truth? “H-He said…” Her voice was rough. She tried to clear her throat and speak, but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to believe that either of them were telling lies to her.

Avery quickly moved to sit on a bench, running her fingers through her hair. “Baba said you did nothing,” she finally spoke. Her eyes remained on the pavement while she tried to steady her breathing. Her thoughts were going miles per minute. “Y-You didn’t try to fight for the right to see me, to… t-to stay in my life. That you never spoke out for joint custody, or to have me be raised solely by you. He said…” The author could hardly spit it out. Her bottom lip quivered and tears dripped down her cheeks. “H-He said you gave me up, that you didn’t want me. Th-That you said you never w-wanted to be a mother and that I was a b-burden keeping you away from l-living your life…” Her eyes finally glanced back up at her again. She was shaking her head. She didn’t know what to believe. “Th-That wasn’t true? I-I can’t… I don’t want to… t-to believe that one of you is l-lying to me… or that the b-both of you are… I-I don’t know… what to b-believe…”

It broke her heart just that much further to see her daughter in such distress. “Oh Avery. No. Never. I have an entire filing cabinet of legal documents which would prove otherwise and a deck of legal bills almost as tall as you. And frankly if I had gotten time with you, well, it would have been worth every penny I spent.” She let out a soft sigh and sank into the bench as well, still forcing herself to keep an appropriate distance from Avery, even though all she really wanted to do was wrap her arms around her little girl and never let her go.

“I believe you have two parents who messed up but both of us loved you the best we could. Your father made some poor decisions but I won’t lie. I did too. But I never, ever just walked away. I limped away only when it was clear I couldn’t possibly succeed. I fought as long and as hard as I could and it took me years to recover emotionally and mentally from losing you. I never fully have but I function pretty well now, for a woman walking around with only a piece of heart still beating in her chest. You have your own little one so I hope you can imagine what it was like. You were never a burden. You were my life. You didn’t keep me from it. I was prepared to stay married to your father until you were an adult before I was going to set us both free from what had become a very unhappy and unhealthy relationship. That is not a reflection on you. Just a young woman who married before she knew herself and a young man who loved the idea of a woman more than he ever loved a real one.” She folded her hands in her lap in a desperate effort not to reach for Avery. 

“I’ve just given you a lot of information. So what I am going to do is take out one of my business cards and write my private number on it. When you think of more questions or want to talk, or want to yell at me, or just .... know me now, ever, if in tiny pieces or all at once, call, any time, day or night. I will listen, I will tell you the truth, and I will repeat what has always, always been true - I love you Avery. I have loved you since the second I knew I was carrying you and I have never and will never stop loving you. You were and will always be the very best thing I ever did. Making you, raising you was my greatest joy. Losing you was my greatest heartbreak.”

“I’m just missing the part where I’m supposed to be giving a shit.” Knox asked as he looked back at the other, a tilt of his glass as if to emphasise the point. He just didn’t have shits to give out anymore, but that would be a little too much information at the moment. 

Magda sighed at the man’s response. It wasn’t what she was hoping for but she was not surprised. “All right fine. Point taken. I’ll deal with it. Thanks for hearing me out at least, I guess.” She picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder after pulling out her phone. 

You’re a grown woman now. Sure, that was true. She was married with a kid, the owner of two big businesses that brought in great money, a book that has become a bestseller with more on the way, owned two homes, was married to an intelligent, hilarious, compassionate, warm, talented woman who owned her own business and was on her way to becoming an even greater music producer. Her life, this past year, was great and bigger than most twenty-two year olds. But that’s still the thing: she’s still 22. Shaking her head slightly, she looked down.

Avery shut her eyes. She made an excellent point: she would do anything for Mars. Her son was the most important person in her life and she loved that Monroe respected that and even now feels the same way. Mars truly was everything. The greatest gift of all that for so long, she believed she didn’t deserve. Her breathing was shaky as she looked back at her mother. “Why didn’t you try to reach me?” Her voice cracked. Her lip trembled as her body shook. “Wh-Why didn’t you try to reconnect with me sooner? Why didn’t you try to fight for me?”

“Oh honey. I tried and I tried. I spent oh gosh, it was upwards of a quarter of a million dollars on lawyers trying to fight to still see you. I tried everything I could think of, everything my lawyer could advise, a few things my lawyer told me absolutely not to do.” Magda replied with a wry shake of her head. “I thought ... when she turns 18 ... when she turns 18, she’ll remember that for years and years I was there and I loved her. How much damage could he do in just five years .... I thought I would see you. I hardly slept that whole year, so sure you would text or show up on my doorstep.” 

She brushed away a few more tears. “Of course now I see why. I ... I never expected that you would be going through all those things. Of course, you couldn’t care about where I was. You had so much you were going through, so much you were trying to survive  and .... oh goodness how much I would have liked to have been there to help you through it all. I didn’t seek you out, I will admit that. But the last time you and I saw each other ... well ... I thought perhaps your feelings were unchanged.”

Magda did enjoy titles when playing but Ma’am cut at that part of her that was struggling with the fact that she was now at the age her mother was when she perceived her as very old and past it. Now Magda definitely didn’t feel she was but perhaps she was. Perhaps she was becoming one of those sad women who was clinging to something that had already passed her by. However, that was not a discussion to have with a sweet girl on a random street corner. That was talk best saved for her therapist or a bottle of wine and a journal. “Oh that’s lovely. I own and am the head chef with Taste of Violets.”

“Oh isn’t that just perfect then? Because 11 pm is usually when I’m ready to slip out of my pj’s and go take on the night.” She smiled brightly, typically ready to do fun all day long though. “So, if you decide you want some company while watching the movie, you could always just let me know then.” 

“Oh a little night owl, hmmm?” Magda laughed in gentle appreciation. “Perhaps I will take to stalking you at the unholy hours of night, since you are out and about anyway. You know ... for safety reasons.” She nodded and then continued, “So kind of you. I feel absolutely spoiled.”

“I’m going to confess to being very out of touch right now. Is that a computer game or something you play on a console?” She asked with curiosity. “Oh reading! I read a fair bit too. What are you currently reading” Magda laughed softly, “Absolutely charming. I spend a lot of time in my kitchen or in markets, exploring flavours. I read as I said. Sometimes go to see some live music or a play. The beach can be a nice way to spend the occasional lazy day. And of course, flirt with beautiful charming girls who wander into my restaurant.”