periodically collapsing

Nanami walks beside you, looking at the street before you two. You were right. Considering that the two of you seemed like just coworkers to everyone else but something else between you two behind the privacy of whatever space you could find, seeing you two together like this with his blazer around you was going to raise some flags. And yet, he couldn’t help but search for you when he noticed you were gone for a longer time than his liking.

“Gojo is keeping them busy, trying to get them to play his game of saying why they like him for them to even notice we left.” He looked through the window, where, sure enough, a sober Gojo was determined to get those reasons out of the either drunk or tired rest of the table. It didn’t seem like it was successful despite Gojo’s huge energetic grin.

“Is that the real reason why you stepped out?” You smirked, teasing at his rather push-and-pull dynamic with the white-haired sorcerer. “Because you didn’t want to play that?”

“I can have multiple reasons why I stepped out. Maybe that’s one of them, but seeing you in the cold was another one.” He looked down at you, his voice softening as he saw how you were gripping his blazer closer to you. “A big one at that.”

You chuckled, looking with a warm smile that made the cold become much more bearable even when standing outside the bar well past sunset. “Aw, what a gentleman.”

“You deserve one. I want to be one for you.” He said, his eyes on the street before the two of you.

If you didn’t know better, you would say he’s quite flustered. Despite his composed demeanor, he was not looking into your eyes when he said such genuine and affectionate words, but rather towards the street in front of you two. It was almost like a confession despite how many times the two of you have gone on dinners together, or grazed each other’s hands when others weren’t looking, or the soft “be safe” whispers whenever either of you went on a mission. Yeah, those acts were confessions within themselves and you were fine with them, knowing that he wasn’t the most vocal about his feelings upfront. But hearing such feelings come from his lips into a soft and gentle tone meant a lot. Those nine words meant that he was opening up to you more and more.

You furrow your brows, however. It didn’t matter how direct his or your words were or their frequency, being a sorcerer wasn’t the best job to fall for your coworkers. Death lurked in every mission, reminding you of how dangerous it was and how painful it would be if either of you would just be gone. Never again to tease him about how buying books was his hobby rather than reading them, never again for him to feel your hands on his shoulders as you insists on helping him relax as you massaged them, never again to see each other’s eyes full of life and the possibility—the yearning of being more. The longing to not be restricted of being together because you didn’t know how much you had left.

It may be the alcohol that got you thinking about this, but it was always a thought you wanted to push away whenever you saw him, wanting to feel the happiness of what you were experiencing rather than feeling the pain of what-ifs. You wanted more, to be closer to him. Sometimes, you could see how he ached for the same despite his wish to not burden you—or anyone for that matter—with the uncertainty of his safety.

But one thing was certain, not only tonight as he accompanied you outside with your breath puffing into the air while the rest of the group drank the night away for some escape of the jujutsu world, but every day since the distance between you shortened by the day.

He never burdened you with the uncertainty of his love for you—because it was certain and it was visible in the most beautiful way. His longing for you, his worry for you, his inability to completely adhere to his idea of staying single while a sorcerer, his goddamn devotion towards you that it made you wonder how no one has even caught on that you two are a thing. He loved you, loves you in the smallest ways that, when put together, are the biggest act one has ever done for you.

“You are.” You whisper, not even realizing the words escaped from your mind and were spoken into existence until he turned to look at you. Now that you had his attention, you stood a little straighter and said with much more conviction, “you already are.”

Nanami takes a second. His eyes looking deep into yours, unable to look away as if he is trying to read them. His brows mirror yours, knitting together ever so slightly. He was taken back by how much softer you looked in this moment despite the cold tensing your body. The warm light from the bar spilled outside and kissed your skin with a yellow, gentle glow. It was hard staying away from you, which is why it was a no brainer to follow you when you stepped out. It wasn’t just because he wanted to check on you, but because you always managed to pull him closer to you without even trying. You felt so close, but he wanted you closer.

It felt natural the moment he grabbed your hand, entwining his fingers with yours without giving it much thought of his own. He was tired of thinking anyway. He didn’t want to gather more reasons to stay away from you when the feeling on his heart weighed too much for them to hold water against it. He didn’t want to love you from afar, to have you in an arm’s reach but never hold you for the world to see. He didn’t want you to be like the books that sat on his shelves, gathering dust that taunted him with the fact he bought them and had yet to read them. He didn’t want that with you. He wanted to read you like a book. To go as far as to highlight his favorite parts of you, to read you over and over until he could recite you from memory to the world. He wanted you to be his favorite book in that sense.

“Then I’ll make sure to be more than just a gentleman to you.” He adds, his thumb moving against the back of your hand to warm it up.

Without skipping a beat, you take a deep breath before repeating your words, “you already are, Kento. More than that even.”

As your hand squeezes him and your eyes shine as if they were reflecting the moon themselves, things become certain for him as well. You loved him. Through the teasing and the burden of what could happen to either of you, you loved him with such a confidence and fulfillment that the feeling would stay the same for a long time and your actions would follow. You wanted to close that distance and hold him in your hands with such care and warmth that would shelter him from the stress of his everyday life. To cherish his skin, his hair, and every crook and cranny that he allowed you to see and touch until your fingertips burned with his feel as if you were to draw a map of him from memory. He was your favorite sensation in the world. You wanted to protect and nurture that sensation called Nanami Kento.

“I guess we want the same thing then.” Nanami softly spoke, taking a deep breath and squeezed your hand back.

“You guess right.” You answered back, nodding slightly with a smile.