M e l t d o w n

I need to stop falling in love with my idea of people.

I’m not the girl your mother warns you about. I won’t kiss your best friend or break your heart. I won’t make you choose between what you love to do & me. I’m not cold. I’m not reckless. I’m the girl your father mentions when your mom’s not around. I’m the girl that gets away. I will love you more than anything. I will kiss you when you cry. I will stand by your side until you decide otherwise. And you’re just like your father, so you will. You’ll let me go & I won’t look back, But you will. I promise you, you will. I’m that girl.

Oh my. I don’t think there are any Hampton food rules, so I think you’ll be fine! What’d you order? Just McDonalds? Did you get their Chicken Select and french fries?

Chicken..wait..ok..what..uhm..what’s the like chicken select? Is that..uhm..is that like the McNuggets on..um..like steroid or..something?

Yeah, maybe I changed my mind. You’ll never know if you can or can’t do it until you try. Try being a brat right now with me.

Wait..what..what am I..how?

Why would I do that? How evil do you think I am? I was trying to help you see how shitty McDonald’s is and now you act like I’m some sort of villain or something.

I..I..I’m not..I swear..I mean I promise..I just..um..I’m sorry. You’re not a villian..I’m sure like..um..I’m sure you’re super nice and everything..I didn’t mean..I’m sorry.

Even then, Mae? How do we know they’re not genetically modified chickens? How do we trust them? Why should I believe those chickens were raised free ranged? Why should I put all my trust into a fucking farm? 

Uhm..ok..I only like..Uhm..I only ask cuz I’m..just..like..a little concerned, but like..have you been uhm..reading conspiracy theories..or uhm...something like..like that?

No.. momma always taught me the more punny the more funny — literally I have it down on my notepad in my phone, I could show you. Shoot dang it, she lies.

You..uhm..you have more jokes?

Why can’t people just sit and read books and be nice to each other?

N-no? I don’t think so? It’s just food and as long as you’re the one paying instead of them, then I don’t think they’ll mind too much? R-right? Or is there a different set of food rules here in the Hamptons?

I mean like..I don’t..I don’t really know? If there are..I think..uhm.. I might have..like broke all of them..by now.

Yeah! Even the grate part! Is that sarcasm or a lie, I can’t tell nowadays. It’s okay if you say it’s lame, everyone’s entitled to their own opinions.

Uhmm..no..I mean..I guess..a little..but I mean..isn’t it..uhm..like the more the joke..is like punny the less people..just..uhm..don’t laugh..right?

Forget it. My speech was wasted on you. Eat McDonald’s while you’re still young and healthy because when you’re a full grown adult, you’re more prone to health problems. 

Uhmm..wait..I just..I didn’t mean to like..start..uh..start anything..I just..I’m sorry. I’ll just..you know..like..I’ll die and then..you can say you..uhm..you told me so..uhm..right?

I suck at telling them and getting them, so.

I mean..like..it’s ok, dude. Uh..I’m not exactly..like..uh..the best either..or..you know..whatever. But..I guess..that’s like..uhm..alright..cuz..it’s just like..you know not everyone is meant to..be..be a comedian.