So Many Fandoms

He, Dash Baxter is a Phan-Stan!! It's kinda his thing. See, he's a fancy ass talk show host now. Married Paulie, moved out of Amity, actually DID something with his life. His parents? Did not approve. Long n short of it? He got kicked out.

Paulie's parents were PISSED.

Retaliated by giving him all the help he needed getting EVERY scholarship he qualified for. He went to a really nice college. Missed his girlfriend like mad. But she was off in Metropolis, terrifying weaker men. Conquering the fashion scene.

And SOMEHOW? Thanks to that long talk he had with Phantom (*incoherent fanboy gibbering noises* SO COOL!) he's worked to be... more of a LEADER, you know? Less of an asshole. Cause he's popular. People copy him. He can't be an asshole.

So, somehow, when he's punching out some try-hard that thinks he's hot shit for bullying a Nerd? He and the nerd get talking, right? Cause the guy got his glasses completely fucked up. And it's what Phantom would do.

But GET THIS? Guy's never HEARD of Phantom! Is super curious, cause he runs a small time Hero's show on the web. And, Dude? Is it your LUCKY DAY! Cause you just met THE number 1 fan of Phantom, hands down!! He makes his VERY spirited case, about why Phantom is THE best Hero to ever have lived. And this guy?

Entranced.

In AWE.

Just straight up BEGS him to join his show. Cause apparently? He was BORN for it. Which? Yeah. He HAS been giving speechs to the team for YEARS now. And Talking at fan meet ups. Leading fan meet ups. Hosting parties... actually, now that he thinks about it? He DOES do a lot of public speaking? Huh.

But still, he's about to say "no", when?

Dude mentions? He'll get to talk about Phantom.

SOLD!

It. Blows. Up. Absolutely EVERYONE is in love with his pretty face, hot bod, and STRONG opinions. But they ALSO have no idea who Phantom is! Paulie! This is CRIMINAL! Horrifying! What is going ON!?

Some bullshit information black out, apparently. At least according to her... friendly Nemesis? The Goth Dweeb. Who's engaged, apparently? So good for her. Unsurprisingly, it's too the OTHER Dweebs, but still. Bout time she started planning to drag them to a court house. She's the only one with any spine in that group! If she waited for THEM to propose?

Not even as Ghosts, man.

They'd get distracted by shiny nerd shit and whimp out.

Still... a world where NO ONE knows how Awesome, Phantom is? Not on HIS watch!

So he works it in. To every segment. It becomes "his thing". Oh? Super man saved a kitten from a tree? Cute. Well PHANTOM saved a bus full of Ghost Puppies from a shady, rouge, Goverment agency. Do BETTER, Superman!

The Flash, who is a cheap knock-off and stole his name, took down an Ice Villian? Adorable! PHANTOM stopped a Rouge WINTER SPIRIT with the help of YETI WARRIORS then assisted in giving FREE medical care for anyone who needed it! Here's a picture of him making GHOST ICE SNOWMEN for small children! Do BETTER, Knock-off!

What's THAT you say? Wonder Woman fought a GOD in down town paris?

Excellent work Wonder Woman. Flawless as always. But YOU, god-boy, are a disappointment! All that power! And WHAT do you use it for? Are you even supposed to BE here?? PHANTOM uses his power to HELP people! Is awesome and knows TONS of better gods! You're just salty you didn't make the cut!

DO BETTER!

And obviously? No one believes him. There's no record of this "Phantom" guy. The pictures look fantastical and vaguely glitchy/glowy. Not quite right. They GOTTA be photo shopped. Manipulated somehow. But? As a shtick? A fake "perfect Superhero" is kinda funny and unique.

And it's one hell of Fake Hero!

A Dead Champion? Who fights gods and monsters? Rouge agencies? Sassy and tragic? With a mysterious past? Pretty cool! There's even an Offical Comic from some guy that went to the same high-school as Baxter!

Of course, as Baxter get more and more popular? The "meme" hero, Phantom, get more well known? People get more interested in where Dash grew up. You know, just a bored Google. Maybe see if the hero was based off a local legend or something. But... huh...

The Town website?

Weirdly? Sanitized.

Like... like aggressively sanitized. All smooth edges and no details. Very "move along, citizen". Ha ha... it's part of the joke right? They get it! They'll just look up local restaurants or som-....

Wait...

Hey, guuuuys?

Are you finding ANYTHING?

And! Nothing. And I do mean NOTHING! Triggers the "oh? Secrets???" Instincts of a Hacker, like finding a hard blank wall of "KEEP OUT". Especially when it's somewhere it rightfully shouldn't BE.

All it would take? Is ONE person, of decent skills and an account on Certain Forums, getting bored enough to Google the Dude On The TV(TM)? For the GIW's lil walls to come crashing down. Because yeah, you can stop ONE hacker. Even two. Probably five or six.

But how about thousands?

Hundreds of thousands?

From every time zone. Competing. Just to see what you HAVE and don't want them to see. Maybe they do something with it, maybe they don't. But fuck it, you're being RUDE and now they're CURIOUS. And THEN? Oh. Oh holy shit.

Not a meme.

Very real.

Not a joke.

The walls come crumbling down, down, down. Ripped apart by hundreds of hands. Emails sent to every sort of agency. The JLU line inundated with emergency tips. Not a joke. Not A Joke. Holy Shit, IT WASN'T A JOKE!

Phantom is REAL!

And there, on TV, stands the Man. The signal FINALLY breaching containment. Fighting off the invading God of the week. Built like statue, hair like an aurora borealis of white fire held almost delicately in place by a CROWN of ice, a suit made of void and starlight. Inhuman. Beyond human.

Here to help.

A laugh that crackles like ice and the snap of winter, rolls through the air like coming storms, rich and somehow warm. A smile that bares teeth, yet turns so KIND when he looks upon humanity, as though we are precious and worth fighting for. A living star.

A... a once living star.

And in the center of it all? Wearing his BESPOKE, custome made, Number 1 Phan full body outfit? That's right. Dash Baxter. Ha! You fuckers doubted him! Behold his blorbo and WEEP, ya fuckin casuals! The BESTEST of boys! The FINEST of Heros! Superman? Could NEVER.

And now? The weather!

Like a comic book some people just don't age, others do but very slowly, those that die either weren't contaminated yet or chose to and then became ghosts anyway. In some media elves don't become adults until they feel ready. And with all the high schoolers (and lesser so the rest of the town except for the Big fights) having been in a war zone I'd imagine they want time to relax and feel safe, which won't happen until ghosts chill the fuck out. Which will take, a lot of work, and talking, and time. Not factoring in hc's about ancients and what they preside over and their powers influencing environments and them coming through to visit Danny when that's a thing they can do without being shot at. And people going on trips into the infinite realms and time being fucky there, or going through another portal on the zone to another time and being there for who knows how long.

And Dash has commented that during high school they ended up traveling to the past for a few years… In the end when they managed to return to the present, a companion of theirs (Danny) managed to make a deal with the greater Deity of time so that he would rejuvenate them and return at the same time…

It has happened on more than one occasion….

Yep, not only Phantom has had a crazy life…..

Public: and if it's true, how old would you be?

Dash: I stopped counting the 3rd time it happened, on that occasion we ended up forming a nomadic village in the days of the Wild West…

Public: and why are there no records of you on your trips?

He finds the kid standing in front of the large Christmas Tree in the Gotham park, laughing nonstop as the tree burns.

But when he moves to apprehend the teenager, the teenager stops laughing, frowns, and glares at him.

"Dude, do you mind? I'm having actual Christmas joy."

Danny: Joker Venom? What's that?

Batman: . . .A gaseous or liquid toxin and the weapon of choice of the Joker.

Danny: Oh. Is that the kinda purple tinted stuff that was in the baubles?

Batman: Baubles?

The FUNNY option?

Damian.

Who COMPLETELY understands this Very Valid Desire. But! While we all WANT to give in to our burning desire to destroy these garish monstrosities, that is beneath us. You are BETTER then this, Citizen. The life of an Arsonist is on that will lead you to jail, no matter HOW reasonable your reasons. *solemnly puts a hand on Danny's shoulder, a boy who is in fact taller then him* A momentary laps in judgment does not define you, perhaps food and rest?

Like?? Everyone's just? "Not even gonna question the burning a Christmas tree thing, huh?" Nope. He too, wishs to burn it everytime he sees the damn thing. It was hideous.

And probably just BEGGING to be targeted by Ivy.

Tucker, here to watch and record the video: I thought every child vigilante was feral?

The first time his parents took him to the beach, it was the middle of the day and he’d been stuck in the prototype GAV for hours upon hours on their “quick, ghost rumor hunting field trip.”

It wasn’t quick, and they caught exactly zero ghosts. When Danny saw the expanse of sand underneath the summer sun, he and Jazz both bounded out of the van like feral little monkeys. Danny and Jazz sprinted down the sand, their parents ambling behind them with their arms loaded up with towels, a first aid kit, and an ungodly amount of mildly ecto contaminated food that they already fought before getting onto the beach.

Danny had splashed into the water, yelped at the freezing temperature, and then promptly found a shell to keep. His mom taught him how to swim with the waves, having come from Surf City herself, and his dad taught Jazz how to dive.

It was a day full of fond memories, especially the memory of the Great War of Sand-Castle Crushing he and Jazz waged against each other.

They stuck around for the sunset, the ripples of colors and peacefulness that swept across the vast waters caught Danny in its hold.

He hadn’t forgotten that moment. Not even when he died.

After a particularly hard day as Phantom, Danny would fly to the coast and loose hours just sitting on the sand and watching the waves lap against the shore. And when those nights were clear? It felt like a slice of his own personal heaven, with the stars shining on his shoulders and the encompassing crash of the waves sheltering his heart.

And on some days, when being Danny left him frustrated, Danny would fly out to the coast and use his intangibility to walk beneath the waves. Near the coast, it’s cloudy with swirls of moving sand and disturbed waters. He walked, and walked, and floated and floated beneath the waters, taking contentment from the way the moonlight of his stars filtered through the water. He admired the way light would glint on the scales of fish and crustaceans alike as he floated beneath the surface. On those days, Danny would pick up trash and polluted things and bring them to shore, to place in the trash cans and all of the recycling cans. He picked up shells and decorated the beaches he frequented, because if it were decorated, perhaps people would refrain from chucking their waste into the sea.

Well, usually, it’d be trash.

Danny watched speechlessly, jaw cracked open just a smidge, as an explosion happened right over his head. The distortion of the water did not hide the fact that there were large chunks of plane pelting down at him, a different figure flying away from the explosion. Danny went invisible and intangible as large metal pieces plunged into his current water space.

“Gosh, people these days,” he huffed. “This is gonna take forever to…”

Danny trailed off, seeing a humanoid shape crash into the water, clearly unconscious. Danny didn’t hesitate before shooting towards the drowning person, glowing green and fully visible again. The stranger’s eyes- holy shit, that’s Batman- turned towards him before closing behind cracked open lenses. Batman slumped falling unconscious. That’s not good.

Danny rocketed out of the water with the vigilante in his arms. If it weren’t for his supernatural strength, there’s no way lanky teenage Danny would have been able to carry Batman’s grown ass built like a tank self to the shore. Likewise, if it weren’t for his strength, Danny wouldn’t have been able to start chest compressions through the layers of armor.

Danny leaned back with a sigh as Batman coughed out only a bit of water, because Danny hadn’t taken all that long to get to him, and held up his hands in a “I don’t have weapons” way as Batman whirled to him.

“Hi. Are you alright?” Danny asked, ectoplasm and instinctive ghost speak fuzzing his words a bit. Damn, Batman must have nearly died a lot. He’ll freak out about meeting Batman later.

“You saved me,” an awkward pause. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. The other guy went that way.”

Danny waved vaguely.

“…What are you?”

“Oh my god, Batman, you can’t just ask someone what they are!” He immediately replied, inwardly smacking himself for the joke. He watched Batman’s face, watching for any sign of discrimination against ghosts, or any sign the man had a sense of humor.

“…”

Neither, apparently, was the answer.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just here to clean up the beaches. You humans really like to pollute the beaches. It’s quite rude, you know. That plane of yours, well, it’s not your fault,” he amended. “But it’s gonna damage sea life. And I don’t know if you’re in the habit, but please don’t litter on the beach or in the water, especially with your unconscious body. It’s tedious to clean.”

“…I see.”

“Stay. I’ll take out your plane. Make sure it doesn’t stay on the sand, alright?”

With that, Danny stood. Unaware of the way the moonlight lit up his hair like white flames and accentuated the sharp points of his ears, Danny turned away and flew back to the plane site, dragging the pieces up with ease.

Batman sat on the sand, likely exhausted from his fight, and watched him carry the pieces of the aircraft up.

“Here. All done. I gotta get going,” because Danny has school and this just lost him two hours. “Will you be alright?”

Batman nodded once, sharply.

“Good.” Danny went invisible, watching Batman sat up straighter, glancing around in a suddenly visible awareness. Oh, well. Tucker’s gonna freak out.

——

Three years later, Danny’s moved to Gotham for university.

And after midterm season, Danny went for a ghostly walk, but this time, in the waters surrounding Gotham.

When he surfaced, Batman was crouching on a lamp post, waiting for him.

“Oh, it’s you,” Danny said. “Hello. Did you know that people are polluting these waters with bodies too?”

“Yes,” Batman said, graveled voice resounding on the shipping containers around them.

“You should do something about that. Do you like places that are polluted?”

Batman sighed. “What are you?”

Danny hears a small, tinny voice by Batman’s ear, coming from a comm.

“Oh my god, B, you can’t just ask someone what they are!”

Mind flashing back to the night Danny drug a waterlogged Batman out of the ocean, Danny cracked a smile.

“Phantom,” he said, decisively. And, because this isn’t Amity anymore, “the Beach Clean Up crew from the flip side.”

——

Bruce, waking up on the sand: wtf

Bruce, seeing a child next to him who probably saved him: wtf (in “adoption”)

Bruce, seeing Danny’s skin glitter like stars, hair aflame, and pointy ears: wtf (in “I can adopt fae folk, right?”)

Bruce, seeing that Danny doesn’t leave any footprints: wtffff (detective mind goes brrrr)

——

Bruce, after Danny leaves: *donates 20 mil towards beach clean up efforts and anti-pollution causes*

——

Bruce’s Goggle Search History, documented by Oracle:

Sea spirits

Sea vampires

How to parent supernatural kids

How to thank your sea child

Are shells a good gift?

Ocean conservation efforts

Sea spirits that glitters under moonlight

Sea spirits that cleans up beaches

Wayne corporation waste disposal

Companies that dump trash into the sea

*outgoing call to Lucius Fox*

What is “mean girls”

——

Bruce, learning “current pop culture” from his kids:

1) @bloggerspam yes, it’s because he sparkles lol

2) he knows twilight only because Steph has a twelve step plan to traumatize him with pop culture and Twilight was objectively funnier because of the whole is Batman a vampire thing

3) Bruce definitely went “I don’t sparkle!” And completely implied that he was in fact a vampire and would know for a fact whether vampires sparkled or not

4) Dick was supposed to him Mean Girls that week, and fancast the Plastics as Brucie Wayne and Harley Quinn, with the terror Vicki Vale, but B-man got him self a couple of cracked ribs and a bunch of internal bleeding so they held off.

——

Aquaman stood in front of the salt water mister, enjoying his brief rehydration of his realm before starting subtly.

“Aquaman.” Batman rumbled.

“What is it, Batman?”

“Do you know know all of your subjects?”

What an odd line of questioning.

“I do. Well, perhaps not the truly deep sea ones, as they are rather hard to keep track of, but of my subjects, I most certainly can identify them.”

“What do you know of…”

And here, Batman describes a boy of white flames for hair and glittering green skin, with pointed teeth and ears.

“Ah. May I ask why you would like to find him?”

“No.”

“Then I can not and will not disclose any information.”

Batman grunted. Then…

“He saved me. Last night, when Firefly got a lucky shot at the jet fuel.”

“…I see. We do not have much information on him, but… it is said that he is of the sea. Old, ancient, truly. Older than my kingdom, itself, seeing as he helped build it. The books called him Phantom.”

“Is he a hostile?”

“No. Not unless you plan on hurting innocents?”

“Hm.”

After Phantom shows up in Gotham Batman probably catches Aquaman the next time he sees him at the Watchtower and asks him if Phantom had been known outside the water to the Atlantean’s knowledge. He then explains some of the things he found in his research as well as seeing Phantom in the river.

Aquaman is understandably curious so Batman pulls up some of his research on the Watchtower computer.

Now imagine Supergirl walks by and stops to look.

Supergirl: Why are you looking up images of Krypton’s ancient deity?

Batman: What?

The first time his parents took him to the beach, it was the middle of the day and he’d been stuck in the prototype GAV for hours upon hours on their “quick, ghost rumor hunting field trip.”

It wasn’t quick, and they caught exactly zero ghosts. When Danny saw the expanse of sand underneath the summer sun, he and Jazz both bounded out of the van like feral little monkeys. Danny and Jazz sprinted down the sand, their parents ambling behind them with their arms loaded up with towels, a first aid kit, and an ungodly amount of mildly ecto contaminated food that they already fought before getting onto the beach.

Danny had splashed into the water, yelped at the freezing temperature, and then promptly found a shell to keep. His mom taught him how to swim with the waves, having come from Surf City herself, and his dad taught Jazz how to dive.

It was a day full of fond memories, especially the memory of the Great War of Sand-Castle Crushing he and Jazz waged against each other.

They stuck around for the sunset, the ripples of colors and peacefulness that swept across the vast waters caught Danny in its hold.

He hadn’t forgotten that moment. Not even when he died.

After a particularly hard day as Phantom, Danny would fly to the coast and loose hours just sitting on the sand and watching the waves lap against the shore. And when those nights were clear? It felt like a slice of his own personal heaven, with the stars shining on his shoulders and the encompassing crash of the waves sheltering his heart.

And on some days, when being Danny left him frustrated, Danny would fly out to the coast and use his intangibility to walk beneath the waves. Near the coast, it’s cloudy with swirls of moving sand and disturbed waters. He walked, and walked, and floated and floated beneath the waters, taking contentment from the way the moonlight of his stars filtered through the water. He admired the way light would glint on the scales of fish and crustaceans alike as he floated beneath the surface. On those days, Danny would pick up trash and polluted things and bring them to shore, to place in the trash cans and all of the recycling cans. He picked up shells and decorated the beaches he frequented, because if it were decorated, perhaps people would refrain from chucking their waste into the sea.

Well, usually, it’d be trash.

Danny watched speechlessly, jaw cracked open just a smidge, as an explosion happened right over his head. The distortion of the water did not hide the fact that there were large chunks of plane pelting down at him, a different figure flying away from the explosion. Danny went invisible and intangible as large metal pieces plunged into his current water space.

“Gosh, people these days,” he huffed. “This is gonna take forever to…”

Danny trailed off, seeing a humanoid shape crash into the water, clearly unconscious. Danny didn’t hesitate before shooting towards the drowning person, glowing green and fully visible again. The stranger’s eyes- holy shit, that’s Batman- turned towards him before closing behind cracked open lenses. Batman slumped falling unconscious. That’s not good.

Danny rocketed out of the water with the vigilante in his arms. If it weren’t for his supernatural strength, there’s no way lanky teenage Danny would have been able to carry Batman’s grown ass built like a tank self to the shore. Likewise, if it weren’t for his strength, Danny wouldn’t have been able to start chest compressions through the layers of armor.

Danny leaned back with a sigh as Batman coughed out only a bit of water, because Danny hadn’t taken all that long to get to him, and held up his hands in a “I don’t have weapons” way as Batman whirled to him.

“Hi. Are you alright?” Danny asked, ectoplasm and instinctive ghost speak fuzzing his words a bit. Damn, Batman must have nearly died a lot. He’ll freak out about meeting Batman later.

“You saved me,” an awkward pause. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. The other guy went that way.”

Danny waved vaguely.

“…What are you?”

“Oh my god, Batman, you can’t just ask someone what they are!” He immediately replied, inwardly smacking himself for the joke. He watched Batman’s face, watching for any sign of discrimination against ghosts, or any sign the man had a sense of humor.

“…”

Neither, apparently, was the answer.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just here to clean up the beaches. You humans really like to pollute the beaches. It’s quite rude, you know. That plane of yours, well, it’s not your fault,” he amended. “But it’s gonna damage sea life. And I don’t know if you’re in the habit, but please don’t litter on the beach or in the water, especially with your unconscious body. It’s tedious to clean.”

“…I see.”

“Stay. I’ll take out your plane. Make sure it doesn’t stay on the sand, alright?”

With that, Danny stood. Unaware of the way the moonlight lit up his hair like white flames and accentuated the sharp points of his ears, Danny turned away and flew back to the plane site, dragging the pieces up with ease.

Batman sat on the sand, likely exhausted from his fight, and watched him carry the pieces of the aircraft up.

“Here. All done. I gotta get going,” because Danny has school and this just lost him two hours. “Will you be alright?”

Batman nodded once, sharply.

“Good.” Danny went invisible, watching Batman sat up straighter, glancing around in a suddenly visible awareness. Oh, well. Tucker’s gonna freak out.

——

Three years later, Danny’s moved to Gotham for university.

And after midterm season, Danny went for a ghostly walk, but this time, in the waters surrounding Gotham.

When he surfaced, Batman was crouching on a lamp post, waiting for him.

“Oh, it’s you,” Danny said. “Hello. Did you know that people are polluting these waters with bodies too?”

“Yes,” Batman said, graveled voice resounding on the shipping containers around them.

“You should do something about that. Do you like places that are polluted?”

Batman sighed. “What are you?”

Danny hears a small, tinny voice by Batman’s ear, coming from a comm.

“Oh my god, B, you can’t just ask someone what they are!”

Mind flashing back to the night Danny drug a waterlogged Batman out of the ocean, Danny cracked a smile.

“Phantom,” he said, decisively. And, because this isn’t Amity anymore, “the Beach Clean Up crew from the flip side.”

——

Bruce, waking up on the sand: wtf

Bruce, seeing a child next to him who probably saved him: wtf (in “adoption”)

Bruce, seeing Danny’s skin glitter like stars, hair aflame, and pointy ears: wtf (in “I can adopt fae folk, right?”)

Bruce, seeing that Danny doesn’t leave any footprints: wtffff (detective mind goes brrrr)

——

Bruce, after Danny leaves: *donates 20 mil towards beach clean up efforts and anti-pollution causes*

——

Bruce’s Goggle Search History, documented by Oracle:

Sea spirits

Sea vampires

How to parent supernatural kids

How to thank your sea child

Are shells a good gift?

Ocean conservation efforts

Sea spirits that glitters under moonlight

Sea spirits that cleans up beaches

Wayne corporation waste disposal

Companies that dump trash into the sea

*outgoing call to Lucius Fox*

What is “mean girls”

——

Bruce, learning “current pop culture” from his kids:

1) @bloggerspam yes, it’s because he sparkles lol

2) he knows twilight only because Steph has a twelve step plan to traumatize him with pop culture and Twilight was objectively funnier because of the whole is Batman a vampire thing

3) Bruce definitely went “I don’t sparkle!” And completely implied that he was in fact a vampire and would know for a fact whether vampires sparkled or not

4) Dick was supposed to him Mean Girls that week, and fancast the Plastics as Brucie Wayne and Harley Quinn, with the terror Vicki Vale, but B-man got him self a couple of cracked ribs and a bunch of internal bleeding so they held off.

——

Aquaman stood in front of the salt water mister, enjoying his brief rehydration of his realm before starting subtly.

“Aquaman.” Batman rumbled.

“What is it, Batman?”

“Do you know know all of your subjects?”

What an odd line of questioning.

“I do. Well, perhaps not the truly deep sea ones, as they are rather hard to keep track of, but of my subjects, I most certainly can identify them.”

“What do you know of…”

And here, Batman describes a boy of white flames for hair and glittering green skin, with pointed teeth and ears.

“Ah. May I ask why you would like to find him?”

“No.”

“Then I can not and will not disclose any information.”

Batman grunted. Then…

“He saved me. Last night, when Firefly got a lucky shot at the jet fuel.”

“…I see. We do not have much information on him, but… it is said that he is of the sea. Old, ancient, truly. Older than my kingdom, itself, seeing as he helped build it. The books called him Phantom.”

“Is he a hostile?”

“No. Not unless you plan on hurting innocents?”

“Hm.”

After Phantom shows up in Gotham Batman probably catches Aquaman the next time he sees him at the Watchtower and asks him if Phantom had been known outside the water to the Atlantean’s knowledge. He then explains some of the things he found in his research as well as seeing Phantom in the river.

Aquaman is understandably curious so Batman pulls up some of his research on the Watchtower computer.

Now imagine Supergirl walks by and stops to look.

Supergirl: Why are you looking up images of Krypton’s ancient deity?

Batman: What?

Of course I can, Colt. I'd be happy to!

[She leads him over to Melody and Damien.]

So this is my Mama, Melody. And this is my Papa, Damien!

[She guestures to each of them when she says their name.]

[She gestures to Colt, gently pushing him towards Melody.]

"Uh, yeah. Nice to meet you," he whispers, trying not to disturb the other sleeping figure. "I sort of just... wounded up here a little while ago. I only know Simon (@simondrowinginblood), so I thought I should meet some of the other people here."

[She leads him to the other Simons, and Alec.]

@s1m0n-inthedark

@simon-sm13-sos

@madeofmanyfandoms

@colt-seavers-official

"It's nice to meet you, too," he returns with a polite smile. "So... What do you do around here, exactly?"

Alec, you do realize that she’s your grandmother? And you can call her Grandma? Jeez- how many times have we had this conversation?

Ooc: In case you need a refresher on Alec, and btw he’s supposed to sound Australian. Also adding full body if Rose. You notice anything about them?🤔

@colt-seavers-official

@colt-seavers-official

"Right, yeah, okay. That... mostly makes sense."

[Rose decides to take a much more direct approach.]

[Rose states.]

The first time his parents took him to the beach, it was the middle of the day and he’d been stuck in the prototype GAV for hours upon hours on their “quick, ghost rumor hunting field trip.”

It wasn’t quick, and they caught exactly zero ghosts. When Danny saw the expanse of sand underneath the summer sun, he and Jazz both bounded out of the van like feral little monkeys. Danny and Jazz sprinted down the sand, their parents ambling behind them with their arms loaded up with towels, a first aid kit, and an ungodly amount of mildly ecto contaminated food that they already fought before getting onto the beach.

Danny had splashed into the water, yelped at the freezing temperature, and then promptly found a shell to keep. His mom taught him how to swim with the waves, having come from Surf City herself, and his dad taught Jazz how to dive.

It was a day full of fond memories, especially the memory of the Great War of Sand-Castle Crushing he and Jazz waged against each other.

They stuck around for the sunset, the ripples of colors and peacefulness that swept across the vast waters caught Danny in its hold.

He hadn’t forgotten that moment. Not even when he died.

After a particularly hard day as Phantom, Danny would fly to the coast and loose hours just sitting on the sand and watching the waves lap against the shore. And when those nights were clear? It felt like a slice of his own personal heaven, with the stars shining on his shoulders and the encompassing crash of the waves sheltering his heart.

And on some days, when being Danny left him frustrated, Danny would fly out to the coast and use his intangibility to walk beneath the waves. Near the coast, it’s cloudy with swirls of moving sand and disturbed waters. He walked, and walked, and floated and floated beneath the waters, taking contentment from the way the moonlight of his stars filtered through the water. He admired the way light would glint on the scales of fish and crustaceans alike as he floated beneath the surface. On those days, Danny would pick up trash and polluted things and bring them to shore, to place in the trash cans and all of the recycling cans. He picked up shells and decorated the beaches he frequented, because if it were decorated, perhaps people would refrain from chucking their waste into the sea.

Well, usually, it’d be trash.

Danny watched speechlessly, jaw cracked open just a smidge, as an explosion happened right over his head. The distortion of the water did not hide the fact that there were large chunks of plane pelting down at him, a different figure flying away from the explosion. Danny went invisible and intangible as large metal pieces plunged into his current water space.

“Gosh, people these days,” he huffed. “This is gonna take forever to…”

Danny trailed off, seeing a humanoid shape crash into the water, clearly unconscious. Danny didn’t hesitate before shooting towards the drowning person, glowing green and fully visible again. The stranger’s eyes- holy shit, that’s Batman- turned towards him before closing behind cracked open lenses. Batman slumped falling unconscious. That’s not good.

Danny rocketed out of the water with the vigilante in his arms. If it weren’t for his supernatural strength, there’s no way lanky teenage Danny would have been able to carry Batman’s grown ass built like a tank self to the shore. Likewise, if it weren’t for his strength, Danny wouldn’t have been able to start chest compressions through the layers of armor.

Danny leaned back with a sigh as Batman coughed out only a bit of water, because Danny hadn’t taken all that long to get to him, and held up his hands in a “I don’t have weapons” way as Batman whirled to him.

“Hi. Are you alright?” Danny asked, ectoplasm and instinctive ghost speak fuzzing his words a bit. Damn, Batman must have nearly died a lot. He’ll freak out about meeting Batman later.

“You saved me,” an awkward pause. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. The other guy went that way.”

Danny waved vaguely.

“…What are you?”

“Oh my god, Batman, you can’t just ask someone what they are!” He immediately replied, inwardly smacking himself for the joke. He watched Batman’s face, watching for any sign of discrimination against ghosts, or any sign the man had a sense of humor.

“…”

Neither, apparently, was the answer.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just here to clean up the beaches. You humans really like to pollute the beaches. It’s quite rude, you know. That plane of yours, well, it’s not your fault,” he amended. “But it’s gonna damage sea life. And I don’t know if you’re in the habit, but please don’t litter on the beach or in the water, especially with your unconscious body. It’s tedious to clean.”

“…I see.”

“Stay. I’ll take out your plane. Make sure it doesn’t stay on the sand, alright?”

With that, Danny stood. Unaware of the way the moonlight lit up his hair like white flames and accentuated the sharp points of his ears, Danny turned away and flew back to the plane site, dragging the pieces up with ease.

Batman sat on the sand, likely exhausted from his fight, and watched him carry the pieces of the aircraft up.

“Here. All done. I gotta get going,” because Danny has school and this just lost him two hours. “Will you be alright?”

Batman nodded once, sharply.

“Good.” Danny went invisible, watching Batman sat up straighter, glancing around in a suddenly visible awareness. Oh, well. Tucker’s gonna freak out.

——

Three years later, Danny’s moved to Gotham for university.

And after midterm season, Danny went for a ghostly walk, but this time, in the waters surrounding Gotham.

When he surfaced, Batman was crouching on a lamp post, waiting for him.

“Oh, it’s you,” Danny said. “Hello. Did you know that people are polluting these waters with bodies too?”

“Yes,” Batman said, graveled voice resounding on the shipping containers around them.

“You should do something about that. Do you like places that are polluted?”

Batman sighed. “What are you?”

Danny hears a small, tinny voice by Batman’s ear, coming from a comm.

“Oh my god, B, you can’t just ask someone what they are!”

Mind flashing back to the night Danny drug a waterlogged Batman out of the ocean, Danny cracked a smile.

“Phantom,” he said, decisively. And, because this isn’t Amity anymore, “the Beach Clean Up crew from the flip side.”

——

Bruce, waking up on the sand: wtf

Bruce, seeing a child next to him who probably saved him: wtf (in “adoption”)

Bruce, seeing Danny’s skin glitter like stars, hair aflame, and pointy ears: wtf (in “I can adopt fae folk, right?”)

Bruce, seeing that Danny doesn’t leave any footprints: wtffff (detective mind goes brrrr)

——

Bruce, after Danny leaves: *donates 20 mil towards beach clean up efforts and anti-pollution causes*

——

Bruce’s Goggle Search History, documented by Oracle:

Sea spirits

Sea vampires

How to parent supernatural kids

How to thank your sea child

Are shells a good gift?

Ocean conservation efforts

Sea spirits that glitters under moonlight

Sea spirits that cleans up beaches

Wayne corporation waste disposal

Companies that dump trash into the sea

*outgoing call to Lucius Fox*

What is “mean girls”

——

Bruce, learning “current pop culture” from his kids:

1) @bloggerspam yes, it’s because he sparkles lol

2) he knows twilight only because Steph has a twelve step plan to traumatize him with pop culture and Twilight was objectively funnier because of the whole is Batman a vampire thing

3) Bruce definitely went “I don’t sparkle!” And completely implied that he was in fact a vampire and would know for a fact whether vampires sparkled or not

4) Dick was supposed to him Mean Girls that week, and fancast the Plastics as Brucie Wayne and Harley Quinn, with the terror Vicki Vale, but B-man got him self a couple of cracked ribs and a bunch of internal bleeding so they held off.

——

Aquaman stood in front of the salt water mister, enjoying his brief rehydration of his realm before starting subtly.

“Aquaman.” Batman rumbled.

“What is it, Batman?”

“Do you know know all of your subjects?”

What an odd line of questioning.

“I do. Well, perhaps not the truly deep sea ones, as they are rather hard to keep track of, but of my subjects, I most certainly can identify them.”

“What do you know of…”

And here, Batman describes a boy of white flames for hair and glittering green skin, with pointed teeth and ears.

“Ah. May I ask why you would like to find him?”

“No.”

“Then I can not and will not disclose any information.”

Batman grunted. Then…

“He saved me. Last night, when Firefly got a lucky shot at the jet fuel.”

“…I see. We do not have much information on him, but… it is said that he is of the sea. Old, ancient, truly. Older than my kingdom, itself, seeing as he helped build it. The books called him Phantom.”

“Is he a hostile?”

“No. Not unless you plan on hurting innocents?”

“Hm.”

From Justice L. Dark's side it would be ghosts, Beings from Infinite Realms and THERE they get more clues:

Here we can put more AUs into the mix. Ghost King AU is one of the favorite, Queen Mother AU would be my own. But right now, I feel them overused.

So instead: Ancient of Space, A Powerful and Influent Ghost, Creator of Infinite Realms, The Bridge(???) aka The Portal Guardian, The Time's...Active Figure in fixing timelines and speaking for it and also it's Student, ...etc.

So, I’m not sure if anyone else has done this, but like- Danny as the child of the Infinite Realms. Like, his creation as a halfa was via a hole punch into the realms where a ton of ectoplasm (likely the ectoplasm that was the very lining of the Infinite Realms) poured into him/his corpse. If that doesn’t sound like a child of a world being made/born/claimed, then I don’t know what is! It would also explain his swift rise in power even more! And his wife array of powers.

Which would lead to a very interesting investigation of “How did a plane of existence have a child?” and “Why is the child of the Infinite Realm choosing to live on Earth and clean up the pollution?” Meanwhile, Danny probably has no idea that he is the literal child of the Infinite Realms.

So, Danny- in his odd little existence- is just cleaning up beaches in his downtime (or other such places, like ponds/lakes/river) while confusing everyone around him, AND he’s got just a teensy tiny bit of “Something is really off about this kid” radiating around him.

And during all this, Danny’s rogues are actually compelled by the IR to go to Earth to check up on Danny (basically the IR trying to set up play dates with its limited abilities), but they have no idea why they’re compelled there, so they end up doing wild things (which, the IR probably views as good enrichment).

In short:

The first time his parents took him to the beach, it was the middle of the day and he’d been stuck in the prototype GAV for hours upon hours on their “quick, ghost rumor hunting field trip.”

It wasn’t quick, and they caught exactly zero ghosts. When Danny saw the expanse of sand underneath the summer sun, he and Jazz both bounded out of the van like feral little monkeys. Danny and Jazz sprinted down the sand, their parents ambling behind them with their arms loaded up with towels, a first aid kit, and an ungodly amount of mildly ecto contaminated food that they already fought before getting onto the beach.

Danny had splashed into the water, yelped at the freezing temperature, and then promptly found a shell to keep. His mom taught him how to swim with the waves, having come from Surf City herself, and his dad taught Jazz how to dive.

It was a day full of fond memories, especially the memory of the Great War of Sand-Castle Crushing he and Jazz waged against each other.

They stuck around for the sunset, the ripples of colors and peacefulness that swept across the vast waters caught Danny in its hold.

He hadn’t forgotten that moment. Not even when he died.

After a particularly hard day as Phantom, Danny would fly to the coast and loose hours just sitting on the sand and watching the waves lap against the shore. And when those nights were clear? It felt like a slice of his own personal heaven, with the stars shining on his shoulders and the encompassing crash of the waves sheltering his heart.

And on some days, when being Danny left him frustrated, Danny would fly out to the coast and use his intangibility to walk beneath the waves. Near the coast, it’s cloudy with swirls of moving sand and disturbed waters. He walked, and walked, and floated and floated beneath the waters, taking contentment from the way the moonlight of his stars filtered through the water. He admired the way light would glint on the scales of fish and crustaceans alike as he floated beneath the surface. On those days, Danny would pick up trash and polluted things and bring them to shore, to place in the trash cans and all of the recycling cans. He picked up shells and decorated the beaches he frequented, because if it were decorated, perhaps people would refrain from chucking their waste into the sea.

Well, usually, it’d be trash.

Danny watched speechlessly, jaw cracked open just a smidge, as an explosion happened right over his head. The distortion of the water did not hide the fact that there were large chunks of plane pelting down at him, a different figure flying away from the explosion. Danny went invisible and intangible as large metal pieces plunged into his current water space.

“Gosh, people these days,” he huffed. “This is gonna take forever to…”

Danny trailed off, seeing a humanoid shape crash into the water, clearly unconscious. Danny didn’t hesitate before shooting towards the drowning person, glowing green and fully visible again. The stranger’s eyes- holy shit, that’s Batman- turned towards him before closing behind cracked open lenses. Batman slumped falling unconscious. That’s not good.

Danny rocketed out of the water with the vigilante in his arms. If it weren’t for his supernatural strength, there’s no way lanky teenage Danny would have been able to carry Batman’s grown ass built like a tank self to the shore. Likewise, if it weren’t for his strength, Danny wouldn’t have been able to start chest compressions through the layers of armor.

Danny leaned back with a sigh as Batman coughed out only a bit of water, because Danny hadn’t taken all that long to get to him, and held up his hands in a “I don’t have weapons” way as Batman whirled to him.

“Hi. Are you alright?” Danny asked, ectoplasm and instinctive ghost speak fuzzing his words a bit. Damn, Batman must have nearly died a lot. He’ll freak out about meeting Batman later.

“You saved me,” an awkward pause. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. The other guy went that way.”

Danny waved vaguely.

“…What are you?”

“Oh my god, Batman, you can’t just ask someone what they are!” He immediately replied, inwardly smacking himself for the joke. He watched Batman’s face, watching for any sign of discrimination against ghosts, or any sign the man had a sense of humor.

“…”

Neither, apparently, was the answer.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just here to clean up the beaches. You humans really like to pollute the beaches. It’s quite rude, you know. That plane of yours, well, it’s not your fault,” he amended. “But it’s gonna damage sea life. And I don’t know if you’re in the habit, but please don’t litter on the beach or in the water, especially with your unconscious body. It’s tedious to clean.”

“…I see.”

“Stay. I’ll take out your plane. Make sure it doesn’t stay on the sand, alright?”

With that, Danny stood. Unaware of the way the moonlight lit up his hair like white flames and accentuated the sharp points of his ears, Danny turned away and flew back to the plane site, dragging the pieces up with ease.

Batman sat on the sand, likely exhausted from his fight, and watched him carry the pieces of the aircraft up.

“Here. All done. I gotta get going,” because Danny has school and this just lost him two hours. “Will you be alright?”

Batman nodded once, sharply.

“Good.” Danny went invisible, watching Batman sat up straighter, glancing around in a suddenly visible awareness. Oh, well. Tucker’s gonna freak out.

——

Three years later, Danny’s moved to Gotham for university.

And after midterm season, Danny went for a ghostly walk, but this time, in the waters surrounding Gotham.

When he surfaced, Batman was crouching on a lamp post, waiting for him.

“Oh, it’s you,” Danny said. “Hello. Did you know that people are polluting these waters with bodies too?”

“Yes,” Batman said, graveled voice resounding on the shipping containers around them.

“You should do something about that. Do you like places that are polluted?”

Batman sighed. “What are you?”

Danny hears a small, tinny voice by Batman’s ear, coming from a comm.

“Oh my god, B, you can’t just ask someone what they are!”

Mind flashing back to the night Danny drug a waterlogged Batman out of the ocean, Danny cracked a smile.

“Phantom,” he said, decisively. And, because this isn’t Amity anymore, “the Beach Clean Up crew from the flip side.”

——

Bruce, waking up on the sand: wtf

Bruce, seeing a child next to him who probably saved him: wtf (in “adoption”)

Bruce, seeing Danny’s skin glitter like stars, hair aflame, and pointy ears: wtf (in “I can adopt fae folk, right?”)

Bruce, seeing that Danny doesn’t leave any footprints: wtffff (detective mind goes brrrr)

——

Bruce, after Danny leaves: *donates 20 mil towards beach clean up efforts and anti-pollution causes*

——

Bruce’s Goggle Search History, documented by Oracle:

Sea spirits

Sea vampires

How to parent supernatural kids

How to thank your sea child

Are shells a good gift?

Ocean conservation efforts

Sea spirits that glitters under moonlight

Sea spirits that cleans up beaches

Wayne corporation waste disposal

Companies that dump trash into the sea

*outgoing call to Lucius Fox*

What is “mean girls”

——

Bruce, learning “current pop culture” from his kids:

1) @bloggerspam yes, it’s because he sparkles lol

2) he knows twilight only because Steph has a twelve step plan to traumatize him with pop culture and Twilight was objectively funnier because of the whole is Batman a vampire thing

3) Bruce definitely went “I don’t sparkle!” And completely implied that he was in fact a vampire and would know for a fact whether vampires sparkled or not

4) Dick was supposed to him Mean Girls that week, and fancast the Plastics as Brucie Wayne and Harley Quinn, with the terror Vicki Vale, but B-man got him self a couple of cracked ribs and a bunch of internal bleeding so they held off.

——

Aquaman stood in front of the salt water mister, enjoying his brief rehydration of his realm before starting subtly.

“Aquaman.” Batman rumbled.

“What is it, Batman?”

“Do you know know all of your subjects?”

What an odd line of questioning.

“I do. Well, perhaps not the truly deep sea ones, as they are rather hard to keep track of, but of my subjects, I most certainly can identify them.”

“What do you know of…”

And here, Batman describes a boy of white flames for hair and glittering green skin, with pointed teeth and ears.

“Ah. May I ask why you would like to find him?”

“No.”

“Then I can not and will not disclose any information.”

Batman grunted. Then…

“He saved me. Last night, when Firefly got a lucky shot at the jet fuel.”

“…I see. We do not have much information on him, but… it is said that he is of the sea. Old, ancient, truly. Older than my kingdom, itself, seeing as he helped build it. The books called him Phantom.”

“Is he a hostile?”

“No. Not unless you plan on hurting innocents?”

“Hm.”

The first time his parents took him to the beach, it was the middle of the day and he’d been stuck in the prototype GAV for hours upon hours on their “quick, ghost rumor hunting field trip.”

It wasn’t quick, and they caught exactly zero ghosts. When Danny saw the expanse of sand underneath the summer sun, he and Jazz both bounded out of the van like feral little monkeys. Danny and Jazz sprinted down the sand, their parents ambling behind them with their arms loaded up with towels, a first aid kit, and an ungodly amount of mildly ecto contaminated food that they already fought before getting onto the beach.

Danny had splashed into the water, yelped at the freezing temperature, and then promptly found a shell to keep. His mom taught him how to swim with the waves, having come from Surf City herself, and his dad taught Jazz how to dive.

It was a day full of fond memories, especially the memory of the Great War of Sand-Castle Crushing he and Jazz waged against each other.

They stuck around for the sunset, the ripples of colors and peacefulness that swept across the vast waters caught Danny in its hold.

He hadn’t forgotten that moment. Not even when he died.

After a particularly hard day as Phantom, Danny would fly to the coast and loose hours just sitting on the sand and watching the waves lap against the shore. And when those nights were clear? It felt like a slice of his own personal heaven, with the stars shining on his shoulders and the encompassing crash of the waves sheltering his heart.

And on some days, when being Danny left him frustrated, Danny would fly out to the coast and use his intangibility to walk beneath the waves. Near the coast, it’s cloudy with swirls of moving sand and disturbed waters. He walked, and walked, and floated and floated beneath the waters, taking contentment from the way the moonlight of his stars filtered through the water. He admired the way light would glint on the scales of fish and crustaceans alike as he floated beneath the surface. On those days, Danny would pick up trash and polluted things and bring them to shore, to place in the trash cans and all of the recycling cans. He picked up shells and decorated the beaches he frequented, because if it were decorated, perhaps people would refrain from chucking their waste into the sea.

Well, usually, it’d be trash.

Danny watched speechlessly, jaw cracked open just a smidge, as an explosion happened right over his head. The distortion of the water did not hide the fact that there were large chunks of plane pelting down at him, a different figure flying away from the explosion. Danny went invisible and intangible as large metal pieces plunged into his current water space.

“Gosh, people these days,” he huffed. “This is gonna take forever to…”

Danny trailed off, seeing a humanoid shape crash into the water, clearly unconscious. Danny didn’t hesitate before shooting towards the drowning person, glowing green and fully visible again. The stranger’s eyes- holy shit, that’s Batman- turned towards him before closing behind cracked open lenses. Batman slumped falling unconscious. That’s not good.

Danny rocketed out of the water with the vigilante in his arms. If it weren’t for his supernatural strength, there’s no way lanky teenage Danny would have been able to carry Batman’s grown ass built like a tank self to the shore. Likewise, if it weren’t for his strength, Danny wouldn’t have been able to start chest compressions through the layers of armor.

Danny leaned back with a sigh as Batman coughed out only a bit of water, because Danny hadn’t taken all that long to get to him, and held up his hands in a “I don’t have weapons” way as Batman whirled to him.

“Hi. Are you alright?” Danny asked, ectoplasm and instinctive ghost speak fuzzing his words a bit. Damn, Batman must have nearly died a lot. He’ll freak out about meeting Batman later.

“You saved me,” an awkward pause. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. The other guy went that way.”

Danny waved vaguely.

“…What are you?”

“Oh my god, Batman, you can’t just ask someone what they are!” He immediately replied, inwardly smacking himself for the joke. He watched Batman’s face, watching for any sign of discrimination against ghosts, or any sign the man had a sense of humor.

“…”

Neither, apparently, was the answer.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just here to clean up the beaches. You humans really like to pollute the beaches. It’s quite rude, you know. That plane of yours, well, it’s not your fault,” he amended. “But it’s gonna damage sea life. And I don’t know if you’re in the habit, but please don’t litter on the beach or in the water, especially with your unconscious body. It’s tedious to clean.”

“…I see.”

“Stay. I’ll take out your plane. Make sure it doesn’t stay on the sand, alright?”

With that, Danny stood. Unaware of the way the moonlight lit up his hair like white flames and accentuated the sharp points of his ears, Danny turned away and flew back to the plane site, dragging the pieces up with ease.

Batman sat on the sand, likely exhausted from his fight, and watched him carry the pieces of the aircraft up.

“Here. All done. I gotta get going,” because Danny has school and this just lost him two hours. “Will you be alright?”

Batman nodded once, sharply.

“Good.” Danny went invisible, watching Batman sat up straighter, glancing around in a suddenly visible awareness. Oh, well. Tucker’s gonna freak out.

——

Three years later, Danny’s moved to Gotham for university.

And after midterm season, Danny went for a ghostly walk, but this time, in the waters surrounding Gotham.

When he surfaced, Batman was crouching on a lamp post, waiting for him.

“Oh, it’s you,” Danny said. “Hello. Did you know that people are polluting these waters with bodies too?”

“Yes,” Batman said, graveled voice resounding on the shipping containers around them.

“You should do something about that. Do you like places that are polluted?”

Batman sighed. “What are you?”

Danny hears a small, tinny voice by Batman’s ear, coming from a comm.

“Oh my god, B, you can’t just ask someone what they are!”

Mind flashing back to the night Danny drug a waterlogged Batman out of the ocean, Danny cracked a smile.

“Phantom,” he said, decisively. And, because this isn’t Amity anymore, “the Beach Clean Up crew from the flip side.”

——

Bruce, waking up on the sand: wtf

Bruce, seeing a child next to him who probably saved him: wtf (in “adoption”)

Bruce, seeing Danny’s skin glitter like stars, hair aflame, and pointy ears: wtf (in “I can adopt fae folk, right?”)

Bruce, seeing that Danny doesn’t leave any footprints: wtffff (detective mind goes brrrr)

——

Bruce, after Danny leaves: *donates 20 mil towards beach clean up efforts and anti-pollution causes*

——

Bruce’s Goggle Search History, documented by Oracle:

Sea spirits

Sea vampires

How to parent supernatural kids

How to thank your sea child

Are shells a good gift?

Ocean conservation efforts

Sea spirits that glitters under moonlight

Sea spirits that cleans up beaches

Wayne corporation waste disposal

Companies that dump trash into the sea

*outgoing call to Lucius Fox*

What is “mean girls”

——

Bruce, learning “current pop culture” from his kids:

1) @bloggerspam yes, it’s because he sparkles lol

2) he knows twilight only because Steph has a twelve step plan to traumatize him with pop culture and Twilight was objectively funnier because of the whole is Batman a vampire thing

3) Bruce definitely went “I don’t sparkle!” And completely implied that he was in fact a vampire and would know for a fact whether vampires sparkled or not

4) Dick was supposed to him Mean Girls that week, and fancast the Plastics as Brucie Wayne and Harley Quinn, with the terror Vicki Vale, but B-man got him self a couple of cracked ribs and a bunch of internal bleeding so they held off.

He's just found out that the High Prince of the Infinite Realms is a freshly dead fourteen year old. And like, yeah, sucks that the kid died, he feels for him.

But also; the kid has a problem that's ridiculously easy to solve.

The American Government is trying to declare war on the realm that holds all universes together, and Constantine knows a few people who can bring that to light and get that shit shut down real fucking quick.

So he goes to Amity Park, to the little Prince's haunt so he can pin him down, help him out for "free", and work out a deal to call the American Government off.

Except the kid just wants him to do his stitches. Because the American Government wasn't bluffing, and has developed weapons that can and will harm the fabric of reality.

John does the kids stitches. They aren't very good, but they're the best he can do.

He sticks around.

He patches the little Prince up.

He...he gets attached.

He watches the GIW actually hurt the kid, seriously, to the extent that he actively steps in and gets himself labeled a terrorist by taking them out.

Now he's got an angry Big Three on the line, demanding to know what is going on, and he's realizing that he's a little past tricking a deal out of a kid that has too much power.

“How did we miss this!?” All eyes turned back to Constantine who wished he could light a smoke but refrained because right now he didn’t trust himself with even the minor cantrip that he used for that.

“The Tossers in White have put up a media blackout and for all their hatred of the other side they must be able to put up with magic because they’ve stopped us from learning about threats we should have known about.”

“Such as?”

“Apparently we missed out on Overgrowth showing up; Swamp Thing’s meaner and more genocidal cousin who was this close to snuffing out all our lives and that’s just the first that comes to mind!!!” A deep breath and his focus was on Boston, the one who would truly understand just how deep they were wading in shit if anything happened to Danny.

“Oh and if him being the King of the Infinite Realms wasn’t enough of a problem he’s Clockwork’s boy.” Most didn’t know who that was but the way Boston chocked on nothing and started shaking told them enough. Batman was the first to demand answers.

“Who’s Clockwork?”

“He’s the freaking guardian of the flow of time, I heard he tested the kid but it’s more than that?!” Constantine nods to that.

He's just found out that the High Prince of the Infinite Realms is a freshly dead fourteen year old. And like, yeah, sucks that the kid died, he feels for him.

But also; the kid has a problem that's ridiculously easy to solve.

The American Government is trying to declare war on the realm that holds all universes together, and Constantine knows a few people who can bring that to light and get that shit shut down real fucking quick.

So he goes to Amity Park, to the little Prince's haunt so he can pin him down, help him out for "free", and work out a deal to call the American Government off.

Except the kid just wants him to do his stitches. Because the American Government wasn't bluffing, and has developed weapons that can and will harm the fabric of reality.

John does the kids stitches. They aren't very good, but they're the best he can do.

He sticks around.

He patches the little Prince up.

He...he gets attached.

He watches the GIW actually hurt the kid, seriously, to the extent that he actively steps in and gets himself labeled a terrorist by taking them out.

Now he's got an angry Big Three on the line, demanding to know what is going on, and he's realizing that he's a little past tricking a deal out of a kid that has too much power.

In return for all contracts he has made regarding his soul being voided, and for Kronos himself to be John's Patron, he has to take a ghost core into himself and nurture it until it's independent.

Easy.

Infinite Realms beings are fiercely independent, and he estimates that one year of hosting and three months of looking after is nothing compared to the headache that he was going to have to go through to get those contracts voided.

The Spirit of Kronos assures him that this task will be on par, and that the payment for doing this is actually equal. He'll have to be sober, not a single drop of liquor or booze, not a single cigarette, for the entire duration.

Which. Okay, yeah, that sounds a little difficult.

So John accepts, expecting this to be kinda hard. But it's not.

The Core he houses is barely noticeable. Barely there. It takes a lot of magic, and eats a lot of ecto, and he's starting to realize that this core may have been severely damaged. This may be more than a year of hosting.

Then it starts to effect him.

He gets cravings, he's a little more emotional due to Realms Spirits being based on emotions, he sleeps more because of the little core leeching off of his magic reserves.

Other heroes start to notice.

He starts getting left out of missions, JLD and JL both checking in on him periodically. They don't know, but they know something is up.

Then he feels it one and a half years after accepting the deal; the tiny core is finally ready to come into the world. Soon, so soon, he'll be able to drink and smoke again, worry free.

The tiny ghost materializes in front of him - and John lunges forward to catch it before it falls to the floor.

Because that's not a ghost.

That's a human baby.

A green sticky note pops onto the kids forehead, and John realizes he may have just been bamboozled.

'His name is Daniel, and the deal stands until he is legally able to be independent per American Law. I look forward to our partnership.

Like,. the rest of the league looks back at the past year- constantine stop drinking and smoking, and his extra tiredness, and now the new born baby and assume he was pregnant.

"we'll support you don't worry"

Wonder Woman nods in agreement.

John now has to figure out to to tell this demigodess about how he made a deal with her Grandpa who ate all her uncles and aunts. And how this kid absolutely related in some way to that dead titan.

And fuck does the kid look like him. Was that a consequence of carrying him? And it’s only going to make them assume he had a kid with the ghost of Kronos.

Needless to say he needs to find a babysitter since yesterday so he can go drink enough to kill a horse.

Most people’s response to a child stalking them would be to call the kids parents, not to adopt the kid.

Most people wouldn’t adopt their kids ex-girlfriend. Most people wouldn’t adopt a child assassin. Most people aren’t Batman.

And the thing is that despite the fact that Batman’s family is a mess (his children have actually attempted to murder each other), Batman still has an instinct to collect as many traumatized chaos children as possible, and set them loose on the streets of Gotham.

Constantine can tell from the disapproving glare: Batsy is judging all of Constantine’s life choices right now.

Sure, most people wouldn’t be communicating with Axgarog The Infernal Demon of Bloodlust and Also Regular Lust with a baby in a playpen behind him but Constantine doesn’t have time to find a babysitter. Duty calls, and he has a fucking job.

Axgarog is being a right bastard, threatening to eat the souls of everyone living in Rhode Island, and a tiny voice in the back of Constantine’s head is saying that maybe the battlefield on the border to hell might be a bad place for an infant.

So for once, he’s actually looking Batman in the eye and thinking it over.

“Constantine” the bat grunts out “what are your plans for Daniel?”

“Gonna bring him with me, luv, I got one of those backpacks that lets you strap the kid to your back, works like a charm” Constantine deadpans because fucking with Batman is one of his joys in life.

Batman stares at him, probably trying to decide if Constantine has completely lost it and is about to take an infant on the worst backpacking trip of all time, or if Good Ole Johnny is just fucking with him again.

Constantine knows what the bat wants. It’s probably a bad idea- he certainly doesn’t want the baby dressed up like a traffic light and thrown in front of criminals.

“I’ll have to find someone to watch him for a few days.” Batman’s stare grows more intense somehow. “I’ll see if that Lantern Bloke is busy, kid loves space, you know.”

Constantine drinks in Batsy’s expression of disgust, shock, and dissapointment like a fine wine. To most people it would just look like a slightly furrowed grimace, but Constantine is a connoisseur of fucking with Batman.

In return for all contracts he has made regarding his soul being voided, and for Kronos himself to be John's Patron, he has to take a ghost core into himself and nurture it until it's independent.

Easy.

Infinite Realms beings are fiercely independent, and he estimates that one year of hosting and three months of looking after is nothing compared to the headache that he was going to have to go through to get those contracts voided.

The Spirit of Kronos assures him that this task will be on par, and that the payment for doing this is actually equal. He'll have to be sober, not a single drop of liquor or booze, not a single cigarette, for the entire duration.

Which. Okay, yeah, that sounds a little difficult.

So John accepts, expecting this to be kinda hard. But it's not.

The Core he houses is barely noticeable. Barely there. It takes a lot of magic, and eats a lot of ecto, and he's starting to realize that this core may have been severely damaged. This may be more than a year of hosting.

Then it starts to effect him.

He gets cravings, he's a little more emotional due to Realms Spirits being based on emotions, he sleeps more because of the little core leeching off of his magic reserves.

Other heroes start to notice.

He starts getting left out of missions, JLD and JL both checking in on him periodically. They don't know, but they know something is up.

Then he feels it one and a half years after accepting the deal; the tiny core is finally ready to come into the world. Soon, so soon, he'll be able to drink and smoke again, worry free.

The tiny ghost materializes in front of him - and John lunges forward to catch it before it falls to the floor.

Because that's not a ghost.

That's a human baby.

A green sticky note pops onto the kids forehead, and John realizes he may have just been bamboozled.

'His name is Daniel, and the deal stands until he is legally able to be independent per American Law. I look forward to our partnership.

Not good. 

So he was off to make another deal. This one… it should be his last. Kronos was a right old bastard, indifferent and cruel due to him being the embodiment of Time itself. There were some rumors though that the mad Titan did have a few things he enjoyed. One of them being fucking others over and laughing at their predicament. The only thing Constantine could offer (that he wouldn’t regret) was being able to lord it over the others that HE held John Constantine’s soul, and no other did. Not until Death itself claimed him. That should take a long, long time with the Spirit of Time as his Patron. 

Fuck. 

Kronos HAD to know he was coming. He was probably laughing up in his Tower, watching the human struggle to reach him. Constantine grunted as he fell, gravel skittering around him. No, hold it in. He can’t curse at the being he’s about to go try and make a deal with. He continued the trek, feet catching at times on the slick black stone. As long as he didn’t fall off into the abyss below, he was fine. 

He was totally fine. 

WHO THE FUCK DECIDED TO PUT THE DOOR HALFWAY UP THE SIDE OF THE TOWER

ASSHATS, THAT’S WHO

When he finally reached the door, he collapsed outside it, his back against the door. Damn, he needed a drink and a smoke before he continued on this fucking scheme. John got as far as lighting the cigarette before it was taken away by a purple hand. John was pissed. He turned to rip them to shred, only to stop as he saw Kronos before him, an amused smile on the bastard’s face. That didn’t explain why the clock man had taken his cigarette. 

“Now, now, no cigarettes. Or alcohol. In fact, you’ll need to be completely sober, if you want to make a deal with me.” Kronos took the lit cigarette with him back into the tower, phasing right through the door.

Figures the bastard already knew why he was here, and that he was sadistic enough to take away some of Constantine’s few pleasures in life. Well, that and sex. God, he could use a good fuck after all of this crap. 

“You makin’ that one of the conditions of our deal?” John asked, getting up so he could follow the spirit into the tower. 

“Indeed. I have a few. While I am aware that you are amenable to them all, I cannot just skip through this conversation, as dull as it is.” Creepy. Totally not ominous at all. 

“In return for voiding your other contracts and becoming your Patron, you will need to nurture a ghost core inside yourself until it emerges, then raise the being until it is independent. Yes, there are others I could have asked. Of the available options, you are the best. Surprisingly.” John closed his mouth with a click. Damn time spirit, knowing what he was going to ask. 

“During the time you are housing the core, you must not partake in alcohol, illicit drugs, and cigarettes. If you do, the deal is immediately broken. To… assist in your recovery process, I am willing to give you some minor time abilities to allow yourself to speed through the withdrawal.” 

“That’s mighty kind of you,” John said slowly, halting at the top of the stairs. Kronos continued into the center room of the clocktower, the gears shifting and moving around them. “Doesn’t seem like this is on par to voiding my other contracts. This benefits me a lot more than it benefits you.” 

“From your view, yes. Consider my previous words. I have looked into the future, looking for good candidates to house this core. As I have stated, you are the best option. Such a thing must be taken on willingly. Magic, after all, is about belief and intent. Though there is a contract, you will still be a willing host and that is necessary for this core to develop properly. I assure you. This bargain is more than fair. In the end, we will both get what we want. That is the hallmark of a good deal.” 

Kronos told him softly, wistfully looking at the screen where a white haired boy in a black and white jumpsuit froze a giant plant being. In fact, most of the screens had images of the white haired boy. Whoever the kid was, John felt bad for them. To have the full attention of the embodiment of Time? The kid was fucking doomed. “‘Ight. Get it in writing for me to review before I sign. I want to see the terms, word for word!” 

Ugh. 

It was creepy to see such a powerful being smile at him like that. Sent shivers up his spine. John took his time reviewing the parchment he was given. Surprisingly, it was straight forward as hell and didn’t contain any extra loopholes and shit. Whoever was in that core was important. 

He hoped he wasn’t unintentionally making a massive mistake. 

It should only be what, a year and a half? About a year for the core to form and then a few months for the thing to grow big enough to fly off in to the Infinite Realms, hopefully to never be seen again by him. 

After the signature, it was time for the core to be inserted into John. 

Kronos had held the beautiful little diamond shaped core so delicately in his hands. Swirls of dark purple and black, interwoven with a vibrant blue and deathly green escaped from cracks and holes along the core. It was incredibly beautiful, and it was going inside him. Now… John had been inside people and had people inside him before. 

Sexually. 

This was… just as intimate, but different. 

John had only briefly felt his own soul, and he usually only felt it when he was making a deal. He could tell though, that the core was nestled right next to it in his chest. He gasped and jerked slightly, sensitive and vulnerable as Kronos’s fingers brushed against John’s soul. 

“I’m just adding some of my power to your soul. That will give you some power over time and allow you to call upon my strength, should you need it. Do call me Clockwork, from now on. I am your Patron. Kronos is only a name that those who do not know me elect to use. You are different now.” Those red eyes bored into him, Kronos’s - no, Clockwork’s words heavy and full of meaning. This was weird. And uncomfortable. Time to split!

“Right. Um. I’ve got a copy of the contract. I’m hosting the little ghostie. Time to go?” Clockwork made a portal, gesturing for him to go through it, eyes trained on him. 

“Yes. Time to go. Remember, no cigarettes, no alcohol, and no drugs. I will be watching.” 

👻🦇👻

Three months, two weeks, and one day.

That’s 107 days.

One hundred and seven whole pissing days since John Constantine—the John Constantine—has had a cigarette. Has had a drink. Has had any source of caffeine other than the measly little cups of piss-weak green tea he has in the morning in an attempt to calm the overwhelming nausea he’s been feeling lately. Sure, his new patron said he’d negate the withdrawal aspects of quitting, but he’s still having to rush to the loo every five minutes after waking up until he’s fully emptied his stomach because apparently the gods hate him. Which, to be fair, is old news.

You’d think that, by now, he’d be used to it. You’d think that, by now, it would be easier. You’d think that, by fucking now, he’d be over the loss. 

But, no. It’s been 107 days and he’s still reaching into his coat pocket for a packet of those delicious Silk Cuts—and when he remembers he can’t have one, he sighs and reaches into another pocket for his flask and then he realises that actually, no, he can’t have that either. Because of this stupid core in his stupid fucking body, he’s had to resort to refilling all of his flasks with holy water instead of that sweet, sweet nectar (except for that one he had enchanted so that even bottom shelf shit would taste like a Talisker the same age as him, he’s not that much of a masochist. That’s locked up securely in the House).

It wouldn’t be so bad, honestly, if he wasn’t surrounded by the world’s mightiest fucking idiots the whole time.

Take right now, for instance.

In return for all contracts he has made regarding his soul being voided, and for Kronos himself to be John's Patron, he has to take a ghost core into himself and nurture it until it's independent.

Easy.

Infinite Realms beings are fiercely independent, and he estimates that one year of hosting and three months of looking after is nothing compared to the headache that he was going to have to go through to get those contracts voided.

The Spirit of Kronos assures him that this task will be on par, and that the payment for doing this is actually equal. He'll have to be sober, not a single drop of liquor or booze, not a single cigarette, for the entire duration.

Which. Okay, yeah, that sounds a little difficult.

So John accepts, expecting this to be kinda hard. But it's not.

The Core he houses is barely noticeable. Barely there. It takes a lot of magic, and eats a lot of ecto, and he's starting to realize that this core may have been severely damaged. This may be more than a year of hosting.

Then it starts to effect him.

He gets cravings, he's a little more emotional due to Realms Spirits being based on emotions, he sleeps more because of the little core leeching off of his magic reserves.

Other heroes start to notice.

He starts getting left out of missions, JLD and JL both checking in on him periodically. They don't know, but they know something is up.

Then he feels it one and a half years after accepting the deal; the tiny core is finally ready to come into the world. Soon, so soon, he'll be able to drink and smoke again, worry free.

The tiny ghost materializes in front of him - and John lunges forward to catch it before it falls to the floor.

Because that's not a ghost.

That's a human baby.

A green sticky note pops onto the kids forehead, and John realizes he may have just been bamboozled.

'His name is Daniel, and the deal stands until he is legally able to be independent per American Law. I look forward to our partnership.

In return for all contracts he has made regarding his soul being voided, and for Kronos himself to be John's Patron, he has to take a ghost core into himself and nurture it until it's independent.

Easy.

Infinite Realms beings are fiercely independent, and he estimates that one year of hosting and three months of looking after is nothing compared to the headache that he was going to have to go through to get those contracts voided.

The Spirit of Kronos assures him that this task will be on par, and that the payment for doing this is actually equal. He'll have to be sober, not a single drop of liquor or booze, not a single cigarette, for the entire duration.

Which. Okay, yeah, that sounds a little difficult.

So John accepts, expecting this to be kinda hard. But it's not.

The Core he houses is barely noticeable. Barely there. It takes a lot of magic, and eats a lot of ecto, and he's starting to realize that this core may have been severely damaged. This may be more than a year of hosting.

Then it starts to effect him.

He gets cravings, he's a little more emotional due to Realms Spirits being based on emotions, he sleeps more because of the little core leeching off of his magic reserves.

Other heroes start to notice.

He starts getting left out of missions, JLD and JL both checking in on him periodically. They don't know, but they know something is up.

Then he feels it one and a half years after accepting the deal; the tiny core is finally ready to come into the world. Soon, so soon, he'll be able to drink and smoke again, worry free.

The tiny ghost materializes in front of him - and John lunges forward to catch it before it falls to the floor.

Because that's not a ghost.

That's a human baby.

A green sticky note pops onto the kids forehead, and John realizes he may have just been bamboozled.

'His name is Daniel, and the deal stands until he is legally able to be independent per American Law. I look forward to our partnership.

Not good. 

So he was off to make another deal. This one… it should be his last. Kronos was a right old bastard, indifferent and cruel due to him being the embodiment of Time itself. There were some rumors though that the mad Titan did have a few things he enjoyed. One of them being fucking others over and laughing at their predicament. The only thing Constantine could offer (that he wouldn’t regret) was being able to lord it over the others that HE held John Constantine’s soul, and no other did. Not until Death itself claimed him. That should take a long, long time with the Spirit of Time as his Patron. 

Fuck. 

Kronos HAD to know he was coming. He was probably laughing up in his Tower, watching the human struggle to reach him. Constantine grunted as he fell, gravel skittering around him. No, hold it in. He can’t curse at the being he’s about to go try and make a deal with. He continued the trek, feet catching at times on the slick black stone. As long as he didn’t fall off into the abyss below, he was fine. 

He was totally fine. 

WHO THE FUCK DECIDED TO PUT THE DOOR HALFWAY UP THE SIDE OF THE TOWER

ASSHATS, THAT’S WHO

When he finally reached the door, he collapsed outside it, his back against the door. Damn, he needed a drink and a smoke before he continued on this fucking scheme. John got as far as lighting the cigarette before it was taken away by a purple hand. John was pissed. He turned to rip them to shred, only to stop as he saw Kronos before him, an amused smile on the bastard’s face. That didn’t explain why the clock man had taken his cigarette. 

“Now, now, no cigarettes. Or alcohol. In fact, you’ll need to be completely sober, if you want to make a deal with me.” Kronos took the lit cigarette with him back into the tower, phasing right through the door.

Figures the bastard already knew why he was here, and that he was sadistic enough to take away some of Constantine’s few pleasures in life. Well, that and sex. God, he could use a good fuck after all of this crap. 

“You makin’ that one of the conditions of our deal?” John asked, getting up so he could follow the spirit into the tower. 

“Indeed. I have a few. While I am aware that you are amenable to them all, I cannot just skip through this conversation, as dull as it is.” Creepy. Totally not ominous at all. 

“In return for voiding your other contracts and becoming your Patron, you will need to nurture a ghost core inside yourself until it emerges, then raise the being until it is independent. Yes, there are others I could have asked. Of the available options, you are the best. Surprisingly.” John closed his mouth with a click. Damn time spirit, knowing what he was going to ask. 

“During the time you are housing the core, you must not partake in alcohol, illicit drugs, and cigarettes. If you do, the deal is immediately broken. To… assist in your recovery process, I am willing to give you some minor time abilities to allow yourself to speed through the withdrawal.” 

“That’s mighty kind of you,” John said slowly, halting at the top of the stairs. Kronos continued into the center room of the clocktower, the gears shifting and moving around them. “Doesn’t seem like this is on par to voiding my other contracts. This benefits me a lot more than it benefits you.” 

“From your view, yes. Consider my previous words. I have looked into the future, looking for good candidates to house this core. As I have stated, you are the best option. Such a thing must be taken on willingly. Magic, after all, is about belief and intent. Though there is a contract, you will still be a willing host and that is necessary for this core to develop properly. I assure you. This bargain is more than fair. In the end, we will both get what we want. That is the hallmark of a good deal.” 

Kronos told him softly, wistfully looking at the screen where a white haired boy in a black and white jumpsuit froze a giant plant being. In fact, most of the screens had images of the white haired boy. Whoever the kid was, John felt bad for them. To have the full attention of the embodiment of Time? The kid was fucking doomed. “‘Ight. Get it in writing for me to review before I sign. I want to see the terms, word for word!” 

Ugh. 

It was creepy to see such a powerful being smile at him like that. Sent shivers up his spine. John took his time reviewing the parchment he was given. Surprisingly, it was straight forward as hell and didn’t contain any extra loopholes and shit. Whoever was in that core was important. 

He hoped he wasn’t unintentionally making a massive mistake. 

It should only be what, a year and a half? About a year for the core to form and then a few months for the thing to grow big enough to fly off in to the Infinite Realms, hopefully to never be seen again by him. 

After the signature, it was time for the core to be inserted into John. 

Kronos had held the beautiful little diamond shaped core so delicately in his hands. Swirls of dark purple and black, interwoven with a vibrant blue and deathly green escaped from cracks and holes along the core. It was incredibly beautiful, and it was going inside him. Now… John had been inside people and had people inside him before. 

Sexually. 

This was… just as intimate, but different. 

John had only briefly felt his own soul, and he usually only felt it when he was making a deal. He could tell though, that the core was nestled right next to it in his chest. He gasped and jerked slightly, sensitive and vulnerable as Kronos’s fingers brushed against John’s soul. 

“I’m just adding some of my power to your soul. That will give you some power over time and allow you to call upon my strength, should you need it. Do call me Clockwork, from now on. I am your Patron. Kronos is only a name that those who do not know me elect to use. You are different now.” Those red eyes bored into him, Kronos’s - no, Clockwork’s words heavy and full of meaning. This was weird. And uncomfortable. Time to split!

“Right. Um. I’ve got a copy of the contract. I’m hosting the little ghostie. Time to go?” Clockwork made a portal, gesturing for him to go through it, eyes trained on him. 

“Yes. Time to go. Remember, no cigarettes, no alcohol, and no drugs. I will be watching.” 

In return for all contracts he has made regarding his soul being voided, and for Kronos himself to be John's Patron, he has to take a ghost core into himself and nurture it until it's independent.

Easy.

Infinite Realms beings are fiercely independent, and he estimates that one year of hosting and three months of looking after is nothing compared to the headache that he was going to have to go through to get those contracts voided.

The Spirit of Kronos assures him that this task will be on par, and that the payment for doing this is actually equal. He'll have to be sober, not a single drop of liquor or booze, not a single cigarette, for the entire duration.

Which. Okay, yeah, that sounds a little difficult.

So John accepts, expecting this to be kinda hard. But it's not.

The Core he houses is barely noticeable. Barely there. It takes a lot of magic, and eats a lot of ecto, and he's starting to realize that this core may have been severely damaged. This may be more than a year of hosting.

Then it starts to effect him.

He gets cravings, he's a little more emotional due to Realms Spirits being based on emotions, he sleeps more because of the little core leeching off of his magic reserves.

Other heroes start to notice.

He starts getting left out of missions, JLD and JL both checking in on him periodically. They don't know, but they know something is up.

Then he feels it one and a half years after accepting the deal; the tiny core is finally ready to come into the world. Soon, so soon, he'll be able to drink and smoke again, worry free.

The tiny ghost materializes in front of him - and John lunges forward to catch it before it falls to the floor.

Because that's not a ghost.

That's a human baby.

A green sticky note pops onto the kids forehead, and John realizes he may have just been bamboozled.

'His name is Daniel, and the deal stands until he is legally able to be independent per American Law. I look forward to our partnership.

Like,. the rest of the league looks back at the past year- constantine stop drinking and smoking, and his extra tiredness, and now the new born baby and assume he was pregnant.

"we'll support you don't worry"

Wonder Woman nods in agreement.

John now has to figure out to to tell this demigodess about how he made a deal with her Grandpa who ate all her uncles and aunts. And how this kid absolutely related in some way to that dead titan.

And fuck does the kid look like him. Was that a consequence of carrying him? And it’s only going to make them assume he had a kid with the ghost of Kronos.

Needless to say he needs to find a babysitter since yesterday so he can go drink enough to kill a horse.

Most people’s response to a child stalking them would be to call the kids parents, not to adopt the kid.

Most people wouldn’t adopt their kids ex-girlfriend. Most people wouldn’t adopt a child assassin. Most people aren’t Batman.

And the thing is that despite the fact that Batman’s family is a mess (his children have actually attempted to murder each other), Batman still has an instinct to collect as many traumatized chaos children as possible, and set them loose on the streets of Gotham.

Constantine can tell from the disapproving glare: Batsy is judging all of Constantine’s life choices right now.

Sure, most people wouldn’t be communicating with Axgarog The Infernal Demon of Bloodlust and Also Regular Lust with a baby in a playpen behind him but Constantine doesn’t have time to find a babysitter. Duty calls, and he has a fucking job.

Axgarog is being a right bastard, threatening to eat the souls of everyone living in Rhode Island, and a tiny voice in the back of Constantine’s head is saying that maybe the battlefield on the border to hell might be a bad place for an infant.

So for once, he’s actually looking Batman in the eye and thinking it over.

“Constantine” the bat grunts out “what are your plans for Daniel?”

“Gonna bring him with me, luv, I got one of those backpacks that lets you strap the kid to your back, works like a charm” Constantine deadpans because fucking with Batman is one of his joys in life.

Batman stares at him, probably trying to decide if Constantine has completely lost it and is about to take an infant on the worst backpacking trip of all time, or if Good Ole Johnny is just fucking with him again.

Constantine knows what the bat wants. It’s probably a bad idea- he certainly doesn’t want the baby dressed up like a traffic light and thrown in front of criminals.

“I’ll have to find someone to watch him for a few days.” Batman’s stare grows more intense somehow. “I’ll see if that Lantern Bloke is busy, kid loves space, you know.”

Constantine drinks in Batsy’s expression of disgust, shock, and dissapointment like a fine wine. To most people it would just look like a slightly furrowed grimace, but Constantine is a connoisseur of fucking with Batman.

five and one fic?????

John: Be a good boy for your niece, Danny! Mama is gonna go get fuckin sloshed.