swan song ~

“Oh, your hair is so pretty!”

This person was quite... large and muscular. Intimidating, really, especially for Sayaka who was quite petite. But she wasn’t fearful at all and it certainly did not show in her bright grin. She has good intuition, remember? He isn’t scary.

☆ . no? 

no?

he stood here before her, someone who took the respect he had for her and used it to her advantage, with the intent to kill him, apologizing, and she wants to say he doesn’t mean it? how could she even dare think something like that after it was her fault that he did what he did? it was almost like a switch, the way his thoughts soured and turned tables. it was no longer him feeling bad for himself, but anger towards her. it was what he was bouncing back and forth between and it finally landed. at least for now, while his temper, his biggest fault, got the best of him. 

he took a step forward, eyes narrowing as a hand clutches at his chest tightly, knuckles turning white. “you really have the fuckin’ audacity to say that to me?! i never wanted to kill you! you should fuckin’ know that better than anyone, since ya’ used that to yer damn advantage, didn’t ya’?!” as blazing eyes glared down at her, he registered in a brief moment the fear on her face. a look in her eyes so familiar that he ceased his actions immediately. his temper was what got him into this mess, wasn’t it? his anger, his hurt, fueled him to do such an undeniably terrible thing. he could never forgive himself for it. that’s why it hurt to hear that he’d do again. his grasp on his own shirt loosening, he bit down on his lower lip to prevent it from quivering any. “i never wanted to kill you.” he repeated, this time in a coarse whisper.

The drastic change in his demeanor makes the air dense, her throat & her chest, feel so very tight. If her panic was bad before, it just became so much worse.

Her shoulders tense up, her feet press firmer against the ground, as he takes that step forward. A step forward that makes the blood flowing in her body run cold. No, no, I don’t want to die, not again--

In her panic she (attempts to) covers her face with her hands, as if that would protect her somehow. She does have her wooden knife in her pocket (and it might not even be all that helpful anyway) but she makes no attempt to grab it. She’s just... afraid. She really doesn’t know Leon at all, anything about him other than he’s a fan of music.... was a fan of her.

...yeah. It was just like he said. She used that to her advantage. Leon was the easy target, right? Easy to lure out, easy to use, easy to not be scared of. But it turned out like this. She knows that. She understands what he’s saying, and his harsh, loud voice is making her nervous but it’s so true.

“That’s wrong... you’re wrong, just wrong...!”

She stands still, but not like a statue. Trembles are evident throughout her figure. That only ceases when his whispers register. She finally removes her hands from her face and looks directly at him. Her eyes are twitching. Holding back tears? Yes, she is, but she herself doesn’t even realize it.

She’s silent for some time. Leon, how sincere is he being? This... this doesn’t seem fake.

“...Kuwata-kun... why did you go to my room? You -- you couldn’t have trusted me.”

☆ . the more he stared at her in silence, the more he could convince himself that this wasn’t really happening. that it was just someone who looked like her. yet, that meant ignoring his name that fell from soft lips that told nothing but lies to him that day. his brain kept whirring with thoughts of blame, bouncing back and forth on who it should fall on. he hated himself every day because of what he did. how can he say any of this is her fault when ultimately he was the one who stabbed her? the one who ended her life was him. and in punishment, he ended his own. every time he closed his eyes, he relived every second of it. it never went away. no matter how hard he tried, he could never get a sound sleep. it was what he deserved after what he did. yet, he didn’t mean it… he didn’t want to hurt her… he had to. he had to. He had to. 

the more his stomach churned, the more compelled he felt to lose the contents of it right here. he could feel everything all over again. the adrenaline when she first came at him, the crack of her wrist against the fake blade, the way the knife sunk into her body– he nearly gagged at the thought alone. then came the ghost pain of where all the scars lied beneath makeup. around his neck, his hips, anywhere those chains grabbed him and dragged him away by. everything hurt. he couldn’t even silence his mind long enough to think of what to say. it was all just static– gibberish. yet, somehow, his mouth moved, voice hoarse but quiet. and once again, all he could utter was a singular word. one that held so much heavier of a meaning then he could even portray. it was such a loaded word, dripping with deep rooted hurt.

“’m sorry…”

Sorry?

Despite losing herself in her own mind, trying to convince herself this was just a dream -- a nightmare -- she heard that very clearly. Leon Kuwata, the person she betrayed (was she even going to fully admit that to herself?) and the person who was her murderer.

There’s no way, but she heard him. He looked broken, truly someone who felt regret, guilt -- all of these negative feelings melded into one. But could she believe him? She was torn between the one in front of her and the one from her last memories.

The teary-eyed man before her or the murderer who hunted her down.

“No...”

It just wouldn’t stop replaying over and over. Her wrist breaking just like that, the unbearable feeling of being stabbed, the impending doom that washed over her as she attempted to close herself off in the bathroom.

Fear. She stepped back some more, only stopping once her back hit the wall of some building.

“No, no... no! Don’t try and trick me! You’re here to kill me again, aren’t you? I know that’s what you want!”

“Hmm, I just can’t choose...”

The blue haired girl hums to herself, staring at a shelf of assorted sweets. She decided to treat herself to something (even though she’s trying to save her money, but hush) so she came to this dessert shop. But now that she’s here, she’s not sure what she feels like! She turns to the woman beside her, hoping to get some input.

☆ . blue. a cobalt blue that instantly could bring an onslaught of memories. a color he could only associate to one thing– one person. whether it was her or not, it would’ve been what popped into his mind. was it a good thing that she was what appeared before him? or was it a terrible thing? he almost felt like it was unreal for him to be bumping into her right now. was fate trying to play some funny trick on him? he has a fair amount of classmates in this city, but one he didn’t ever prepare himself to see would be her. 

“maizono-chan…” 

crystal eyes could only stare. the proximity they were standing in was far closer than he would’ve wanted, but it didn’t seem like either of their bodies planned on moving. what was she doing here? why did his chest feel so heavy all of a sudden? why can’t he decipher whether these feelings were relief or anguish? why can’t he tell if he was happy or angry? it hurt. all of it hurt to a numbing degree. what was he meant to do? say? last thing he knew of before he showed up here was that his life ended for his actions. actions that he didn’t want to do. actions he never wanted to do. but actions he let get the better of him. actions that caused his death. was it his fault or was it hers? he never wanted to hurt her. he never wanted to kill her. he had to. it was only self defense. he had to. 

he finally managed a step backwards. against his will, tears began to well up in widened eyes and he wanted to curse himself for it. why is he crying? what was he meant to feel? too much didn’t make sense to him still. one thing was clear though, and had been since that moment: she never cared about him. 

“wh…why?” 

it was all he could utter out, the lump in his throat making him sick to his stomach. why?

She wasn’t prepared for any of this, least of all hearing his voice. That voice which haunted her, the last thing she’d ever hear... no, stop. She had to stop thinking about it. She had to confront what was in front of her or else she’d just lose it.

Trembling legs stood in place. Her thoughts screamed at her to just run, get away from here, forget you ever saw him in the first place -- but she didn’t listen to herself. Her blue eyes stared into his own lighter shade. Wide, not even twitching. Was she even really looking at him? Or something else...

Her mind traveled back to that cruel moment. Her own cruel, deceiving plan ended her life, ended his. He killed her. She killed him. He killed her. That thought made her heart pound. As if the life was absorbed back into her, she winced and held onto herself, ready to turn, possibly get the feeling back in her legs and move.

But... but were those tears in his eyes? No, why would that be -- he cornered her, he landed that final blow to her --

“Why...?”

How could he ask such a thing? What did he mean? Why did things turn out the way they did? She just couldn’t decipher the meaning behind his words, behind his eyes. Asking such a simple yet loaded question to the woman who tricked you -- to the woman who isn’t even sure why she hasn’t run away.

“Why are you here? Why did I have to... to...” she moves back, slightly, shaking her head. “...I’m dreaming.”

Adapting was easy, but Sayaka never liked doing it. She got used to being lonely as a child, sitting in front of the TV screen, day in day out... and she quickly got accustomed to the harsh realities of idol life. 

She could have gotten used to life in Hope’s Peak during the killing game. But she didn’t want to. And here now, in some other unfamiliar setting, she could get used to it -- but she still didn’t want that. This place might not have been a school of killing, but it was still frightening, concerning -- and most of all, she was away from her idol friends.

Sayaka walked around the various districts of Spirale, casually investigating anything odd or out of place, figuring maybe it was some clue of how to leave. And in her searching around, she bumps right into someone. She grabs onto her forehead and steps back ready to apologize. But before she does so, she looks and...

A flash of red hair. Red. Red makes her think of... No way -- 

Yes, him. She saw him directly in front of her, the one she just had to bump into. Why? Why was he here? Why is he here, near her?

“Ku... wata...kun...”