a love like war

date arrived in bayview: August 29, 2019

area(s) lived in: downtown historical district

relationship history & status: Upon moving to Bayview Richard was very much still figuring himself out since accepting he was pansexual. After a few dates with men he started sleeping with a local woman in town before she fell pregnant. Children weren’t something she wanted so she handed over rights to his daughter the moment she was born. A year later he started casually seeing long time friend Gemma, often getting comments how perfect they were together. A friendship blossomed into feelings and they were still testing the waters as of the summer of 2021. 

family: one daughter, Finley Cate born March 15th, 2020. 

career 10 years ago: actor, podcast producer

THE NOW:

date left bayview: Winter 2023

past residence: London, England.

current residence: London, England.

relationship status: Married to Gemma Chan

family: Finley Cate ( now 11 ), Flora Mei born 12/26/2022 ( yes to the bane of his existence she was born on Kit’s birthday and he’s never let him live it down since ) and Ewan Qui born 09.12.2024

current career: Richard still acts but he has transitioned to more behind the scenes projects. Also helps his wife with her humanitarian projects whenever he can. 

FUN STUFF:

favorite location in bayview: The Rusty Wheel.

favorite food spot in bayview: The Scuttling Crab

favorite drink (alcoholic or non-alcoholic!) spot in bayview: The Rusty Wheel.

favorite event or party: New Years Eve Celebration

best memory in bayview: When Finley was born, while it might not have been an easy time or transition for a lot of reasons, he wouldn’t have changed it. If it hadn’t been for the little girl gracing his life he might not have ever realized he wanted to be a father. 

favorite project involved in: N/A

favorite sport played: N/A

favorite trip taken: Montana because it made him have a new appreciation for the outdoors, even if it was on the luxury side of things.

It would be a bit strange for us to be that stagnant and never feel like we were moving on or changing how we view the world around us, wouldn’t it? That’s not something I want for myself. I think that the things that do change need to change, one way or another. Oh yeah, take advantage, enjoy it now. Because once those days are gone, you’re not going to get them back, no matter how much you might try. But you do, you might as well not give yourself any wrinkles over it just yet, since it’s not like worrying will actually change anything, right? I was going to say, it’s all that Scottish air, polluting their brains… or making them smarter. I survived it, does that count? I’m kidding, we had a good time! Did you?

It would. It’s essentially how we grow by continuing to see the world as we get older. Would be pretty awful to not. Sometimes it helps us realize the things we need to change in ourselves more than others even. Good to know but I’m definitely soaking up this age. Where she can do a bit more but it isn’t to the stage of her talking back or wanting to already ditch me as being the uncool dad! True no need making the wrinkles pop up any sooner. Or at least any new wrinkles. Surviving does count! You did better than I did. At least you stayed I popped over to let her have some time around the bonfire then went back to our place to enjoy the air conditioning. 

I’m still highly amused at this development. Okay, that’s true, but hey, you could still say that rocks are cool, because there are so many. And maybe later on, get her a geode kit? Nice! But I totally get you there. Toddlers and no electricity or running water is a bit of a challenge. Also, bugs. But I’m glad you guys still got to join in on the fun! Will I be seeing you later today at the pool? Do I get to serenade you again?

Rocks can definitely be cool and if it makes her happy at the end of the day then that’s cool. After all we want our kids to be happy even if it’s collecting aimlessly. Geode kit would be a good idea when she gets a bit older, if she still likes them by then. They are and not going to even lie and say I love that because I wasn’t really looking forward to no electricity myself. Anytime you want to serenade me we can make it happen. Least I can do. 

Maybe a little bit of both? I’m sure that our age makes us see situations as a lot more cringey that maybe before, we didn’t notice? Funny how that sort of thing works out, isn’t it? It really is, I think some of those pressures never go away or change, no matter how old we get and how much we grow. Enjoy it, mate! Eventually she’s going to be anything but care free. But she won’t stop running around and making you chase her all over the world. That’s very true and ugh, yes, my mother said the same to me all too often. So I’m glad to know that we grew up hearing the same thing! I am, Gaelyn is with me, so we decided to go out and make the most of it together. We’ll see how sleeping goes.

Could be a potential mix of both. We definitely grow and see things differently as we age. Look back on things we do or said and realize that wasn’t a good thing. There’s definitely always going to be pressures that we have on out, especially being in the public eye. Some things are never going to change but I like to think some things do. The carefree age is nice, I will say, but of course I can say that since I haven’t seen the other side of things so I’ll enjoy it a little longer. I figure I have a good couple of years before I start worrying. As long as she knows I’m going to chase her all over, that’s all that matters. Our mothers must have the same mind, which doesn’t really surprise me in a lot of ways! How did camping go for ya? 

We’ll get a Paco’s date in before we head out. It’ll be my treat, too. Hm, I’m leaning more toward tagging along in the beginning, then probably randomly go to some other shows. I’d love to be their groupie at every show, but I’ll give them some space at times. Know that they might get annoyed with me being there every time. I can be a lot as you may know. Camping and babies just don’t mix well. Unless the kid is a little older! I don’t think so. I’d love to go, but Willa would wake everyone up with her random cries. We could have a movie night and order Postmates. I’m sure Joe won’t mind the company either. Where does the time go? I feel like Finley just arrived yesterday. Growing bigger by the day, and definitely looking more like Joe every day.

Sounds like a good plan, get out there and kind of adjust to that before figuring when to go back and forth. I’m sure Joe will fly out too and come home so you won’t always be traveling with a baby alone, since I know how stressful that can be. Feel like camping is strictly one of those like five and older or something. At least that’s where I’m kind of figuring it might be more plausible. Would love to do a movie night, especially if we’re going to let the kids kind of play together. Get together, we’ll bring dinner even. Seems like it but hard to believe she’s been here a year and a half! Gave birth to Joe’s mini? Would have thought she’d be a mini Sophie through and through. 

You’re welcome, buddy! That’s seriously adorable. Well, at least you’ll be all set for a rock garden! Hey, then later on she can tell us all about the rocks in the garden and maybe some decorating tips? I mean, she could end up being a superhero too later on, who knows? Well, both you and Gemma fit that category. We have! They’re still energetic little buggers who are now excited for camping.

We definitely will be at the rate she is obsessed with rocks. Guess there’s worse things she could be fascinated with. Least she’s not coming home with bugs or something. Did they get all the energy out during camping? We stopped by so Finley could roast marshmallows but didn’t end up staying just because she wouldn’t have done well without the power. 

Now that we’re back in town and fully settled in, I figured that we could go to Paco’s and get food one of these days. The guys are starting the tour soon enough, and Willa and I will be tagging along so I’m not sure how my schedule will be. Whenever you’re free, then let me know because I would love to annoy you with my love. How’s life? How’s the little one? 

@maddenhqs​

Aye, I’m always down for catching up with one of my favorites. Especially if we’re talking Paco’s. Are you going to be going along for the whole tour or are you just kicking off the beginning? How’re you feeling about that? Being a full mum on the go, literally! Know we have this camping thing going on but not sure I’m going to head out, no power and Finley makes for a potential disaster. You going? If you’re not we can always enjoy electricity and food while the rest enjoy being back in the stone age! Life’s pretty damn good, can’t complain. Finley’s good too, gonna be a year and a half soon which doesn’t seem possible. How’s your tiny one? Getting big? 

There’s no rules in this game, Richard. It’s never too late to win them over. Look, it ain’t my fault if my kid is cute. Plus I love gushing about him so I’m getting the best of both worlds. What? No! You can’t blame me already, I’m being careful around her. Although not gonna lie, I’m probably going to laugh if I hear her say ‘uck and see your face being all ‘is she swearing or not?’. It’s gonna be my new favorite game, really. Aye, I’d rather be judged by my wife than by the rest of the world, that’s for sure. I think it was easier as he was with my parents because they’re not strangers, you know. So we got to enjoy some time, just Milly and I, and it was really great. But hey, it’s nice to have you back! Just know I’m the one who’s gonna give you judgy looks if you hang around in cowboy boots.

You’re right, if there’s anyone to blame for the cuteness of your kid it’s all on Emilia, I’ll give you that! Though pretty sure it’s normal to gush about your kid, he’s almost three months old now, right? Your new favorite game is making me lose my mind to see if my kid is cursing or not after you teach her how to swear? Cold, mate. Very, very cold. This is why her Team Kit shirt gets hidden. Feel like being judged by a wife is kind of what you sign up for when you get married. That contract that you’re okay with potentially being judged for the rest of your life. Aye, leave my cowboy boots alone, look brilliant in them. Can’t wait to wear them for the rodeo coming up, it’s perfect timing to have them! 

Imagine a large group of attractive men assemble just to cast you out and they say “you’re ugly now” and you are just ugly in the eyes of like…Brad Pitt. That would be really fucked up. Right, lots of rain and all that. I’ve done some filming up there, but the point of the movie in question was to look pretty miserable. Toss them out, let them bob out to sea. We’re back by Bayview, you know, so we can toss anything we like into the ocean now. Just a thought.

Isn’t that all what we inwardly worry, that someone is going to come together to bring all the attractive people of Hollywood together and outcast one of them. We have to make sure to never end up on the other side of that, mate! Guess if you’re trying to make a movie look miserable those kind of conditions to help play a part in it! We could, we are close enough to do that. Not sure our ocean near us would appreciate it but if it’s for a good reason. 

I think what you meant to say is “don’t worry mate, while we were both stupid in  our 20s and your daughter will learn and grow, she won’t do anything bad ever and you can rest easy at night.” I’ll remember that when your own girl is about to hit twenty, alright? But when you’re in your 20s and you get that first big role, it feels like your life has changed, and how lucky for the people like us who have lives that keep on changing. And you’re a pretty good person, when all is said and done, the 20s treated you well. Best mate? Don’t say those words about us out loud, the people can’t know.

Right, right, that is exactly what I meant to say, couldn’t have put it better myself actually. Know just what I’m thinking or should have been thinking! Got a long time to go before she hits twenty Idris! Don’t go rushing her life away -- or mine! It’s a good time, you know, those thriving twenties but I’m quite enjoying my thirties. Which when I was younger never thought was possible! Yes I’m saying it, damn the world and their thoughts. Why can’t other people know! 

Honestly, it feels like half of my life is just made up of moments where I am inwardly cringing, or sometimes even outwardly! You can’t always help that, right? I think so, too, otherwise they go through their lives feeling like they have to be perfect, and we both know how impossible that is. I guess that’s when you just have to remind them that a license to make mistakes is not a license to do wrong things, right? It’s going to be a struggle no matter what, really. That’s very true! And if we have a list of things we can use against them, too, of course. Thanks, mate, really! The thing is, we both know that I would just nod and agree with it.

Does seem to be more and more of those moments, not sure it’s because we’re getting older or people are getting more cringeworthy. That’s the true question! The pressure to be perfect, to fit in, it’s a lot on adults, let alone on the minds of children as they grow up. It’s kind of nice to see Finley at this age where honestly, she’s a little terror on two feet, doesn’t give a damn about anything. Exactly! I like that thinking, it’s along the same line of just because you can, doesn’t mean you should! Something my mum said all the damn time. You going out for the camping this weekend? Not sure how my wee one is going to handle it, the roughing it side of things! 

Ha, okay, good point. Still, claps for you, sir. Aww, that’s cute. Wait… rocks? I can’t help but think how funny that is. Hey, maybe she’ll be a rock enthusiast? Hahaha… get it? Okay, I know, I’m not funny. But. How’s the rock collecting going? It was fun! Maybe next time, then. Now that we’re home we can try to catch up on sleep again.

Much appreciated, mate. Aye, she’s obsessed with rocks, you should see what we had to do to distract her to toss all of them before we came home with a half suitcase full of them. Future geologist in the making, at least one proud dad could hope. Far better than following in my footsteps. Have you managed to settle back in since the trip?

Ha, I knew it! Yes…  yes it was. And I’m proud of you for catching onto my nerdy love. Oh my god, they still haven’t slowed down. It’s… kind of hilarious. We get into a place with lots of trees and they’re like bam, ten times more energy. Aww! Haha, she’s adorable, though, so she’s probably giving you a run for your money too, haha. Kids love this place. That’s my conclusion. We did! A lot of fun and very… bumpy?

How could anyone miss out on a classic, don’t think there’s anyone that wouldn’t notice that! Feel like kids are endless amounts of energy, add in someplace new and they just can’t help themselves. She is giving me a run for my money, she’s collecting endless amounts of rocks right now thinking they’re the best things ever. Seemed like they would make for a bumpy ride, didn’t get to go myself because I had Fins but looked like a really good time. 

Well, gotta keep the other handsome men happy lest they turn on me, right? Plus, handsome recognizes handsome or something like that. That’s so true, and I just think we have to acknowledge that mankind was not made for that kind of weather. Scotland is like…stormy but pretty, right? So I’m sure you get that humidity in the summer that’s no fun at all, and have all the windows open. Damn, let’s just throw out the entire southwest.

You’re right, either make em happy and be friendly, or prepare for the worst. Do believe there is a saying like that, so we’ll go with it. Long as two lads can admit when another dashing man is there, all good. Scotland can be quite stormy but in a tranquil way, it’s much more serene and picturesque... in my opinion. Some humidity but it’s typically manageable, especially when air conditioners aren’t the norm overseas. Aye, I’m with you, let’s just toss them out to sea. Don’t think too many would complain. Plus we’re safe in Montana not like they could do anything to us. 

Now that I have a daughter around that age it’s an interesting way of just showing how young she is even while being an adult, you know? Like she’s an adult, sure, but she’s also a kid in so many ways. And I want her to have her 20s to do what she wants. I did stupid shit back then and I hope she does the same with a buffer. Did you do anything stupid at that age. Of course, take whatever crown you need, because you deserve it. Nah, my ego deserves to be stroked. It’s good, and I’ve been enjoying tormenting Butler, especially.

Think those 20s are the years that are meant to learn who you are, make mistakes, do stupid shit, go a little crazy because once you’re an adult, you’re an adult. Which isn’t a bad thing but like you look back and wish you hadn’t taken your 20s so seriously because everyone expected you to have your whole life figured out. Of course, I did a lot of stupid shit back then, some I regret, some I don’t, but all kind of melded me into the person I am too, which don’t think that’s too bad. Tormenting him, aye? Sounds like a great time, can’t go wrong when tormenting a best mate. Makes for fun sport. 

I’m working on gathering people on my team already. It’s never too soon to start winning their hearts. Oh I see how it is. So the muscles competition is on again? Seven words? Damn, she’s getting too smart of us. Which also means that I have to be careful around her cause I don’t want you to think I’m teaching her bad words. I mean, I’ll probably will someday but not now. Trust me, I know. I get that judgy look at home with Emilia and now I get it at your house, too. Hopefully Archer will remain on our team and won’t follow Milly and Fin’s path. We do! Having the whole town for ourselves was quite weird at first but it’s nice, I have to say. Please don’t tell me you brought cowboy boots, too…

See I think it’s unfair that you’re already attempting to win and sway people to the whole Team Kit. It’s an unfair advantage, and I just know you’re using Baby Archer as a bargaining tool too. I’ve definitely been working on not slipping up on any choice curse words but I have a feeling when she learns duck that it’s going to sound like uck so I’m not going to know if she’s cursing or not -- but note, blame you anyway! We’ve lived our whole lives being judged, at least you’re getting judged by your wife. Not the worst thing in the world! Have you gotten to enjoy? Get any time away from the little guy or still not quite able to step away? Know it was hard for me when it was like that, letting someone else watchin Finley. ... and if I did buy cowboy boots? Then what? 

Oh… you mean that if someone leaves a dinner plate on the floor when you really have to use the bathroom, you don’t refuse to move around it and instead leave a puddle on the floor? I feel like I’ve been doing my life wrong all along now, damn it. But no, I get you, I like to think we’d have a little more control over our lives, too. Facebook is still a thing, I don’t really use it, but I know some people do, so it exists out there! But yeah, there are no shortage of ways in which people are very boldly putting themselves out there, that’s for sure. There are some pros to being able to be tracked and traced – criminals, for example, can’t get away with things. Or if you’re – god forbid – kidnapped? So I’m with you, there. I think it’s probably a bit of both! Undeniable magic, of course, but there’s also just that excitement that you carry with you when you’re in a new place, right?

Mean logically I want to understand why they believe putting the plate on the floor is the right place in the first place! The Sims, never making sense since the 90s. Trust me, if you’ve been doing things wrong... you still haven’t been. No one wants to have to be around random puddles around the house or... wherever you go. Facebook just always seemed like a ripoff of MySpace from back in the day -- but now I’m wondering if you might have been too young for that stuff. With all the different social media platforms there’s endless ways and combinations for people to boldly and shamelessly put themselves out in the world. It’s definitely good that some things can be tracked, so that criminals can be monitored or you know, caught, but someone trying to make it so that you cannot be tracked... you know it’s going to fall into the wrong hands for the wrong reasons! Always, it’s great having these trips with the town, mainly because I can say I never would have picked Montana as a destination myself but you realize sometimes you have to be a little more open.