Time for a fairly large update, which will just involve writing wildly.
I sat down and talked to both Dale and Nancy about getting the new phone, and they both thought it was a good idea. Dale went to Costco in Oregon to avoid sales tax, and he went through the whole process for me. I got the Samsung Galaxy S7, which is admittedly one of the best phones out of there. Itās quite expensive, but Iām making monthly payments, and I think itās something that I deserve. I was using my exās iPhone 4s for a very long time, and the battery in it was becoming very ineffective. Laggy response times, slow charging, app crashes. I was getting very stressed out from it. Not to mention, I had to rely on WiFi and didnāt have the ability to text or make phone calls.
Moving on from that tid-bit, things at work have changed a little bit. Iām still working at Carlās Jr, and Iām currently contemplating on when I should put in my two weeks notice. This is because I need to leave this job at a point where I can have time to focus on myself. Thereās some things I need to get setup, like new glasses, medical insurance, a dental checkup, financial aid, checking in with a college adviser, etc.
As for Decklyn, she promised to FaceTime me on Monday, and she bailed on me completely. She apologized, saying she got drunk with her family. The thing is, she kept bailing on me, and we got into an argument. I havenāt heard from her for a few days. I plan on messaging her today, after I get some sleep. Not really sure if sheās worth getting all stressed out over.
Iāve been having a lot of nightmares lately, which is very unusual for me. I typically donāt have dreams, since I moved, and Iām wondering if the stress from work is getting to me subconsciously. A lot of my nightmares have had to do with driving, and a few of them about ex girlfriends. Which I think itās weird, because I donāt think about either of those things much at all. Driving doesnāt stress me out, and Iām over my ex girlfriends. I have been waking up often swinging my arms in a certain direction, like Iām pulling the steering wheel out of somethingās way. Itās scary.
Other little tidbits...
Iām proud of how Iāve changed and progressed as a person lately. I donāt give myself credit often enough. When I try to do, I begin doubting if I should be proud of myself yet. Like, thereās still a lot I need to do about myself. Should I be celebrating with small victories? I donāt really know. I think my personality has grown a lot, and Iām seeing the world a lot differently. My appearance and general attitude is changing a lot. Iām getting out there more, and I think itās great to finally feel like IāmĀ āadultingā. Iāve always been held back on moving forward in my life, and finally getting to a point where I feel... normal. Like at 16, under normal circumstances, I couldāve been working and driving a car. Iām just now getting there, but I feel like Iām catching up fast.
Another recent string of thoughts is if I should change my sense of fashion. Right now, I just feel like spotting band t-shirts and shirts of interest (such as Star Wars, Olan Rogers Apparel, WWE, etc) with jackets over the shirts. People have always known me for my spontaneous fashion. In high school, I dressed veryĀ āout thereā andĀ āformalā. I wore vests and dress shirts often, as well spotting bow ties. Then my fashion sense changed to patterned dress shirts. Now I just feel like becoming even more casual, yet maintaining some matter of being formal with nice jackets. Iāll see where it goes. I just imagine dressing in band shirts, a leather jacket (or pea coat or w/e), slim pants and a nice pair of Converse or Vans. I also was trying to branch out to wearing more color, but I think I want to stick with dark colors. Specifically, black, grey and brown.
My hair is also getting very long again, I really dislike how fast my hair grows. When I last went to my hairdresser, I told her I wanted the sides and back of my hair tapered very short. This is because I donāt like how my curls, in those areas, stick out. I donāt mind when the curls on the top of my head do what they want, but anywhere else is a no-no. She did a great job of doing what I asked for, but I think I want to go even shorter. I wasnāt sure if Iād want to shave the sides and back -- doing an undercut. I think itās a huge risk, because Iām not sure how good the haircut would look on me. I like the hairstyle, but Iām not sure if I can pull it off. If I could, then I canāt imagine changing it to anything else. Itās essentially the perfect haircut for my interests. Iāll have to just wing it and try the haircut next time I go.Ā
Also whenever I get home from work, I stay up until like 4:00 AM to as late as even 7:00 AM. I think itās crazy. I need to start going to bed earlier, because waking up in the afternoon and then heading straight to work sucks.