I hate Liz.

You declined having a normal night when you started watching the Jimmy neutron movie on Amazon

😂😂😂😂😂 no words in the English language can describe the hilarity

a friend of mine tried to sell his soul on ebay and the starter price was $10 and people were bidding on it but before anything happened ebay took it down and sent him an email explaining that if he was selling a soul that didn’t actually exist then it was against their policy and if he was selling a real soul then that is a human body part and it is also against their policy 

what happens after kidz bop 68? are they gonna skip a number or just go for it or what

date a boy who hates coleslaw date a boy who never lets coleslaw near you date a boy who will chuck a bowl of coleslaw across the room if someone puts it near you

do u ever send smth in a chat thats not even risqué like “i luv salsa” but no one responds so u start overthinking it like…. maybe one of their parents died making salsa…… maybe they were all just talking abt how they hate salsa……. maybe salsa isnt evn real and they have no idea what im talking abt

You guys care too much about pineapple on pizza discourse

apathy is a form of violence

How do I know I am a millennial? I require no explanation for anything entertaining. I show my folks a funny video of a cockatoo having an argument with a dude jumping on its empty cage, and they’re like, Where did you find this? Why is that happening? I don’t know. I don’t care. It was on the Internet. That’s the only context I can give you.

while i was in cracker barrel i heard a lady tell her kid not to touch any of their biscuits until they got home and the kid just went “not even god could keep me from eating these biscuits” and took one out of the container and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth

when i was younger i had a really bad fear of danny devito when i was going to sleep so my older brother gave me a watch that he set to like 8 hours ahead so that it was always daytime on the watch when i was asleep and he told me it would confuse danny devito and he would think it was daytime and get scared of the sun and leave me alon

Your brother is the best

Who the fuck changed this from vampires to Danny devito

the real question is why I was completely ready to accept that this person had a debilitating childhood fear of Danny Devito

I’ve already reblogged this today but I need to again because they’re /so/ bad

who else thought Martha’s Vineyard was an actual vineyard owned by martha stewart

someone: whats ur ringtone me, who has had their phone on vibrate since 2008: ???

of all the arbitrary differences between america and britain, this one is my favorite