mabel 🍂

you were looking through profiles of sperm donors the hospital gave you, so you invited your friend to help you choose the father of your future child. it felt like it was too important to do it alone.

“i really thought i’d be okay with a stranger, but i can’t do it. what if he’s a horrible person and gives the genes to my kid?”

he chuckled at the crazy scenario before thinking about what you just said. “i’m not sure that i’m up for it, honestly.”

“okay, but can you think about it? we get along really well, and you’d have some sort of legacy.”

“i’ll think about it, but if we do that, i have a condition.”

you furrowed your brows, intrigued to learn what it was.

“i want to be a dad, not a sperm bank.”

“so we would coparent?”

“yes, we could share custody,” he suggested, being a little too obvious about the fact that he’d like it.

you paused for a moment before continuing. “i have an oil change to do on my car monday. you’ll give me a ride to work, and we’ll talk about it.”

he nodded in agreement to your plan. he’d think about if he really wanted a child with someone who wasn’t his deceased wife, and you’d think about if you wanted to coparent.

──୨୧──

jack and you met when you transferred to ptmc after moving to pittsburgh. it was closer to your family, and you needed their support after a long relationship that disgusted you from the dating life forever.

there was a spot for a nighttime attending in pediatrics that waited for you. you felt honored to be chosen, and you took your job very seriously.

one night, you got called to the emergency department. you hated going there in person. it was lacking the colors of your floor, and it looked way too crowded.

however, you had to put your feelings aside and focus on the child who needed urgent help. he thankfully got stabilized after intense minutes of work on him.

you were always feeling down when you had to perform those big surgeries on tiny humans who didn’t ask for any of that. it was probably noticeable because dr abbot came your way to praise your skills. he was wondering who you were.

“are you new?”

“yes, i just moved back here after a long time away. everything changed so much.”

“i know some nice bars if you need a friend to visit the new spots with,” he proposed with a smile. one of his fingers had a wedding band that encouraged you to believe he didn’t mean more than what he said.

“i’d love that,” you accepted, returning the grin he gave you.

since then, jack and you have become good friends. you invited him over when you had a bad shift, and he did the same.

──୨୧──

it was 6 p.m., and instead of finishing your day of work like most people, you were just starting it.

you received a text from your friend, informing you that he’ll arrive soon. you decided to go breath the air of spring and come outside directly. you needed to find a way to distract yourself and calm your stress. you haven't really talked to him since this last conversation about having his kids.

he parked his car in front of you, and you got in. instead of an awkward moment, he directly started talking like he had rehearsed this moment.

“i thought about it a lot, and i want you to carry our child. i always wanted to have kids, and my life feels pretty empty right now; i could use the space with a little one. if you’re still up for it, of course.”

“yes, i looked into it. we would need a lawyer and a lot of conversations about how we organize our coparenting, but i could work. you’re a great friend, and you’d make an even better father.”

“you’ll be a good mother too. i’ll talk to the hospital’s attorney to get a recommendation for a good lawyer.”

“okay, we’ll have to put in the contract that i want the nursery at my place during the first months.”

“your place is it,” he happily agreed.

reveal

you really wanted it to work on the first try, especially knowing that jack insisted on paying for the whole thing.

you tracked your menstrual cycle very closely and got inseminated with his sperm. he was there for every single appointment with professionals. no matter how tired he was, he’d come to support you.

you officially finished the whole process, and you had to take a test. you went to jack’s place to do it after work.

“okay, it says i need to wait two minutes before looking at it,” you said, reading the instructions to make sure you weren’t missing any step.

“so we wait.”

“i’m really scared it won’t work,” you admitted to him in a small voice.

“worst case scenario, we just do it another time. don’t sweat about it. everything will be okay.”

you flinched when the alarm on your phone announced the end of the wait. you turned the test to reveal two lines.

jack immediately hugged you tightly.

you cried tears of joy. you weren’t in a relationship, but you felt like you were supported enough to go through it all.

first trimester

jack didn’t tell anyone about your plan. the only person who knew was robby. he found the plan admirable. maybe that he would’ve loved to have children in another life.

your breast were so sore all the time that you had a hard time wearing a bra. that’s when dana became the second person in the emergency department to know.

“first trimester?” she asked while looking at the paperwork she needed to complete.

“how did you know?”

“enlarged breasts and practically no bump. i had the same with my first, but the second gave me a bump as soon as i got pregnant," she began, remembering the cherished moment. “who’s the lucky guy?”

“it’s jack. we did this thing called iui. we want to coparent together.”

she looked quite surprised at the news but quickly transformed her open mouth into a grin. “well, i’m glad if it works out!”

“what do you mean by that?”

“pregnancy is a long and intimate process. i’m just saying that feelings could get tangled in there.”

“they won't; dating is out of the window for both of us. i’m not putting myself through that ever again.”

“do what your heart feels like, sweetheart,” she smiled, quietly returning to her paperwork.

you nodded and tried to find jack. he called you to know if you could take someone in pediatrics, but something came up, and he hung up before having the chance to present the case.

he was always coming with you to the doctor appointments you planned every week and checked on you over texts once in a while. other than that, he let you space. it’s not like you were dating or anything.

“hey, you came down? i could’ve called you back.”

“well, you weren’t, so i came,” you dryly replied. “sorry, i’ve been told i’m on edge.”

“it’s common; don’t worry about it,” he immediately reassured before logging on to a computer.

it was a 9-year-old girl, with severe asthma exacerbation. they gave her oxygen, albuterol, and prednisone to stabilize her enough, but she’d need to stay in peds one to three days for monitoring, treatments, and iv meds.

while you read, a nurse opened a tupperware with her lunch, and you got nauseous with the strong smell.

“yeah, we’ll take her,” you mumbled while urgently going to the nearest bathroom.

second trimester

the second trimester came with some perks. you could finally discover the gender of the baby, and your nausea stopped.

every single ultrasound was filled with excitement at the possibility of knowing if it was a girl or a boy.

“i hope it’ll show for this one. some can tell at 18 weeks, and i’m at 20. it’s not fair!” you complained while you rested a hand on your bump that started showing.

“the baby wasn’t positioned well,” he reminded you with one arm on the steering wheel as he drove to the hospital.

the ob-gyn greeted you with a smile. you were a little nervous, so jack couldn’t stop touching you. he had his hands on your nearest shoulder while you lay on the chair with your shirt up. they went to your forearm and your hands too when the doctor took a little too much time talking about how normal it is to not know the gender yet.

“today is the day!” the ob-gyn announced with a smile on her face.

jack looked at the screen with furrowed brows. your face lit up when you saw it. “it’s a girl!” you exclaimed with joy.

he hugged you tightly while peppering kisses on the top of your head.

“we’re having a girl,” he whispered to you with the biggest grin he could physically make.

you left the department together and went to the peds to see your coworkers and friends to tell them the good news. the father of your baby girl stayed behind with a smile plastered on his face. for the biggest flirt of the hospital, jack wasn’t looking at your coworkers much. he mostly looked at you while the girls of your department jumped in excitement.

“oh my god, she will be so cute!” one said while two others were touching your belly.

“i know!” you responded and reached out for jack’s hand to get him closer. “i’m really hungry, so we will go, but thank you for being here.”

they all agreed to let you go and you went to the pitt in the elevator.

“i need a cheeseburger,” you thought out loud with a hand rubbing your belly.

“i’ll get it for you. do you want to go to a restaurant?”

“yes, but i want to go see dana and robby first.”

“don’t overwork yourself, mama. do you feel like seeing them?”

“yes, i want to. we’re having a little girl!”

as the doors of the elevator opened, you both noticed that the er was almost empty.

“what happened?” you asked in surprise at the rare sight.

“i have no idea; it’s either a good or a bad sign.”

dana saw the two of you and yelled at robby to come. the two men dapped up while the nurse leaned on the wall.

“so… do you have good news?”

“we’re having a baby girl!” you happily cheered.

“that’s amazing!” robby said before looking at his friend, who only had you and the baby in his vision.

jack concluded the conversation quickly to get you the cheeseburger you were craving.

he stopped at a fast food place you liked, and you let out a yawn. “can you go in the drive-through? i’m tired.”

“no problemo!” he answered like it was the last of his worries.

he ordered what you wanted and parked in the parking lot for the two of you to eat comfortably.

“so, how is the second trimester treating you?” he wondered after swallowing a bite of burger.

“i’m living my best life. the bump is cute, i don’t get nauseous anymore, and i get horny all of the time.”

he froze at the last part but gathered himself in no time. “well, it’s a common symptom…”

“makes you understand why it’s a thing you do as a couple. i literally cried myself to sleep last night because of how lonely i felt.”

“you feel lonely?”

“yeah, my feelings are all over the place. that’s an annoying part.”

“they’re heightened, not different,” he said before taking fries from his meal. “call me if you need someone. i’m always there, you know?”

third trimester

the final weeks before giving birth were the worst. you were feeling enormous, you were exhausted all the time, and everything was hurting.

jack tried to be more present by texting more, but he was afraid of being overbearing. he never imagined having his first child with someone he wasn’t dating. there was no textbook on how to behave with a friend who was also carrying the daughter he had dearly wanted.

from time to time, he’d come to your place after a shift to help you out with anything you needed.

tonight, he could feel you weren’t feeling well at the hospital, so he invited himself to your place by pretending that he had more decorations to do in the nursery.

you accepted, too exhausted to refuse free labor from him. you could take a nice shower while he prepares a good meal like he usually does.

you got out of the steamy bathroom in your pastel pajama set to eat, but jack’s gaze lowered on your breast. you immediately knew what it meant, and you whined.

“i’ll get you another shirt.”

he headed off right away while you whined. he continued talking from your bedroom as he looked through your drawer to find something new for you. “the hot shower might have stimulated the fluid to leak. is there blood?” he asked with a new pajama shirt in hand.

you stretched out your top’s collar to check the milk leaking out. “nothing bloody, doctor,” you announced before taking the shirt he held. “you know you’ll have to bring some clothes over so you can stay with me when she’s a newborn.”

he nodded, and you simply turned around to change. it’s been a long day; he probably saw many naked women in his life, and you were very close to crashing out over all the discomfort your body was experiencing. once you were completely topless, you felt his gaze piercing through you. even if you focused on the task at hand, it made you feel good in a way to be looked at like this when you felt like a whale.

you looked behind to confirm what you thought. his eyes were on your back.

“why are you staring?” you asked with your new pajama shirt on.

“i can’t look at the woman carrying my baby? harsh, mama,” he teased while fidgeting with his ring.

“you weren’t looking; you were staring. it’s different.”

“you have a nice back,” he finally admitted before placing his hands behind him and straightening his back slightly.

you probably shouldn’t have noticed that, but you saw him assume the same position he just made when he was ordering risky procedures in the er. it was a pose that gave him a certain confidence, maybe.

“shut up, i feel like i’m a whale,” you corrected, showing your swollen hands.

“you’re not; you're beautiful, okay?”

you paused at the compliment. it was known that jack was a flirt. you should’ve joked it off with a quick remark, but you were too stunned to think of one. that’s when you realized that you didn’t need one. he wasn’t trying to make you laugh or even flirt. he just told you because he felt like it.

“can you stay the night?” you blurted out like a teenage girl with a crush.

he answered in a heartbeat. “yes, of course.”

you nodded and went into the kitchen to wash the dishes. whatever could help you escape this awful tension building between the two of you was worth it. however, he placed himself beside you with a towel to help you dry.

you gave him a wet glass, and your fingers almost touched. it’s not like you never touched him; you always did. this time just felt different. maybe it had been different for a while, actually, but you truly felt it at this instant.

his touch got you distracted, or perhaps he was the one who was because a plate fell and broke on the floor as you gave it to him.

he didn’t flinch, too used to the constant, sudden movements and noises of the emergency department. he was calm and unfazed.

“we’re down to three plates,” he stated with a small smirk before picking you up like you weighed nothing and dropping you outside of the kitchen. “i’ll pick it up- fuck, are you okay?”

you suddenly started to cry like a baby. he was so perfect and fatherly. it was so dumb to sob over that when so many women had to deal with the opposite.

you mumbled something he couldn’t really understand, so he just hugged you and rocked you gently to calm you down. “okay, shhh… take deep breaths for me.”

you did so, and he accompanied you by breathing slowly. after the third time, the only traces of your outburst were the tears on your cheeks and your clogged nose.

“i’m too emotional,” you joked off, wiping your tears with your hands at the same time.

“be kind to yourself. you’re going through so much. do you know how tough you are? you’re growing a human inside of you,” he noticed you looking down while he praised you, so it fueled him to continue. “you’re doing all of this alone, and i’m pretending to be useful by doing stupid chores and attending appointments. you’re the real superwoman here. i’m so proud of everything you’re doing.”

“don’t make me cry more!”

he chuckled and kissed your forehead. you leaned into his touch with your heavy eyelids closing for a moment too long.

it was no surprise that you went to bed while he cleaned up. he usually slept on the couch when he was at your house, but tonight he wanted to be with you.

he knocked on your door, unsure if you were sleeping. after all, insomnia was a common symptom during pregnancy.

“come in,” you mumbled with your eyes wide open in the dark.

“hey… i just wanted to know if you were fine. how’s your sleep?”

“bad. i can’t sleep at all.”

“do you know santos in the ed? she forced me to listen to sleepmaxxing content when she learned i was a swat physician in my free time.”

“she’s on the night shift?”

he shook his head. “no, you probably haven’t worked with her, but the point is that i know some tricks to make you fall asleep.”

he put on some white noise on your phone, closed the blackout curtains to let no light in, and adjusted the thermostat to a colder setting.

“is there something about not being alone in bed in sleepmaxxing?”

“could be; i didn’t watch all of the videos she sent,” he replied while approaching your bed. “would you like it if i joined?”

“yes.”

he sat on the edge of the bed to remove his prosthetic before getting in and enveloping you in his arms.

you whined and mumbled something about him needing to be closer to you.

“don’t know if you noticed, but there's a baby between us.”

you rolled your eyes, which made him smile, and turned around so he could be closer to your whole backside in a spooning position.

he couldn’t notice the blush rising on your face, and you couldn’t notice his.

labor

you insisted on continuing to work through your third trimester. you felt useless at home anyway.

you got called in the emergency department again. once you came in, jack rushed to you.

“why are you here?” he asked, positioning himself in front of you to block your way.

“i got called in.”

“i called your department, not you. it’s too dangerous for you to come down here when we’re too busy.”

“don’t tell me what to do!”

“i will because one of my nurses got physically assaulted ttoday, and i’m not letting that happen again. especially not to you.”

“i’m already here; can you just give me the case?” you sighed with a hand rubbing your belly.

“it’s john’s case. he’s in trauma 2.”

you walked there, but you felt followed, so you turned around. “jack, i’m a big girl.”

“john probably needs my help; i should assist.”

you walked in and smiled at the other attending. “hi, mama,” shen greeted you when he saw you. “…and dada… you guys joined us when we stabilized him!”

“great, i’ll have to walk the stairs again. call me when he can be admitted in peds.”

jack took your shoulders from behind you to keep you in place. “take the elevator,” he ordered, leaving no room for discussion.

shen put his hands up. “okay! i’m going to leave the couple’s fight.”

“we’re not a couple!” you both yelled at him, projecting your anger onto the poor guy.

some nurses looked in your direction, but you ignored them.

“we’re like siblings,” you corrected, which earned you a disappointed look from jack.

what was he disappointed about?

john looked at your belly before raising his eyes back at you. “totally not incestuous. maybe consider some other labels,” he recommended before heading out of the room.

“oh, we didn’t do it-” you tried to say before he could leave butt got cut off by some contractions.

the two attendings locked eyes with each other as they noticed it.

“fuck, are you in labor?” jack asked while touching your belly.

“no, it’s braxton-hicks contractions. i had that for my whole third trimester.”

“really sounds like something you should’ve told me.”

“oh, did you want to know in detail my constipation issues too, while we’re at it?” you asked in a passive-aggressive tone before that john gave you an office chair for you to sit on.

“yeah, i could’ve helped, actually,” he replied, a little on edge at the attitude you’ve been giving him for days since you shared a bed.

“ok, well, it’s done now. i need to go pee.”

you made your way between the two men and went to the bathroom.

as you sat on the toilet, you had another light contraction before feeling liquid leak out of you.

it wasn’t the moment. you weren’t ready. it was too early for that. you wiped and washed your hands before going to see jack.

he was still in trauma 2, but the patient who was stabilized some minutes ago had doctors all around him.

“what’s happening?” you asked as you walked in.

“8-year-old male, bike vs car, was stable, now hypotensive, tachycardic, worsening abdominal distention, dropping gcs. we started fluids, and blood is coming,” shen explained to you quickly. “he’s in decompensated shock. keep transfusing and call the or. he’ll be clear to go.”

jack looked at nazely, who nodded and called the other department.

you weren’t focused at all because another contraction just hit you. you sat down on the chair john previously gave you. nobody cared; they were all up on the little boy.

“how much is in?” shen asked a nurse.

“first unit just started.”

“good, activate massive transfusion. get plasma and platelets ready,” you ordered, breathing slowly to avoid looking too pained.

no one looked back, way too concentrated on the patient. you looked at the clock on the wall to calculate your contractions. they were becoming way too close, but it wasn’t the moment at all.

lena opened the glass door and announced that the or was open. at this brief loss of focus, jack’s eyes drifted to you.

“fuck…”

john’s eyes widened at the sight. he quickly assigned an intern to stay with the kid upstairs before going in your direction.

“my water broke in the bathroom. my contractions are less than four minutes apart,” you blurted out, stressing the two men even more.

your contraction ended for a small moment, giving you enough attention span to listen to what jack had to say.

“okay, we need to deliver the baby now," dr abbot announced while shen came back with a wheelchair.

“i can’t have the baby now. it’s too early,” you complained as jack pushed your wheelchair to a room.

“active labor, where is she going, lena?” shen yelled to the charge nurse.

“north 5, i’m calling the ob.”

you lay in the bed, and nurses and doctors filled the room while john took charge. “emergency delivery. get me a delivery kit, a warm blanket, and someone to call for neonatal support.”

a nurse quickly undressed you and checked your vagina’s opening. “she’s crowning.”

john gently pushed jack to go to your side and support you. “okay, mama, i’ll deliver your baby.”

“no, not you,” you cried out, too exhausted to care about his feelings. “i want a woman doctor.”

“ellis, you’re up. i’ll be supervising.”

“jack, i need you,” you whined, taking his hand and holding it hard, earning a small groan from him even if he didn’t want to complain.

“okay, mama, the head is showing. when you feel a contraction, you push,” parker instructed, placing your legs in a better position.

john took a look. “control the head and check for cord.”

when you felt the contraction, you gently pushed to avoid any tears from your vagina.

“okay, don’t push too much,” jack cooed, keeping a hand on the top of your hair.

“i know, fucking dumbass!” you screamed while the whole team tried to keep a straight face at their boss getting harshly humbled.

“head’s out, no cord. we’re pushing on to the next contraction.”

you were sobbing between the contractions. “i didn’t want it to happen like that!”

“i know, but you’re doing great,” jack reassured, standing close.

“you’re so useless! you’re just standing there!”

“you’re right…”

“fuck you, i hate you!” you screamed out when another contraction came in.

“and i love you. can you push for me?”

“no, you can’t say that now. you can’t!”

“i’m here for you; squeeze my hand as hard as you can and give me another push.”

you pushed once more, and the baby came out. they dried her and did a quick check. jack gently removed your bra and lifted your shirt for them to place the baby on your skin. nurses covered her in blankets as she started sucking for milk.

“time of birth is 6:12 a.m.," shen stated after looking at his watch.

“you did amazing; i’m so proud of you,” jack whispered while smiling.

postpartum

abbot had never cared for you as much as in this stage. he insisted that you stay in bed while he did all the annoying things you didn’t want to do.

“jack, i can go,” you mumbled when the baby started to cry in the middle of the night.

“i got it; just continue sleeping,” he reassured from the hallway.

you felt so bad. he was sleeping on the couch, changing diapers, and barely getting any sleep.

“okay, but come here after.”

he accepted, and once he was in the nursery, he almost immediately stopped the noises the newborn made. you worked with kids all the time, yet you couldn’t make your own child stop crying like he could.

it sometimes made you jealous to see how quickly he could calm her, as if you knew her less than he did.

jack stopped at the door of your bedroom. he didn’t want to intrude on your space, especially when your relationship was so unclear.

“do you mind sleeping with me? i feel bad that you sleep on the couch.”

“your couch is fine. don’t worry about me; i’m a grown-up. how are you feeling, mama?”

“if i wasn’t feeling well, i would’ve told you before. please, take care of yourself instead and sleep in a proper bed.”

he offered you a lazy and tired smile before sitting on the edge of the bed. he removed his prosthetic and lay down so you could cover him with your warm blanket.

“you should probably use crutches during the night. you’d avoid putting on and removing your fake leg.”

“nah, i’m a new dad, not a grandpa,” he joked, letting go a small chuckle from you.

he turned to you, and that’s when you saw the full exhaustion on him. “sleep tight, okay?”

“yeah, you too…”

──୨୧──

the early morning was visible through the window when you opened your eyes. the baby was crying again. you tried to get up, but you felt two large arms around you. he was spooning you in a tight embrace, as if he were scared to let you go.

“jack…” you muttered to wake him as gently as possible.

“go back to sleep. i want to stay with you,” he whispered with his eyes still closed.

“the baby’s crying…”

“she always is… give it five minutes. i want to sleep more with you,” he admitted, wrapping his arms tighter around your chest.

if you weren’t fully awake before, you were now.

“jack what did you say?” you asked, already getting tired of the sounds your baby makes and sitting up on the bed.

he finally opened his eyelids and rubbed them in a fast motion to talk to you in a decided tone.

“go feed her, but i don’t want us to sleep in this bed as exhausted parents anymore.”

“what?” you asked with your mouth open in shock.

you mentally slapped yourself. did he have to spell it out for you to understand? he couldn’t be more straightforward, yet you had no idea how to answer or even take that.

“i want to go on a date with you or anything that will make us more than friends in your eyes. i know you don’t want it, but just give me a chance. i want to give it a try.”

his eyes were begging you to accept. he really wanted you to agree to this. anything you’d want to take from him to finally upgrade the friend status he’s been stuck with for years. it was all he ever desired before, but now he wanted something more.

he needed his daughter to believe in soulmates and in love. he wanted her to smile when she saw both of her parents at her recitals or be embarrassed when they kissed too long.

you must’ve thought the same because you nodded. “okay, let’s give it a shot… let’s go on a date.”

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as the years passed, you continued to agree, but you couldn’t help thinking about some of your friends' parents. the ones that were embarrassing them because they kissed their cheeks in front of a group or hugged them a little too tightly.

your parents loved you in the best way they could, so why would you want other people’s parents instead of the ones you already had? why did you crave parents who would wet your forehead with a goodnight kiss?

being touched was never their thing. they barely touched each other, even if they were in love. it wasn’t a thing they liked, so they didn’t make you receive it.

it was very pathetic to admit, but a lot of people would say that you were clumsy. you “accidentally” bumped into people just to touch them for an instant and feel someone’s skin against your own.

it always goes unnoticed. you tried to remain discreet. there’s no weirder moment than to have to explain that nobody has touched you in years and that you’d beg on your knees for a simple tap on the shoulder.

it’s been a long night, and your shift wasn’t over. you busied yourself with some charting, but lena quickly disturbed your writing to ask you to see a patient.

“hi, sweetheart, i need you to check on a patient in north 25. daniel, 26-year-old male, has severe intellectual disabilities, and he’s on the autistic spectrum. his mother passed away, so his caregiver took him in because he hadn't eaten since her death. a social worker will see him in a bit.”

“okay, i’ll go check on him.”

you went into his room, and he flinched. he was clearly on his guard. you presented yourself in a soft tone and tried to ask him questions, but he didn’t answer any of them, remaining mute.

you saw that the normal method wasn’t working, so you thought about solutions.

“if you don’t want to talk, we can give you a notebook, and you’ll write things down. is that something you’d prefer?”

he nodded and held his arms open before speaking in a low whisper. “hug?”

you accepted instantly, wanting to feed the urge to have someone touching you. he looked like he needed one more than ever.

on the other side, in the common space, the emergency room was a mess. nazely wasn’t paying attention when she dropped a pair of scissors. the sound of the metal against the floor scared him.

he started to squeeze you harder until it hurt. you tried to pull out of the hug, but he held you to soothe himself.

“daniel, you’re hurting me. let me go, please,” you begged, even if he didn’t budge.

“no, no,” he mumbled as he squeezed you harder, making you unable to breathe because of his shoulder against your throat.

you locked eyes with your attending, dr abbot, and he ran to the room while yelling the safe word. jack pulled him away from you, giving time for the security guard to hold him down on the bed with the help of henderson.

“you okay? tell me what happened,” jack urged before placing his hands on your shoulder.

“he needed a hug, but he started squeezing me really hard,” you replied with a hand on your neck to ease the pain his shoulder caused.

“we’ll get you a bed.” he turned to lena, who tried to calm him while he was still being held down. “what room do you got?”

“south 4 should be clean.”

you walked there, feeling observed by your coworkers, and sat on the bed. he closed the drapes to avoid getting any more looks from nosy colleagues while he gave you an examination.

“where does it hurt?”

“my throat.”

“trouble moving?”

he went on to the next issue once you moved your neck to make sure everything was alright.

“trouble breathing?”

“no, i’m fine!” you sighed, tired of the questions.

“you have a bruise on your neck; i have to ask all of that,” he insisted, pointing at the part of your body.

“probably, but it’s fine. he just wanted a hug,” you informed, being very careful not to replace the pronoun "he" with "i".

“i know, but i want to make sure that you’re okay. can i touch your neck?”

“yes…”

he looked for anything unusual, like swelling or tenderness, but he didn’t find anything. your pulse was a little high, but it was normal after an event like this.

“you look all fine. go relax in the break room for twenty minutes, and you’re good to go if everything feels normal.”

you nodded and got up, but he added something.

“i’m know you’re aware, but you shouldn’t be touchy with patients.”

“i’m not usually. he just went through a lot, and i wanted to.”

“you wanted to be hugged?” he wondered without an ounce of judgment in his voice.

“kinda…” you admitted, feeling your face get red.

he looked you up and down to understand your demeanor before continuing. “you shouldn’t do that with patients. i’m here if you want a hug. is that better?”

you hesitated for a moment at the proposition before slowly nodding. it felt strange. after all those years of having friends telling you how weird it was, you had someone proposing it on their own.

he didn’t want to push something like that, so he left the idea hanging. he’d be patient for you and wait for your timing and not his.

you made a coffee during your break and went to see other patients once shen cleared you. you felt a little nervous to go treat another person after the accident, so you waited a little longer in front of the board.

“do you want someone to come with you?” abbot offered with his hands behind his back.

“yeah, why not?”

he shadowed you while you made the examination. it was a drunk girl with severe dehydration. a simple and regular case, especially for the night shift.

this case helped you distract your mind from the physical altercation to finish your night normally.

you ended your night at the same time that your attending did. it was a rare sight. jack had difficulty leaving when it was time. robby even joked that he doubted he even had a house, which earned him a serious look from whitaker that nobody understood.

“leaving at nine?” you remarked, putting on a jacket to go outside as you spoke.

“yeah, i wanted to check on you,” he said, putting a hand around your shoulder to guide you through the exit.

you sighed after thinking about your shift. other than the harm daniel accidentally gave you, it was also long and intense.

“honestly, it was exhausting…”

“you can always text me if you need it. do you still have my number?”

“i do, yes.”

“c’mere…” he whispered in a low tone, pulling you into a hug.

you froze for an instant, but as you hugged him back, you noticed how different it was. as he was wrapping himself around you, you could feel his warm body heat and smell the perfume he used. he was just soft and gentle.

he let you go as slowly as he let you in. you didn’t have a scratch or a tear.

he didn’t know how to ask you when was the last time you were touched. it was a very inappropriate question to ask anyone, especially his resident. however, he couldn’t help but notice you trying to get an ounce of contact from everyone. it was more than regular clumsiness, like everyone thought, and the hug you gave him drove the point home for him. it was too hesitant.

──୨୧──

the next day was more relaxing. the emergency department was almost empty, which was weird, but nobody dared to comment on it.

you just discharged a patient, so you wrote on their chart about your treatment plan.

shen came in with multiple iced coffees he ordered to the hospital. two were for himself, and the rest were for some of the staff. you approached him and took one with a big grin on your face.

“thanks, you’re the best,” you complimented before drinking the first sip.

he just smiled as other nurses and doctors picked theirs. you went back to your seat, but abbot blocked your way.

“sorry, you’re getting a coffee?” you wondered.

“no, i like my coffee black.”

“you have no taste,” you teased.

“keep insulting me, but i wanted to check on your neck.”

“oh, it’s fine,” you brushed off before sitting down.

“if it’s fine, i can check,” he argued before touching your neck once more.

you tried not to react, not to lean into him. you hoped he couldn’t feel your heartbeat go quicker by the second.

he knew you liked every minute of it, and he had no intention of stopping. he liked to touch you and see you melt.

“can you go check on a patient in north 5? i need a doctor on it.”

“do i have to?”

“doctor’s order,” he persisted before giving you a playful wink.

you dragged your feet there and opened the door of the room to discover a dead man in a hospital robe. the machine monitoring his heart was continually beeping, indicating that nobody tried to reanimate him yet.

you yelled for help, and nurses and doctors rushed in while you started to do compressions. it was all your fault; you should’ve walked quicker to his room.

mateo covered his mouth with a breathing mask to give him oxygen.

another nurse that you haven’t identified yet got the defibrillator ready by putting pads on his chest.

dr abbot started to give you instructions on how to do the compressions better. “push harder, kid. two centimeters in the chest.”

you pushed your whole body weight on him, making a cracking noise. you felt the sweat accumulate on your skin.

“check the rhythm, and you’re getting replaced,” he commanded, pulling your body away from the patient and closer to him by putting his hands on your arms.

“i’m fine,” you argued, even if you were out of breath.

he completely ignored you, pulling you against him a little more to let crus pass by to let him do the work.

“vfib, let’s shock,” he ordered, his hands still on you.

you should probably move away. it wasn’t okay to touch your boss for this long. you should move. but he wasn’t making any effort to make you move, so what was the point of trying?

the shock gave no result, so henderson resumed his compressions. after two minutes, it was time to check the heart’s rhythm again. jack asked you to give him medication when he saw that his heart wasn’t going back to normal.

“give him 0.3 mg of epinephrine.”

you waited for the adrenaline you injected to kick in, even if it never did. most of the team lost hope, but you just went back to compressions after that henderson had enough.

“time of death-” your attending started before you interrupted him.

“no, we just gave him another round of epi!”

“it’s useless to wait. time of death: 3:42.”

everyone took a moment of silence around the body and jack asked for the things we could’ve improved.

you stayed silent, although everyone was expecting you to say something. there was a gulp in your throat that you couldn’t remove, despite the fact that you tried to swallow your saliva multiple times to get it away.

“okay… go back to your patients, and i need a nurse to prepare him for the viewing room. we’ll try to contact whoever we can. good job, everybody; we’re doing the best we can!”

you headed to the bathroom to cry a bit before going back. not crying when patients could see you was drilled into your head since med school. you needed to look stable and sane for them.

right as you pushed the door, you felt your attending’s hands around one of your shoulders.

“it wasn’t your fault,” abbot reassured, to be sure that it was understood.

the tears built up in your eyes. you looked down to hide it from him, but it was useless. he saw it immediately and took a step in your direction to be closer.

you wanted to hug him, but you already did yesterday. it would be too much.

he passed his hand through your hair, and you clearly leaned into the touch. it was the first time that you couldn’t care enough to hide how much you needed someone’s hands on you.

“take a break if you need one. you’re a good resident, kid. do you know that? you did nothing wrong.”

“i’m just exhausted… i got hurt by a patient, and now one has died!” you whined while tears ran down your face, and he wiped them with his thumb before resting his hands on your shoulders.

“and none of it was your mistake. go in the break room, and you’ll do patients in south for the rest of the night; it’ll be easier on you.”

“i can-”

“i know you can, but i’m not allowing you to.”

he took a deep breath and hugged you. he continued to slowly pet your hair as your face was in his chest.

you felt better and calmly pulled away to go to your computer, but he took you by the waist to direct you in the break room instead.

you took low-risk patients for the rest of your night until the people from the day shift came in.

you tried to focus on your case, even with the added people in the department. it made you nervous that more people would know how a patient died under your care. you started fidgeting with the case of the tablet you used for work.

robby got updated by abbot on some of the night shift events when you bumped into them. the tablet fell on the floor and broke.

you wasted no time to bend down and pick it up. “fuck, i’m sorry!” you apologized with the broken object in your hands.

“and that’s why the case stays on,” the day shift attending reminded you.

“it’s fine; we’ll get it fixed,” abbot comforted, taking the tablet from your hands, touching your fingers in the movement.

“is the hospital going to pay for it?”

“i’ll pay for it,” he brushed off, looking at the damage on the screen.

robby and you looked at him surprised. there was no screen protector; the reparations were going to be quite pricey.

jack’s eyes met yours. “do you have anything to ask me?”

“no, my patient is going upstairs; i’ll chart and go home.”

robby looked at his watch before assigning you a new task. “your shift isn’t over yet and we have a translator and patient in-”

“it will be covered by nazely, go chart,” abbot interrupted with a smile.

you didn’t hesitate a second before leaving. you didn’t want tot be given more work in the morning.

“you’re too strict with your residents, brother. i’m not like that,” jack said, looking at you as you walked away.

“she needs to work until the end of her shift, man. residents need to be ready for everything.”

“she’s a good resident,” he admitted, putting his hands behind his back to continue updating him.

“ohhh,” micheal chuckled after coming to the realization.

“it’s nothing like that,” jack argued in a lower tone than he should’ve.

“and you coincidentally stopped wearing your wedding ring?”

jack passed by med students to get this conversation finished. he definitely needed no help with his feelings for you, especially not from robby.

shen was the next one blocking him. “hey, i’ll probably take a day off sunday.”

“we’re too understaffed sunday.”

“i’ll ask someone to switch their shifts with me.”

“a resident,” he ordered, hoping it will be you that he’ll go to.

it was stupid. he realized it after giving the order. he shouldn’t act like this with a resident. it wasn’t appropriate. the only time he felt like that about someone, he married her. since then, he could only feel this chemistry with you.

──୨୧──

it was well into the morning when you received a text from shen. he asked you to cover for him on sunday. the poor guy was almost begging you. he made plans with a girl, and he canceled too many times to do it once again.

you never worked on sundays, but there you were: in the hospital. you noticed that jack was there. did he ever take a break?

you looked up to check the board when he approached you with a coffee in hand. once he was close enough, he touched your lower back before giving you the cup.

his shoulders softened as he started to speak. “missed you working on sundays.”

“i haven’t worked on sundays since i was a med student.”

“this long?”

you nodded and he accompanied you to a patient who just arrived in trauma 1. a paramedic updated you on the situation as you gloved up.

“23-year-old male, gunshot wound to the abdomen, single entry wound, no exit. hypotensive en route, bp of 80 systolic, tachy at 140, started two large-bore ivs and gave a liter of crystalloids.”

“start with a primary survey, kid,” abbot guided, trusting your instinct.

you checked everything quickly. “he’s hypotensive and tachycardic. skin is cool, clammy. probably hypovolemic shock from the hemorrhage.”

“it’s probably a hemorrhagic shock. massive transfusion protocol.”

“i need o neg blood, plasma and platelets. keep the pressure on the wound,” you ordered the nurses while some others were cutting off his clothes.

“no other injuries, focus on this one. tell me what do you see?” he asked, being so close to you that you felt his whole side against yours.

“maybe…”

“no maybes, you take the ultrasound probe and give me a fast exam,” he bossed, giving you what you needed immediately.

you looked around to find out what was going on inside him.

“free fluids in the abdomen, likely blood. he needs to go in the or, no ct.”

“he’s tiring, blood pressure 72. we don’t have time.”

“okay, rapid sequence intubation. i’m giving him etomidate and succinylcholine.”

“atta girl, secure it, now,” he praised before turning to a nurse. “call or and tell them he’s crashing.”

“where’s the mtp?!” someone asked before that a nurse rushed in to give him.

at the same moment, the trauma surgery team arrived to take him to the or. jack gave garcia a quick rundown of everything, and they hurried upstairs.

you removed your gloves and he followed you to do the same.

“garcia is working doubles now? ” you asked, thinking that he’d know more than you.

“apparently,” he observed as the doors of the elevator closed. he turned to look at you with a smile. “do you drink?”

you furrowed your brows at the random question. “i’m not a big drinker, no.”

“okay, you did great out there. he’d be dead without you,” he praised once more, tapping one of your shoulders a few times before leaving.

you noticed that your forearm had some blood on it despite your gloving technique, so you headed to the bathroom to wash it off.

coming out of a toilet, dr ellis was there, opening the robinet. “replacing shen, huh?”

“yes… hey, do you know why abbot asked me if i liked to drink?”

“damn girl, got a date with the boss?” she smirked.

“no, no, i don’t think it was like that, was it?”

she stayed silent and put her hands up in surrender before drying them and leaving. you followed her in the er and sat at your desk before drinking the coffee jack got you.

“and who gave you that?” parker asked, trying to mask the huge grin she had.

“abbot… fuck, is he into me?”

“100%, girl,” she concluded while resuming her charting.

you got up and walked to jack. he was approving something from an intern, but he quickly turned to you with his hand ready to take whichever tablet you’d give him.

“sorry, it’s not for that; i’m charting for the patient with gunshot wounds.”

“i’ll do it. south 12 got a nasty bruise.”

“can i do north?”

“no, and you’re not working tomorrow. shen will cover for you. you still need a day off.”

“and what about you?”

“i’ll take a day off if you do,” he compromised to look less strict.

you agreed and went in south, totally forgetting what you wanted to say to him in the first place.

──୨୧──

it was the end of your night, and you stayed a little longer to finish at the same time he did. parker convinced you that he probably wanted to go out with you, but she warned that you shouldn’t rush it.

you waited for him to be able to see you when you went to your locker. he took the opportunity and joined you.

“hey,” he greeted with a hand originally on your shoulder, but he slid it down to your lower back.

“hey, shift ending for today?”

“yeah, worked plenty for tonight,” he confirmed while taking his belongings.

“do you like pastas?”

“i do, you?”

“i love pasta.”

“do you like it enough to go on a date with me, then?” he asked, feeling his skin get red at the bold proposition.

“yes, i do,” you replied with a smile.

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things got a little more complicated when you started working at the ptmc. it wasn’t a decision you wanted to make because of the power imbalance your relationship could cause. however, it was the closest one to your house, and it’s not like there were many teaching hospitals in your area.

your boyfriend talked with robby after he came for dinner at his place. you agreed to be on the day shift and keep your mouth shut. people wouldn’t see you with him, so thinking that you were a couple could never happen, right?

since you started working, jack had more difficulty than you did to keep it a secret. when you showed him a day shift patient, and he touched your hand, you knew that the lingering touch was reserved for you, or when he praised you a little too much after a risky procedure, you looked around to see if anyone else was wondering anything.

it was the end of your day, and robby asked to talk to you privately. you followed him into an isolated hallway as you were nervously fidgeting with your hands. he crossed his arms to prepare for what he was going to say.

“you were the last choice, i promise you… but you’ll have to go on the night shift. they’re really understaffed, and they have a doctor going on maternity leave.”

“you’re sure that you can’t put anyone else?”

“sorry, kid, you’re the new one, and nobody wants to leave,” he apologized before spotting whitaker and ending the conversation there.

you went home, and robby texted you that you’ll have some days off to have an easier transition into working nights.

when jack came to your place after work, you complained to him about micheal. “he can’t do that! especially when he knows what i could risk!”

“it would’ve been even more suspicious if you weren’t the one he transferred.” he said, placing his hand on your cheek to make you look at him. “listen, we’ll be discreet, and no one will know a thing.”

“i’m stressed about it,” you admitted before casually placing your forearms on your shoulders.

“i know, kid, but i got you.”

you let a silence enter the discussion, so he passed his fingers through your hair and peppered your forehead with kisses to distract your thoughts.

──୨୧──

the first day of the night shift was hard on you. you were so tired all the time because of how challenging the transition was. jack already warned you to bring coffee, but you didn’t think you’d need it so much. you took naps through the day to prepare, and you thought it would be enough.

even worse, you barely knew anybody. jack was the only one working nights, but it was out of the question to stick with him too much or even a little.

“dr abbot, can i present the case?” you asked, making sure to always call him by his last name at work.

he looked around to check if someone was close enough to notice what he was going to say. he saw that no one was there but still talked in a low tone. “can you present to shen?”

“i don’t know him.”

“you’re not supposed to know me either, baby,” he cooed as you felt the stare of lena from across the room.

you immediately parted ways and tried to find shen, even if you were a little unsure of how he was.

you spotted him while he was talking with a nurse. “dr shen, can i present a case?”

he nodded and placed himself slightly behind you to read your tablet while you presented.

“mr nguyen, 67-year-old man, presenting with intense dizziness.” you stopped to yawn, and he smiled.

“i was going to order another coffee. do you want me to order you one too?”

you fervently nodded, desperate to stay awake. then, you finished your presentation, and he agreed with your treatment plan.

you directly went to charting after treating your patient. as you typed, you saw from the corner of your eye that your lover sat down next to you, pretending to do paperwork.

“john will order you coffee? got close quickly.”

“are you jealous?” you teased with a smile forming on your face.

“a little, i know you’ve got a thing for attendings,” he joked, holding back a wink.

you chuckled before adding something unrelated, “i could’ve never guessed it was this hard to work nights.”

“you’ll get used to it. you should come to my house later; i can cook you dinner.”

“not breakfast?”

“or breakfast if you want; you choose," he concluded before getting up.

you followed him with your eyes and a small smile to see that ellis was watching you two. you instantly got rid of your smile and replaced it with a focused expression to whatever was on your screen.

──୨୧──

your shift was ending soon, and you were so tired. the coffee shen gave you was basically milk and sugar. it couldn’t keep anyone awake.

the break room was empty, so you joined abbot who was drinking a glass of water in a cute cup covered with little drawings of dogs.

you gave him a side hug. he knew you really needed support right now, so he turned to give you a real one.

as you pulled away, henderson came by. you tried to play it off by acting as if nothing happened, but you were blushing like teenagers. he took the snack he stored in the fridge before leaving with a polite smile aimed at the two of you.

“everyone knows,” you declared in a serious tone.

“maybe that crus has some doubts, but it stops there,” he tried to reassure you. avoid touching you so as not to cause another situation like the one that just happened.

you took a deep breath and walked to his car with him. as you left, you saw dana smoking. she obviously saw you get in his vehicle.

“do you wanna bet we’ll be on the betting board of ahmad?” you asked before playing with your necklace to calm your stress.

“we won’t,” he corrected in his strict tone, taking your hand off of your necklace and tangling it with his. “i won’t let anything happen to your job, baby.”

once you arrived to his place, you showered together, and he made dinner. you were already falling asleep in bed when he came with dinner.

“and i’m the old one always sleeping,” he joked, giving you your plate.

“i’ve never been so exhausted in my life!”

“first week is the hardest. you’ll feel better soon,” he whispered before holding you in his arms.

for your next shift, he parked far from the entrance to avoid getting noticed by anyone. he wanted to reduce your nervousness, knowing that you were already being brave to switch coworkers like you did.

through your day, you didn’t have time to be around jack because of the intense load of patients. on the instances where it could’ve happened, you made sure to go see shen. he was very kind to you, so you didn’t feel as scared as on your first day.

other than him, you got to know your coworkers more, especially nazely. she was very empathetic, and you were as lost as her with the new shift and their dynamics.

“patient in south 14 is getting discharged,” she proudly announced while you were still charting.

“good for you!”

she sat down next to you and spoke in a lower tone. “just so you know, there’s a rumor you’re in a secret relationship with an attending.”

“which one?” you asked, feeling your face heat up.

she pointed at your boyfriend, who was chatting with shen, with her finger before resuming the conversation. “is it true? are you dating him?”

you didn’t have the heart to lie in her face. she was really kind to you…

“don’t tell anyone,” you half-admitted in the same low tone she used.

“everyone knows;maybe take your distance a little until you’re an attending?”

“it will take at least 4 years!”

you got interrupted by a patient arriving by ambulance. shen called you to assist with the case, which caused a look from nazely.

you tried to focus on the patient and his care, but your mind kept wandering to the point that your superior had to call you out once you left the trauma bay.

“what’s up with you?”

“rough day,” you lied, even if it wasn’t fully fake. you technically had a rough day; it just wasn’t the reason for your poor performance in trauma 2.

shen saw through you in seconds. “listen, if it’s about the rumor…”

“great, everyone heard about it.”

“don’t worry about it; it will go away. anyway, it’s not like you were dating your boss,” he confidently threw out before leaving.

if only he knew…

──୨୧──

you were lying in bed with jack. he was tracing circles on your back with his finger. you could tell he’d fall asleep at any moment now.

you, on the other hand, were worried. the rumors of you dating an attending didn’t stop, as you were told you they would. you even made it on the betting board.

a pastel yellow post-it had “$20; intern and attending dating in secret”. they kept it vague to have a chance to win, even if it potentially wasn’t the case for you.

“can dr kim come back from maternity leave?”

“not for a while, i’m sorry,” he mumbled, slowly closing his eyes.

he was in no state to have a productive conversation, so you left it there and fell asleep.

the sound of your alarm this evening was brutal. you got up and went to work as usual, but you felt exhausted.

work matched your pace and was pretty slow for an emergency department. the weather was getting chilly, and people stayed home today.

you looked at the tv to see which patient needed your help when dr walsh came with a wallet. “i’m about to bet. how much do you like attendings?”

“not funny,” you commented with a smile growing on your face.

“come on, tell me if you’re with him. i need money right now!”

you kept quiet and headed to a new patient. as you opened the drapes to access the room, you saw jack with him.

“you’re the treating doctor?” you inquired, clearly confused.

“forgot to log it in.” he got up from his chair and turned to the patient. “we’ll come back soon.”

you followed him out; you now had to pick another person to treat. you looked at the screen and he came next to you.

“i got distracted; had a 9-year-old, dead.”

“oh, you’re the one who had her? i’m sorry, hon- doctor.”

he sighed and looked around to detach himself from the tragic event. “i’ll get over it. we have to,” he reminded while crossing his arms to look tough.

you saw nazely looking glancing in your direction. you looked a little too close with jack, but how could you not when he needed comfort? it was inhumane to let him go through it alone.

“i’ll go see a patient, but i’ll take care of you once we get home, okay?” you insisted before he gave you a smile.

he loved the way you cared for others. you were basically the perfect doctor in his eyes, and nothing could change that.

your heart dropped to your stomach when you saw gloria in front of you.

“i need to talk to you,” she demanded, blocking your way.

you placed your hair behind your ears to comfort you in your stress. “yes, what’s going on?”

“there’s rumors that you’re dating an attending.”

“i’m not,” you answered a little too quickly not to look like you were lying.

she rolled her eyes at the realization that you were. “who is it? john?”

“jack…”

“jack abbot?! how old are you?” realizing that it may look a little too judgmental, she continued. “listen, i don’t want to hear about it again, you deny everything. you’ll be on the day shift once dr kim comes back. we’re too understaffed, so don’t mess it up.”

you quickly nodded in agreement to whatever she was proposing. it was a miracle that you didn’t get fired or even punished for that.

admitting it to someone was freeing in a way. you could live a normal life as long as people kept quiet.

you walked into the emergency department to find jack leaving the room of a patient. he saw your relieved expression and gloria leaving. it made him understand right away.

“i would’ve told gloria ages ago if it could’ve calmed you down,” he joked with a tablet in his hands.

“we still have to keep it a secret,” you corrected to make sure he wasn’t getting too comfortable.

“only for four years,” he began, making you turn to face him. “after, we do all you want.”

“all i want?” you smiled as he got closer to you, thinking about all of the possibilities.

dr ellis walked by and saw you two. a grin spread across her face. “you’re dating the old one? i thought it would be shen at least!”

“excuse me?” jack asked, falsely offended by the age jokes.

“the rumors were about shen and her, that’s why,” she explained, putting her hands up in defense. “but 20 bucks is 20 bucks.”

“you keep your mouth shut, don’t tell anyone!” you ordered in a last effort to keep your career.

“oh come on, if monica didn’t say anything, you would’ve been fine! no one’s going to rat you out,” she reassured before pulling her wallet out of her pocket.

“go take your money, parker,” jack offered to make her leave you two alone.

you released a breath you didn’t know you were holding and smiled as he pulled you into a hug. you could hear your coworkers behind you agitating about the information that ellis just told them as she collected the money.

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jack abbot was talking with crus henderson. he was fidgeting with his wedding ring. this ring that made you so insecure was the reason he couldn’t commit to anything with you.

he has been widowed for so many years. most men would’ve moved on, but not jack. his wife was very sick, and he couldn’t support her as much as he could because of his engagement to the military.

abbot looked back at you, feeling your stare, so you focused back on the computer and pressed the period button to conclude your charting and go see other sick people needing your help.

you walked toward south 8, the room of mr herrera, an older man you started treating. he had difficulty breathing. you asked him some questions to figure out what he had.

“are you a smoker?”

“yes… my daughter asked me to stop, but i really can’t. at my age, it’s hard to change habits,” he said with a smile and coughed once again.

“you must feel like it’s challenging,” you empathized before asking questions again. “does your chest feel tight?”

“yes, it’s very uncomfortable.”

“we will treat you so you don’t feel like this anymore, okay? i’ll come back soon with your treatment.”

he thanked you, and you headed to abbot to present the case.

“78-year-old male with a history of smoking; chief complaints are shortness of breath and coughing. his vitals are stable, but there’s mild wheezing on exam. i think he has a mild chronic obstructive pulmonary disease exacerbation. i’d like to treat it with bronchodilators and oral steroids.”

he took the tablet you gave him with all of the notes about the elder man. once he finished reading it all, he looked up at you. “do you want to go to my place tonight? it’s been a while.”

“it’s been two days,” you corrected. “but i’d like that.”

“great, and you have my go for the patient. good job as usual.”

the little praises were making you melt. it was dumb that a grown woman like you could do anything for a few compliments, but when it was coming from him, you had butterflies in your stomach.

──୨୧──

your shift was coming to an end, and you made it your mission to actually leave at 7.

a patient accidentally threw up in your hair, and even if you washed it with water and hand soap from the bathroom, you could still slightly smell it sometimes, and it made you go crazy.

“you okay?” jack asked as he came to your desk.

“i smell like shit!”

“you don't; you smell like… whatever the scent of the hand soap is,” he reassured, trying to hide a chuckle.

“i’m taking a shower before coming over.”

he looked at his watch. “it’s 7 in fifteen minutes, go home, i won’t tell anyone.”

you smiled like a kid and gathered your things to leave. “you’re the best, boss.”

the drive to your place was pretty long because of the usual traffic. for a short moment, you thought about what it would be like to have a certain someone in your passenger seat.

limiting your relationship to sex was fine. it was easy. you worked long hours and needed to feel good once in a while.

but when you went to bed in the morning, you just needed a warm body next to you. more precisely, you needed his warm body next to yours.

you opened the door of your apartment to no one. you were alone. you thought about adopting an animal once, but the idea faded when you realized how much trouble it is.

the water from the showerhead started to fall on your body and your hair. the faint smell of vomit and sweat was leaving you to go down the drain.

instead of putting pajamas on, you put lingerie on, nothing too much, but a little something nice to feel confident. you covered it with the first thing you could find in your closet, which was a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. it wasn’t going to be on you for a long time anyway.

you drove to his place, and he opened his door with a tired smile on his face. it was the same you had.

“hey, i haven’t had time to eat. do you want some?” he pointed to his kitchen, where an almost fully cooked chicken breast with some rice was getting prepared.

you hesitated for some seconds, not because you weren’t hungry, you were actually starving, but because he never did that.

jack was a respectful man. he definitely knew how to treat a woman, even a woman he was only sleeping with, but he always kept it brief. he greeted you, had sex, and provided basic aftercare to make sure you were okay. he never offered anything other than a drink at most.

that’s why, when he proposed a full meal, you were a little surprised. you nodded as he let you enter with a hand on your back to guide your movements.

“you washed your hair?” he noticed, before placing the dinner into two plates and giving you one.

“yeah…”

the dinner was actually really good. you would’ve never guessed it coming from him. usually, military guys have very basic skills in the kitchen. “gosh, it’s good!”

“i took classes,” he explained after swallowing a bite.

“really?”

“yes, i used to be a horrible cook, but i live alone now.”

“sorry, didn’t want to reopen old wounds.”

“no, no, it’s fine, really,” he brushed off, continuing to eat. he looked like he meant it, even if you really wanted to change the topic.

once dinner was done, he placed the plates in the sink. you got up from the chairyou were on to propose to help him with the dishes, but he had other plans.

after the intense moment, he rolled on his back to lie next to you. he caressed your hair with a soothing hand before you talked.

“i’m exhausted.”

“then you should go home,” he proposed as if it were evident.

this response got you so annoyed. why couldn’t he just ask you to stay? he ruined the whole thing.

“yeah, i’m going,” you snapped, getting out of bed to collect your clothes.

“did i do something?”

“i should go home, that’s what you said.”

he looked at you with a confused face. “i guess you can stay.”

“no, now you’re just asking because i want you to!”

“because i thought we were nothing more!” he defended, seeing you leave his bedroom.

you let out a frustrated groan and rolled your eyes before getting your things to leave.

──୨୧──

the next evening, you went to work. you tried not to think about your little outburst with jack. it was just making you embarrassed.

“hey,” he greeted with a strict tone that scared you a little.

“hey…”

“can we talk, or you want to walk away again?” he asked, putting his hands on his stethoscope to act casual even if he looked very serious.

“don’t we have work?”

“we always have work, so come on, talk to me.”

“fine,” you answered, pausing a second to think about what you actually wanted to say but kept in yourself for so long. “i don’t want to only be casual.”

he took a moment to register it. he thought about his wife and how he couldn’t betray her. he made vows after all. “then i guess it’s the end of it.”

“wow, really? it’s that hard to consider a future with me when we’ve been fuck-”

“dr abbot, we need you in central 8!” someone yells to him, interrupting the moment you just had.

he looks back at you with hesitation. he wanted to say more, but he couldn’t. he really needed to work that one out with his therapist.

you closed your locker and went to the nurse station to find a day shift doctor who could update you on cases.

getting broken up with first thing in a shift was awful. it wasn’t even a proper relationship, but it stung badly.

you spot mel charting alone, so you go see her.

“hey, can you update me on some cases?”

“i need to finish that, i will after.”

“great, thanks!” you smiled, feeling eyes stare at you. it was his pair of eyes; you could feel it.

you turned and made direct eye contact with him. he did a small motion with his head, asking you to come outside with him.

you took a glance at mel, who wasn’t done charting at all, and followed him.

he looked side to side to assure himself you were alone. once it was clear, he took a deep breath before talking.

“i can’t betray my wife…” he whispered to steady his voice, but it still cracked.

you stood there. you’ve never been confronted with grief in someone who wasn’t a patient, especially not in the guy you wanted to date.

“oh…”

he clenched his teeth shut before continuing. “i haven’t dated in years, and i’m scared to restart now… i can’t grieve someone i never knew.”

“you can’t isolate yourself for the rest of your life, jack. i didn’t know your wife, but i’m sure she wouldn’t want that for you.”

you realized that he was standing in front of you without any type of support, so you took his hand. he immediately held it back, needing the small support you gave him.

“i know… it’s just rough on me. i don’t want to hurt you, but i can’t give you more.”

“i understand that, but i need to respect myself, and i can’t accept casual hook-ups forever.”

he nodded in agreement before getting interrupted again by an ambulance that parked right next to you.

──୨୧──

over the next few months, your working relationship became a little awkward. you tried to avoid him, but he was your attending, so it made it difficult. you decided to rely more on shen and confront him when you had no other choice.

thankfully, you got yourself a little break of four days. it was so rare that you filled it with things to do.

one of them was to party with friends. you got closer to them after the breakup with jack. they really wanted to go raving with you as you did in college.

everything went quickly. the drinks changed in your hand before you could even recall drinking them, the lights flashed everywhere, and people were all touching you.

it was 5 a.m. when you checked your phone. you tried to remember that you left your house late, so you didn’t party enough. your friends never left that lifestyle, so they were still doing great at this hour.

you were too drunk for your own liking, so you decided to leave. you made your way to the exit room, too dizzy to go back and tell any of your friends.

once you breathed the fresh air of the early morning, you felt somewhat better. you pulled out your phone to call a cab, but the battery was dead.

“fuck!” you yelled, earning judgmental glances from a few passersby.

you looked around and set your eyes on a girl who didn’t look as drunk as you.

“can i call someone on your phone?” you blurted out.

she saw your state and saw that you definitely couldn’t be a threat in any way, so she nodded and gave you her phone.

you needed to type a number. what number do you even know? they’re all registered on your phone.

you wanted to ask her if you could look up the number of a cab, but she really didn’t look patient, and it made you nervous.

you had no choice but to type jack’s number. he first gave it to you before you went into the trauma bay. you didn’t want to look desperate by asking him again, so you repeated the number in your head so many times that it stuck.

you put the girl’s phone beside your ear, and he picked up at the second ring.

“i really need you to come pick me up at the club.”

he must’ve recognized your voice and your distress, too. “the one five minutes away from your house?”

“mhm.”

you saw the girl who gave you her phone get a little impatient, so you hung up without answering more questions.

he arrived fifteen minutes after. he was technically still on shift at this time, but you couldn’t really care.

you instinctively went to hug him, and he returned it. “are you safe? are you okay?” he asked while pushing your hair away from your face to see you better.

“my phone doesn’t have any battery left…”

he held back a comment about how dependent you were on those things and, instead, smiled in relief that it was your biggest worry at the moment.

“okay, we’ll charge it.”

you got in his car, and he started driving to your place. you suddenly remembered how bad you needed to vomit. “fuck, i need to throw up!”

he stopped the car on the side of the road, and you got out to throw up. you felt hands holding your hair up and gently rubbing your back.

“let it all out,” he consoled in a gentle tone.

once you were done, you both got back into his car. he gave you a napkin he kept in the glove box to wipe your mouth.

you drove in silence to your house. you busied yourself by looking at him. he was so handsome. your eyes drifted to his hands, and you noticed that he didn’t have a ring.

you didn’t say anything about it. your relationship was awkward enough as it was.

jack saw you staring at his empty finger. “removed it. my therapist said it could help me move on.”

“oh…” you said, still too drunk to form a wise response.

“we shouldn’t talk about it now,” he concluded before taking your hand and giving it a light squeeze.

once you got home, you lay limp on the couch of your living room. he closed the door behind him and got you a glass of water. he sat you upright and held you against his chest to maintain you in that position.

“i want to sleep!” you complained while he brought the glass to your lips.

“i want you to sober up before, okay?”

you could feel the cold water go down your system, and it felt so good, but a bad headache ruined it.

“my head hurts!”

“i know… i’ll go get you advil. do you have some?”

you nodded, and he went to your bathroom. he looked in your cabinet and quickly found a bottle.

he sat back down and placed two pills in your mouth. you swallowed them without water, desperate to make the headache go away.

“i feel gross…”

“do you want to take a shower?”

“i’m too tired…”

“i can help you,” he suddenly realized how intimate it sounded, so he tried to fix it. “if you want to...”

you furrowed your brows at the weird proposition but still accepted. it must be the alcohol talking.

you walked in front of him to go to your bathroom. your walk wasn’t straight yet, so he placed a hand on your waist to help you when you were going out of the way.

he undressed you so gently that your heart started to beat faster. he was never rough with you, maybe a little strict at work from time to time, but never rough. however, the way he removed your clothes was beyond not being rough; it was slow and caring.

he removed his in seconds, before throwing his prosthetic away to sit on top of his scattered clothes.

you walked in the tub-shower with him, and you noticed how unstable he was on one leg,, so you sat down on the edge of the tub, and he looked thankful you did.

jack never wanted to talk about his leg. at least not with you. it wasn’t embarrassing for him; most people knew he had a prosthetic, but it was the idea of looking handicapped that bothered him.

he felt like it was a sign of weakness for him. he’s a helper; he loves to treat patients; it’s in his dna. the issue is that he can’t be seen as one if he himself is one.

so when you let him help you clean yourself but sat down to make it easier for him, he smiled. he kneeled in front of you and took a washcloth to wash your body.

your makeup fell down on your face, making you look like a raccoon with your mascara all over your cheeks. he took soap to fix it, but you pulled away.

“don’t put soap on my face; i’ll get pimples!”

he looked at you dumbfounded. you pointed at your facialcleanser, and he understood.

“right, you need the special product for the face,” he laughed butt maintained a soft and precise touch when he applied the cleanser.

he made sure to rinse you properly before stopping the water. when you started getting cold, he wrapped you in a towel like your dad used to do when you were little.

he quickly dried himself before putting back on his prosthetic and clothes.

“thank you for all that,” you smiled, guessing he was going to leave now that you were a little more sober.

“it’s nothing. are you fine to go to sleep?”

“yes, i’ll see you at work this evening?”

“it’s fine if you don’t come; i’ll understand.”

“no, i want to.”

he nodded, respecting whatever choice you’d make. he walked away, closing your door in the most quiet way possible.

──୨୧──

you came back to work with a coffee in your hand. you hoped nobody would notice how hungover you were.

“wow, had fun on your break, i see,” shen joked, his own iced coffee in his hand.

“is it this bad?”

he laughed at your response and reassured you. “no, i was just with jack when you called him. i didn’t know you were so close though.”

“we’re… not,” you corrected before going to your locker, but it made you think.

the jack you hooked up with would’ve never helped you shower or even given you a glass of water. he never cared so little that he wouldn’t have given you a ride, but he stayed when you needed him.

abbot came next to you and looked at you up and down before talking. “hey, feeling better?”

“not really, honestly.”

“i’ll get you a water bottle from the vending machine, okay?”

“thanks, but why would you do that?”

“because i really like you, and i miss you, and everybody’s right; i need to move on.”

“i don’t want to be a rebound.”

“you’re not, you could never be. i like you way too much for you to be that. my therapist made me realize it.”

“fine, but we restart from the beginning. nothing ever happened between us.”

──୨୧──

jack had to think about ways to make you like him. he texted and called you to check on you. he had a hard time knowing the right amount. it was weird to text robby without caring about how he sounded and text you, fearing you’d think he texts too much, or even worse, not enough.

“did you eat yet? i can order you food; you said you were tired at work, so i thought i could save you the trouble,” he sent without mentioning he reviewed the message countless times and even sent it to dana to know her womanly opinion.

you heard your phone buzz as you got out of the shower. it was so cute that he thought about it.

“i’d like it,” you sent, before hesitating and sending him another text. “thank you, by the way, it’s really kind of you.”

he sent a thumbs-up emoji to conclude the conversation. he was so stressed about anything with you. he tried to act as casual as he used to when you were just hooking up, but he couldn’t channel an ounce of this energy with all of his willpower.

he ordered you a pizza from a place you mentioned liking in one of your brief conversations with dana. how did he know you liked it, though?

you came back to work the next evening and thanked him again for dinner. it was hard to act like you didn’t notice how nervous he got around you. the pressure to get a woman to like him on a romantic level was clearly very hard on him.

your night didn’t seem to have an end. you barely had time to talk with any of your coworkers on a personal level, and you just wanted to go home.

you were already doing overtime to finish all of the charting you never got the chance to finish when jack approached you.

“you okay?” he asked with concern showing on his face.

“i’m exhausted, my day was hell, and the charting for that patient is so fucking long,” you complained while typing way too hard on the keyboard.

he stayed silent for a moment to think about a way to comfort you or help you. “you’ll be done soon… i’ll give you a ride home so you can sleep in the car, okay?”

“my car is here, you’d have to give me a ride to work tomorrow.”

“i’ll do it, it’s not a problem.”

he finished his work for the night, but he still stayed to wait for you. he made himself busy with small tasks to remain available for when you'd be done.

when he saw you go to your locker, he followed, and you both walked to his car.

you talked about your shitty day, and he listened, honestly, you could talk about how to make potato salad, and he would listen attentively. your voice and the way you talk were addicting to him.

“jack, can i put music on?”

“yes, take my phone; the password is 0000.”

“could’ve taken 1234,” you joked while typing.

“it’s too easy to guess,” he sarcastically replied before giving you a playful wink.

his phone got unlocked, and you looked for his music app, but he received a message from a group chat called Cupid’s Crew. you clicked on it, forgetting privacy for an instant, and found a group chat with most of his friends. dana informed the group that jack was going to drive you home, so shen responded with “finally, after all the coaching we’ve done for that old guy!”

you smiled at the idea of him asking everyone for advice and put your music on. he stayed quiet to let you fall asleep.

once you opened your eyes, his car was parked, and he was texting on his phone.

“you didn’t wake me up?” you mumbled while rubbing your eyes. “what time is it?”

he looked at his watch before answering. “it’s 11 a.m., but you looked really comfortable, so i just let you sleep.”

“could’ve woken me up; you need sleep too.”

“i’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

he got so much hotter since he started making efforts. you went home with a dumb smile on your face because of everything he started doing to get you back.

the next evening, he came back to give you a second ride. he bought you a coffee, the same one that shen always drinks. you couldn’t help but wonder if it was him who gave the idea in the group chat you couldn’t stop thinking about.

“i have a day off sunday,” he said while starting to drive.

“and…?”

you waited for him to formally ask you on the date before agreeing.

“…and i’d like to go on a date with you. there’s a nice restaurant, i'd want to make you try.”

“okay, i’d like that.”

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jack abbot was talking with crus henderson. he was fidgeting with his wedding ring. this ring that made you so insecure was the reason he couldn’t commit to anything with you.

he has been widowed for so many years. most men would’ve moved on, but not jack. his wife was very sick, and he couldn’t support her as much as he could because of his engagement to the military.

abbot looked back at you, feeling your stare, so you focused back on the computer and pressed the period button to conclude your charting and go see other sick people needing your help.

you walked toward south 8, the room of mr herrera, an older man you started treating. he had difficulty breathing. you asked him some questions to figure out what he had.

“are you a smoker?”

“yes… my daughter asked me to stop, but i really can’t. at my age, it’s hard to change habits,” he said with a smile and coughed once again.

“you must feel like it’s challenging,” you empathized before asking questions again. “does your chest feel tight?”

“yes, it’s very uncomfortable.”

“we will treat you so you don’t feel like this anymore, okay? i’ll come back soon with your treatment.”

he thanked you, and you headed to abbot to present the case.

“78-year-old male with a history of smoking; chief complaints are shortness of breath and coughing. his vitals are stable, but there’s mild wheezing on exam. i think he has a mild chronic obstructive pulmonary disease exacerbation. i’d like to treat it with bronchodilators and oral steroids.”

he took the tablet you gave him with all of the notes about the elder man. once he finished reading it all, he looked up at you. “do you want to go to my place tonight? it’s been a while.”

“it’s been two days,” you corrected. “but i’d like that.”

“great, and you have my go for the patient. good job as usual.”

the little praises were making you melt. it was dumb that a grown woman like you could do anything for a few compliments, but when it was coming from him, you had butterflies in your stomach.

──୨୧──

your shift was coming to an end, and you made it your mission to actually leave at 7.

a patient accidentally threw up in your hair, and even if you washed it with water and hand soap from the bathroom, you could still slightly smell it sometimes, and it made you go crazy.

“you okay?” jack asked as he came to your desk.

“i smell like shit!”

“you don't; you smell like… whatever the scent of the hand soap is,” he reassured, trying to hide a chuckle.

“i’m taking a shower before coming over.”

he looked at his watch. “it’s 7 in fifteen minutes, go home, i won’t tell anyone.”

you smiled like a kid and gathered your things to leave. “you’re the best, boss.”

the drive to your place was pretty long because of the usual traffic. for a short moment, you thought about what it would be like to have a certain someone in your passenger seat.

limiting your relationship to sex was fine. it was easy. you worked long hours and needed to feel good once in a while.

but when you went to bed in the morning, you just needed a warm body next to you. more precisely, you needed his warm body next to yours.

you opened the door of your apartment to no one. you were alone. you thought about adopting an animal once, but the idea faded when you realized how much trouble it is.

the water from the showerhead started to fall on your body and your hair. the faint smell of vomit and sweat was leaving you to go down the drain.

instead of putting pajamas on, you put lingerie on, nothing too much, but a little something nice to feel confident. you covered it with the first thing you could find in your closet, which was a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. it wasn’t going to be on you for a long time anyway.

you drove to his place, and he opened his door with a tired smile on his face. it was the same you had.

“hey, i haven’t had time to eat. do you want some?” he pointed to his kitchen, where an almost fully cooked chicken breast with some rice was getting prepared.

you hesitated for some seconds, not because you weren’t hungry, you were actually starving, but because he never did that.

jack was a respectful man. he definitely knew how to treat a woman, even a woman he was only sleeping with, but he always kept it brief. he greeted you, had sex, and provided basic aftercare to make sure you were okay. he never offered anything other than a drink at most.

that’s why, when he proposed a full meal, you were a little surprised. you nodded as he let you enter with a hand on your back to guide your movements.

“you washed your hair?” he noticed, before placing the dinner into two plates and giving you one.

“yeah…”

the dinner was actually really good. you would’ve never guessed it coming from him. usually, military guys have very basic skills in the kitchen. “gosh, it’s good!”

“i took classes,” he explained after swallowing a bite.

“really?”

“yes, i used to be a horrible cook, but i live alone now.”

“sorry, didn’t want to reopen old wounds.”

“no, no, it’s fine, really,” he brushed off, continuing to eat. he looked like he meant it, even if you really wanted to change the topic.

once dinner was done, he placed the plates in the sink. you got up from the chairyou were on to propose to help him with the dishes, but he had other plans.

he took you by the waist and sat you on his kitchen island. he moved to be between your open thighs and feel your core.

you placed your hands on the back of his head to pull him toward you, while his hands on your waist moved to your back to pull you too.

you both wanted more of the other, even if it was becoming physically impossible. his tongue made its way into your mouth to kiss you passionately.

your hips grew a mind of their own and slowly started to grind against him. you felt his hardness, and a deep moan left his lips, increasing the speed of your motion.

“i want to make you feel good,” he whispered as he left your mouth to suck on your neck, covering it with his saliva.

he removed your t-shirt and your bra to get more of your skin. he loved to touch your boobs, especially without a fabric covering them. his big hand groped one for a second before moving back to your back to push you more against him.

you removed your pair of jeans because he was too busy kissing and sucking your whole upper body to do it himself.

“i’ll take care of you, baby,” he breathlessly muttered while his kisses went lower and lower.

“then do it already…” you whined while your hands were still playing with his soft salt-and-pepper hair.

“impatient?”

“very,” you confirmed, trying to make him hurry up.

he chuckled at your words before finally giving your clit some attention with his middle finger. he was slow with it, much more than usual.

“jack, please…”

“you need to learn some patience…”

“fuck you!” you moaned while you were removing his t-shirt to feel his skin.

“trying to.”

his fingers pressed harder on your clit, and his movements got quicker. it wasn’t a rhythm that could make you cum, but it was feeling so good.

he got bored with it quickly and replaced his finger with his tongue. jack spent enough time in bed with you to know what made you feel good, and his tongue was something that did.

while he was sucking and licking on it, he pressed two fingers against your entrance.

you moaned while pushing his head into you with one of your hands. he moaned on your clit and slowly pushed his fingers inside of you to curl them up and down.

you finally got closer after what felt like hours of teasing. he could sense it by the way you contracted around him, so he went quicker to give you what you wanted all along.

he left your clit after the high of your orgasm to gently kiss your neck and jawline. his hand continued its movement in a slow rhythm to drag out your pleasure as much as he could.

“was it good?” he asked to distract you from the way his hands finally left your body.

“mhm…” you responded while wiping around his mouth with your hand.

he smiled and carried you to his bedroom like you weighed nothing. he dropped you on his bed and removed his pants and underwear.

his dick was really hard and leaking precum, but he still gave it a few pumps out of habit before going on top of you.

“you’re so beautiful…” he started while his hips mindlessly thrusted close to where you wanted it. “put your legs up around my waist.”

you did as he told you to, but he didn’t enter you now.

“how much do you want to make me wait?” you whined again, desperate for him to make you feel good again.

“just enough to work your patience,” he winked with the dumb smirk he had whenever he found a good comeback.

you couldn’t respond because he entered you right after. he was always slow at first to make you adapt to his large size. then, he got quicker. the perfect pace to make you scream.

he continued to move into you; one of his hands was rubbing your clit, and the other one was on your breast. he pinched one of your nipples before rolling it between his two fingers. you reacted by scratching his back with your nails. the sensations he was giving you were enough to make you roll your head back. he took the opportunity to kiss your neck some more.

“i think i won’t last,” you moaned while he went really deep.

he went a little harder when you said that. the simple sound of your voice made him lose so much focus, it was embarrassing. “it’s fine, i won’t last much longer, too.”

you immediately contracted around him, and he finished in you after. he gave it a few more pumps before leaving your body.

“you did amazing, baby,” he praised before taking a tissue from his nightstand and wiping your leaking hole.

you could hear the exhaustion in his voice. the long shift made him less performant than usual, but he still made you feel good.

“you were good too…” you mumbled in an after-sex haze that made you a little sleepy but satisfied.

he rolled on his back to lie next to you. he caressed your hair with a soothing hand before you talked.

“i’m exhausted.”

“then you should go home,” he proposed as if it were evident.

this response got you so annoyed. why couldn’t he just ask you to stay? he ruined the whole thing.

“yeah, i’m going,” you snapped, getting out of bed to collect your clothes.

“did i do something?”

“i should go home, that’s what you said.”

he looked at you with a confused face. “i guess you can stay.”

“no, now you’re just asking because i want you to!”

“because i thought we were nothing more!” he defended, seeing you leave his bedroom.

you let out a frustrated groan and rolled your eyes before getting your things to leave.

──୨୧──

the next evening, you went to work. you tried not to think about your little outburst with jack. it was just making you embarrassed.

“hey,” he greeted with a strict tone that scared you a little.

“hey…”

“can we talk, or you want to walk away again?” he asked, putting his hands on his stethoscope to act casual even if he looked very serious.

“don’t we have work?”

“we always have work, so come on, talk to me.”

“fine,” you answered, pausing a second to think about what you actually wanted to say but kept in yourself for so long. “i don’t want to only be casual.”

he took a moment to register it. he thought about his wife and how he couldn’t betray her. he made vows after all. “then i guess it’s the end of it.”

“wow, really? it’s that hard to consider a future with me when we’ve been fuck-”

“dr abbot, we need you in central 8!” someone yells to him, interrupting the moment you just had.

he looks back at you with hesitation. he wanted to say more, but he couldn’t. he really needed to work that one out with his therapist.

you closed your locker and went to the nurse station to find a day shift doctor who could update you on cases.

getting broken up with first thing in a shift was awful. it wasn’t even a proper relationship, but it stung badly.

you spot mel charting alone, so you go see her.

“hey, can you update me on some cases?”

“i need to finish that, i will after.”

“great, thanks!” you smiled, feeling eyes stare at you. it was his pair of eyes; you could feel it.

you turned and made direct eye contact with him. he did a small motion with his head, asking you to come outside with him.

you took a glance at mel, who wasn’t done charting at all, and followed him.

he looked side to side to assure himself you were alone. once it was clear, he took a deep breath before talking.

“i can’t betray my wife…” he whispered to steady his voice, but it still cracked.

you stood there. you’ve never been confronted with grief in someone who wasn’t a patient, especially not in the guy you wanted to date.

“oh…”

he clenched his teeth shut before continuing. “i haven’t dated in years, and i’m scared to restart now… i can’t grieve someone i never knew.”

“you can’t isolate yourself for the rest of your life, jack. i didn’t know your wife, but i’m sure she wouldn’t want that for you.”

you realized that he was standing in front of you without any type of support, so you took his hand. he immediately held it back, needing the small support you gave him.

“i know… it’s just rough on me. i don’t want to hurt you, but i can’t give you more.”

“i understand that, but i need to respect myself, and i can’t accept casual hook-ups forever.”

he nodded in agreement before getting interrupted again by an ambulance that parked right next to you.

──୨୧──

over the next few months, your working relationship became a little awkward. you tried to avoid him, but he was your attending, so it made it difficult. you decided to rely more on shen and confront him when you had no other choice.

thankfully, you got yourself a little break of four days. it was so rare that you filled it with things to do.

one of them was to party with friends. you got closer to them after the breakup with jack. they really wanted to go raving with you as you did in college.

everything went quickly. the drinks changed in your hand before you could even recall drinking them, the lights flashed everywhere, and people were all touching you.

it was 5 a.m. when you checked your phone. you tried to remember that you left your house late, so you didn’t party enough. your friends never left that lifestyle, so they were still doing great at this hour.

you were too drunk for your own liking, so you decided to leave. you made your way to the exit room, too dizzy to go back and tell any of your friends.

once you breathed the fresh air of the early morning, you felt somewhat better. you pulled out your phone to call a cab, but the battery was dead.

“fuck!” you yelled, earning judgmental glances from a few passersby.

you looked around and set your eyes on a girl who didn’t look as drunk as you.

“can i call someone on your phone?” you blurted out.

she saw your state and saw that you definitely couldn’t be a threat in any way, so she nodded and gave you her phone.

you needed to type a number. what number do you even know? they’re all registered on your phone.

you wanted to ask her if you could look up the number of a cab, but she really didn’t look patient, and it made you nervous.

you had no choice but to type jack’s number. he first gave it to you before you went into the trauma bay. you didn’t want to look desperate by asking him again, so you repeated the number in your head so many times that it stuck.

you put the girl’s phone beside your ear, and he picked up at the second ring.

“i really need you to come pick me up at the club.”

he must’ve recognized your voice and your distress, too. “the one five minutes away from your house?”

“mhm.”

you saw the girl who gave you her phone get a little impatient, so you hung up without answering more questions.

he arrived fifteen minutes after. he was technically still on shift at this time, but you couldn’t really care.

you instinctively went to hug him, and he returned it. “are you safe? are you okay?” he asked while pushing your hair away from your face to see you better.

“my phone doesn’t have any battery left…”

he held back a comment about how dependent you were on those things and, instead, smiled in relief that it was your biggest worry at the moment.

“okay, we’ll charge it.”

you got in his car, and he started driving to your place. you suddenly remembered how bad you needed to vomit. “fuck, i need to throw up!”

he stopped the car on the side of the road, and you got out to throw up. you felt hands holding your hair up and gently rubbing your back.

“let it all out,” he consoled in a gentle tone.

once you were done, you both got back into his car. he gave you a napkin he kept in the glove box to wipe your mouth.

you drove in silence to your house. you busied yourself by looking at him. he was so handsome. your eyes drifted to his hands, and you noticed that he didn’t have a ring.

you didn’t say anything about it. your relationship was awkward enough as it was.

jack saw you staring at his empty finger. “removed it. my therapist said it could help me move on.”

“oh…” you said, still too drunk to form a wise response.

“we shouldn’t talk about it now,” he concluded before taking your hand and giving it a light squeeze.

once you got home, you lay limp on the couch of your living room. he closed the door behind him and got you a glass of water. he sat you upright and held you against his chest to maintain you in that position.

“i want to sleep!” you complained while he brought the glass to your lips.

“i want you to sober up before, okay?”

you could feel the cold water go down your system, and it felt so good, but a bad headache ruined it.

“my head hurts!”

“i know… i’ll go get you advil. do you have some?”

you nodded, and he went to your bathroom. he looked in your cabinet and quickly found a bottle.

he sat back down and placed two pills in your mouth. you swallowed them without water, desperate to make the headache go away.

“i feel gross…”

“do you want to take a shower?”

“i’m too tired…”

“i can help you,” he suddenly realized how intimate it sounded, so he tried to fix it. “if you want to...”

you furrowed your brows at the weird proposition but still accepted. it must be the alcohol talking.

you walked in front of him to go to your bathroom. your walk wasn’t straight yet, so he placed a hand on your waist to help you when you were going out of the way.

he undressed you so gently that your heart started to beat faster. he was never rough with you, maybe a little strict at work from time to time, but never rough. however, the way he removed your clothes was beyond not being rough; it was slow and caring.

he removed his in seconds, before throwing his prosthetic away to sit on top of his scattered clothes.

you walked in the tub-shower with him, and you noticed how unstable he was on one leg,, so you sat down on the edge of the tub, and he looked thankful you did.

jack never wanted to talk about his leg. at least not with you. it wasn’t embarrassing for him; most people knew he had a prosthetic, but it was the idea of looking handicapped that bothered him.

he felt like it was a sign of weakness for him. he’s a helper; he loves to treat patients; it’s in his dna. the issue is that he can’t be seen as one if he himself is one.

so when you let him help you clean yourself but sat down to make it easier for him, he smiled. he kneeled in front of you and took a washcloth to wash your body.

your makeup fell down on your face, making you look like a raccoon with your mascara all over your cheeks. he took soap to fix it, but you pulled away.

“don’t put soap on my face; i’ll get pimples!”

he looked at you dumbfounded. you pointed at your facialcleanser, and he understood.

“right, you need the special product for the face,” he laughed butt maintained a soft and precise touch when he applied the cleanser.

he made sure to rinse you properly before stopping the water. when you started getting cold, he wrapped you in a towel like your dad used to do when you were little.

he quickly dried himself before putting back on his prosthetic and clothes.

“thank you for all that,” you smiled, guessing he was going to leave now that you were a little more sober.

“it’s nothing. are you fine to go to sleep?”

“yes, i’ll see you at work this evening?”

“it’s fine if you don’t come; i’ll understand.”

“no, i want to.”

he nodded, respecting whatever choice you’d make. he walked away, closing your door in the most quiet way possible.

──୨୧──

you came back to work with a coffee in your hand. you hoped nobody would notice how hungover you were.

“wow, had fun on your break, i see,” shen joked, his own iced coffee in his hand.

“is it this bad?”

he laughed at your response and reassured you. “no, i was just with jack when you called him. i didn’t know you were so close though.”

“we’re… not,” you corrected before going to your locker, but it made you think.

the jack you hooked up with would’ve never helped you shower or even given you a glass of water. he never cared so little that he wouldn’t have given you a ride, but he stayed when you needed him.

abbot came next to you and looked at you up and down before talking. “hey, feeling better?”

“not really, honestly.”

“i’ll get you a water bottle from the vending machine, okay?”

“thanks, but why would you do that?”

“because i really like you, and i miss you, and everybody’s right; i need to move on.”

“i don’t want to be a rebound.”

“you’re not, you could never be. i like you way too much for you to be that. my therapist made me realize it.”

“fine, but we restart from the beginning. nothing ever happened between us.”

──୨୧──

jack had to think about ways to make you like him. he texted and called you to check on you. he had a hard time knowing the right amount. it was weird to text robby without caring about how he sounded and text you, fearing you’d think he texts too much, or even worse, not enough.

“did you eat yet? i can order you food; you said you were tired at work, so i thought i could save you the trouble,” he sent without mentioning he reviewed the message countless times and even sent it to dana to know her womanly opinion.

you heard your phone buzz as you got out of the shower. it was so cute that he thought about it.

“i’d like it,” you sent, before hesitating and sending him another text. “thank you, by the way, it’s really kind of you.”

he sent a thumbs-up emoji to conclude the conversation. he was so stressed about anything with you. he tried to act as casual as he used to when you were just hooking up, but he couldn’t channel an ounce of this energy with all of his willpower.

he ordered you a pizza from a place you mentioned liking in one of your brief conversations with dana. how did he know you liked it, though?

you came back to work the next evening and thanked him again for dinner. it was hard to act like you didn’t notice how nervous he got around you. the pressure to get a woman to like him on a romantic level was clearly very hard on him.

your night didn’t seem to have an end. you barely had time to talk with any of your coworkers on a personal level, and you just wanted to go home.

you were already doing overtime to finish all of the charting you never got the chance to finish when jack approached you.

“you okay?” he asked with concern showing on his face.

“i’m exhausted, my day was hell, and the charting for that patient is so fucking long,” you complained while typing way too hard on the keyboard.

he stayed silent for a moment to think about a way to comfort you or help you. “you’ll be done soon… i’ll give you a ride home so you can sleep in the car, okay?”

“my car is here, you’d have to give me a ride to work tomorrow.”

“i’ll do it, it’s not a problem.”

he finished his work for the night, but he still stayed to wait for you. he made himself busy with small tasks to remain available for when you'd be done.

when he saw you go to your locker, he followed, and you both walked to his car.

you talked about your shitty day, and he listened, honestly, you could talk about how to make potato salad, and he would listen attentively. your voice and the way you talk were addicting to him.

“jack, can i put music on?”

“yes, take my phone; the password is 0000.”

“could’ve taken 1234,” you joked while typing.

“it’s too easy to guess,” he sarcastically replied before giving you a playful wink.

his phone got unlocked, and you looked for his music app, but he received a message from a group chat called Cupid’s Crew. you clicked on it, forgetting privacy for an instant, and found a group chat with most of his friends. dana informed the group that jack was going to drive you home, so shen responded with “finally, after all the coaching we’ve done for that old guy!”

you smiled at the idea of him asking everyone for advice and put your music on. he stayed quiet to let you fall asleep.

once you opened your eyes, his car was parked, and he was texting on his phone.

“you didn’t wake me up?” you mumbled while rubbing your eyes. “what time is it?”

he looked at his watch before answering. “it’s 11 a.m., but you looked really comfortable, so i just let you sleep.”

“could’ve woken me up; you need sleep too.”

“i’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

he got so much hotter since he started making efforts. you went home with a dumb smile on your face because of everything he started doing to get you back.

the next evening, he came back to give you a second ride. he bought you a coffee, the same one that shen always drinks. you couldn’t help but wonder if it was him who gave the idea in the group chat you couldn’t stop thinking about.

“i have a day off sunday,” he said while starting to drive.

“and…?”

you waited for him to formally ask you on the date before agreeing.

“…and i’d like to go on a date with you. there’s a nice restaurant, i'd want to make you try.”

“okay, i’d like that.”

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you barely remembered any names. they were only the issue that brought them here.

“iv line in south 21!” dana yelled at you from across the department. she was on the red phone, calling the police station to complain about something they messed up again.

you nodded and went into the room. you greeted the patient by presenting yourself without really having the time to look in his direction. when you set your eyes on the man, you noticed he was sweating a lot and looked in great pain. he clearly wanted to be out of here as soon as possible.

you approached him to prepare the iv line, but suddenly, he placed his big forearm across your chest and pushed you on the hard floor. you heard the loud bang of your head hitting the cold ground. you weren’t sure if he just wanted to take a breath without having a nurse near or if he was just a violent man. you panicked when he got up from his bed and assumed the second option. you could’ve screamed or maybe immobilized him, but the luxury of thinking had been stripped away from you at this moment.

he wasn’t the first patient to be a little too rough with you. you couldn’t place a finger on the reason behind it, but this one was scarier.

you desperately touched your pockets and found 20 mg of haloperidol in a syringe. it was going to tranquillize him a lot.

you forgot his chart. was he allergic to this? could it kill him in his condition? no matter the answer, you acted without a second thought.

nobody was going to rescue you. the drapes were closed with the soundproof glass wall. you were your own saviour.

once he fell on his bed to fall asleep, you ran to go see dana. you explained what happened. you didn’t take a breath and dumped everything on her. you told her that you weren’t even sure if he meant it, that you drugged him a little too much, and most importantly, that your head hurts.

she sent male nurses to deal with him. it was unnecessary, he was asleep, and you couldn’t really know if he was going to wake up.

“it’s okay, sweetheart, you did what you could. now tell me, how’s your head?” she asked softly, checking your vitals at the same time as a reflex.

“i’m fine, i just feel like i want to throw up.”

right after you pronounced the words, you ran to a trash can to do so. dana followed with a comforting hand rubbing your back, and another one holding your hair.

“hey! robby! got an asshole in south 21! he pushed one of my nurses!” she yelled at the attending in chief.

he saw you were getting taken care of, so he immediately went to see the patient. it made dana roll her eyes, but you couldn’t care less. your head was killing you. the nurses were in his room, trying to fix the amount of tranquilizer you gave him.

he came back with furrowed brows. “what did you give him? he was stable five minutes ago!”

“i only had haloperidol on me…” you responded, giving him the empty syringe as proof.

was it bad that you weren’t feeling guilty? pain wasn’t an excuse to be violent. dana always repeated that we were nurses, not punching bags. you had no business getting assaulted, and you reacted in that way.

“do you have any idea how dangerous it is? he has a heart condition,” he scolded, while leaning on the nurse’s station, and passing his hands through his face. “you basically killed a patient, i should remove your license for something like that!”

“i didn’t! he’s getting stabilized as we speak! would you prefer if i were the one he killed?” you argued with a heartbeat starting to pound in your head.

“i don’t need the liability because you didn’t think right! your job is to be able to make decisions under pressure!”

“and i made a decision! he’s going to be fine!”

“okay, enough, why don’t we get you a room?” dana suggested, taking you by the shoulders, and looking at robby with lasers in her eyes.

you lay on the bed and got a basic exam done. it confirmed your concussion.

your mind was filled with cases you needed to get back into. you had to report one of child neglect, a patient didn’t like ham, but wanted a sandwich, an elderly patient wanted you to give him a haircut before dying from his illness…

you got your thoughts interrupted by dr king, who walked into the room. she did a thorough exam before concluding to a concussion.

you called your boyfriend, jack, for him to come to the hospital. you knew he could help you relax and take care of you.

“you okay?” he mumbled. you clearly woke him up from a power nap before the beginning of his shift.

“concussion. i got assaulted by a patient…”

“fuck… i’m coming, you’re still in the er?”

“yes, but robby is pissed off-“ you paused, thinking it would be better to explain this part in person. “just come, please…”

it didn’t take him long to arrive. dana pointed to the room you were in when she saw abbot, who nodded at the indication. he had his camo backpack on, but he was still in the t-shirt and sweatpants he usually wears to bed. he didn’t take the time to change into his scrub.

actually, he didn’t take time to do anything. he sprinted to his car and drove like a crazy man to the hospital.

he immediately closed the lights in your room and sat down on one of the backless desk chair there is in every room. he had this worried look in his eyes that you hated to see on him.

“don’t worry, i’m fine. the patient is a true asshole, though,” you reassured before passing your fingers through his soft hair. it was so comforting to do so after a long day.

“he is… who’s treating you?” he smiled to avoid thinking about the patient. he loved your hand touching him, even in situations like these.

“mel, she did everything right. just… stay with me…”

he focused back on you. he knew dr king was going to follow the protocol well. it was reassuring to have someone like her.

“i have someone in room 15 that needs to be checked on soon, and gregory in room 6 will have a tantrum if there’s ham in his sandwich, but he will request a sandwich-“

“honey, please, don’t think too much, it’s bad for you,” jack begged with the soft voice he used when you were irritated after a long shift and needed to calm down.

“i know…”

“you said robby was mad. can you tell me what happened?”

“i gave haloperidol to the patient, but he had heart problems. we argued against it… my head hurts…”

he listened intently to you, nodding at every word with a furrowed brow. his hand was on your thigh to confirm his presence.

“baby, you got assaulted. the brain can only decide between fight or flight in moments like these. you did what you could to fight against him, okay?”

“i know… i’m more angry at robby than the patient, honestly.”

“yeah, take a deep breath for me. we both know you need to relax,” he cooed.

you did as he said. he looked at your pupils to see if they were the same size, even if dr king obviously already did it. he just wanted to take care of you.

he got up once you calmed down. “i’ll go get you a cup of water,” he decided, already leaving.

in the emergency department, everyone was running everywhere. paperwork was all over the desks, and doctors were quickly typing on keyboards. patients crying and screaming filled every single room. it was chaos.

he found his friend, robby, walking in between rooms. he had an exhausted face, matching his messed-up hair from all of the pulling he must have done on it.

“hey, brother!” abbot shouted to get his attention.

“i’m a little busy right now!” he smiled in an attempt to hide how stressed he was.

“take a breath, your nurse got assaulted. you need to empathize man,” he recommended to him while keeping a cool facade to avoid an unwanted shutdown from him.

“she could’ve killed him, jack!”

“you can’t control everything happening, you just need to accept what’s going on.”

“she’s your girlfriend…”

“she’s also a nurse, and you’re her attending! you need to back her up. it’s our job.”

“i also need to correct her…”

“not when she just had a concussion!” he paused to calm down, but robby continued.

“i don’t know if you noticed, but we’re pretty busy in here. i can’t do everything perfectly.”

jack rolled his eyes at the stupidity he spat out. it wasn’t a good time to say it, but he needed to seek professional help as soon as possible. it was becoming urgent by the second. all of his issues were projected on his staff, so it included you.

“she’s always doing what’s right for patients. she clearly didn’t mean to kill him, okay? go apologize to her,” he ordered in a military tone he hadn’t used in years.

jack came back with a cup of water he took from the break room. he acted like nothing happened to avoid worrying you.

you smiled when you saw him. you missed working with him so bad. he’s such a good attending, even to the nurses. you struggled to make the change when you had to go on the day shift. it was needed to keep working in the same hospital, and preferably the same department, but you craved his presence all the time.

jack left to change into his scrub before the beginning of his shift. you were left alone again when someone came in.

“hey…” robby greeted, rubbing his hands together and looking down.

“don’t even try screaming at me.”

“i won’t, i promise,” he answered while holding his hands up in surrender. “i just wanted to say that i’m sorry for yelling at you…”

“not for threatening to remove my license?”

he looked at you for the first time. he wasn’t expecting this response, and it threw him off. people usually accepted his excuses without asking for more.

“i mean, it clearly wasn’t okay…” he paused before continuing. “but… i shouldn’t have talked to you this way.”

“did jack ask you to apologize?”

“yes…” he admitted like a little child. “i freaked out, i just want everything to be perfect while i’m here.”

jack came back in the room with his black scrub on. he was looking so fine. he sent a look to robby and then you to make sure everything was alright. he must’ve figured it was because he sat down next to your bed again.

robby got the message and left with an apologetic smile in your direction.

you knew he was struggling, and you tried to get him help with jack and dana. you kept repeating that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help, but it didn’t soften the blow. he was getting worse day by day.

“did he apologize?” abbot asked, even if he was sure the answer would be positive.

“you sent him.”

“you don’t deserve what he did,” he explained to justify himself.

“…thank you…”

he nodded and got into bed with you. you rolled on your side to give him room. then, you laid on your belly to put half of your body on him. it was nice to have some extra time with him because you usually didn’t sleep in the same bed when you were both working.

he covered your forehead with kisses before running his hands through your hair. he stared at you, and you felt like his eyes had heart in them. it reminded you of the cartoons you watched when you were a kid.

“i love you so so so much, baby…” he whispered.

“i love you too.”

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you ended up in ptmc, or, as your attending in chief called it, the pitt. it was so amazing to see what you learned in textbooks come to life. what was only theoretical knowledge became practical too. it was easier to answer a question you personally assisted in.

even with all of the patients you treated, you still had to learn. your bag was constantly filled with notes, flash cards, and highlighters. from time to time, you had a little five minutes to guess the answer to a question you’ve written down on a piece of paper.

the sad reality of public services, especially public hospitals, was that the workers were overworked and underpaid. it forced you to work for twenty-four hours straight, on weekends or on nights. whenever they needed a hand, they knew they could count on medical students who had a hard time setting boundaries.

it was 4 a.m., unlike most people your age, who were partying or in a random man’s bed, you were at the hospital. abbot, the friend of your attending, needed more medical students on the night shift tonight.

you were at your desk, the computer was lagging, so you had time to study while it was saving the information you wrote down.

abbot approached you with a closed smile. he had a staring problem that let you know that he was going to approach you.

“hey, kid, the computers aren’t working again?”

“yes, leaving me time to study, though,” you pointed out, showing your notes.

“third year? the hardest.”

“that’s what everybody’s been telling me…” you replied, it was only the beginning of the year, so you still had a lot of motivation even with the load of content.

“if you need a studying partner, i’m here.”

“you’d help me study?”

“yes,” he crossed his arms, balancing his weight from his prosthetic to his working leg, “unless you already have one.”

“i don’t, i’m just not sure if it’s appropriate to study with my superior,” you admitted, even if you hated to doubt his integrity.

“because i would be the one to evaluate you…” he completed your thought. “i mean… i’ll just help for the studying part, nothing else. robby will also evaluate you.”

you bit your bottom lip, feeling guilty for making him sound like something he wasn’t. “fine, i need help anyway.”

“good.”

with that, he left to leave you alone with the computer that finally saved the charting you previously did.

“patient room 12, honey!” lena yelled from the other side of the emergency department.

you nodded and headed there. you had no idea what you were going to walk into, so you just put on a smile, hoping for the best.

the patient was a woman with a second-degree burn on her right hand. you established a plan before treating her and presented it to your attending.

“30-year-old woman, no past medical history, second-degree burn on the dorsum of the right hand because of a hot pan, everything’s intact; looks superficial.”

“you checked her neurovascularity and tbsa?”

“intact and less than 1%. we should give her pain meds, clean it, bacitracin, and a non-adherent dressing. then, we arrange a follow-up.”

“nice work, kid.”

“thanks,” you accepted the compliment before trying to leave, but you felt a strong hand on your shoulder holding you back.

“i need to give you my number,” he instructed, looking down at you. you never felt attracted to older men, but when he looked at you with like that…

“f-for what?” you stuttered like a little girl with a crush.

he allowed the silence in the conversation to give you time to get yourself together.

“oh, yes! sorry, tired…” you awfully lied, taking your phone out of your pocket to exchange your information.

you were a little red when you went back to your patient.

by the end of your shift, robby came in. he was talking with abbot. both of them were leaning on the nurse station. you smiled in their direction as you walked by.

“i need her on the night shift all the time,” jack said in a decided tone.

“she’s too young for you, brother,” robby ruled out, shaking his head with a smile.

“i know it’s inappropriate. i’ll keep my distance.”

“she’s cute, you sure you can resist?”

“i’ll do my best,” he playfully winked at him.

honestly, robby was glad that abbot was moving on. his wife had been dead for years, and it scared the shit out of him that he couldn’t move on.

“alright, i’ll give her more night shifts with you, but gloria can’t know anything.”

──୨୧──

“hey, i saw my shift for next week, and i almost only have night shifts. do you want to study after one?”

“oh, really?” he tried to act like he wasn’t the one who specifically requested it. “we can do it today.”

“today works for me,” you smiled as if you had any other thing to do besides studying.

“do you like night shifts? i’ll see if i can arrange something else if you don’t.”

“no, it’s fine…” you simply answered with a smile instead of saying what you actually had in mind because: “i like it because you’re the hottest person in this whole hospital, and when we talk, i daydream about it for hours.” doesn’t sound appropriate.

“glad you like it.”

you nodded and walked away. the only thing you could do was count the hours until it was 7a.m. it was pathetic.

people always warned medical students about how important it was to separate work and personal life. it was a mistake that could ruin careers.

still, when your shift ended, and you clicked on his name in your contact, you had this weird feeling in your stomach.

“hey, kid, ready to study?” he greeted you with a gentle tone.

“yes, i sent you a message about what i needed to study. what’s highlighted in green is the information i know, yellow isn’t totally clear, and pink isn’t even in my brain.”

“…yes, i received it,” he replied, looking at his text before adding in a curious voice: “what are you doing?”

“sorry, i’m in the shower. can you still hear me?”

“yes, but i should probably call you when you’re done.”

“it’s fine, really. i always study in the shower, it’ll be quick.”

he took a deep breath that made you anxious. then, he began asking you questions. you never noticed how attractive his voice was.

you stayed on the phone the whole morning.

you rubbed your eyes to keep them open while you answered a question. “vastus laterialis.”

“yes, usually you should think about the inner side of the thigh, but-“

“it’s fine if you tell me that my answer is incorrect, i won’t get mad,” you interrupted, trying really hard not to mumble despite your exhausted state.

“is that what you want?”

“it’s what you should do,” you corrected while lying on your bed, your eyes fixated on some study sheet you made yesterday.

“what you want is more important.”

“i’m too tired to know what i want…”

“then i should let you sleep.”

“is that what you want?”

“it’s what i should do.”

“sleep well, dr abbot.”

“sleep well, kid.”

your notes were all over your bed, creating a blanket to sleep under. the worst is that you couldn’t even find the energy to put it on the floor.

the alarm waking you up at 6 p.m. was brutal. you got up to study more, while you drank an energy drink. the study session with abbot helped you understand more subjects you struggled with. he was a good attending for sure, but also a great teacher.

you quickly got ready and left for work. the harsh lights of the pitt are burning your sleepy eyes. when abbot saw you, he gave you a coffee.

“you need it, i should’ve stopped sooner,” he apologized, giving you the cup. you hated how your mind went to other places than a strictly professional one.

you took a sip and made a disgusted face. he should’ve warned you about the coffee from the hospital.

“shen is coming soon with decent coffee, i’ll ask him to bring you some.”

“can you ask him to order it with almond milk? oh, i also want it iced!”

he scoffed at your request. “when i was younger, we only asked for coffee.”

“well, i’m not a baby boomer,” you informed, trying to mask a laugh.

“baby boomer?!”

“i need to go see dr ellis, talk to you soon!”

he chuckled while you walked away. seeing you gain confidence and become yourself in your workplace was his reason to come here recently.

later, during your shift, you saw a teenage girl with her boyfriend and her boyfriend’s mom. she wanted an abortion, but she couldn’t legally have one. she was quite panicked, and you just wanted to help her.

you went to your attending to get advice on how to treat the situation, just for him to remove the case from you.

“i’ll take care of it.”

“no, i can take care of it! i just want to know what to say.”

“we can study it together, i need you to assist in trauma 2, i’ll take care of the pregnancy.”

when you were sure that you were out of his sight, you rolled your eyes.

assisting in surgery was one of the things you disliked the most. everyone was saying something and was squeezed together to treat the wounds of the patient.

as you left the room, ellis approached you.

“you need to be more focused in there, okay?”

“sorry, i was with the pregnant teen in 13, but abbot stole the case from me.”

“…and it’s a problem because…?”

“i need to practise how to announce bad news to patients! we barely cover that in med school.”

“you can practise if there’s a death or something serious. abbot will get her the abortion pill.”

“he can’t, he doesn’t have parental consent.”

“just keep your mouth shut,” she ordered, even if she didn’t think you’d report anything.

“yes…”

“good… just let him do it, we can’t afford to do it.” she explained.

abbot was a white, experienced man; you knew what dr ellis said was true. he couldn’t lose his license over stupid little things like these, but it still worried you.

──୨୧──

your calls with abbot helped. your grades improved, and you became a better doctor. you even started to argue the choice of some treatment for patients instead of blindly following what the more qualified doctor said.

“you sent me your notes for this morning’s studying session,” abbot reminded before placing an iced coffee with almond milk on your desk. “studying the bones of the body is easier in person.”

“i agree,” you concluded, sipping the coffee he made a habit to order everyday for you.

“do you want to stay here after work? there’s an abandoned floor with a skeleton.”

“wow, doesn’t look creepy at all!” you sarcastically answered, even if he already knew you were down for it.

he chuckled and left to see robby, who hadn’t left yet.

“man, you’re too far gone.” robby chuckled while shaking his head as he looked at you and at his friend. he thought it was just a little crush that would help him move on.

“it’s all appropriate. there’s nothing more going on,” he reassured, crossing his arms with a serious face.

“i don’t buy coffees for my med students, jack.”

“she’s tired, i help her study after our shifts.”

robby laughed before rubbing his face. “fuck, do you know how bad it is?” he asked without waiting for an answer. “what does your therapist think about it?”

“i haven’t talked to him about it.“

“wow,” he whispered before putting his hands on the back of his neck to ground himself.

“i really like her,” he tried to convince him.

even if it’s true, they both knew it was more than that. the workplace relationship, the age gap, the power imbalance… everything was an off-limit zone that jack couldn’t help but run into.

──୨୧──

abbot waited until his shift ended like a prisoner waiting for freedom.

“you got plans after this?” shen asked, sipping his drink. he noticed how much he looked at his watch.

“huh… yeah, actually…” he stayed vague, but he was uncovered quickly.

“he’s helping the med student, heard them talking about a study session,” lena announced while she was charting.

“it’s just studying!” jack made clear while shen’s eyes were widened in surprise and judgment, even if he didn’t say a word.

you were one of the last to end your shift with abbot. charting was the worst thing invented by mankind, and those stupid computers were going to be the death of you. abbot waited until you were done by talking to the day shift crew.

once you clicked on the save button and everything was finalized, you could take the elevator with him to this mysterious floor.

“okay, we’ll practice with finding the bones, their names, and know where they are in the body.” your attending started while he took the skeleton into a room.

“ok, sure,” you agreed before sitting on a bed.

you started to study. it was so long to do every single bone that you just wanted to close your eyes.

“you did so well… i’ll show you the bones of the face so we can end sooner, okay?” he complimented with an approving smile.

“fine, whatever…”

he named every single bone while touching them on your face. it was studying, that’s all there was, but it felt so intimate. your body was covered in his touch.

“…and finally, that’s your zygomatic,” he showed, his hand touching your cheek bone. “we’re done…”

you placed your hair behind your ears to look more put-together. it was just a normal study session after all. it’s nothing more and shouldn’t even be more.

you walked together to your car in the hospital’s parking lot.

“you text me when you get home, okay?” he pleaded… or ordered. it was unclear, but that tone could make you melt. you knew that you’d fantasize about it all day.

“will do.”

when his phone buzzed with your message, he had a hard time keeping it together. your presence made him feel good in a way he couldn’t explain. the simple act of receiving a message from you was enough to provide a small part of this feeling.

──୨୧──

the next day was like any other. patients went, and patients left. you were exhausted from your week, and it showed a little.

“you’re going on a break,” dr ellis decided.

“why?” you asked, focused on your charting that never seemed to end.

“the patient had chorea, not cholera. it’s fine, you just need to learn to take a break.”

you nodded at her suggestion. the break room had some painkillers in a cabinet. you took two pills with a glass of water. then, you went to the isolated room where parker likes to take naps.

you woke up with a soft voice talking to you. you’ve never slept this well in your life, even with conditions making it difficult like these. the lights were still on, the screaming patients were yelling from time to time, and the bed had no blanket or pillow. you had to lie on your side, hugging yourself to bring some warmth to your body.

“hey…” abbot smiled, keeping a hand on your arm, you didn’t even notice.

“what…?” you mumbled, still in the confused haze from your nap.

“you need to wake up, dana needs the room for a sane exam,” he softly whispered as you got up.

“dana is on the day shift.”

“it’s 7 a.m., kid.”

you looked at your phone, which confirmed the time. “i missed 3 hours of my shift!”

“no one will know, okay? you need sleep, i don’t want to see you on a hospital bed as a patient,” he elaborated, even if you weren’t listening. he stood a little too close while looking down at your eyes. he was so hot, it was becoming annoying.

he took everything he had in him to resist the urge to touch you more. you looked sleepy, and he couldn’t shake the idea of you looking the same in the morning. he wanted to see it every day when you woke up in bed.

“okay, we need to leave the room…” you started before walking away, hoping he’d follow. “i want my bed!”

“i’ll uber you something nice and quick to eat, what do you like?” he asked while placing a guiding hand on the middle of your back.

you hope he couldn’t notice how you leaned into his touch. it was familiar and comforting to be touched like that. even for the first time, you were already feeling like his touch was going to be a need for you, something you’d crave more than your bed.

“there’s this place that does really good burrito bowls, they’re cheap-“ you informed him without even thinking about him buying you food. maybe it was because you knew he would insist, or maybe it was the fact that you liked the thought of him making sure you’re well.

“i asked for what you like, not what was cheap. if you like it, we can get it, but don’t think about prices right now.”

“i like it too.”

he nodded, and you got to your lockers to take your things. your power nap helped, but you knew you’d just be late on studying and charting. it was a never-ending cycle.

“pay attention to the road, and you text me when you get home, okay?”

“i will.”

he looked at you for a moment too long, a second more than what would’ve been appropriate.

──୨୧──

you slept for eleven hours once you got home. your dinner or breakfast, you just call it a meal at this point, was at your door when you came into the apartment. you ate and slept as the abbot instructed. it felt good to let yourself do what you needed.

work didn’t feel like such a chore this evening. you had a coffee in your hand that was there because of habit more than need, and you smiled at everyone.

you leaned on the nurse station to talk to princess and perlah who were going home. abbot came in to stand next to you. his arm was touching yours because of how close he was. he didn’t move, and neither did you. once they left, he looked at you for a moment before talking.

“do we study after?” he asked in an attempt to fill the silence.

“yes, i found a library we can go to,” you casually said, even if you researched places to study to find an excuse to stay with him a little longer.

“perfect,” he finished with a hand ready to touch your back again, wondering if it would be weird or if you could even tell how much he thought about touching you.

he left to go see other people. you shouldn’t dislike the fact that he took good care of everyone working with him, but you were always doubting that you weren’t his favourite. not that he should have one! however, if he had one, you wanted it to be you. you wanted to be the one he thought about when you weren’t there…

god, you were too far gone. it was so inappropriate. you shouldn’t think about this like that, yet you kept craving attention from him.

at the end of the night, the emergency department looked quite manageable for once, and it was refreshing. you finished the endless charting you had to do and saved it before closing the computer.

you felt a presence behind you, and you could immediately tell who it was. “we take my car or yours?”

“yours,” you answered, turning your spinning chair toward him. you loved it when he looked down at you.

you walked to the parking lot again, and he opened the door of his car for you before getting in.

──୨୧──

you stayed at the library for hours. it was nice, and you loved his voice when he was whispering and trying to be quiet.

“we need to practice again the first chapter we covered, i wasn’t good in that one,” you commanded, like most study sessions.

you usually just told him what to study and how. he never commented on anything; he was simply following your intense rhythm.

“okay… you were good, though,” he corrected.

“i calculated, and for my finals, i’ll have one minute per question. i don’t have time to hesitate or think.”

“okay, let’s get you some air. come with me,” he proposed while getting up.

you walked outside with your bag on your shoulder. the sun was up in the sky for once, and it made you realize how much you studied for today.

“sorry, i know you should get some sleep, i don’t want to annoy you with my studying,” you apologized.

“hey, i want to help you study. if i didn’t, i wouldn’t be here right now.”

you nodded before walking to his car. without saying another word, he followed, understanding that you were done for today.

he opened the car and drove to your place in silence. you rested your eyes and laid your head on his bicep.

you woke up when he was near the destination. you were never a big sleeper in cars.

“you’re up?”

“huh… yes…” you mumbled, getting up from his arm that stayed in the same position for your whole nap. “sorry, i keep sleeping…”

“it’s fine, you must be exhausted. you did well today.”

“do you want to come in? we can eat breakfast… or dinner. whatever you prefer.”

he paused for some time, trying to figure out how to say what he wanted without hurting you in any way. “kid, i like you, i really do… but you’re too young for me.”

you bit your lip again. how dumb did you sound? of course, he was going to say no! he’s not the type of guy who needs to relive his youth by dating younger. he’s a respectable man who would never even think about dating someone in his workplace.

“it’s just a meal because you bought me one. i wasn’t meaning it like that,” you replied. it was becoming urgent to practice your lying skills because it sounded so fake.

“okay, that’s fine, but nothing else while you’re a med student.”

“so, after is fine?” you tried to hide your smirk with your hand, but he saw through it.

“don’t smile too much, it’s still very inappropriate of me… i could be your dad,” he shamefully replied with his hands passing through his hair.

“you’re not my dad.”

“i’m still your boss after all.”

“robby and collins had a thing. i heard about it from nurses.”

“it wasn’t more appropriate, and heater was older than you…”

you paused to think about what you should respond. “but do you like me?”

“so much…” he admits without missing a beat. “i like you so much…”

“then come over, just for a meal, nothing else.”

he nodded and got out of the car.

you went to your apartment. it looked lived in without being too messy. some textbooks and notes were decorating the place to create a reminder of your occupation.

you opened your fridge to see what you could make.

“i have everything needed for some pasta. do you like that?”

“yeah, it’s fine.”

you took the ingredients and did a recipe you learned some years ago. abbot stepped into the kitchen to help you.

once it was ready, you sat down to eat together. you could tell he was battling in his head if it was okay to do everything. when it was simple studying or mentoring, he was only hoping. the thought of it becoming real made him realize how fucked he was.

“jack, it’s fine, we won’t do anything…”

“it’s not that i don’t want to because i really do. i just want to take it slow, especially with you.”

“we can do that. do you still want to do the study sessions?”

“mhm”

──୨୧──

you had some days off before your next shift, but jack texted you more. it was harmless discussions that weren’t hr worthy, but it was nice to talk about other stuff than medical terminology.

you came back to work a double. it started with a twelve-hour shift with robby. he looked at you differently. you guessed, jack must’ve told him about you.

“hey, can we talk for a second?” robby invited, pulling you to the side of a hallway.

he crossed his arms like abbot often does. then, he looked at you with a soft expression on his face. “i’ll give you more day shifts from now on.”

“is it because of jack and me?”

“yes. don’t talk about it with anyone, especially gloria, until you’re an intern at least. i haven’t seen jack like someone like this since i met him.”

“sorry…”

“don’t apologize, i’m just trying to avoid a mess for my friend and student.”

you smiled and left. it was so embarrassing! you were barely a thing, and your boss was already aware. you went to the break room to get another coffee when you saw jack.

“why did you tell him?” you asked him with your face red like a tomato.

he looked at you, confused.

“you told robby we are a thing.”

“aren’t we?”

“do you know how embarrassing it is to have your boss talk to you about stuff like that? i don’t want him to know about my private life!”

“you snored on the phone last night, i guess we’re past the point of keeping a private life.”

“you’re different!” you argued, hitting his arm as he laughed from your embarrassment.

“robby won’t tell anyone, okay?” he cooed while putting your hair behind your ears like you like them to be. “how about a date wednesday? would that be embarrassing too?”

you playfully rolled your eyes. “i guess it wouldn’t… you’re sure you don’t mind the age thing?”

“you’re making it difficult to remember…” he smiled, taking one of your hand in his bigger ones.

robby passed by and saw the two of you in the open room. the whole hospital was going to know in seconds with this amount of discretion.

“you guys really want gloria on my back, don’t you?” he asked while closing the door.

oops…

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your boy, on the other hand, wasn’t feeling good at all. he had a fever and the worst headache. he definitely wasn’t like usual.

the name of your son got called, you came to the front desk. a nurse installed you in a room, and you waited some more to get a doctor.

“hi, i’m doctor mckay, this is a teaching hospital, is it okay if i bring student javadi and ogilvie with me?”

“yes, sure,” you desperately answered to get your son a treatment as soon as possible.

“how are you feeling bud’?” dr mckay asked.

“not so great… i have a fever and my head hurts…”

“where’s dad?” you daughter interrupted. she was getting more agitated.

you turned to mckay who was examining your son. “could we see doctor whitaker, she really wants to see her dad,”

“huh… sure…” she hesitated, before a smile appeared on her face.

──୨୧──

you were a little uncomfortable at the look the student doctors shared.

dennis and you were high school sweethearts. both loners, you bonded over your love for the medical field. you both wanted to become doctors.

however, the universe had other plans. you got pregnant at 16 years old, even after using protection.

you really tried to get an abortion, but your family was against it, and refused to get you any type of healthcare during the pregnancy.

when the twins came, you had to put school aside. you both had terrible grades because of this. fortunately, dennis was a very good dad.

one of his brothers already had kids at that time, so he practiced on them to help you when they were here. his brother always bullied him for that. he said that it was your role and not his.

he only got accepted into a university in pittsburgh. it was far away and made him abandon you and the kids.

you settled for nursing in nebraska, and took care of the kids at the same time.

even if he wasn’t present, dennis sent money all the time. you knew he was in debt, but so were you. sometimes, he called between study sessions too.

recently, you moved here to pittsburgh. you finished nursing school and needed help with the kids.

your decision got sped up when your kids started to demonstrate the same traditional values that your parents taught you.

after all of that time apart, you weren’t really dating dennis. it was more of a co-parenting relationship than anything else. you didn’t live under the same roof or anything like that. as a matter of fact, you didn’t even know where he lived. he just came by on his rare days off to take care of the kids.

when your son got ill, you called dennis but he wasn’t answering. since his first day at the ptmc, you couldn’t get in touch with him for twelve hours a day.

──୨୧──

whitaker finally came once ogilvie called him in.

“daddy!” you daughter screamed, turning the heads of all of the doctors and nurses in the department.

“hi, is- is your brother okay?” he stuttered suddenly worried, realizing that his son was lying on a hospital bed.

“fever and headache,” mckay began. “when were you going to tell us about your family?”

“i-”

“we’re separated,” you finished quickly.

“you’re too young to have children, let alone children this age,” the tall student doctor with blond hair added.

“we had them at 16… we used protection, it’s just that-” you ex started before you were interrupted.

“they don’t need to know all of that, denny.”

he nodded and mckay left while encouraging the students to come with her with a small move of her head.

“did you call me? it could be very dangerous,” he warned you, pointing at your son. he wasn’t scolding you or anything. he was just very worried.

“i’m fine, dad…”

“no, you’re not!” you both disagreed at the same time.

“i’ll go talk to mom outside, okay?” he informed the kids before taking you outside of the private place.

“listen… i know it’s been a long time, but i’m a doctor now… i need to pay off some debts and everything, but i think we could buy a place of our own with the kids. i need more time with them.”

you had a surprised look on your face. he was your ex, your baby daddy or maybe even your boyfriend. the important part is that you couldn’t even place a title on your relationship, and he was talking about moving in?

“can we discuss that later, when our son isn’t in a hospital maybe?”

“it’s just…” he started fidgeting with his stethoscope around his neck. “i want to be the first one to know when there’s something… i spent enough time away from them… don’t you think?”

“yes, it’s just that i don’t really know where we are at in our relationship, and moving in together feels like a lot.”

he got distracted by an older doctor with a beard asking for something on the other side of the department. “yeah, i get that… listen, we can arrange something to see each other more often- i really have to go… mckay will take charge of the little one. i can’t do it myself-”

“because he’s family, i get it. go save lives or whatever…”

you waited hours to get your son any kind of treatment again. your daughter kept wanting to see her dad and you had more than enough.

“okay, we’ll go see him!” you replied to her after the fifth time she asked.

you spotted whitaker at his desk. he was charting for a patient.

“i’ll crash out if you don’t take her,” you complained while giving her to him. he was so concentrated that he didn’t even register what you said before you were gone.

he had her on his lap, and she wasn’t leaving him. he was looking for you with his eyes, but you were hidden in his son’s room.

he looked down at his daughter. she had his blue eyes but her little nose and lips were looking more and more like yours.

“okay, honey, don’t bother me too much while i chart, can you do that for me?”

“what’s charting~?”

he took a deep breath, knowing that it was going to be a long journey before he could finally finish what he had to do.

“hey, whitaker, whose kid is that? do we have another baby jane doe?” dana asked, her glasses were on the tip of her nose as she tried to read something.

“no, it’s my daughter.”

he couldn’t really hear what she mumbled, but it sounded like “kids are having kids”.

he didn’t respond, just focused on his chart with furrowed brows. mckay was taking care of things. he didn’t have to worry. she had more experience than he, and his illness was probably not that bad, right?

it didn’t stop him from checking on him every once in a while during the day. he was just saying a little something to the kids or even a little smile when he was busier.

“denny, it’s the fourth time in an hour you come in!”

“oh… yeah, probably, sorry…” he apologized and left, but you followed him outside the room with a face full of worry.

“it’s nothing serious, is it?”

“i can’t tell, he’s not my patient… listen, you did everything fine, he was in the er as soon as he got sick. she’ll probably give him some pills, and you’ll go home with the kids. i’ll ask her to update you, okay?”

“i- he’s really sick…” the tears in your eyes fell on your cheeks. dennis took you in his arms. he gave you the same hug you received when you were crying on the bathroom floor after the test showed the two lines.

“it’s going to be okay…” he whispered in your ear. it felt like a catch phrase at this point. everything in your life was something that needed to be better, but it was never actually getting better.

your face was wrapped in his large chest. it felt comforting. it could be nostalgia or an old habit; you truly didn’t care. you wanted to be with him.

“i’m tired of you saying that…”

“i know, i’m tired of saying it…” he pulled out of the hug to look at you. he gently wiped some tears of your face before admiring the kids through the glass wall of the room. “i’m so proud of you, you care such good care of them… everyday, i thank whoever is up there to have given me kids who look so much like their mother.”

“don’t make me cry more!” you laughed off.

“sorry…”

later in the day, you got discharged with some pills, like dennis told you would happen. even if you trusted his opinion, it was nice hearing it from your doctor.

your kids were pretty sleepy, and you held their little hands to the exit.

“hey, what happened?” whitaker came by, taking your son in his arms before you left.

“you were right, some pills will do the trick. thank you for today. the kids missed you.”

“i can bring them to school friday morning, letting mom sleep a little,” he suggested. he had this way of looking into your eyes like you were his only reason for existence. it was what made you fall in love at 16.

you nodded in agreement. he really did try to be present, but it was hard with work and his living situation. even if he didn’t talk about it much to keep you unworried, he mentioned living at a coworker’s house. he couldn’t afford a place for himself.

──୨୧──

friday morning, you heard him come in with a key you gave him when you moved in. you stayed half-asleep, but he came into your bedroom. he had his scubs on, which made him look so hot.

“i’ll get them ready to go to school, stay in bed.”

your eyes stayed closed, but you smiled and nodded. during the week, he called you every day after work. he talked to the kids before their bedtimes, but he mainly talked to you.

dennis got the kids dressed up and did their hair. it was pretty difficult to do his daughter’s because of how little experience he had in girls’ hair. their morning routine progressed, even if it took him some time to find where you placed everything.

“what do you usually have for breakfast?” he asked them before opening the fridge with his strong arm.

“cereals!” they both cheered. dennis panicked at the idea of waking you up. he rushed over to cover their mouth, but it only made them giggle.

he made cereals, and you entered the kitchen.

“i’m so sorry, i really tried to keep them quiet!”

“it’s fine, i’m hungry anyway. want something to eat?” you proposed while making yourself coffee.

he nodded, and you made some toasts. it was nice to eat all together. he wanted that every single morning. an actual family with you.

“mom, i want to see dad more,” you son asked. he was feeling better than at the beginning of the week. he returned to school two days ago.

“you will, baby…” you replied with a smile. you saw whitaker’s head turn to you in pleasant surprise.

the kids finished their breakfast, leaving the two of you to do the dishes together. he was cleaning and you were drying. he gave you a wet plate and started talking.

“so how am i going to see the kids more? i work long hours, it just looks pretty difficult to do.”

“you can come here from time to time. i’d like us to take it slow, if it’s okay with you. we rushed enough things when we started dating.”

“yeah, i agree, we’ll take it slow,” he reassured with a smile.

──୨୧──

over the next few months, he did what you said. he took it as slow as he humanly could. he came once in a while before or after school. you started working as a nurse in westbridge, and your schedule got busier. luckily, dennis adapted his shifts to be present on weekends when you couldn’t because of work.

he didn’t want you to know, but he begged robby to fix his schedule when you needed him. he worked doubles to compensate. he never complained to anyone, though.

he came after work with an exhausted look on his face. he smelled bad and went directly into the shower after greeting you and the kids. he lost a patient today. everybody told him that it wasn’t his fault, so why couldn’t he believe them?

he came out with a pair of pajamas that he left at your place. it was a simple grey t-shirt with drawstring black and white pants. he looked so good in it; it should be illegal. you always left a plate of whatever you ate for dinner in the fridge when he came by.

he placed the tupperware in the microwave and took a fork from the first drawer on his left.

“dad, hurry up, we’re waiting for you to start the movie!” your son rushed him.

“yes, i’m coming, buddy!”

you watched a boring movie for kids. in the meantime, you played with his blond curls while he ate.

“are you okay, denny?”

“yeah, just a rough day…”

you could tell it was more. you didn’t want to push anything, so you just smiled, watched the movie, and cuddled in his arms.

dennis helped you put the kids in bed. they looked like they loved to have their father with them. it was becoming harder and harder to respect your need to build a slow relationship, especially when you saw your children's faces when he came by.

“no couch tonight, you sleep in bed with me, okay?” you ordered.

“are you sure?”

“baby, you look like a tortured puppy. you deserve to sleep on a bed at least.”

he hesitated for a moment and got up to go to your room. he lay on the bed with you and you covered him in your warm blanket.

“the patient had sepsis. i gave him iv antibiotics, fluids, oxygen and a continuous vital sign monitor to be sure. i couldn’t check on him too much…” he looked at the ceiling to hold back tears. “he had a sepsis shock…”

“hey… it’s not your fault…”

“i should’ve insisted with the nurses… sepsis patients need to be monitored all of the time,” tears fell down his cheeks.

“the nurses needed to check more… it’s almost impossible anyway. everyone is overworked in a hospital,” you whispered as you wiped his tear.

he lay on his back, letting you cover him with one of your legs and an arm.

“i missed you so much,” he smiled, placing a kiss on your forehead.

“i missed you too.”

“do you want to go on a date? to a nice restaurant, i mean,” he asked. his eyes were focused on your mouth. he hasn’t kissed a girl since your last kiss, before going to medical school. he missed it, he missed kissing you. the feeling of being out of breath once it was done, your scent, your taste. he couldn’t want anything more.

you nodded and he forced his eyes to yours like it was the worst chore he ever had to do.

──୨୧──

the date was nice. he had doctor money now. you noticed how i didn’t check the prices before ordering.

you went on a walk near the restaurant. your kids were at one of your coworker’s house for the night.

“so…” he started without knowing how to finish his sentence.

“do you want to kiss?”

“fuck, yes!” he immediately agreed, taking your nape in his large hand and pulling you toward him.

you put your hands in his hair and opened your mouth to let his tongue in.

he kissed you like you were the last thing he needed for survival.

you missed it so much.

taglist: @calytrixsworld @nekole444

“tired?” dr ellis asked as she filled her last chart of the night.

“exhausted!” you corrected while you rubbed your face with your hands, secretly hoping it would make the eye bags you’ve been carrying less apparent.

“looks like it,” she said with a smirk on her face to help you laugh.

you let out a little chuckle before gathering your belongings to leave. most of the day staff came in and were updated with everything needed.

“what’s up, kid?” abbot checked in before leaving.

“tough day… hoping for a better one tomorrow!” you replied, hopeful, even though you wanted to scream and cry.

on the way home, it got even harder to keep this nonchalant facade. it cracked and broke down in no time. you thought about the people in the cars next to yours who must think you’re so embarrassing. you’re a nurse; it’s your job to deal with death, injuries, and bodily fluids. you chose this career path. however, no amount of self-control was left in your tired body, and the messy sobs got even messier.

you finally got to bed. you were all set for your next shift, tomorrow night. you only had to close your eyes.

you had one of the worst days… you deserved to feel good. you deserved to have this weirdly comforting habit you always held onto. you weren’t mad or sad at anybody. people are sick. sickness isn’t pretty. it makes you get angry at the nurse, bleed on her scrub, and throw up in her hair.

it wasn’t emotions that led you to relapse, but the comfort of habits. even if you thought they were gone, even if you told yourself, as you saw the blood coming out of you, that this time was the last, you couldn’t stop.

once it was done, you cleaned up your fresh wounds with some soap and water and put on black pajama pants.

──୨୧──

the day next was a little better. there were fewer patients than usual, and even if nobody dared say it, it was pretty quiet.

you finished taking care of a patient, and dr abbot came your way. it was known that abbot was always checking on everybody. you weren’t complaining. he was attractive, caring, and respectful. the perfect attending and secret workplace crush.

honestly, he was a reason to put a little more makeup on and to add an extra spray of perfume. on some occasions, he was also a reason to keep yourself together.

“hey, want to go sit down?” he proposed while guiding you to a rare bed in an isolated room before you had the chance to say anything.

“i have to-” you began, watching as he closed the drapes to give you intimacy.

“i’ll finish everything you can’t do, just… sit down,” he immediately looked at your thighs.

that’s when your confusion suddenly transformed into realization. as you sat on the uncomfortable bed of the er, you noticed the blood on your thighs. it bled through, and your grey uniform didn’t hide the mistake you made last night.

“fuck!” you yelled as you hid your face in your hands. you were concentrated in keeping yourself together. not looking dumb. not looking like more of a mess than you were already looking like.

then, you thought about your patient. did he notice? what kind of nurse are you if you can’t even take care of yourself? it wasn’t that bad, someone with no staring problem, like the one abbot had, wouldn’t really notice.

“i got you a new scrub. do you want to talk about it?” he gently responded while he was taking the stuff he needed to bandage you.

you took a deep breath and tried to look anywhere else than him to avoid any scenario where you might cry. you noticed the folded scrub next to you. you didn’t know where he got that from, but you don’t say it out loud. you don’t say anything out loud. you have a knot in your throat that keeps getting tighter and tighter.

“do you mind taking off your pants?” he whispered, understanding that talking was off the table.

you nodded and took them off. it was so embarrassing, yet he wasn’t judging in any sort of way.

“i stopped…” you started. it was too much to explain the whole story. crying was too much right now.

“i’m glad to know that, kid. relapsing is a part of the healing,” he looked like he said it a hundred times. he probably had so many patients who had addictions. he’s not saying that because you’re special. “do you talk to someone about it?”

“i used to… i swear i’m fine. i’m not a mess.”

“you’re right, you’re not a mess. you just need a little more help right now, okay?” he said while opening a bottle of sterile saline solution to disinfect the area.

“i’m doing fine, i just had a very hard day.”

“okay…”

you clenched your teeth so hard to avoid crying. the tears were already in your eyes, waiting to fall on your cheeks. dr abbot was focused on the bandage, and it was fine like that. everything he said made you want to sob.

“listen, kid, i’ll give you my number. if you ever feel like you want to relapse, you call me, okay?” he asked in such a firm tone, you would’ve thought it was an order if it wasn’t for the gentleness he shared with you.

jack came out of the room to let you change by yourself. he felt so guilty. he’s the attending in chief. it’s his job to make sure everyone is fine under his supervision. how could he have missed the signs?

once you were in your new scrub, he gave you his phone number before going back to work. luckily, the shift was ending soon. he couldn’t focus on anything else besides you.

he was hyperaware of your presence all the time, and it was the worst thing to happen to him. he took pride in being collected; in being sane, but when you left that patient’s room and discreetly threw away your pants, he couldn’t feel worse.

he leaned on the nurse’s desk and rubbed his face. he only had time to take a deep breath before going to another patient. he messed up. it was all his fault.

──୨୧──

in the morning, you went home. the apartment was empty. it was just a place where you slept, but from time to time, you wished it was more. maybe adopting a cat could be a good idea…

you sat down on the edge of the bath to remove the bandage dr abbot perfectly put on you.

this night, as you went to bed, you touched your thighs. you traced some lines on your thighs with your fingernail. you just wanted a little more. all of it is so wrong…

you remembered the words of your therapist. you needed to take a hair tie and snap it on your wrist, even after doing so, it wasn’t working…

the cravings were worse after a relapse, and it showed.

the other option was an ice cube. you went to the refrigerator. it was empty. running on iced coffee made ice unavailable even when you really needed it.

you were left with one thing. it was the one thing you really didn’t want to do. it was an admission to being a mess. the one thing you really didn’t want to be.

“hi, dr abbot?” you asked on the phone after you clicked on his name in your contact.

“hey, kid…” he answered immediately. his voice was soft.

“i don’t have ice… i mean- you told me to call…” you realized that you never really knew what you were going to say.

“yeah… you should probably ask someone to come to your place, it can distract you.”

“i don’t have anyone… fuck, sorry, it’s depressing… they’re all at work.”

working night shifts was good for you. you were a night owl since you were a little kid. however, you social life kind of changed. you had less time to hangout. people grew farther apart. the ones you kept were the only ones who understood how busy life gets. they were busy themselves all the time, though.

“would that be okay if i came then?” dr abbot suggested.

“yeah, sure,” you were so embarrassed at how quickly it came out.

some minutes later, abbot was at your door. he had a black t-shirt with some black sweatpants. he obviously looked like he was going to bed, and it made you feel guilty.

“hey, kid, how are you feeling?”

“not so good…” you admitted as you pinched your wrist and let him in.

“let me check…”

you removed your pajama pants to show him again.

“let’s sit on the couch. do you have a first-aid kit somewhere?” he had this tone. the tone he had when he talked with patients. you hated it.

you thought that all of those nights shared were meaning something. now, you were reduced to a case for him. a simple patient he needed to fix.

“yes, in the bathroom’s cabinet, it’s next to the toilet,” you informed him.

he came back with the first aid kit and took the necessary items to give you a new bandage. he was so gentle with you.

“i didn’t want to disturb you, you were probably going to bed.”

“it’s fine, i’m not a big sleeper,” he brushed off, focused on making this new bandage secure enough so you could work a whole shift without any trouble. “do you want to watch a tv show?”

“that’s not the thing i want to do right now…”

“well we’re not doing what you want to do, so do you have a show you like?”

“i guess i like brooklyn nine-nine…”

“let’s watch it.”

you nodded and made room for him on the couch while you put the show on the tv. you saw him take his prosthetic leg off to get more comfortable.

“do you mind if i draw on your bandage?”

“what?”

“it can help people…” he started. “i’ve read about it…”

“okay...”

he took a red sharpie he had in his pocket. to make it easier for him, you laid your body on the couch so he had your thighs on his lap.

“is it good like that?” you hesitated. it felt personal, so personal.

“yes, it’s fine, kid.”

you watched the show and the cute doodles he made on your thighs. some stars, smiley faces, and other simple things.

──୨୧──

you woke up a little before your shift. you were alone, on the couch, and a blanket was wrapped around you.

everything that happened before you fell asleep could’ve been a hallucination for all you know.

you got ready for work like usual, but when you saw the drawings on your thighs, you smiled. a sad smile, but nonetheless. it was a memory of abbot’s care.

he was sitting at his desk when you came in. you talked to princess and perlah so they could update you on the patients.

“someone likes to stare~” princess teased with a smile.

you immediately understood who she was talking about and turned to look at abbot who went back to looking at his computer when he noticed the trio looking at him.

“20 bucks, they start dating this month,” perlah said in tagalog to princess who was giggling.

“okay, i don’t know what you’re talking about, but he’s my boss. let’s keep it professional.”

“you’re technically under lena, not him...” princess reminded you before leaving.

“kid, i need you in room 6.”

“on my way!”

──୨୧──

it has been a while since you talked to abbot about the incident. you adopted a cat to keep you company, and it helped. having a soothing presence when you had urges was a good distraction. you used your tricks to not fall back into it.

the night was pretty calm at the hospital, and you had some free time to get a coffee in the break room. abbot was there too. he apparently had the same idea and was sipping on a black coffee.

“have some free time?”

“a little, why?” you responded, starting the coffee machine and getting a mug.

“can i check how your thighs are healing?”

“huh... yeah, okay. room 7 is empty.”

you closed the drapes, and he looked at your thighs, touching them gently to feel how your skin was scarring. “it all looks fine... now tell me, how have you been?”

“it’s better, the urges are less frequent. i have robert when i need a distraction.”

he looked at you with a clearly confused expression as mention your new animal. you probably forgot to mention him before.

“it’s my new cat. he’s a sphynx, the breed with no hair. they’re so ugly, but at least he’s distracting.”

he chuckled at what you said. gosh, it was hot. you were so busy looking at his focused doctor expression, he had most of the time, that his more human face was a rare sight. it made you want him even more.

it was ridiculous, you were a patient and a coworker to him. why would he ever want someone struggling with an addiction in the first place? it’s way too much to take care of. you saw him take a more serious tone as he answered, as if he read your mind.

“even if i don’t do it your way, i guess i also have my moments where i hurt myself... my therapist told me to sleep deprivation was a form it could take...” he stopped a moment to take a deep breath. it was clearly not something he talked about. “i don’t really know why i’m telling you all of that... i just want you to know that you’re not alone, and that you can always reach out. you still have my number, right?”

“yes... you- you can also call me if you need me...”

“will do,” he finished before walking away to continue his job.

──୨୧──

“this shift was the worst!” dr shen whined at the nurse desk.

“i know... we did everything we could” you tried to comfort him with a compassionate tone.

he left to go update some day shift worker who came in. his spot quickly got replaced by abbot. he had his camo backpack on one shoulder.

“hey, kid, want to go grab something to eat?” he proposed.

you accepted, wondering if it was a way to distract you or him. maybe it was both. you needed something to do with your time off anyway.

you walked to a food truck next to the hospital. you walked by it multiple times, wondering when this guy wasn’t working. he seemed open twenty-four hours a day.

you stood behind your attending as he ordered a taco, without even checking the menu plastered on the truck.

“do you want the same thing?” the worker asked.

“yeah, sure, why not?”

he paid for you two and you thanked him before sitting on a bench to eat. it was actually delicious.

“so, you’re ready to be a charge nurse?” he asked like it was nothing.

“pardon me? lena isn’t retiring,” you informed him in between two bites of your food.

“she’s going on vacation with a couple she works for, you’re going to replace her. you’re the substitute charge nurse, right?”

lena was a death doula. she helped this man to die peacefully for some weeks now. before dying, he wanted to go to a special facility some hours away from pittsburgh. they all knew it was a matter of days. lena agreed to take some vacations to be with him and his wife full-time.

“oh, yes, she mentioned it...”

──୨୧──

you became a chage nurse. only for a week, but still. it made you realize how little authority you have. if it wasn’t for abbot, this place would be a zoo.

“shayla, can you do an iv in 16?” you asked one of the registered nurse.

“i’m busy,” she replied before going to the break room.

“someone needs to go in 16!” you yelled for any nurse to hear, even if nobody seemed to. you were desperately trying to make them listen.

“hey, kid... you alright?” abbot came in, grabbing you by the shoulders. “you look tired...”

“i’d be less if someone went in 16...”

“yes ma’am, i’ll go grab shayla, she’s in the break room if you didn’t know. i’ll also take a coffee, okay?”

you nodded and dispatched some other nurses to the rooms.

when the morning came in, he went to see you again.

“we’re going to my place,” he ordered without asking your opinion on anything.

“i want to sleep...” you mumbled.

“you’ll sleep at my place, we can stop by your apartment to grab your stuff and feed robert. i saw you today. you looked close to a burnout, and i’m not even exaggerating. you need someone.”

you took a deep breath. it was true that you felt very down today. the first few shifts were fine, but the more it went on, the more you felt like you were drowning under the new responsibility.

you agreed and went in his car. he made you choose the music, understanding that you weren’t in the headspace to talk. you put on futile devices by sufjan stevens. it was a calming song for you that abbot had never heard of.

you both went to your home. you fed robert, and he agreed that he was very ugly. you weren’t too worried about leaving him for a long time period. he was a very independent cat and couldn’t care less about being left alone. you took a pair of pajamas and some hygiene essentials for the night.

he guided you back to the car with a hand on the middle of your back. it gave you some goosebumps that you hoped could be covered by your underscrub. he was so protective of you that it made you smile when his head was turned.

you had a pretty normal evening with him. he made you a good dinner, for what was supposed to be breakfast for most. after, you went to bed, and he took the couch for the night.

it was creepy, but you smelled his pillowcase. it smelled like him, which became a comforting scent over the past weeks.

“what are you doing?” he asked with a sneer, standing at the entry of his own bedroom.

“nothing!” you say a little too loudly to look honest.

“okay... just wanted to let you know that you can wake me up if there’s anything during the night.”

abbot left with a dumb smile. there was nothing to smile about, but he loved to know you were in his bed and not yours.

──୨୧──

it has been a month since your relapse. jack proposed to go take a drink at a bar near the hospital to have a little celebration.

he took a beer, and you took a coca-cola. you avoided alcohol when it was possible.

“better shift? lena returned,” he asked.

“yes, way better!” you happily said before noticing the way he looked at you.

you saw that look before. you saw it when you first met your ex, you saw it when you had a patient with priapism, and now, you see it with jack. he looked like he liked you.

“you’re not drunk enough to look at me like that,” you joked as you took another sip of your drink.

“you’re right, i’m not drunk at all.”

you looked at him. you both did.

“i’m not good for you...” you whispered, breaking the eye contact.

“well, i don’t good, i want you...” he seriously answered with his eyes still pinned on your face.

you laughed at what he said, which got him to smile. he wasn’t looking anymore, but admiring everything about you. “that’s so cliché!”

“it’s how i feel...”

you slowly nodded, the counter of the bar looking very interesting all of a sudden. you didn’t want to admit your feelings, and your feelings were for jack, so you simply didn’t look.

“it’s how i feel too...”

“want some help with your patient?” dr abbot asked as you went to see him.

“no, it’s a simple 2 cm superficial laceration to the left palm from a kitchen knife,” you were letting abbot look at you as he waited for more of a description than this simple presentation. “sorry… i’m tired…”

“i’ll grab you a coffee. now, tell me what you can.”

you took a deep breath before restarting. “19-year-old male, no past medical history, presenting a 2 cm superficial laceration to the palmar aspect of the left hand, sustained while cutting vegetables. No tendon involvement, nerves and blood vessels intact, bleeding controlled, and last tdap unknown.”

“atta girl, now what’s your plan?”

“i’ll irrigate and throw in a few 4-0 nylon simple interrupted sutures and make sure he gets his tetanus shot updated.”

“good job,” he finished before going to a patient.

you never understood what it was with him. did he think you were incompetent and that he needed to check everything you did? you were always jealous of ellis and shen. they were the ones you were the closest to, and they barely presented anything to abbot.

after the patient was treated, you went to charting with a coffee at your place.

“crazy how caring he is, huh?” lena started with a knowing smile while she looked at the coffee abbot put on your desk.

some time later, your shift ended, and you just wanted to go home. you took your things from your locker when you saw his salt and pepper hair.

“want a ride?”

“yes, please,” you immediately accepted..

you didn’t even have time to walk to the exit door that abbot stopped you both on your track.

“hey robby, i’m here, man,” jack informed robby who was going up the stairs for whatever reason.

“oh, didn’t know you worked with her today,” he smirked to abbot as he turned to you. “hey, nice shift?”

“not too bad…” you mumbled, remembering the bus schedule and how much you wanted to go home. “i’ll go, the bus is-”

“no, no, no, we’re going. bye, robby!” abbot said grabbing your arm as if you were a porcelain doll he was scared to break.

the car ride was always the same. you talked about everything, and you sometimes fell asleep and got woken up by him when he arrived at your place.

at first, you thought it was maybe inappropriate to be in the same car as your boss. however, you saw how caring he is. he would do the same for anyone, really.

anyway, why would he even want to date you? you’re spending your nights working twelve hour shifts. your hair is messed up most of the time, you barely have makeup on and your scrub is clearly not the cutest outfit.

when you were a teenager, you really wanted to date someone. you didn’t want to fall behind on anything including the boyfriend experience. you desperately tried to get any guy who wanted you. it only led to heartbreaks and rejection. nobody wanted you so it wasn’t a surprise when you completely stopped dating in your 20s. any attention from guys was suddenly seen as friendliness unless they were bold enough to make you face their undeniable love. even then, you politely rejected them. never wanting to get hurt again.

you have everything going on for you right now: a nice career, apartment, and family. whenever you had that itch for somebody to hold you, you just went to bed. it was better to push it aside than to go back to the hell teenage boys made you go through.

“kid? you listening?” abbot said, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“sorry…”

“it’s fine, just go to bed, alright? you did a good job out there,” he smiled as he parked the car close to your apartment.

──୨୧──

“hi honey, how are you feeling today? had a good sleep and good dreams?” dana welcomes you as you come in the er.

even if you briefly talked to her, you weren’t focused. your period just started and it was a bit more painful than usual. the constant stress and pressure from the er messed your cycle for good.

once you were ready to work, you joined abbot and javadi. she was presenting a case from her day shift to him.

“there’s an adult male in 12 with something stuck in his throat. it’s probably esophageal food impaction. i’m going home, but you can do a NPO and GI consult for a possible endoscopy.”

you knew abbot was going to ask for way more details than that. to your surprise, he just let her go with a smile. you remembered the last shift when he waited for you to give a detailed presentation even when you were tired. she didn’t talk about vitals, about age or anything else. all of the informations he was bothering you about.

with a scoff, you walked away.

maybe it was your period that made you this petty. you’d like to think so because you avoided him for the whole shift.

“kid, you didn’t give me a presentation in hours,” abbot complained as he walked in your direction.

“huh… yeah, i presented to shen, couldn’t find you,” you lied and went to a patient. unfortunately, he came along.

as you treated this older lady, abbot was watching. the patient kept talking about her husband.

“he was always staring at me when we worked. at first, i thought it was because i was a darn good secretary. it’s only later that i realized that he liked me.” she chuckled, remembering the good memory while abbot stared at you.

“wow, that’s romantic mrs. wilson! how did he ask you out?” abbot asked as you did all of the work.

you were pissed off. you were monitored all of the time and he couldn’t even trust you to do a simple job.

once she was discharged, you went to the bathroom only to have abbot following you on your way there.

“kid, you can’t ignore me forever! did i do something wrong?”

“javadi gave a terrible presentation and you let it slide but when it comes to me i have to redo it?!” you were aware of how petty and stupid it sounded.

“she’s not mine to take care of, you are. she’s under robby… you okay?”

“yes! i just need you to stop monitoring me for two seconds!” you exploded before leaving.

for the rest of the shift, you completely avoided him.

when you were at your locker and he would usually ask you if you wanted a ride, you were alone.

you found him at his desk while he was charting.

“you should go home, doc…”

“yes, probably, did you come for me to drive you home?” you slightly nodded, and he added: “what you said earlier is true, i don’t treat you like everyone else, and i monitor you more. it’s not professional of me in any way and i’ll pay attention to that.”

“it’s fine, i was just irritated…”

“i just think you’re extremely talented, and i don’t want you to make a mistake that will make you think otherwise.”

“oh… well, thanks…”

he quickly got up and took his things. he spoke again in a more relaxed tone. “let’s go to the car, what was that song you wanted to make me listen to already?”

──୨୧──

as you got to your apartment, firefighters were all around the building.

“fuck, no!” you yelled. it has been fourteen hours since you slept. you couldn’t need it more.

“what’s happening?”

you both got out of the car and walked to the building. you saw one of your neighbor and asked her what was going on.

“there was a fire… the whole place is burned down!”

you felt the tears building up in your eyes. the only thing you wanted was to go home. now, you had no place to call home.

“can’t you go at your boyfriends?” your neighbor asked.

you furrowed your brows in misunderstanding before realizing that she was talking about your attending. he was standing behind you.

“no, he’s my boss.”

“whatever suits your boat, i just think you need a safe place to go for today. you’ll figure it out later, okay?” she comforted you with a reassuring smile.

her brother was waiting for her to get in the car. she’ll probably sleep go there for the day.

you nodded and gave her a smile in return before turning to abbot. you wanted to know if you could crash on his couch for today at least.

“can i-”

“yes.”

──୨୧──

his apartment was definitely on the pricier side. it looked nice but the dust on most furniture showed how little it was lived in. you didn’t judge though. your apartment is the same.

“you okay, kid?” he gently whispered as you shook your head with tears in your eyes. “come here…”

he grabbed you into the best hug you’ve ever had. your head was in his chest and his big arms were wrapped around you.

“i’ll get you something to change in. you can take a nice shower,”

he quickly went to his room and he took a shirt and sweatpants.

“the bathroom is on your left,” he showed with his pointer finger before giving you the clothes.

you thanked him and took a long and hot shower. you tried to ignore the bad. it was quite difficult to be honest but you managed to focus on how inappropriate it is to spend the night at your attending’s house.

he had a body wash. it was embarrassing, but you loved the scent. everything that smelled like him was a comforting smell.

you came out with his t-shirt and your panties.

“the sweatpants were too big…”

he nodded and went to the shower to clean himself.

you didn’t know what to do while he was gone. you sat down and scrolled on your phone, but it bore you pretty quick. then, you knocked on the bathroom’s door before talking.

“should i order something?”

“yeah, good idea, kid,”

once he finished his shower and you waited for the chinese food to arrive, you watched a tv show you talked to him about.

“thank you, abbot. i don’t know what i would’ve done without you.”

“jack, not abbot. just jack”

you both looked at each other for what felt like a second too long. your eyes were closing themselves.

you woke up panicked at 8p.m. only to realize it was your day off. it was apparently also his because he also fell asleep on the couch like you.

you weren’t touching, but gosh, it felt so intimate. the leftovers of chinese food were on the coffee table and a blanket was over the two of you. his prosthetic leg was laying on the floor.

you randomly had that itch to get hold and touched by someone. this time was worse than usual. more specific even. it needed to be a certain person.

──୨୧──

“kid, we need you in t1!” jack’s voice yelled across the er as you ran to the room.

“what do we have?”

“25-years-old, male, high-speed rollover mvc. he was found unrestrained, ejected from 20 feet, gcs 9, bp 82 over palp, hr 138. diminished breath sounds left.”

you treated the patient the best you could. it was long and difficult, but you stabilized him. it was nice to finally quit the room to go charting when he was stabilized.

“amazing work, i’ll get you coffee and a snack, you take a break” jack ordered with his hand on your back to gently guide you to your desk.

you smiled to dr ellis as she came your way to compliment your skills.

“you were good back there”

“thanks!”

“don’t think we didn’t hear you call abbot by his first name though,” she smirked before giving you a wink and leaving.

you put your hand on your forehead before having your coffee and snack given by jack.

“are you alright?”

“mhm, just tired…”

“don’t think about it, you have all of the essentials at my place and you’ll find a place to move into soon,”

you nodded at the memories of jack and you visiting your burnt apartment. you had some stuff that you could keep, and you brought them all to his place.

“yeah… you’re right…”

“i’ll cook some pasta for dinner, does that sound good?”

“yes, and we need to pass by the drugstore.”

over the past few weeks, you were basically living at jack’s house. you really didn’t have any energy to find a new place and he was not very helpful. after every shift, you shower and eat something nice before sleeping on the couch in-front of a show or in his bed while he’s on the couch.

if you didn’t before, now you did, you had the biggest and more embarrassing crush on jack abbot.

──୨୧──

as you arrived home, you had your habits. your stuff used to be kept at one place, but jack was quick to spread your things all over the place.

he loved to live with you.

you sat on the couch to watch your usual tv show before bed. you’re looking for a new apartment on your laptop. jack looked at you before rubbing your shoulder blade with his hand.

“you don’t have to rush it…”

“yeah, i’ll go to bed, you’re fine with the couch tonight?” you asked while getting up.

“of course, have a good night.”

before closing your eyes, you found the perfect apartment.

“jack! come!”

he came right away with a yawn. “what’s going on?”

“i found the perfect apartment! take a look,” you said making room for him in the bed as he laid down next to you.

you couldn’t help, but close your eyes as he looked at the pictures. it was the first time that you slept in the same bed. even if it was accidental, even if you already slept on the same couch, this time felt different.

──୨୧──

back at work, you treated a patient and presented the case to jack. he became a little more relaxed on the presentations. you could give less details, and it was a blessing when you were about to fall asleep on the job.

“perfect plan as usual, kid.”

“jack, do you have any recommendations? i haven’t done this procedure before,”

“i can assist you if you want, but i’m sure my best resident can do it right,” he said before winking.

what was that? you never saw him wink before, and it made you smile.

“are you flirting with me, dr abbot?”

“have been for ages,” he confessed before going to another patient.

wow, so you really are oblivious.

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