(p_-)

i always notice the little things that no one tends to notice as much since i'm just so meticulous about a lot of things but i wish they noticed more. When my tone is somewhat sadden i want someone to care just as much as i’d care about them if they were in the same situation. I want they to reassure and make me so brainwashed to believe their word that everything will be okay. I truly think thats the only way i can go on living however i don't think thats something i deserve since it’s selfish of me. It’s all so selfish of me to make them burdened by my feelings, situation and unstable mind. What i want is something i don't think i’ll truly ever get or even allow myself to get because again i’m not worth that much to deserve it. I’m simply someone replaceable whose presence is just as ignored as my absence is. My existence is temporary especially to whoever is around me. I just need to shut up and shut down so i don't cause others problems with my own yet my ill mind always seems to escape after keeping it in for so long. It’s so hard to handle on my own but i must for everyone’s happiness and peace. My overthinking, sensitivity, self hate, and all of me just causes burdens on top of burdens for others. I always try to keep it together but it just flows out eventually. I just want radio silence from my own self. I need it to just all stop so it keeps me and everyone from hurting. I really just hate this feeling but i’m truly nothing to this world. I have no accomplishments nor is anything about me something i can hold up proud and high because i'm nothing but a failure. I’m either too boring or too much. I’m too sensitive and a overdramatic or i’m just seen as a mean and angered person. I’m never someone people can understand and not in a way of narcissism but i genuinely think my mind and self are so complicated and broken and simply too much for others to even bother or be able to handle to understand. Alot of the times though i think most don't care to understand me or even really get to know me. It’s all okay though cause while it’s a permanent solution to temporary problems i cant see any other way out.

im literally on the verge of death