mellohi

She talked about how she believes that Spoke was refering to her and Mapicc still constantly fighting, seeing as that they just had a duel right before this that he spectated. That he is disappointed in them both, but mostly Zam, since she only beat Mapicc because it was an unfair fight (he was severly undergeared compared to her) (she also killed Spoke twice, but she didn't seem to consider that to be apart of it)

(During her musing, it is brought up that during the castle arc, Mapicc told Zam "just don't turn into me." Though, in her words, as long as she avoids hitting 20 hearts, she could evade becoming exactly like him. So,, she needs to start dying more.)

After this, she got really hung up on the whole hypocrisy thing. Zam's view of "I am a hypocrite, but everyone is" morphed more into "I am a hypocrite, I don't want to be."

It was one of the things she brought up, written on a sign, when she wanted to oppose the bedrock prison during the Eclipse meeting, that they'll be hypocrites if they go through it.

(^ while writing these she voiced a Lot of her thoughts, thoughts that I do not even remember half of, so i'm not going to go in great detail about them.)

Though, one thing that I really just only thought about, is the sheer difference between the purpose of the prisons. At its core, the Team Awesome prison was about achieving activity, while obviously being a display of power. And it worked! While the bedrock prison was made to contain tyrants, and well,,, kind of achieve the exact opposite of what the obsidian one was.

(Somewhere along, Spoke and Ash being Eclipse shadow members is brought up. I do wonder if that influenced this fear of hers tenfold) (if she did talk about it, then MY BADD, HORRIBLE MEMORY)

This fear of hypocrisy haunted her for quite a while, actually. And while she did have her moments of doubt during that too, the Wormhole mainly eased it, since she embraced it.

One reallyyy interesting thing Zam mentions, actually she gives multiple examples for what it contained, is that something alike disappointing Spoke was present in prince's requiem. We get to learn a lot more about what was in that book, just from this train of thought alone, things that I won't get into now. (I forever mourn that we never got to read the book, Zam burnt it before it was ever opened since she realised it was essentially a suicide note.)

But do you want to know the funniest part?

Spoke told Mapicc that the reason he called her a hypocrite was only because Eclipse was using exploits. That's it.

squiddo: yeah... theyre our friends

mapicc: and lovers