Hannie's Wife

You checked the paper over one last time before hitting submit. You closed your laptop triumphantly and gathered your things, walking out of the exam room to the sun and blossoms outside. Leaving the air of anxiety behind you. Weeks of studying were done and you could relax by the beach and party with your favourite person.

Wait. No. With some of your favourite people you. When you got home, you started to dump clothes into your tiny suitcase. It was mostly just bikinis, two books you'd been wanting to read, some cute outfits and finally, a really hot mini dress. You didn't party often but spring break was one of the times you were willing to go all out.

There wasn't much time, you all were leaving tonight so that you could get the most out of the short break. As soon as you finished your packing you heard the honk of the familiar car horn and a text in the trip groupchat letting you know they were here. You dragged your bag down.

There were 2 cars and you smiled as you saw Hyunjin. You always went with him but as you started to approach you saw someone else sitting in your seat.

You stopped in your tracks, Jess. Your grip tightened on your bag as you processed that she was there. You were like a deer caught in headlights. You didn't know whether you should run back inside with or without your bag, it would slow you down a bit.

Seungmin rescued you, getting out of the other car and taking the bag from your hands. "You can ride with us don't worry."

It was like he could read your mind. The other car was packed full. Jeongin, one of the boys friends had joined as well and he had been assigned the middle seat between Han and Seungmin. Nobody wanted to ride with Jess and Hyunjin.

Chris sat in the driver's seat and nodded as Seungmin loaded your stuff into the car. "Han, you’re going in the other car."

As Han started to whine, Hyunjin rushed over, trying to grab your bag from Seungmin, "Y/n is coming with me."

As childish as Han could be he stepped in when he was needed, he quickly got out of his seat. "No Jeongin and I are gonna ride with you guys." He dragged the reluctant Jeongin out behind him, mouthing 'You owe me' to you as they both left.

You finally stopped tensing, taking Han's spot, giving Chris' shoulder a squeeze as a thank you. Your phone buzzed with a text from Hyunjin but you didn't open it, pretending you hadn't seen it.

You sat silently as you all started on the road. The vacation you were so looking forward to now felt like you were living in a nightmare. You wished you weren't going. You had no interest in following Hyunjin around as he cozied up to Jess the whole break. Why did he even bring her?

Were they? No. The realization dawned on you, a possibility you hadn't considered before, could they be dating?

An emotion overwhelmed you that made the dread you were feeling seem like nothing. A deep pain that you hadn't felt before, a loss, a sadness you couldn't describe. You let out a sigh, hoping it would somehow force out the pain with your breath. That's when you realized that the air in the car was heavy with tension, Seungmin and Changbin were looking at you and you could feel Chris's eyes watching you through the rear view mirror. The car had been silent and you'd been too lost in your thoughts to notice.

Chris broke the silence, "Are you okay?"

You let out a nervous chuckle, trying to seem lighthearted but it fooled nobody, not even yourself, "Yeah why wouldn't I be?"

"Well Hyunjin brought another girl-" Changbin was cut off with Seungmin kicking the back of his seat. Forever the innocent and straightforward, the poor guy took the signal to shut up.

"Why would that matter? I'm great, I can't wait to read on the beach," You gave them all the most genuine smile that you could conjure. It must not have appeared that great though since Seungmin took your hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"We'll spend time together. You don't have to worry about them. It'll be nice to not have Hyunjin trying to hog all your attention anyways," Seungmin gave you a look, as if trying to telling you that it was okay to admit that you weren't okay. That it was okay to talk about it.

You didn't want to talk about it. There wasn't anything to talk about, "I get the aux!" You declared. Seungmin let out a groan but that didn't stop you from starting your playlist. The boys acted like they were too cool for the mainstream pop but pretty soon you all were singing at the top of your lungs. You still felt whatever it was, swirling through you, but at least with them, you could push it down.

You fell asleep at some point, draped over Seungmin. He was frozen in place hoping you would wake up since you had reached the beach house. He was a menace, but he couldn't bring himself to disrupt your peace. You tried to hide your feelings but he was your friend, a better one than Hyunjin in his opinion. He loved his frat bro but he could see how you were hurting and he wouldn't let Hyunjin keep doing that to you.

Hyunjin had whined the entire time you had finally moved on and after he won he just went back to his old ways. Not to mention, none of them liked Jess. Hyunjin hadn't even let them know, he just showed up with her in tow. You had the right to be angry and if you weren't, Seungmin was angry enough for the both of you.

You were startled awake as you felt strong arms wrapping around you and lifting you into the air. You opened your eyes to Hyunjin's face, almost smiling until you remembered where you were, who else was here.

"It's okay go back to sleep," Hyunjin hushed you gently, as he carried you in his arms.

You jolted, "No put me down."

"I'll get your bags in don't worry," Hyunjin was coaxing you. If this was his attempt at making peace you weren't interested.

"Hyunjin. Put me down. I'm capable of walking." Your voice came out harsh but it was effective. He put you down and you took your bag quickly following Seungmin into the house.

You claimed a room for yourself and sat down on the bed. Your chest felt heavy, you didn't know how you were going to make it through this trip. Maybe you could figure out a way to go home early, or plan activities to avoid everyone else.

You flopped back onto the bed trying to empty your mind of the thoughts racing through.

You heard a soft knock on your open door and sat up. To your relief it was Seungmin. "We're all gonna get ready for the beach,"

"You guys go, I think I may chill here. I'm pretty tired I could use a longer nap." You replied. You didn't wanna see them making out on the beach. You didn't wanna sit in your bikini feeling self conscious while they were eye fucking eachother. You weren't that pressed about your looks, you knew you were hot but compared to Jess with her Victoria's Secret Angel body you felt pudgy and undesirable, especially when she was all Hyunjin could stare at.

"You're coming with me Y/n. You're not going to sit here moping." Seungmin  took a seat next to you at the edge of the bed.

"I'm not moping, I just wanna relax and nap after pulling all nighters studying." You flopped back into the bed, your legs hanging off the edge.

Seungmin mirrored your actions, laying down next to you and then turning to his side to face you, "You can nap on the beach." When you didn't answer or turn to look at him he continued, "I'm not taking no for an answer so get changed and let's go."

"Ugh I hate you," you whined covering your face but started to sit up. There was no point arguing with him once he'd made up his mind anyways.

He sat up with you, "I know that this is hard for you but don't let them ruin your fun. He's stupid that he can't see your worth but the rest of us are here for you Y/n. Let us take care of you."

You leaned your head on his shoulder, he wasn't cuddly but he still wrapped his arm around you.

You blinked back tears at his words, at the situation and at the pain that had been growing since you'd seen Jess sitting in your spot next to Hyunjin. "I don't know what you're talking about," your voice betrayed you, breaking as tears began to fall. Your eyelids hadn't been enough of a barrier to hold them back.

Seungmin didn't say anything. He just sat there with you and you appreciated the silence more than any words he could say and he knew that. He truly knew you, the way a friend was supposed to you. Where was Hyunjin during this, during your tears. He wasn't around, he was only there to suck up your love and attention and then leave you waiting. He wasn't a real friend. Seungmin stewed.

You felt Seungmin squeeze your shoulder, not knowing that it was due to the thoughts swarming through his own head, you took it as a sign to stop sobbing like an idiot.

You let out a nervous laugh, roughly wiping your face and turning to Seungmin with a smile. "I'll get ready."

He left, somewhat reluctantly. There was so much you had to talk about, so much you had to work through but he knew you weren't ready for it yet.

You reluctantly slipped into your bikini, sighing at your reflection and pinching your love handle, wishing it would disappear so you could be perfect for once. So you could look like the girls that ...

You didn't finish the thought; instead, you threw on a pair of shorts and grabbed a beach towel. This weekend wasn't perfect, but Seungmin was right. You deserved to have fun, and the boys deserved not to constantly worry about you.

-------

You lounged on the beach, sunglasses on and book right in front of your face, shielding you from the sun. You focused on the words in front of your eyes, listening to the gentle sounds of the waves and the sounds of the boys shouting at one another.

You were warm. Happy.

"Come in the water Y/n," you could hear Han calling for you. You never got more than 10 minutes of reading when they were in the water anyways.

You got up, running towards them. The water felt so cold compared to the heat all around you. You shivered but continued forward, losing some of the speed from before. As you approached the boys you were splashed by cold, salty water.

You splashed back, getting your revenge on Han and Changbin.

You could see Chris setting up the barbecue and bringing out the cooler with the drinks. "You joining us old man?" You called to him using the nickname Seungmin usually used to get on his nerves.

He shook his head, smiling but making no move to join you all in the water. You had a slightly diabolical idea.

You made your way out of the water, the hot air feeling good against your damp skin. You walked towards Chris smiling innocently as you approached him.

"You want a drink?" Chris asked

You didn't say anything but kept moving towards him, stretching your arms out. Chris' eyes widened in realization but it was too late as you lunged on him with your wet body. He let out a dramatic "Naur" in his thick Aussie accent as he felt the water soak through his thin shirt. You giggled and he didn't push you away.

They were all relieved that you could smile.

The moment was too short lived as you heard Jess' shrill voice more close to you than you ever wanted it to be.

"Ohh drinks, what do we have?" She asked, looking at Chris. Your back was turned to her and he protectively pulled you closed against his chest. You didn't want to turn around; you wanted to disappear.

"We've got beer and some other stuff. You can take a look." Chris always knew how to be polite while somehow letting a person know that he didn't want to talk to them.

You felt your stomach sinking. If Jess was here, then that meant he wasn't far behind. You didn't want to see him. You weren't sure if you could bear to see him ever again. You don't know why, but this time, the hurt was really deep.

You finally pulled away from the comfort of Chris' chest, determined to be unaffected. You smirked up at him as he looked down to where the wet white t-shirt clung to his abs.

"Wow Chris, I can tell you work out," Jess' voice came from behind you again.

He ignored her. "Ugh what am I gonna do with you?" he teased before flinging you over his shoulder and carrying you fireman style.

You screamed, "Nooo I was just doing a service to the female population on spring break."

He ran the both of you into the ocean, throwing you into the water partially and catching you before you could sink to the bottom. You both laughed, so hard that you could barely breathe. You were really having fun and any thought of pain was completely forgotten.

You splashed and floated and swam with the boys, jumping in the waves and trying to push one another. You had so much fun that you didn't think about Hyunjin or Jess. You didn't see as he watched you from his seat next to her on the beach.

He was uncomfortably aware of you. Aware of how much of your skin was bare. Aware of every time one of his friends' bodies pressed against you or their hands brushed over you. Aware of your skin against theirs. Aware of you leaning against Chris, bodies too intimately close for friends, as he floated you in the waves.

As evening approached, he was ready to burst.

----

You all sat around the campfire, drinks in hand after sunset. You were in a hoodie, not sure who's since you had stolen it off the couch. There was a slight chill in the air but the fire felt warm against your bare legs.

Hyunjin and Jess were there, but you had positioned yourself expertly so that you could only see them if you turned your head towards them. It was like they weren't there at all.

The day had been gorgeous, you had a good tan now and the boys had made up for whatever was happening with Hyunjin.

In all honesty, nothing was happening with Hyunjin. Yes you didn't like Jess but you had to get over it. She hadn't said anything nasty to you and Hyunjin had the right to like who he likes. You should be an adult about this. And while all rational thought in your mind made sense, you just could not bring yourself to turn to look at them. It was better to pretend they weren't there, and they didn't seem to notice anyways so it didn't matter.

You felt that feeling swirling once again, harder to push down now that he was near you again. You leaned your head on Chris' shoulder. He felt like your rock, grounding and protective. Next to him you felt like you disappeared from the eyes of the world and it's what you needed right now.

The moon was bright in the sky and the fire was starting to feel suffocatingly warm. You turned to Chris, "I think I'm gonna go for a little walk."

"Do you want me to come with?" He asked.

You shook your head, you could use a little alone time. Just you, the stars and the ocean.

You slunk away from the group, seemingly undetected and made your way to the shoreline. The tide had risen, and the sea was angrier than it had been in the daytime.

You put on your airpods, music filling your ears and drowning out all other sounds as you walked along the shore, letting the water run over your feet and feeling the sand shift beneath you with every step.

And I don't know what I'm crying for,

You breathed in the salty air.

I don't think I could love you more.

You felt the cool gusts of wind, a slight shiver running through you.

It might not be long but baby I,

You let the song take over, feeling the music wash over you.

I'll love you till the day that I die -

You screamed.

You were put down as quickly as you had been lifted up. The culprit babbled behind you, his voice becoming clear as you took your earphones off. You turned to face a shaken looking Hyunjin.

"I didn't mean to scare you, you weren't listening when I was calling your name."

"I was listening to music." you replied, "also just a thought- it may not be the best idea to sneak up behind girls and grab them in the dark."

His arms were still loosely around you, and he pulled you close to him, giving you that smirk that he usually gave before he made you blush, "I don't think many girls would mind once they found out it was me," he cocked his head slightly in that sickeningly adorable way. "Did you?"

Your pulse was racing with the proximity to him. You hadn't been this close in a few days, and that time apart had been enough for your body to let it's guard down. One touch from him was enough for your senses to forget the pain they had been marinating in, but you held back.

You turned to look past him, not meeting his gaze. "I thought I was getting kidnapped."

You pulled away, he let you go. You kept on walking and he followed next to you. You both were silent and the sounds of the waves were drowned out by the rapid thumping of your heart.

After what felt like an eternity to him, Hyunjin cleared his throat, "I feel like I haven't had the chance to speak to you at all."

He looked at you, but you kept your eyes pointed forward. "I thought you were busy with Jess. And I guess the boys kept me busy." You tried so hard to sound nonchalant, you're not sure if it worked.

Hyunjin paused for a bit, scratching the back of his neck nervously, "Y/n about Jess, I -"

"I just didn't realize you guys were this serious, guess its good to see you growing," you turned to him now, trying to flash him a playful smile. Every word, every expression you had to deliver in this moment felt beyond forced. There was so much you wanted to say to him but you couldn't.

Hyunjin was about to speak but you stopped him once again, "I think it's time to head back. I'm kinda tired." You turned back to the direction of the house and Hyunjin followed.

"Well you spent so long in the water, no wonder," he couldn't let it be that awkward silence between you both again.

"Chris is a very good swim teacher but I don't think I learned that much," you smiled as you recalled the day. Chris trying to teach you while the boys would interrupt with splashes. Hyunjin didn't like that.

"Yeah you seemed to be having a lot of fun," he bit his tongue before he could say more.

"I think I may have gotten a bit sunburnt," you admitted, smiling sheepishly.

"Oh so the queen of sunscreen, the one who always nags me about how I'll get skin cancer got a sunburn today?"

You giggled and Hyunjin beamed for the first time today. He was happy that you had finally smiled for him, because of him.

You both were back at the house, and as you crossed the threshold everything came crashing back. You were gonna go to your room and Hyunjin would go to his. He would go to sleep in the same bed as Jess. You felt like throwing up. You rushed into your room, leaving Hyunjin alone in the hall.

Climbing into bed after your shower, you were surprised to feel an arm laying over you pillow. You turned on the bedside lamp to find a half asleep Hyunjin sprawled over your bed.

"Hyunjin, what the fuck are you doing here?"

He didn't answer so you nudged him.

"What?" Hyunjin said with a deep, sleepy voice, his eyes barely open, "turn the light off." He pulled the covers over his head.

You sat for a second, absolutely dumbfounded. Then you ripped the covers off his head. Hyunjin let out a little whine, eyes still shut.

"Hyunjin what are you doing in my room?" now you were starting to get angry.

"Trying to sleep," He mumbled.

"Hyunjin. Hyunjin! " You shook his arm until his eyes opened and looked at you, having the audacity to appear annoyed.

"What is it? Let me sleep."

"Why are you in my bed?"

"Trying to sleep, duh," even half asleep the man stayed sassy.

"There is literally a girl, that you brought with you on this trip, in your room. Why the fuck are you here?"

"I don't wanna sleep with her." He said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why? Did you guys fight or something?"

"No," he pulled the covers over his head again.

"I-, I can't fucking stand you." He had already dozed off again, leaving you fuming while he colonized your bed. You didn't know what to do, but you knew you couldn't sleep next to Hyunjin.

You shoved Hyunjin's arm off your pillow and grabbed it. He kept sleeping. You swore he could sleep through an earthquake.

You thought about where else you could sleep. Han and Jeongin were already paired up and Changbin had taken the couch. You tiptoed to Seungmin's room but he was fast asleep and starfished on the bed, there was no way you were squeezing in next to him.

Just as you were about to give up and head back to begrudgingly sleep next to Hyunjin, you saw a dim light on behind the closed door at the end of the hall. You crept to the door, giving a quiet knock and heard a voice, "Come in."

You saw Chris sitting under the glow of colourful LED lights scrolling on his phone. His chest peaked out from under the covers of his bed, he wasn't wearing a shirt. It hadn't seemed weird at the beach but now in the dark confines of his room, you felt a bit awkward asking to share his space while he sat shirtless in his bed. You wanted to turn and run back into your room but before you could Chris looked up from his phone.

"What's up Y/n?" He sat up a bit when he saw it was you.

You hesitated, not sure what to do in this moment.

"Is everything okay?" his voice echoed concern when you didn't answer right away.

"Yes everything is okay. It's just um," you hesitated, looking at your toes instead of him, "Hyunjin took over my bed."

"Are you fucking serious?" Chris grumbled.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't know this was your room- I just saw the light on. Actually, I can go; it's late anyway. Goodnight." You rambled about to scurry back down the hall.

"Wait."

You turned back around.

Chris patted the spot next to him on his bed. "I've got tons of room if you don't mind sharing with me."

"Are you sure?" You timidly stood at the door, hugging the pillow against your body.

"Yes I'm sure." He gave you a reassuring smile.

You still felt a bit awkward but you shuffled into the bed next to Chris. It was warm and you hadn't realized how cold you had been before.

"How come you're not asleep yet?" You turned towards Chris who had slid down to lay next to you, holding the phone above his face.

"I always sleep late," Chris managed to answer while texting. You thought you should leave him alone and turned your back to him. You weren't sure if this situation was much better than sleeping next to Hyunjin. You felt so awkward invading Chris' space and he still didn't have a shirt on.

You heard the tapping of his thumbs stop, then the bed shifted a bit and then it was silent. You started trying to relax, hoping sleep would eventually come to you.

"Y/n. You're still awake, right? I wanted to ask you something." You heard his voice behind you. When you turned he was looking right at you, face across from yours, rested comfortably on his pillow.

"What actually happened with that guy you were seeing? If you're okay talking about it."

Before you could answer, Chris' phone went off again and he lifted it to quickly text back. You took that opportunity to switch topics, "I should be asking you about your love life. Who's got you checking your phone every 2 minutes this late at night?"

Chris put his phone down again, "It's my cousin. He does repairs around the house for us. Since we're away it's a good time for him to get stuff done."

"You're texting him this late?" You asked, skeptical.

"He's a night owl too," Chris gave you a cheeky smile before waving his phone in front of your face to prove that he was in fact trying to set up maintenance for the house.

"You're so boring," you teased.

"That's why I need to hear about your guy! Hyunjin has painted him as some sort of evil mastermind that isn't worth the dirt under your shoe and apparently looks like a goblin." Chris watched you expectantly and you giggled a bit at the description but still hesitated a bit. "Y/n if you don't want to talk about it, it's okay. I was just teasing."

"No, I do want to talk about it actually," as you spoke those words you realized how true they were. You hadn't had a chance to talk about it with anyone, not really. Hyunjin just tried to comfort you but he hadn't given you the chance to talk about how you felt about Felix, about the whole thing.

You continued, "I don't know what Hyunjin was talking about, though. Felix was so sweet and he for sure didn't look like a goblin. Some may even call him angelic."

Chris scoffed at that.

"What? You don't believe me? Let me show you!" You scrolled through your phone, pulling up a picture you had taken of him. You hadn't gotten around to deleting the pictures of him, maybe because you weren't ready to.

You held up the picture to Chris and he let out a low whistle, taking your phone from you. "Okay I stand corrected. He's straight up pretty and, are those freckles? I've never seen freckles look so good."

"Calm down there, he's only just become single and I don't want to have to think about you being my competition."

"So why exactly did you leave this guy?" Chris asked.

"Actually, he broke up with me. I mean technically." You responded

"Never mind, as much as it pains me to say at the moment, Hyunjin was right. How could he even think to breakup with you?" Chan sassily snapped his fingers, making you laugh again.

"It wasn't him. I was the one at fault. I guess I didn't give him much of a choice," you looked past Chris, almost too ashamed to make eye contact with him. You hadn't been a good partner and you felt guilty. And you felt so stupid, because Hyunjin was here with some other girl. No - you stopped yourself, it had nothing to do with Hyunjin.

"I highly doubt that. Tell me what happened Y/n, let me reassure you," Chris had lost his playful tone now. He looked at you solemnly, urging you to open up.

And you felt safe, safe enough to not hide even a bit of what you felt.

"He told me that he loved me," you stopped. Had that really been the issue? You had convinced yourself that it had been, you couldn't bring yourself to question it now.

"And? " Chris probed.

"And I didn't say it back,"

"That's it? He couldn't handle that?" Chris asked incredulously. "I think you dodged a bullet. That's a serious red flag."

"Actually that wasn't it," you forced yourself to be honest. Poor Felix didn't deserve his name dragged through the dirt because of you.

"Well?" Chris was getting more and more impatient with all your silent pauses.

"He said he understood that I may need more time and he was happy to wait. But then he started to get weird about me hanging out with Hyunjin and then there was this whole dramatic fight and he decided I wasn't right for him anymore."

Chris looked at you deadpan.

"What?" You asked defensively.

"You have to tell me about the dramatic fight."

"Didn't Hyunjin mention anything about it?"

Chris just shook his head no.

You sucked in a deep breath preparing yourself to tell the story. This felt kind of miserable, maybe it was better to not talk about it. But under Chris' expectant gaze you forced yourself to keep talking.

"I'd told him I was gonna hang out with Hyunjin and we said goodbye on a really good note. And the next morning he came over and got really angry seeing Hyunjin. I think maybe he thought something had happened between us even though it's nothing like that and I would never cheat. But he was angry and he came up and punched Hyunjin for no reason without any conversation-''

Chris cut you off, "Fuck he did what? Is that why Hyunjin had that bruise on his face?"

You nodded.

"Tiny guy can really throw a punch," Chris looked impressed. "okay, okay continue."

"Well after that he stormed out and when I went to talk to him later about it he was still really pissed. And I may have said the wrong thing and after that he broke up with me." You hoped no more questions would follow.

"What did you say?" Chris dashed your hopes away.

"I may have told him I love Hyunjin."

Chris's jaw dropped, he propped himself up on his elbow, trying to collect himself at the revelation.

"No, no, no not like that," you rushed to correct whatever crazy ideas were running through his mind. "He was getting angry that I was defending Hyunjin after he punched him for no reason, and I told him that, of course, I would defend my best friend because I love him. Not like I'm in love with him, but I love him as a friend, and Felix can't just be out here punching my friends for no apparent reason." You stopped your rambling, hoping that you had explained yourself convincingly.

Chris had managed to get his jaw to shut, "I mean I can think of a couple of reasons why he would want to punch Hyunjin. Can't say I blame the guy."

"Do you think I was wrong? He never even talked to me about it and it took me by surprise but in any scenario I can't justify the way he acted, even if he was angry or thought the worst. He could have talked to me."

"You're not wrong. But do you think there might be a reason Felix lost his shit like that? I mean do you really think this relationship between you and Hyunjin is normal?" Chris asked.

Somehow a sentence that started as reassuring now sent you spiralling, "I mean I get that we're really close but even if he was jealous, he never really brought it up. And I know Hyunjin can be a lot sometimes, but he's part of my life, and he didn't do anything to Felix. And Felix didn't try to talk to me. He was happy to end it and I can respect that but" you stopped yourself before tears began to flow again.

Chris could see your eyes watering, but it's almost like he could sense how much you had pushed down. "But what?" He encouraged you to keep talking.

You blinked hard, pushing the tears back, "but I'm scared Chris. He was finally someone who thought I was worth loving and then it ended. What if that was my only chance? And I'm hurting so much but I don't think he's why." The tears fell freely and you closed your eyes, embarrassed at your sobs.

Chris reached out to wipe your tears, "hey now, look at me. It's okay to feel what you need to feel,"

"He was too good for me and I just pushed him away," you spoke through your sobs.

"Now that just isn't true. You are so amazing and I'm sorry that some people around you don't see how lucky they are to have you," he pulled you close and stroked your hair soothingly as you cried into his chest. "Cry if that's what you need, but don't you dare forget how loveable you are. Some people just don't know how to love you."

Chris let you cry, holding you close and letting you sit with your feelings. You were so grateful that you didn't have to sit with them alone.

----

You weren't sure when you had fallen asleep, but you woke up to the sun shining through the blinds. You rolled out of bed, slipping on the hoodie that had been neatly folded at the foot of the bed.

Padding down the hall, you followed the noise of chatter and the smell of bacon into the kitchen. Chris was cooking breakfast while Changbin and Seungmin were bickering about something. You sat down at the table.

Seungmin placed a cup of coffee in front of you, "Good morning."

You took a sip of your coffee as the boys kept arguing. You could see the bright rays of the sun and the calm ocean through the large windows. This place, at this moment, felt like a dream.

Hyunjin slipped into the seat next to you and in that moment you were so blissful that you forgot how pissed you were with him. You gave him your signature smile. The one that lit up his day. He was relieved to finally see it.

"You woke up really early today." Hyunjin said, reaching over to pat down your stray hairs. It looked as if you had just gotten out of bed. He looked at you a bit closer, your eyes were puffy as if you'd been crying. He said in a lower voice, "are you okay?"

You nodded your head yes, gulping down another sip of your coffee and conveniently avoiding Hyunjin's gaze. "I got up like 10 minutes ago. I think Chrissy is the one who was actually up early." You looked at him sheepishly, "Chris I hope I didn't disturb your sleep too much." You shrunk into the hoodie you were wearing, feeling embarrassed at the way you had broken down and probably ruined his night. "And I stole your hoodie."

Chris smiled over at you, reassuring you, "you could never disturb me. And I left the hoodie out for you, thought you might get cold."

You grinned back at him. You couldn't say you felt amazing, but being able to cry, not alone, had been cathartic. You felt empty and a bit hollow, but you also felt light.

Hyunjin had frozen beside you. His mind raced, taking in the information, and all his mind went to was you and Chris in the water, with his hands on you. He hated it. He placed his hand possessively on your bare thigh.

Now it was your turn to freeze. You felt Hyunjin's hand against you, fingers brushing your bare skin and sending shocks through you. Suddenly, the hollow feeling was gone. You felt butterflies, heat, electricity; you felt almost too much. You fought to control your breathing as you felt heat pooling where it shouldn't. He was your friend, he had been close to you so many times but this felt so different. You felt the urge to squeeze your thighs together and get some relief, but you resisted.

"Good morning," Jess' voice rung out as she joined your group. Nobody said anything back and you felt bad for her.

She came up behind Hyunjin and wrapped her arms around him. He moved his hand off your thigh.

Feeling like you could breathe again, you extended an olive branch to Jess, "Good morning." You tried your best to muster a smile and slid out of your seat. "You can sit here."

Jess didn't acknowledge you but took your seat. So much for trying to get along with her.

You took the empty seat next to Jeongin. Next to him, the air didn't feel thick like it did next to Hyunjin, and your pulse was normal.

Breakfast carried on and you avoided looking at Hyunjin and Jess. You even tried to pull her into the conversation a couple times. You didn't know what the situation was between her and Hyunjin, but if she was going to be around, you were going to try to be pleasant. You decided that you couldn't keep silently suffering. You had to go back to being okay and remember that Hyunjin was your friend. You should be happy for him, even if you weren't the biggest Jess fan.

You all eventually retired to your rooms. The boys wanted to go into town, but you were ready for a quiet day at the beach with a book you'd been saving for this break. You were lounging in bed when Hyunjin appeared at your door.

"Why aren't you ready yet?" He asked.

"I'm gonna chill today." You didn't look up from your phone.

"Nooo come with us. You're gonna get so bored here by yourself anyways." He had made his way closer to you now, sitting at the foot of your bed.

"I'm gonna go to the beach in a bit. I think I'll be fine."

"Please?" Hyunjin looked at you with those puppy dog eyes that made it so hard to say no to him.

"No I think I just wanna read on the beach today." You held strong, despite Hyunjin's pout tugging at your heart strings.

"But Y/n," he whined.

"No."

"But Jess really wants to go and I don't wanna get into it with her."

"Okay and? If she wants to go and you're ready to go then what exactly is the problem?" You asked, trying to kick him off your bed.

He grabbed your foot instead of moving, "I wanna spend time with you. And Jess can be so much, I can't handle it today."

Now you grinned at him, finally looking up from your phone. You weren't sure what had made you smile more: the fact that he wanted to spend time with you or the fact that he found Jess annoying. "That sounds like a you problem," you smirked at him now.

Instead of replying, he starting tickling your foot. You struggled, trying to get away, but laughing too hard to make any real progress. "Just come with me and you can end this," Hyunjin teased.

"You sound like such a villain," you managed to huff out between the giggles.

"Jinnie, Jinnie!" Jess' voice came harsh, the nickname sounding more like a threat than a term of endearment as she stood at the door trying to command attention.

Both your and Hyunjin's laughs died down as you looked at her. Hyunjin still had his hands on you and now one rested higher on your leg than it had before. You started to feel your pulse quicken.

"What?" Hyunjin's voice sounded a lot more cold than it had before, that playful tone he spoke with just moments before had gone.

"I think we should get going." Jess stood with her arms crossed at the door. Although she was speaking to Hyunjin, she looked straight at you with a scowl.

"Yeah, let's talk for a second?" Hyunjin got up and walked towards her trying to usher her away from your door with him.

"I'm coming," she said as he continued out of the room. Then she scowled at you once again, not moving from her spot.

"Have fun! The town is really cute and there's some nice shops too." You tried to be friendly once again.

"I don't know who you think you are but you need to stop throwing yourself all over my man." Jess glared.

"Uh no it's not-"

She cut you off before you could say anything, "I'm not threatened, because, well, look at you. It's not like you have a chance, but it's pathetic how you chase after him." Jess turned away and stomped down the hall before you could say anything else.

Damn she was really still just horrible. Maybe she just didn't like the fact that she walked in to find 'her man' with his hands on you but how the fuck was that your fault. You tried to let the anger dissipate. At least they would both be out of your hair for the rest of the day.

-------

You spread your towel out on the sand, ready to lounge in the sun with your cold lemonade and book. It was peaceful and the sun wasn't too harsh. There was a gentle breeze, just enough to keep you from overheating but not so much that you needed a hoodie.

You lay down, relishing the feeling of sand sinking beneath you as you flipped open your book. It was another saucy romance novel, nothing too complex but fun to read and a good little distraction.

After about 5 minutes of relaxation, the sun was blocked out by a looming shadow. You looked up from the page you were on to see Hyunjin towering over you.

You groaned, "I thought you were gone." You absentmindedly dogeared your page, a habit you had formed whenever Hyunjin would interrupt you to keep your place.

"I'm not," he said matter of factly as he roughly laid out his towel too close to you.

You scowled at him, "if you and your girl are crashing my beach day please atleast make out far away from me." The words 'your girl' left a bitter taste in your mouth and you cringed a bit as they came out much more harshly than you had intended.

Hyunjin gave you a devilish grin, "I got rid of her."

"You know murder is illegal right?" You tried to scoot away a bit as Hyunjin joined his towel in being too close to you. "I'm not helping you hide the body."

Hyunjin feigned hurt, " you wouldn't help me hide a body? What is this betrayal!" He rolled over, pretty much on your towel, sunscreened skin sticking to yours.

You lowered your sunglasses for dramatic effect, "What's in it for me?"

He turned on his side, propping himself up on his elbow facing you. His other hand rested just above your knee.

Your eyes darted down to his hand, swallowing hard you looked back up at him. His gaze focused on you, that grin was still plastered on his face and you were pretty sure he had seen your reaction.

"You know I'll give you anything, you just have to ask," he said it in a low voice like the words had a weight to them.

You let out an embarrassingly shaky breath.

He turned onto his back, hand coming off your thigh, "even if you wouldn't aid and abet me with a crime."

You let out a nervous laugh, pulse still racing even if he had moved away. You put your book up to your face, hiding behind it. Why did he have that effect on you? Why was your body burning and your face heating up?

The silence felt like it spread for hours as you tried to steady your breathing.

Finally Hyunjin spoke, not looking up from his phone, "she's not my girl."

You scoffed, you hadn't meant to but it just came out. "Really?" then in a mocking voice you continued, "Jinnie, Jinnieeee."

"No stop why do you sound exactly like her?" Hyunjin covered his ears dramatically.

You both finally settled into a comfortable quiet and you actually started reading again.

"Y/n?" Hyunjin spoke up once again. It was like he couldn't sit with the silence between the two of you.

"Mhm?" you turned your page.

"Did you sleep with Chris last night?"

That question sparked your interest a bit but you stayed nonchalant. "Mhm" you replied.

Hyunjin felt his heart sink all the way down to his feet. He wasn't sure he wanted to know but he still couldn't stop himself from asking, "is there something going on between you two?"

His tone made you look up. He didn't sound like his usual self, his voice was quiet, small. "Uhh no I just slept in his room. It's not like you left me much choice anyways." You responded.

"You could have slept in the perfectly good bed in the room that YOU picked." Hyunjin sounded so whiny that it made you burst out laughing.

"How could I sleep when there was a man sprawled over the bed that I picked even though he had a perfectly good room to sleep in?"

"So you'd rather share with Chris than with me?" He shrieked. You were sure that's what made the seagulls around you suddenly take flight.

"He has amazing abs by the way. I would rate the experience 10 out of 10." You said.

Hyunjin let out a huge groan, burying his face in his hands, "why are you so cruel?" his voice came muffled.

You giggled but those feelings started to spark again. He didn't know how cruel he could be.

________

This is an original work. I do not permit the republishing of this work in any form including translations.

© LuvyBlossom

You sat in your spot in the library alone once again. The first few days after the breakup, Hyunjin had been so attentive. He took every care to make sure you didn't even think about Felix. The sting was still there, but Hyunjin always made you happy, he didn't even have to try. Just being around him usually brought a smile to your face, so you didn't get much time for tears when he was with you.

But the attention faded as you started to readjust to focusing your attention on just Hyunjin. He was always busy, only coming to your place some nights to take over your bed as usual. You had some dinners, and some movie nights but those were becoming less frequent since the breakup and you were left waiting for him more often than not.

Now you sat, waiting to see if Hyunjin would show up to study with you or not. He had been missing for the past couple of days but you made do. You didn't want to seem needy but these moments alone would eat way at you, reminding you of Felix. He was attentive. He wanted to be with you. You wanted to be with him. Especially when Hyunjin was too busy with his other ‘hobbies’ to see you.

The thoughts swirled through your head. Felix’s I love yous and Hyunjin spending so much time on his 'extra curriculars.' You were lost in your thoughts and didn't notice as Felix walked by you. He stopped in front of you and grabbed your attention.

"Don't have your lover with you today?" He asked sarcastically.

You stared at him, a bit surprised at the hostility. Felix was always sweet. He didn't pick fights, but here he was, in front of you with a bitter look on his face.

He wasn't quite sure what he was doing either. He saw you sitting there alone, lost in thought and his heart ached. He wanted to talk to you, hear your voice and he hadn't wanted to be so hostile but the words just came out, his hurt feelings projecting anger to protect his wounded heart.

You couldn't even really meet his gaze. You didn't know what to say to him to fix things. You weren't sure if there was a way to fix things or if it was even a good idea. Felix was too good, he deserved someone to love him.

Felix prodded again trying to grab your attention. "Where is he? He was so stuck to you when we were together."

"Uhm, I don't know." You still looked away from him, instead staring at your work although there was no way you could concentrate now.

"Oh so it only goes one way huh?" Felix knew he should stop but he wanted to get the words out, "He gets to control you and you just sit and take it? I thought you were stronger than that."

Those words stung and bubbled anger within you. Now you could look him in the face, "What the fuck are you even doing? It's none of your business what is going on and Hyunjin is not my keeper. I make my own decisions and I don't need to know where he is all the time."

"Sure doesn't seem like it." If Felix was taken back by your anger he didn't show it. You thought with that he would leave but he continued to stand on the other side of the table looking at you. You were angry and you could feel tears begin to prickle your eyes so you quickly half packed your things and jolted out of your seat trying to escape as fast as you could.

He trailed behind you, “so he’s your guard dog when you’re taken and disappears when you’re single?” He was egging you on, you both knew it.

The tears that and been prickling at your eyes now fell with full force. You stopped in your tracks and turned to Felix, “what do you want from me? Are you just trying to hurt me?”

“Y/n,” he reached up to wipe your tears, not expecting it. You flinched away, bringing your hand up to roughly wipe your eyes. You turned and sped away leaving Felix standing in the hallway staring after you.

He stood there with pain and guilt swirling within him. He should have left you alone. He was the one that broke it off and now here he was bothering you and making you cry. He was pissed. You were the one who had broken his heart and here he was feeling guilty for making you cry. But love didn’t fade so quickly.

———

Your rushing led you to the quad. The day was annoyingly sunny despite your mood. The sun was warm and sweet but it made you squint and choose the most shady path back to your dorm. You rapidly blinked as if that would somehow suck back your tears. It just made them fall more. The walk felt beyond painful without Hyunjin as well. It did bug at you that he was constantly asking for your time before and now when you chose to give him your time, he was always busy elsewhere. And your loneliness was starting to get suffocating. You missed Felix but it hurt to see him as well. It was hard to retreat into your old shell when you’d had a taste of love.

A quick shower and then you retreated into your covers, choosing to put on some rom com and fade into thoughts while ignoring the movie that played. Slowly the movie was able to grab your attention and after a bit you felt your eyes growing heavy, the tears being replaced with sleepiness.

You felt a familiar weight move over your hair. Half asleep you leaned into the feeling, cuddling further into the warmth of your covers and the comforting weight next to you.

"Finally awake sleeping beauty?" You heard that soft voice that you had been yearning for.

You opened your eyes, a soft smile painted on your face that you could never hold back when he was near.

Your sleepy smile forced Hyunjin to look away for a moment. There was a throbbing in his chest that he had started to feel when you looked at him like that. When you looked at him at all... But it was nothing, he reassured himself once again before readying himself to take in your endearing expression once again. It was hard not to smile back at you but he tried to give you a mock pout.

You reached to poke his slightly puffed-out cheeks as he pouted at you, "what's going on, drama queen?" You giggled as he tried to give you an angry stare. In this moment, you had forgotten all your troubles. It was just you and him.

"I went to the library to find you and you weren't there. I even waited and you were here slacking off and taking a nap." It was his turn to bother you and he did so by gently tickling your side. You giggled trying to slink away but his hold on you was firm. It's not like you really wanted to get away anyways.

"I'm the slacker? You haven't shown up to study with me in days. How am I supposed to stay accountable if you're slacking off?"

"Just say you miss me." Hyunjin wiggled his eyebrows at you.

"Never," you said with a smile that came from your heart, causing Hyunjin to turn away once again.

"I saw Felix today," you brought up. Hyunjin turned to look at you so fast you almost heard the snap of his neck.

"Did he bother you?"

"Um not really. It's just hard. He was asking where you were..." You trialled off, not knowing what else to say.

"It's none of his business," Hyunjin huffed. "Next time call me. I'll tell him to fuck off."

"It's okay he didn't do anything wrong. I think I'm just not over him."

Hyunjin felt that sinking feeling in his chest again. The same feeling he'd been relieved of once you and Felix had broken up. Not over him, so you did love him? Would you go back to him? He knew how that would make Felix ecstatic and he just couldn't have that. You couldn't be Felix's, you were already his.

No. Wait. Hyunjin was stuck now. You weren't his like that, but you were his friend, and you shouldn't be wasting your time on that guy.

You saw Hyunjin staring off into space, "Don't worry about me. I'm good, and I just need a little time." Hyunjin just pulled you closer to him as if that would ensure you wouldn't go back to Felix.

----

The next day was good. Waking up next to Hyunjin was your personal heaven and you couldn't bring yourself to push him off of you this morning. You had missed him so much it had started to hurt. You couldn't bring yourself to suppress whatever feeling was swirling within you as you took in his sleeping face. Even in his sleep his perfect lips formed into a little pout. You smiled taking him in.

“Morning” Hyunjin startled you with his sleepy voice opening his eyes to your smile.

You quickly looked away, a blush spreading over you “Morning”

You felt long fingers grip your chin as he turned your face back to him. Your breath hitched, you sat still waiting for his next move as goosebumps spread over you.

"It's okay, you can check me out all you want princess," he smirked at you.

You only turned redder but reacted with a scoff shoving him away. "As if I would check you out." You tried to get out of bed ready to take yourself away from the embarrassing situation you'd been caught in but Hyunjin's strong arms wrapped around you, pulling you into his warm embrace. You mocked struggle but your giggles gave you away.

At that moment, through laughs and his tickles, you realized that you would never want to escape. This, right here, was your happy place. In his arms, feeling his strong chest pressed against you and holding you so close you could feel his heart beating. Slowly the struggle stopped and you lay there in his arms, revelling in the feelings that fluttered through you and enjoying the rise and fall of his chest. Hyunjin still had his arms lightly wrapped around you and he rested his head on yours. You could feel his breath sending whisps of your hair astray.

Not thinking and nothing holding you back in this moment of peace you pulled one of his hands off your stomach where it was resting comfortably. You held his hand between the two of yours, turning it, feeling the roughness of his palm, somehow soft at the same time. You ran your fingers over his knuckles, transcribing each bump into your memory. You held your hand against his, palm to palm, looking at the size difference. His hand was larger than yours, his slender fingers extending far beyond yours and yet still somehow appearing gentle and delicate. His hands were just as beautiful as the rest of him. You let out a soft sigh at the revelation as you intertwined your fingers between his, holding his hand in yours.

So lost in your thoughts, your bliss, words escaped you, "Hyunjin I lo-"

Eyes widening you cut yourself off, tearing yourself out of his arms., hands going up to cover your mouth as you realized what you were about to say.

Hyunjin, startled by your sudden moves sat up next to you, "What is it?"

You took a moment to gather yourself, slowing down your breathing before turning to his adorably confused expression, "nothing, sorry. I just think we should stop being lazy and get out of bed."

You started to stand up but his hand wrapped around your wrist, the same hand you had just been holding. Your cheeks burned at the thought.

"I wanna be lazy today," Hyunjin tugged insistently at your arm.

"We have exams coming up before break!" You said fearing what other truths may reveal themselves if you stayed in bed with him a moment longer. "Don't you have a huge assignment due? Let's get to work."

Hyunjin got up with a grumble, caving into you. "Fine, but let's go to mine I need my paint stuff and the boys wanna plan our trip."

"Okay let me get ready,"

As Hyunjin lounged on your couch waiting for you to shower he couldn't help thinking about the way you'd held his hand. He missed your fingers between his and the warmth of your weight against him. He had been away from you more and more the past bit and Jess had been so demanding of his time. He'd had to escape to see you and now he wondered why he hadn't done so sooner. Everything about being with you was comfortable, familiar and so much better now that you weren't spending time with that guy anymore.

But he wanted nothing more than to be close to you today. He wished you hadn't left bed today, he could have stayed like that forever and now he missed you even though you had literally just gone for 20 minutes to take a shower.

Hyunjin ran his fingers through his hair, and then another thought irked him. What had you been about to say? Why had you gotten up so suddenly? He could ask, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

------

The frat house was actually quiet for once. Anxiety hung in the air as the boys were littered around the living room on their laptops studying away. It was the first time you had seen them so focused, not partying. You barged through the door loudly, trying to announce your arrival.

Everyone but Han looked up who was anxiously typing away.

"Late assignment" Changbin explained.

"Well I brought cookies," You placed the container on their coffee table and the boys lunged towards the snacks.

You sat next to Chris, earning a dimpled smile from him, "It's good to see you around again Y/n, we missed you," he fondly draped his arm over you.

"It's good to see Hyunjin not be an obsessive asshole anymore," Han chimed in, not looking up from his work.

"What was that?" Hyunjin had returned from gathering his things.

"Just telling Y/n about how you're obsessed with her," Han replied. "Oof."

He crumbled as he received a not-so-soft punch from Hyunjin.

He turned his attention to you, "let's go."

"Why don't we stay here and study with the guys?" you suggested, still wrapped under Chris' arm.

"No let's go. I have to paint." Hyunjin argued. His jaw tensing seeing you so close to Chris. When had he started having issues with you being close to Chris?

"Come on then we can discuss the trip too!" You countered

"Yeah let her stay Hyunjin." Seungmin said. Soon all the boys were chiming in, insisting you guys stayed with them.

"We promise we won't take all her attention away from you," Seungmin teased the older boy.

Hyunjin huffed but decided the battle wasn't worth it today. He was obviously outnumbered. He didn't want to share you but he would bear through it. There was one thing he had to do before he would settle though. He took your hand pulling you up from the couch and out of Chris's grasp, his heart finally feeling light now that there wasn't another man draped all over you.

He sat you down at their rickety dining table, bringing your bag so you wouldn't have to get up. He sat across from you taking out his sketchbook and various other art supplies.

You made a move to get up and Hyunjin harshly said, "stay there."

"Why?" You questioned. The couch had been comfier.

"I need a model." Hyunjin replied as if this was normal. He'd never asked to draw you or paint you. You knew from that night before that he had done it but he had never asked.

"But I need to do my own work."

"You can do work, just stay in front of me." He said.

And just like you got to work and Hyunjin got to watch all the expressions that crossed your face as you worked, pondered and joked with the boys. He didn't mind sharing you anymore.

________

This is an original work. I do not permit the republishing of this work in any form including translations.

© LuvyBlossom

Felix stepped forward, blinded by rage. Not only was this guy all over you all the fucking time. He was fucking coming out of your room. Did he stay the night? Did something happen between the two of you? All these questions raced through his mind as he punched Hyunjin square in the jaw.

He heard you shout his name in shock but rather than turning around he raised his fist again. He had to stop himself before he swung because you appeared before him, standing between him and Hyunjin.

"What the hell Felix?" You raised your voice, staring down your boyfriend. He had attacked Hyunjin out of the blue and for no reason. You felt Hyunjin's hand on your waist, trying to move you aside so he could return the favour to Felix.

Felix let out a dry chuckle as he watched Hyunjin's arm wrap around you. He looked at you, ignoring the man standing behind you, "I asked you if there was something going on between you two. I trusted you and you fucking cheat on me?" His voice got louder.

"What-"

He didn't let you finish and kept shouting "Why the fuck would you even go out with me. You like stringing me along?"

Hyunjin pushed you aside, "Watch how you speak to her," he warned.

"Fuck. You" Felix landed another punch on Hyunjin's face. Hyunjin reeled back, recovering from the blow and getting ready to hit back but you once again shoved between them. This time you faced Hyunjin, wiping a bit of blood that dripped from his torn lip.

He looked at you a smirk forming as you worriedly tended to him. He met your boyfriend's gaze, giving him the look 'she chose me.' Felix scoffed and before you could utter another word you heard the door slam behind you.

You turned away from Hyunjin, taking a few steps forward as if to chase after him but then you stopped. You walked into the kitchen, grabbing a paper towel, wetting it with warm water and going up to Hyunjin who stood still, observing your every move.

He flinched as you dabbed at his lip.

"Hold this, apply pressure," you sounded robotic. Your movements were slow and measured. You walked back behind the kitchen island, opening the freezer and making an ice pack. You walked back to Hyunjin, wrapping the ice pack in a tea towel and holding it up against his jaw. You took the blood soaked tissue from him and moved his hand so he would hold the ice pack. The bleeding had stopped. You took some antiseptic cream from the side table drawer and applied a bit over the cut. Then you looked at Hyunjin, meeting his gaze blankly before moving to sit on the couch.

You felt the couch dip as Hyunjin sat beside you. "He's insane." When he didn't get a response from you he turned and poked your cheek. Usually that made you smile but not this time.

"What are you thinking?" Hyunjin asked moving closer to you.

"I don't know. Nothing I guess." it was the truth, there was so much for you to process that your mind chose to stay blank. You were still in shock over the situation, not sure how to feel about anything or anyone.

Hyunjin could see the stoic look on your face. His heart sinking as he realized this wasn't something you'd brush off. It mattered to you. He mattered to you. He placed his hand over yours, trying to melt you the way he usually did. To his dismay, you moved your hand away.

You turned and studied his face. His lip was swollen and his cheek had a bruise forming. "I think I need to be alone for a bit."

Hyunjin's face fell. He just nodded, got up getting his stuff together. Before he left he turned to say, "Please call me."

You sat, processing the morning, a reality show playing in the background in an attempt to drown out your thoughts. It wasn't working. You couldn't fathom what Felix had done. And what exactly did he think was happening? Did he think you fucked Hyunjin?

Your pulse raced as fast as your thoughts. You weren't sure what you wanted. Part of you was somewhat relieved, perhaps this would be the end of you and Felix and you wouldn't have to think about that 4 letter word that gave you anxiety when he said it. But the other part of you ached. You felt hollow and guilty. It scared you to think of not having Felix, you wanted him near. You wanted his soft kisses and that bright smile.

You picked up your phone hitting his contact. Straight to voicemail. You waited a gruelling 15 minutes, literally watching a timer tick down before trying to call him again. Voicemail again.

You grab your keys, rushing out your door with a mission. Your legs carried you with purpose and then, when you reached your destination you delivered a hard knock to the door. You heard shuffling and you were greeted by Minho. Before he could give you a sarcastic hello you asked, "Where's Felix."

"I don't know. You're his girlfriend shouldn't you know?"

You ignored his remark, "I'm waiting for him." Minho moved aside to let you in. You settled on their couch, a cat quickly finding you and settling onto your lap. "What are we watching?"

Minho shuffled over begrudgingly, silently scrolling through the netflix catalog.

"You really aren't friendly," you stated as Minho sat silently next to you. The comment made him smile, despite him trying to hold it back.

You laughed watching his reaction. "I want to watch Twilight," you announced.

Minho rolled his eyes, "No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's stupid," Minho replied sounding childish.

"Have you seen it before?"

"No."

"Well then you can't possibly know if it's stupid or not." You quickly grabbed the remote from him, selecting the movie.

Minho groaned but pretty soon he was into the movie. You each sat with a cat on your lap, yapping away about the absurdity of the movie and Jacob's horrible wig. You had started New Moon when you finally heard the front door open.

"I'm home," Felix shouted as he turned into the living room. He stopped when he saw you, a frown decorating his face. "What are you doing here?"

"I-" you had to gulp your feelings down. Felix had never looked at you like this. His looks were usually soft, admiring and made you feel fuzzy. This look made you feel sick. You took a deep breath collecting your words, "we need to talk."

"What is there to talk about? I think I saw all that I needed." Felix doesn't let you say anything else. He rushed to his room door slamming behind him. You were now alone in their living room, Minho had slipped away unnoticed.

You got up and knocked on Felix's bedroom door. When he didn't open the door you just knocked harder until you heard shuffling. He opened his door just enough to poke his head out. You were a bit angry still but you had to admit he looked cute. You wanted to kiss him so you leaned forward planting a soft kiss right on the tip of his nose. Felix's eyes blew up in surprise and the angry look he was giving you melted away. He let out a sigh, opened the door and stepped aside gesturing you in. You sat down on the corner of his bed.

"Say what you want to say," Felix said, avoiding your eyes.

"I don't know what happened this morning. What is wrong?" Your voice remained steady as you watched him carefully.

Anger spread across Felix's features once again, "Are you fucking kidding me? Here's what happened. I saw a man that is extremely possessive of you and known for sleeping with anything that moves come out of your bedroom in the morning. In the morning when he was supposed to have been over the night before. So that means he stayed the night. I'm not stupid Y/n."

You finally understood what his reaction was about. It was understandable although you thought that he could have talked rather than punching Hyunjin. "It's not like that Felix. Him and I have a completely platonic relationship. Nothing happened."

"I doubt that," Felix said bitterly.

Now you were angry, "do you not trust me?"

"I don't trust him," Felix said.

"He has nothing to do with this. He's my friend, and has been for far before I met you. I would never cheat on you, or anyone and there is nothing between us I don't know why you're so insistent on that. You have never once before this communicated that you have an issue with Hyunjin and my relationship and then you come in and fucking attack him for no reason."

"You're worried about him?" Felix was shouting.

"Of course I'm worried about him. I fucking love him." You stopped, realizing what had slipped past your lips.

Felix just looked at you. Hurt highlighted in his eyes as he heard you speak the words that he had so desperately wanted to hear, except it wasn't for him.

"I mean as a friend Felix. Not like that." You were pretty sure that was the truth. You loved Hyunjin as a friend. You always had and you weren't allowed anything else.

"I think you should go."

You weren't sure what else you could do. You left him alone.

A few moments later Felix heard another insistent knock on his door. "I don't know what else you could possibly have to say to me-" he realized it was his roommate.

"You seem disappointed," Minho observed.

"No I'm not. I just thought that maybe she had come back." He was disappointed. He wanted her to be here, even though he really didn't want to see her again. She always made him have such complicated feelings.

"What happened?" It was rare that Minho pried like this, so Felix was a bit surprised at his line of questioning.

"Nothing. I just don't think it'll work out between us."

"Really? Hmm, I liked her for you."

Felix let out a frustrated sigh, plopping down in his gaming chair, "I like her too."

"Is it because of her 'bestie' " Minho emphasized the word with air quotes.

Felix just nodded before going on, "she just told me she loves him before leaving. I think it's kinda hard for a relationship to recover from that."

Minho frowned, "I heard the rest of what she said. She said he was just a friend. And I don't usually vouch for people but she's good and the cats really like her."

"He is so obviously not a friend. Even if she doesn't know it yet, he's definitely trying to keep her for himself."

"So you're going to let him win?"

----

"Hey Y/n" Chan welcomed you at the door.

"Is he home?" you didn't have to say his name, Chan always knew who you came for.

"In his room."

"You know there's other people that live here," Seungmin shouted from the living room.

You flashed him a smile before jogging up the stairs and knocking on Hyunjin's door. You heard a faint come in.

Hyunjin sat at his desk, painting something. He turned when he heard the door open. A warm smile spreading across his face. The smile quickly dropped when he saw your tear stained face.

He took you in his arms, pulling you close to him, pressing your face to his chest. His hand found it's way into your hair and he ran his fingers through it soothingly. You melted into his chest, letting the tears flow again.

He held you for a while, letting you cry for a bit before taking your face in his hands so you would look at him.

"You know it breaks my heart when you cry," he said wiping the tears from your face using his thumbs. "What happened?"

"Felix and I are over," you said it just above a whisper, tears falling freely.

Hyunjin felt relief, joy even that he wouldn't have to worry about Felix in your life anymore. The feeling lasted only a second as he heard how broken your voice sounded. He had never seen you this sad over a breakup before. He had never seen you even sweat a breakup before, you usually didn't give two shits when things ended with whatever loser you chose to give your time to. But now you were in front him, crying over a guy who didn't deserve you anyways. Hyunjin's heart sank to a deep pit in his stomach. He felt pangs of hurt, maybe because you were hurting.

He set his feelings aside. He truly couldn't stand to see you so miserable. You cuddled back into his chest, he felt comfortable and warm and you needed it as you processed that you had lost Felix.

Hyunjin led you to sit down on his bed, taking a seat next to you and taking you into his arms once again. Your tears had stopped, you felt soothed wrapped up in him.

"You were too good for him Y/n. He's not worth all your tears,"

"I wasn't. He loved me." It hurt to realize that his love would be gone. It had felt like a burden but now it felt like whatever chance you had at love had gone with him. He was wonderful, and he loved you the way that you were. You should have just loved him back. You hated yourself for not falling as fast as he had.

Hyunjin broke through your thoughts, "I love you."

You let out a sigh, "it's not the same Hyunjin." You looked up at him with a small smile to reassure him that you were okay. He hesitated, as if he wanted to say more, but he didn't, he let his heart sink deeper.

"But you didn't love him back."

"I think I could have. If I had more time," you feared that whatever chance you had at love had gone with Felix. He was perfect for you, the best fit and the most feelings you'd felt for a man after... You didn't finish the thought.

You took a deep breath in. Ready to move on and try to not focus on what could have been. You took Hyunjin's hand in yours, giving it a squeeze, "what were you painting?"

Hyunjin described the scene from a movie that he thought was beautiful. He spoke about the background and what made the scene perfect for him to paint. He talked about what techniques he could use to bring it to life. He talked about all the things that made him love it but he left out the part where he loved it because he saw how you smiled when you had watched that exact scene. And as he talked, he held you close, fingers laced with yours. Holding you close, worrying about how much of you he may have lost to Felix. You were hurt, more than he expected you to be. But you chose him in the end.

________

This is an original work. I do not permit the republishing of this work in any form including translations.

© LuvyBlossom

I love you.

The words echoed in your ears. Your eyes were still locked with Felix but you weren’t there, looking back at him, not really. Your heart was pounding, you had a fluttery feeling in your stomach. It wasn’t quite like butterflies but not exactly like anxiety either. Was this how it was supposed to feel?

Your focus was on the words alone, having never heard them said to you romantically before. You’d had heard tons of ‘love yous’ from family and friends, it seemed so easy to return the words then. But this, it felt different. You felt like you should be able to say the words back but they were heavy, laced with a much more complex connotation that weighed on your heart.

Unable to get the words out, you instead leaned into him and gave him a soft but deep kiss. Felix pulled away, chuckling as your lips chased his. “I think we need a shower baby.”

You calmed down once the warm water hit your skin, the heaviness of those words melting away as Felix lathered your body in shower gel. Every time he touched you he was so gentle. After getting both of you clean, he massaged soothing circles into your back. You leaned back against him, eyes feeling heavy as the lack of sleep from the previous night caught up to you.

“Tired?” He asked in his deep voice, breath brushing against your ear.

“Mhm,” you replied, “your hands feel nice.” Felix shut off the shower and wrapped you quickly in a fluffy towel before drying himself. He took your hand guiding you back to bed, holding the covers for you and climbing in after you were comfortable. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling your back to his chest. You fell asleep in a matter of seconds.

————

You woke up to the sun shining between the blinds. You turned to find the bed empty next to you. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you debated leaving the warmth of the bed to look for Felix. Your phone rang before you could pull yourself out of bed.

“Good morning!” Hyunjin’s cheery voice said over the phone.

“You’ve been calling me more than my mom.”

“You didn’t reply to any of my texts!” Hyunjin complained.

“I was sleeping, I’m still kind of sleeping,” you replied, not ready to be cheerful.

“Are you free tonight?” Hyunjin asked, adding bitingly, “since I have to ask for you availability.”

“I don’t have anything particular planned. Why?” You chose to ignore his snide remark.

“Let’s do a movie night. I’ll cook”

“What’s-” you were cut off by a voice at the door.

“You’re up love?” Felix smiled at you, holding 2 mugs.

“Good morning!” You smiled at him as he walked over and handed you the coffee. Sitting down next to you quietly when he noticed you were on the phone.

“What are you dooooingggg,” Hyunjin was whining over the phone as your attention had been averted.

“Felix is here. Say hi to eachother!” You put the phone on speaker.

Felix reluctantly said a hello, getting an annoyed look on his face at the fact that Hyunjin was once again calling you. Hyunjin replied with a quiet hi back.

You put the phone to your ear, “okay don’t get so chatty you two,” you said sarcastically while eyeing Felix as well. “As I was asking before, what’s the special occasion?”

“Nothing. Does it have to be a special occasion for me to want to hang out with you?” He asked sounding irritated.

“No of course not,” you heard the edge in his voice, “I was just teasing. And you know if never turn down a meal from chef Hyunjin.”

“Are you home now?”

“No I’m at Felix’s. But I’ll be back in time for movie night.”

“Why are you there so early? Why were you sleeping?” The questions were pouring from Hyunjin’s mouth without much thought put into them.

“I stayed over silly. You know I never wake up early.”

The line was silent for a bit. You almost thought he had hung up, “Hyunjin? Are you there?”

“Yeah, I’ll be at your place at 4.”

“Byeeeee!” Hyunjin cut off the call before he returned your bye.

You put down the phone and turned to your boyfriend, “thank you,” you held up your mug.

Felix gave you a smile and brought you close to kiss your forehead. You leaned against his chest and he wrapped his arm around you. “Of course love.”

The nickname brought back the previous night. ‘Love’ was no longer a pet name, it was how he felt about you. That weird feeling returned as you tried to sip your coffee- you weren’t sure if it felt good or not.

“Do you have plans with Hyunjin?” Felix tried to sound nonchalant.

You were happy for the opportunity to get your mind off those words, “yeah we’re doing a movie night. It really has been a while, I guess I didn’t think about it.”

“He’s been calling so much, I feel like he’s here.” Felix said.

You laughed off his comment, not thinking it held any malice. “What do you think you’ll do tonight?”

“Well, since my girlfriend doesn’t have time for me tonight I guess I’ll have to come up with some plans,” Felix said, letting out a dramatic sigh. “I think I’ll hang out with some friends.” He laughed, answering the question. “Now, let’s have some breakfast.”

“Oh my god!! You have a cat?” You ran toward the orange cat lounging on the kitchen counter, gently petting its head to make sure it wasn’t spooked away. “WHAT IS THIS ANGELS NAME?”

“Soonie,” Minho said turning the corner into the kitchen. He was holding a smaller tabby cat and another orange cat followed at his feet and jumped up onto the counter as well. “This is Dori, she’s the baby.” He held up the tabby, then nodding towards the other orange cat, “that’s Doongie.” This was the most Minho had spoken to you since you’d met him. He gave you a smile as he watched you gush over the cats.

“Are they yours? I love them all!” You tried to slowly pick up Doongie, scared that he might run away. He let you pick him up and you hugged him close to you as the cat nuzzled your face.

“It’s breakfast time for them,” Minho said setting up their food bowls.

“It’s breakfast time for you too,” Felix said handing you a plate.

"A man after my heart," you commented as you took your food and sat down across the counter from him.

Felix leaned over the counter so that he was eye level with you, getting closer to you in the process. "You already have mine, Love. I don't mind working for yours," his said this so earnestly, a thousand emotions playing behind his eyes. He left you speechless but with that same bubbling feeling in your chest that you had experienced the night before.

“Ew,” Minho scoffed from the corner, “get a room.” He walked out leaving you both alone. Luckily his comment had lightened the atmosphere as both of you burst into laughter.

------

"What time will your movie night end?" Felix had his arms wrapped firmly around you as you both cuddled in the couch.

"It'll go late baby. Now let go, I'm already late!" You had been wrestling with Felix for a good 10 minutes trying to get up so you could head out.

Felix nuzzled into your neck placing soft kisses along your skin. "I don't want you to go love," his deep voice sent shivers through you. He was definitely making it hard for you to go.

"Baby, I promise I'll see you tomorrow." You giggled as his soft kisses tickled your neck.

"Promise to miss me?"

“Of course, I’ll miss you soooooooo much,” you spread your arms wide, showing him just how much you’d miss him before wrapping them around him and returning his kisses.

“Fine, if you must go,” Felix finally released his hold on you and you got up, gathering your things and heading towards the door.

Felix followed you, grabbing his keys until you stopped him.

"It's so nice outside, I think I'll walk," you admired the sun pouring in through his windows.

Felix slipped on his shoes, taking your hand despite your refusals. "I want to spend as much time with you as I can." His words painted a blush across your cheeks. You weren't sure if you would ever get used to his sweet words, they always made you shy and giggly.

You both walked hand in hand enjoying the pleasant weather. You tensed when your building came into view, hoping Felix would leave you at the entrance. Instead he lead you to the elevator. Hyunjin would probably already be there and boy's meetings so far had not been friendly.

You turned to Felix when you reached the door, "bye baby," you leaned in to peck his lips. He didn't leave. You opened the door and Felix followed you in.

"You're finally here!" Hyunjin shouted as he rounded the corner. You burst out laughing when you saw him. He stood in your small pink apron, sleeves rolled up, hair messily pulled back with something staining his tshirt. The same thing, maybe some sort of sauce was also smeared on the side of his face.

"How did you get so messy?" you asked between giggles. You walked up to him, swiping some of the food off his face and putting the finger in your mouth. Hyunjin was left speechless after your actions, locking eyes with yours as you brought your finger between your lips and sucked. The thoughts that ran through his mind made his mouth feel dry as he watched you suck on your finger.

"It tastes good!" you grinned at him, turning and going back to the door where Felix stood. It took Hyunjin a second to register that your 'boyfriend' was there. They locked gazes, hostility brewing between the both of them.

You walked up to Felix, giving him a kiss on the cheek you said, “thanks for dropping me off. I’ll call you later.”

You were suddenly swept up into a deep kiss with Felix. His hand wrapped behind your neck, pulling you closer. You let out an embarrassing whimper as you felt him harden against your stomach. Much too soon Felix pulled away. Giving you a small smirk and saying, "Goodbye Love," before swiftly going out the door. You stood there stunned and horny.

“Ewwww” Hyunjin snapped you from your daze. “Please don’t make me have to witness that again.”

You rolled your eyes, "go clean yourself up."

"I thought you were already doing that for me," Hyunjin grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.

You felt your cheeks turning a deep shade of scarlet. Not knowing what to say you rushed past him to assess the state of your kitchen. As aspected, Hyunjin had been cooking up a storm and the kitchen looked like it.

"How can I clean you up when I have to deal with the mess you left?" You quipped back. In the past you would have been too flustered to be able to reply to Hyunjin's comment but recently you had been able to work past your shyness. Perhaps this is what a friendship was supposed to be, not all the rush of feelings you used to feel before. Those feelings were confusing, sending butterflies throughout your body anytime he would move close. Those feelings stung, pushing daggers through you whenever he had a new girl on his arm. Those feelings had stopped... definitely.

Hyunjin skipped in as you started on the dishes. "I promise dinner is good enough to justify this mess. But let's eat now!!"

"Hyunjin I just want to finish and be done with it," You replied.

A moment of silence -

You jumped.

Hyunjin spoke softly from behind you, "Dinner will get cold and I don't want to leave you with work. I'll clean up later but now I just want to spend time with you."

You felt a shiver run through you as his breath tickled your ear.

You felt warmth spread over you as his hand wrapped around your waist and gently pulled you away from the sink and into him.

You felt the hardness of his chest against your back as you saw his hand reach out and turn off the tap.

You felt your thumping heart as his hand left your waist and his arms engulfed you completely. He dried your hands with a kitchen towel.

You felt cold as he pulled away from behind you.

"Come on, I already set plates for us!"

You felt yourself begin to breathe again as you followed his figure into your living room.

He had decorated your coffee table with pretty purple candles, filling the room with the scent of lilac. Cushions and blankets were set up on the floor in front of the couch and 2 plates next to a dish full of your favourite mac and cheese were waiting for you. A vase of pink roses rested in the centre of the table.

Hyunjin sat down, settling into the cushions and patting the spot next to him gesturing for you to join him. You sat stiffly next to him, trying to take in your surroundings.

You looked at Hyunjin. The room was dimly lit by a lamp in the side of the room and the soft glow of the candles. He was busy plating the mac and cheese for the both of you. His hair fell forward, covering part of his pretty face but you resisted the urge to reach out and fix it.

He met your eyes and smiled, pulling a smile from you as well. The soft light in the room highlighted the shadows of his face making his smile all the more striking.

"What is it?" Hyunjin's voice pierced through your haze of feelings.

"I-," you paused to breath, remembering that it was something you needed to do. "I'm just surprised," You looked away.

Hyunjin's fingers grazed your chin, turning you to face him once again. "If you look at me like that I'm gonna make sure to surprise you more often."

His words hung in the air. He let go of your chin, both of you looking at your plates, hiding blushes from one another. You distracted yourself from the fluttering in your stomach by turning on the TV and flipping through shows to watch. Arguments over how you could not possibly watch the princess diaries again quickly filled the air that had hung between you both.

Dinner finished and now settled cuddled against Hyunjin your mind drifted to the words Felix had said to you the night before. It must have been a in the rush of the moment because it was too soon. And you didn't know what the feeling in the pit of your stomach was that bubbled uncomfortably everytime you thought of those three words. Was it nerves?

"What ya thinking about?" Hyunjin pulled you from your thoughts.

"It's nothing," you didn't need get Hyunjin grumpy over your boyfriend once again.

"Now my bestfriend won't even share stuff with me anymore. Have I really been replaced so quickly," Hyunjin dramatically sighed, draping himself over you while pouting.

"Ahhh you're too heavy." You attempted to push him off with no success, instead Hyunjin wrapped his arms around you making sure you couldn't move away from him.

He locked eyes with you now, "Seriously y/n. What is it? You've been way too quiet and I'm missing getting tired of you talking during movies."

You broke eye contact quickly, taking a deep breath, "Felix just said something to me and it's just been on my mind."

Hyunjin scowled, "what did he say?"

You hesitated once again, causing Hyunjin to force your face towards him, "Y/n, what did he say?" He said it more sternly this time, anger building behind his chocolate eyes getting ready for a fight if that guy had said anything to hurt you.

"He told me he loves me."

Hyunjin dropped his hand from your face, staring at you open mouthed in shock. A million emotions ran through him, above all was anger. He stared. Opened his mouth as if to say something and then closed it again. His brows furrowed and you sat in silence, waiting for him to react.

Finally Hyunjin asked, "did you say it back?" Hyunjins heart was pounding, blocking out all sound to the point that he had to try to read your lips to hear your answer.

"No."

Hyunjin let the breath he had been holding out. His heart calmed down and he felt almost at ease once again. You hadn't said it back. You didn't love him. And that was good.

"But you're still with him?" Hyunjin asked this time, trying to understand why you were sticking around with this guy. A guy who loved you, who you didn't love back. For some reason that brought him so much joy.

"Yes I'm still with him!" You looked at Hyunjin incredulously.

"But you don't love him."

"I didn't say that!"

Once again his pulse picked up. "You do love him?"

"I don't know!" You practically shouted, burying your face in your hands, overwhelmed with feelings you couldn't identify. You began to sob, feeling far too overwhelmed to do anything else.

You felt Hyunjin's hands wrap around yours and bring them away from your face. He leaned down so he could looked at your tear stricken face and gently wipe away the tears that were falling. He pulled you into his chest, letting you take your time to gather your thoughts and stop your sobs. No matter how much he pushed you, he always knew what you needed at the end of the day. There would be no more questions from him unless you were ready to share.

You pulled away from him, "I didn't say I love you back but I still like him and I'm not sure how I feel and I think it's so soon. Honestly he probably just said it in the heat of the moment so I'm just overthinking it but I don't know. Should I have said it back? I don't know."

Hyunjin didn't want to think too hard about whatever moment you had shared with Felix. And he didn't want you to want to tell Felix that you loved him. But he was a sucker for your tears and they had wiped away his anger. "It's okay." He soothed, "you don't have to say anything if you're not ready. And did he pressure you?"

"No he didn't even mention it. I should have just said it back."

"Do you love him?" Hyunjin could feel himself shake as he asked the question.

"Ugh," you buried yourself into Hyunjin this time, his arms happily wrapping around you, "I don't know. When he said it I just kind of didn't know what to feel and then since I've just got this weird feeling."

Hyunjin just held you tight, not knowing what to say. All those feelings you described were rushing through him. He felt sick as he heard you ponder whether you were in love with your boyfriend or not. He just wanted to hear a solid no from you. Any other guy would be fine, well not any other guy. A guy who was deserving of your time and he was convinced that Felix was definitely not that.

Hyunjin knew it was best to probably say nothing but the devil on his shoulder won, " You don't need to worry. You're right he said it really early. "

You looked up at him, ready to listen , so Hyunjin continued, "Are you sure about him Y/n. He does have a reputation and maybe he just said it cause he wants to sleep with you."

You let out a chuckle, "I love that you worry about me Hyunnie. But I don't think he said it because of that."

" No you don't know what guys are like!" He persisted.

"What I'm saying is that it was kind of past the point for that to be his reasoning," you giggled as you saw the wheels turn in Hyunjin's head. He turned as red as a tomato. Give it up to Hyunjin to be a playboy and still get embarrassed talking about sex.

Hyunjin was red, but not out of embarrassment. You fucked him? He wanted to ask more, but he also didn't want to know. What. The. Fuck. Hyunjin was steaming. That man was not good enough to be around you, let alone put his hands over you. Hyunjin retreated into himself as these thoughts bounced around his head.

That night Hyunjin slept turned away from you. Except he didn't sleep. He was so preoccupied with your words and the idea of Felix touching you. It made him angry, and sad, and honestly you weren't supposed to be letting men touch you like that. Hyunjin grumbled to himself, tossing and turning and wanting to cuddle up to you. But he kept his distance now because being close to you just made him think of someone else being that near you, and that made him sick to the core.

Hyunjin did eventually fall asleep, and he awoke to find the bed empty next to him. He got out of bed, still half asleep, rubbing his eyes as he whined out your name. He regretted not holding you last night and he was ready to take a nap on you.

As he enters the brightly lit living room all he hears is a deep voice growl out, "Seriously?"

Next thing he knows, Felix is standing in front of him and then pain shoots up his right jaw.

________

This is an original work. I do not permit the republishing of this work in any form including translations.

© LuvyBlossom