Did he hurt my feelings by saying he dosent even want to kiss me before the wedding? It is bcuz it made me feel like a whore for wanting it before?

Or is it bcuz of his tone when he said, like his word is final.

I think its bcuz i want him to be so crazy over me that he cant stop himself, abd it hurts my feelings tha he’s not as open minerd as i thought he was.

I know that i tend to always back out of big dicesions when im scared or overwhelmed which i am so much rn but ياخي all men give me the ick!!!!

I need to heal, he is such a nice guy but he is such a simp and a love bomber and is lonely and loves to talk about himself a lot, that stuff dont work on me it just gives me the biggest hugest ick.

I got married bcuz i wanna have sex lol, not really cuz i want a partner, i have a loving family and friends for that already, im not lonely, he is tho.

I got married cuz i was worried if i didn’t then i would start dating and idk what else i would allow myself to do. Ugh i really do hate men tho, i thought my husband would be different but lol yeah ik myself.

I dont like all that mushy talk tbh, i dont like the way he flirts with me like im a child, thats not really my love language.

It has even crossed my mind that maybe i should cancel the marriage. But cancel and do what after? Go back to my comfort zone? To what im used to? To my normal routine? Yea thats fear and nerves talking.

I agreed to him bcuz although its’s true that he isnt 100% my type physically, it doesn’t mean i dont find him attractive at all. He’s tall muscular not too hairy takes care of himself. All are the ingredients i need to get turned on, the other half is his personality.

No

Like ever since i gained weight 5YEARS AGO i have never heard the end of it….

I was always severely underweight, so all my life my family has only ever seen me as a skinny twig bitch, but ever aince i entered my 20s i started gaining weight.

It was on purpose as i Didnt like how skinny my face looked. But like, im never hearing the end of it!

Now that im getting married, everyone is really looking at me now and giving their own unsolicited opinions about me. Like my dad just said “ you gained some weight right?”

Umm yeah???? Like five years ago?!

And evertime my uncles wife sees me , she comments the same as well!

By the engagement party i need to have reached the phyice i want so that i can fo dress hunting.

So it means i have no time to lose!!

This week i need to:

Book fat freezing for arms stomach and legs

Book facial balancing

In 2 weeks:

See if i need to brighten armpits again

Like, to me, since im not marrying out of love it would make sense that i want the guy im marrying to uplift my lifestyle. I dont want to marry someone that will make me live how im currently living.

So if i marry him, it will almost be like im not even married. For a whole month I’ll be back home. Then for the next he will be with me. That means baba is still in control of my stupid chungus life.

I think…… i think im gonna take off the niqab at work, im just so embarrassed to, cause everyone knows me.

Anyways back to the main point, if i marry him i will live the rest of my life is quite boring Ras Al Khaimah………….

Do i want that? Why do i hate rak so much? Why do i so badly wanna move you say? I feel like I’ve outgrown rak, it is too small for me and my dreams. I wanna work i wanna study and all of that will be difficult if i dont move out.

He seems like a nice guy( tho i do think 6 years is a bog gap) , he love exploring and is extroverted. But i hate that he’s a high school graduate and that he wants to live in rak, i feel like if i marry him nothing in my life will change.

It would simply be that im living my current life + being married and having to feed him and cook for him cuz im sure we will never be able to afford a maid. And then also kids, if i get pregnant and have to drive!!!!

Idk man, are my reasons to not want to marry him all shallow? Im I shallow?