I’m attracted to the extreme light and the extreme dark. I’m interested in the human condition and what makes people tick. I’m interested in the things people try to hide.

It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it’s so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn’t coma back. You’re left so alone that you can’t explain. Damn, there’s nothing like that, is there? I’ve been there and you have too. You’re nodding your head.

i told myself one day i’d love with all that i am that i’d love without regret. and when it came down to it thats precisely what i did. i loved you. i loved you, raw feelings, irrational thoughts, consuming my heart and mind taking shape in an unexpected and uncontainable fashion, so i loved. and you were brilliant and fierce and passionate and dangerous. oh were you dangerous. you were so easy on the eyes, such a pretty face and a fascinating soul. a soul that hides, you became something of a mystery. you kept breaking down my walls and i flung all of my love towards you, holding nothing back. meanwhile, you continued to close off and become something of a mystery. so i continued to love, thinking and hoping i could be the one to help you. to bring your soul into the light again. but how our love had vanished, and it wasn’t what it once was. it wasn’t sneaking glances and making plans at midnight and calling you handsome. and so it was over. and this poems’ original intent was to overcome this obsolete idea of you, but it’s never about that anymore. it always wounds up as a mess, a poignant reminder of my love for you. and it fucks me up.

For the first time in my life I’m giving up on someone. You. I’ve always thought the best of everyone. I gave you so many chances. But not anymore. I will no longer enjoy your presence or talking to you. When your mother says hello, I will no linger be anxious because I no longer care for her son. When people ask about you. I will no longer tell them everything I know, because I will no linger care to listen when you tell me. I will simply tell them to ask you. I will no longer miss you, talk about you, and no longer will I wait for you. But, no matter what you will always be in my heart, and I promise, every night I will still pray that you change… one day.

“ I never changed, I just see things differently now. ”

I know I probably don’t cross your mind much anymore but I hope someday you see something that reminds you of me and the things we use to spend hours talking about at night and then your throat gets tight and your heart skips a beat and you finally miss me back.