This June, I need Gen Z queers to understand that some people are closeted.
I am saying this as a Gen Z queer, before y’all get your guns out to fucking shoot me.
But I need y’all to understand that if someone doesn’t give you their government name in a queer space, it’s not because they’re “mysterious,” and you do not have permission to take it upon yourself to figure out their “real identity” and go digging for them online like a private investigator. First, that’s creepy and a violation of privacy and reasonable boundaries. Second, some of us keep our private and professional lives very separate because we need to keep food on the fucking table and a roof over our heads, and our private life could jeopardize that.
“Why won’t you tell me about your parents?” “Why can’t I know your real name?” “Where do you work?”
1.) Not all our parents would bake us a fucking cake when we come out. Some of us are closeted. Surely you understand this? You also do not need to know my parent’s names or occupations; we are both adults. I do not need nor want to mix you and my private life with my parents and my public life.
2.) Trans people do not owe you their dead name or government name
3.) I’m not telling you for the sake of job security. I am a government fucking caseworker working amidst a fucking lavender panic!
“There’s no way you’re a different person outside this; you’re still you at your core. What harm is there—”
No, I am a completely different person. A different person with a different personality and different interests and a different name and presentation. I am a completely different person because I keep this life and my public life private to avoid fracturing 90% of my interpersonal relationships and 100% of my professional ones.
“You’re not out? But you’re so confident.”
See— that’s part of the issue. Y’all assume someone is in the closet because they hate themselves or lack self-identity. Some of us know exactly who we are, but need to prioritize financial stability or else our entire life gets exponentially harder immediately.
You meet queer people over the age of 40 and one of the first/earliest questions is “who knows?”
I need y’all to start bringing that energy. Because it’s not always safe for someone to be out and not everyone is safe to be out around.
There is a misnomer that “the closet” inherently means “doesn’t know they’re queer” and not “isn’t out widely and publicly.” “Outness” is often a patchwork.
Also if you're hanging out in public, make sure you act to the comfort of the most vulnerable person. I'm white and straight passing with my spouse. I can do whatever I want by myself, but if I'm out with other people, I ask them how they want me to respond to any comments, looks, or locations being less queer friendly than we thought.
Remember, it's not about YOU or ME it's about ALL OF US.
If my friend still lives with their parents and they're not chill I wear a dress or a nice blouse and I explain that my head is mostly shaved bc I can't regulate my body temperature and it's just soooo hot right now. And it's the humidity that really gets you!
One of my friends had a mini breakdown because she had to misgender someone when picking her up from work bc her friend isn't out at work and I had to be like "You kept her safe and employed is what you did. But more importantly, you addressed her HOW SHE ASKED YOU TO."
anyway thank you OP all good points, mwah, happy Pride
