ʏᴏᴜ'ᴠᴇ ɢᴏᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄʟᴀᴡs ɪɴ ᴍᴇ

“And this is all explained with another not confirmed fact, but my sources are solid. Dumbledore was embezzling funds. Yes, let that one sink in.” Dorcas finished yet another sensationalistic story at a poorly lit bar - she found that interested gossipers tended to keep glasses full in exchange of more juice details. “I mean, have you touched his robes? That’s some good quality stuff. You know his salary isn’t enough for that. I bet Harold Minchum was in on it.”

        “ you realize that NOT CONFIRMED FACT is an oxymoron., right? ”   he arched his brow, a sigh escaping his lips as he took an impressively               large gulp of his drink. was this his second? perhaps third? regardless,       he was nearing the bottom and in need of a serious refill, ESPECIALLY if  dorcas was going to continue with her theories. dumbledore had done a         lot for the man, yet he couldn’t seem to pull enough effort to give a shit.  the man was suspicious to say the least; whatever help he gave remus                       didn’t fix the fact that he might’ve been DIRTY.  

            for someone who had NO IDEA how to do this ,  he wasn’t entirely all that bad at it .   some people were naturally cold .   if she had gone to her older sister ,  the woman would’ve offered a pat on the back and told her to busy herself with something to distract her and offer no other comfort .   her father was the same .   but no matter how hard remus tried ,  it was impossible to convince marlene that he did not care .   NOTHING he had said to her ,  though he said a great many cruel & targeted things to her ,  left her convinced that he was the cynic he presented himself as .   it was posturing .   and she indulged him ,  always .   they’d spent the whole of their relationship ARGUING about something or other ,  from the mundane to the war itself .   there were times she hated him ,  where merlin ,  she wanted to kill him where he stood .   but only under pressure do you see who people really are .   and this .  this is who marlene could see he really was  ;   holding her in his arms and letting her cry .   and the thought of fighting him ,  fighting the urge to stay close to him ,  or lying to him were far from her now .                             THE SECOND that he lets go of her ,  marlene finds she misses the contact .   they were sitting so close to one another still ,  legs brushing against one another because of where she had practically collapsed onto him ,  but she now missed the closeness .   this is not something her mind registers ,  not really .   she ran a hand through her hair in a vain attempt to pull the loose strands free ,  where they had been sticking to the tears on her cheeks .   she was glad ,  suddenly ,  she’d made no attempt to put on makeup in the morning .   she couldn’t TELL ,  now ,  whether she felt any better or worse than before she had let herself cry .   it was supposed to be good for you ,  people  (  people who weren’t mckinnons  )  had always said that letting yourself feel & cry was god for you .   but marlene had no idea whether it’d helped at all .   she still felt like she could break down at a light breeze ,  if she was being honest .   oh MERLIN , this was not who she was supposed to become .   marlene mckinnon didn’t wail ,  she didn’t weep ,  and she didn’t cling to remus lupin’s arms or bury her face in his shoulder .   she just didn’t .   it wasn’t her .   somehow ,  one damn wedding had turned her into the girl she was always warned not to become .   part of her hated it ,  but part of her relished the opportunity to not be always on the defensive .   she knew it was wrong but BRIEFLY letting her safety be managed by someone other than her wasn’t an entirely bad feeling .              she looked at him and let out a choked laugh .   “  reckon they’ve got more on their plates to deal with right now than your cravings ,  lupin .  ”   she KNEW he was trying ,  he was far better at this than he seemed to think he was .  and so she pushed back ,  in her usual marlene fashion .   it was her trying to say i’m okay .   but it wasn’t entirely convincing ,  because even though she rebuked his pudding idea ,  her face was still flushed and there were still tears welled in her eyes & staining her cheeks .   she could tell ,  now ,  he wanted to know .   she should’ve realized ,  you can’t just go up to people and cry and not expect for them to ask why .   she could feel it coming ,  the RAREST of smiles on his lips now fading .   marlene sighed .                        “ my brother was ATTACKED and they don’t think he’s gonna ,  you know ,  um ,  live .   it’s not a big  –––   look ,  we don’t …  we don’t have to do this .   it’s  not .   we don’t …  it’s okay .   i’m okay .  ”   and she meant it .   she wasn’t dismissing him in the hopes he would press the matter further  (  though she figured that her expertly formed argument of it’s not ,  we don’t wouldn’t persuade him to drop it  )  she truly meant it .   this was an OUT .   they could go back to remus and marlene ,  adversaries .   remus and marlene ,  enemies .   remus and marlene ,  rivals .   rather than remus and marlene ,  saved each other’s lives during a battle and now were sat alone at st. mungo’s being weird .   she could just get up and go ,  find dorcas and cry to her .   marlene forced herself to LOOK AT HIM ,  it was nearly impossible .

         she replied and he wasn’t entirely shocked. her words were aimed at him in normal marlene fashion, but they lacked the regular bite that usually emphasized her message. the red of her eyes and the unsteady nature of her voice did nothing but remind him that, despite her somewhat humorous reply, she was still in a dark place. so when she spoke, remus scrunched his nose and rolled his eyes, for how could the hospital POSSIBLY not care about his cravings? the funny part was that, despite them seeming fairly alone, a few people had rushed past them at random moments in their conversation. so if these strangers didn’t have time to register the emotional duo, then there was certainly no way in hell they’d ask him whether or not he cared for pudding. what a bunch of rude heathens. really. 

         he paused briefly and thought of his mental reaction, concluding that he would  frequently use inappropriate and offensive comedy in his OWN mind to ease whatever situation he found himself in. he shouldn’t have stood a chance with the exchange. he should’ve seen her tears and ran, entirely unaware of what to do. it was a complete switch from the boy he used to be at hogwarts, the boy who would LISTEN better than most. he wasn’t entirely sure when things began to change, but day after day would pass and suddenly he’d feel different about something or other. he couldn’t handle the concerned looks of his friends, equating them to pity; he couldn’t empathize as well as he used to, unable to understand the problems of someone else no matter how hard he’d try; and he didn’t have the same filter that he used to, speaking rude things with no real reason, albeit secretly testing them to see if they’d leave. the only time he really felt the SAME was when he would speak with marlene. even then, when the situation was dark and unwavering, he mirrored his younger self far more than he normally would. 

          and there they were ;  marlene mckinnon & remus lupin on the floor of a secluded corridor at st. mungo’s .   if you had told her two days ago this is where she would be ,  she would’ve laughed .   for some reason ,  it’s easier that it’s remus .   anybody else ,  anybody else it would’ve been IMPOSSIBLE for her to let go .   the thought that she had to be STRONG for everybody  ––––  that she had to keep her head up and not let it get to her ,  somehow that didn’t apply to lupin .   the two PUSHED each other ,  caught each other in lies like nobody else could .   they fought and made it impossible for the other to get away with anything .   they held one another to a HIGHER STANDARD  ––––  and somehow that meant they could see through one another like paper .   she could’ve just pulled herself up off the ground ,  shoved remus off of her ,  told him to look where he was bloody going for once and get a change of clothes because he looked damn homeless .  she could’ve procured a flash of anger in her eyes and walked away .   but it was POINTLESS .  because he would’ve seen through the defensive glare  ––––  and the tears in her eyes would betray her .   so she crumpled .   like sand falling through his fingers ,  she collapsed onto him .                      IT WAS ALL TOO MUCH .   her brother was on deaths door ,  and no matter how many times she washed her hands they didn’t feel clean .   she was so OVERWHELMED ,  it was all too much .   marlene never knew when to stop  ––––  her mother had always told her that ,  and then her father ,  and her teachers ,  her superiors at work .   she overexerted herself .   the witch hadn’t stopped for a second ,  and her body was finally telling her to STOP .           somehow the closeness didn’t bother her .   it was WEIRD ,  or it should’ve been .   the two weren’t the touchy - feely type ,  they didn’t embrace or anything of the sort .   and it’s not that marlene wasn’t physically affectionate ,  ask anyone and they’d tell you she was ,  she just wasn’t with him .   that’s the way they were .   they FOUGHT  –––  they didn’t hug .   their friends would tell you ,  they didn’t like each other .   the two were impossible ,  they couldn’t work together .   that they hated each other ,  even .   but somehow ,  here they were .  marlene ,  with her face buried in his shirt ,  remus ,  with his arms around her .   holding her as she sobbed .   to onlookers who had known them ,   it wouldn’t make sense .   but marlene truly couldn’t begin to care .   because his arms felt strong around her ,  comforting ,  and suddenly she couldn’t begin to CARE that she was crying .   even though remus was useless with stuff like this ,  it didn’t matter .   he was there .                         slowly ,  she started to steady her breathing .   marlene hadn’t cried ,  not in a real way ,  for a very long time .   it felt like a weight lifted off her shoulders ,  but she wasn’t entirely sure that she could STOP completely if she had wanted to .   the blonde sat up slightly ,  tucking her legs underneath her and sitting back on her heels .   tears were still rolling down her freckled cheeks ,  and she couldn’t totally catch her breath ,  but she was T R Y I N G .   she wipes at her eyes ,  now finally looking at remus .   marlene sniffs .    “  you look like SHIT .  ”   a choked laugh follows ,  it’s weak ,  but it’s all she can offer .

          it was ironic, in a way — the man with little to no control over his OWN issues attempting to offer guidance to another seemingly LOST individual. he didn’t know what to say or how to react, an odd mixture of discomfort and confusion etched across his pale features as he continued to hold her close. it was such a strange difference from their usually tiresome, albeit entertaining banter. the woman who normally had skin of steel, not a stray word or insult cracking the surface, now laid on the ground, entirely shattered and broken. yet to him she didn’t seem weak, only TIRED. one can only act invincible for so long before it would begin to take its toll. he knew better than anyone, the only difference being that he hid his tears at the bottom of a liquor bottle while marlene’s fell to the floor is large heaps. had he had enough time to react properly, he probably would’ve thought something along the times of ‘it’s about fuckin’ time’ .  they’ve argued and bickered and shouted enough for him to see the signs. what seemed invisible to others were as clear as day to him. he liked to think it was because he was observant, but remus always seemed to struggle with spotting the reactions of others. this situation was a little DIFFERENT.

                               as she began to pull away, he let her, lifting his hold and moving his careful gaze in her direction. there was a strong hint of concern in his expression, his attempts at burying it with indifference proving UNSUCCESSFUL as he kept his mouth shut, only reacting once she spoke up. there was something so incredibly LAME about the popular reaction. granted, he couldn’t say much against it; even in his current state, he knew damn well he looked like SHIT. he couldn’t remember a time when he’d actually looked nice, really. so with a furrow of his brow, he let out burst of air through his nostrils. “ i look better than you. ” he’d said it once and he’d say it again. it was his regular response to the regular comment — the normally quick-witted man had grown complacent with this one little reserved quip.

              it started off like any other conversation between the two: she’d say something and he’d respond rudely and with a stern expression etched across his pale features. however, this was a little OFF. following a brief silence, his gaze eventually softened, the edges of his lips curling slightly upward as he gave a kind, albeit weary smile. remus didn’t smile often and it seemed a little strange and out of place, but it felt nice regardless. he’d forgotten how difficult it was to be angry all the time. “ think they got pudding here? ” he looked elsewhere, as if searching for the snack in the somewhat abandoned hallway. it was a ridiculous thing to ask given the circumstances, but the werewolf reacted the way he’d hoped someone ELSE would should he have broken down. she wasn’t a porcelain doll that cracked with every small thing. this was big and he assumed she’d beat him down should he admit to feeling sorry for her. so he pretended like it was nothing for a short moment, letting the air waver comfortably in an attempt to calm her down before he’d broach the more difficult questions.

       “ marlene, ” he finally said, her name nothing but a whisper on his lips. his smile had now disappeared, though he didn’t seem any less benevolent. “ what happened? ”

“ doesn’t matter. visiting hours are over... ”

“ yeah, but i outrank you ... ”

“ you do not !! “

“ you’re being real problematic. ”

“ rules are rules. ”

“ s’not very charismatic of you. ”

              “i can do another month at work             before i go on maternity,”                    lily insisted, folding up her scrubs.                         “plenty of women work up until their                eighth month.” she paused and looked                        away. “besides, we need the extra hands                                           at the hospital.”

@lupyns .

            she looked ,  for lack of better words ,  a mess .   the witch had FINALLY changed out of her dress from the wedding ,  she now wore a muggle band t - shirt and jeans .   her hair ,  finally washed and blood - free ,  had been pulled into a ponytail ,  unusual for her .   there was no makeup on her face ,  and no jewelry save for her claddagh ring .   it was like the GHOST of marlene mckinnon was walking the halls of st .  mungo’s .   her brother was still in a coma  ––––  the attack having pulled some of the life from him ,  but not all of it just yet .   just enough to send the mckinnons into panic mode ,  just enough to scare her .   to shake her .   she had been non - stop moving for the past six hours ,  barely taking a moment’s pause to change clothes and take a shower .   (  and then ,  only because her sister had forced her to .  )   she hadn’t eaten since ,  merlin  –––  since the beginning of the reception .   that felt like years ago .                              her current mission was to get a glass of water for her step - mother ,  despite her step - mother being perfectly capable of conjuring a glass of water for herself .   the woman had just wanted to be alone with her husband ,  and marlene was thankful for the excuse to leave .   she PICKED at the bandage around her hand ,  where she had collided with a champagne flute  –––  with remus ,  worlds ago .   she made her way down the corridor ,  looking for an exit .   a window .   something .   it felt like she was officially out of air .   she spent the day since the attack ended IDENTIFYING BODIES ,  cleaning up WRECKAGE ,  and delivering news to people who would never see their loved ones again .   and slowly ,  the walls were closing in on her .   SHE COULDN’T BREATHE .   behind her were people she had killed ,  people who had died .   her hands were so steady the whole of the battle that now they couldn’t do anything but shake .   and then she was running ,  taking off down the corridor as fast as she could .           she wasn’t looking ,  tears blurred her vision and even if they hadn’t it’s likely she wouldn’t have noticed remus in her path .   there were tears ,  but she wasn’t crying .   not really .   her body was giving out but her brain hadn’t caught up yet ,  she just wanted to find fresh air .   or something .   but instead she found remus .   crashed into him ,  really .   and the moment she’d collided with him ,  her shoulder catching on his ,  she began to fall .   and then she couldn’t bother to catch herself anymore .

            he didn’t want to be one of those guys. with the never ending sarcasm and the slight look of potential understanding, which designated that despite his implied benevolence, he didn’t ACTUALLY care. remus lupin cared. sure he often found himself yelling, shouting, and leaving without so much as a word, but when push came to shove, he’d be there without question. people seemed to have forgotten that. they’ve lost patience for the man who considered himself a STRANGER. and perhaps they had good reason, but he couldn’t help but find himself drawn to the ONE person who never put up with his bullshit. remus knew very little about what had happened, but when he heard the words MARLENE, BROTHER, and COMA, he quickly found his scuffed up dress shoes dragging his otherwise damaged body to st. mungo’s. the two shared more insults than they did normal conversations, but that didn’t stop him from considering her a friend.

                   remus was still wearing the same clothing he had during the wedding. whether this was because he was too lazy to change or simply too busy was unknown. regardless, he’d spent a majority of his time attempting to clean up the mess while stumbling about the scene, accurately prepping mentally but leaving something to be desired when it came to DECORUM and COMMON COURTESY. so as he rushed through the hospital, he caught the attention of countless healers as his un-tucked button down sported many stains mirroring the previous disaster, his rolled up sleeves only hiding a few more questionable additions to the pale coloring. he didn’t think that MAYBE this would make matters worse. it wasn’t like it had been the first time either. st. mungo’s was CRAWLING with people he cared about. if he were keeping score, he would add a third tally to his number of visits.

              lupin always met the NICEST PEOPLE at rundown piece-o-shit bars. 

“ kristoffer, is it? matthew said you’d be a dick. ” 

“ (INCOHERENT GRUMBLING) ... matthew ain’t shit. ” 

“ said you’d say that too. ”

          ABSOLUTELY NOTHING distracted marlene mckinnnon .   she had spent most of her auror training fighting it’s lessons .   they taught her to QUELL many of her instincts ,  something she firmly believed never to do .  they had taught her to make calculations first and act second .   everything she had learned herself not to do .  she had long since lost dorcas somewhere in the turmoil ,  so she navigated the maze of chiffon & curses on her own .   things were happening far too fast for her to process .  sometimes she would react to something ,  throw up a counter curse ,  and then think a few moments later that she should’ve moved instead ,  should’ve used a defensive spell instead .   but she knew to push those thoughts ASIDE .   it turns out two years of training does eventually force you to learn ,  whether you are aware of it or not .   marlene is on her feet ,  her hair having long since flown out of it’s knot was now falling into her eyes .   she had never found a moment to re - fasten her curls ,  even with wandless magic it took more thought than she could spare .   and somehow ,  without her notice ,  she seemed to have lost her shoes .

                          she stood now ,  somewhere in the center of the reception hall ,  facing two death eaters .  the one on the left a woman ,  on the right a man .   their tactic seemed to be throw out curses at random and see which stuck .   she had been dodging these two for a while now ,  and OFFENSIVE spells didn’t truly seem to be working in this situation .  so rather than using a hex ,  marlene had charmed the man into the air and rather violently thrown him to the ground behind her so that she could face the woman alone .   she had heard him shout ,  and didn’t turn back to look for lack of time .   now she had a chance to focus her attention on the woman ,  stunning her and then forcing her out of the way .   as she turned back to ensure the man had been at least incapacitated ,  she instead heard him cry out .   had the flask on the floor not caught marlene’s eye ,  it was likely she would’ve IMMEDIATELY taken his wand ,  broken  it ,  and sent him on his way .   but her attention was briefly grabbed by the flask ,  which made her instinctually look up and follow it’s trajectory .  it was less than a second ,  but marlene’s eyes met remus’ from across the ballroom and she paused .   she paused .   she didn’t pause ,  she didn’t hesitate ,  she didn’t blink ,  she didn’t even have a moment to get the hair out of her bloody face .   but for just a beat ,  a stand - still moment in time she just gaped at him .   the moment was over as quickly as it had began ,  she pulled her gaze back to the man and managed to muster an  “  expelliarmus .  ”   she snapped his wand in her free hand and sent a jinx in his direction as was her original plan ,  he lay limp on the floor .   her first instinct then was to find remus again in the midst of the chaos ,  so she ignored the auror in the back of her head and re - scanned the room for his figure .

his eyes met her and, for a brief moment, the shortest moment, he felt their infamous rivalry melt away; or at least fade to the most transparent level. it was the first time he assumed she wouldn’t yell off in retaliation, her face turning bright red as she’d spout off insult after insult. no — this time they were civil. only took a brutal attack on a wedding and the loss of his favorite, er — WORKING flask. but as quick as the moment was, he turned back to the fight, his mind still not focusing on where he’d put his wand despite his hand quickly yanking it from inside his hidden jacket pocket. it was how it normally worked. under the influence of alcohol, he had a habit of becoming crass and malevolent, angering anyone in his path with the sole purpose of building walls, but he was also quick on his feet with an instinctual sense that could rival even the most sober of duelists. people would complain but this fucker was about as functional as they came. so, with a swift flick of his wand and a slightly jumbled set of spell-work, remus rid a death eater of his wand and sent him flying. the victory left him feeling empty of an objective, his eyes immediately darting around the room in a desperate attempt at finding his next purpose. 

it was then that he spotted her again: MARLENE. 

         he lunged back against his own volition, the bones of his shoulder crashing violently against the stone of a wall, an ‘oof’ falling from his lips as he tried his best to regain his full composure. “ oh — FUCK ME. " his words were said in complete annoyance, as if the sudden disarray had been more of an inconvenience than anything else; people were screaming around him, a hazy scene from a cheaply made movie happening in the background as he focused primarily on the death eater who’d attacked him. the tint of his skin matched that of his teeth: yellow with some irregularities here and there. remus couldn’t help but cringe comically at the sight before lifting his leg and mercilessly connecting the heel of his left shoe to the chest of the hideous man before him, causing him to fly back and lose consciousness upon hitting a pillar. 

       “ bitch, ” he whispered angrily, the lilt of his accent strengthened by his sudden burst of adrenaline. his eyes scanned the room as he rushed through the crowd; a clusterfuck of terror and fear plaguing the once happy scene. one happenstance in particular caught his attention, his breath getting stuck in his throat as he watched a familiar F O X fight her way through a swarm, her warrior’s gaze unaware of an oncoming threat. it was at that moment that remus cursed his inability to remember which pocket he’d kept his wand; the liquor he’d consumed leaving him less than sober yet still fully functioning as he gripped his flask and threw it with such accuracy that even the most talented of sports stars would be impressed. hitting him directly in the eye, the man let out a shout as he dropped his wand and clutched his face in pain. 

Sirius cocked an eyebrow at Remus, normally it was him messing up and seeking out the other for advice. ‘ What’d you do ? ‘ Sirius asked sipping some of the burgundy oak matured mead a waiter served to him. 

                           “ oh, y’know ... just pissed off pure sunshine. ”                he hummed in reflection for a moment, looking deep in thought               as he swished the drink in his hand in monitored circles. “ you’d                think certain things would be impervious to anger, but being the                        curious man i am — i decided to ruin that theory. ”