a cursed kiss.

remus always sort of felt out of place, but recently he just never felt like he fit in anywhere. though, this was the first time he’d seen a full shoppe since he left hogwarts. the war really took a damper out on things. spotting a familiar face, remus made his way over to alice. 

how do you apologize to a broken heart? how do you admit to the wrong you’ve done? remus just figured it was best if he just let the situation speak for itself. the werewolf was more upset with himself than anyone else. tommy did nothing wrong. he was amazing-- but he fact that he found himself avoid this entire time was that he just wasn’t sirius black. it was so unfair-- so cruel to let remus love a man but never in the same caliber as he loved the one person who was off limits. he was braced for everything, because he was guilty and here he was standing there with his tail between his legs like a lost puppy.

❝‌   was this a mistake?  ❞  those were the words that hit the atmosphere with the same force as the big bang. ❝‌  this is mad, because i don’t feel like it is. i think that was the happiest i’ve been in a while.  ❞ he didn’t regret it, actually that was the opposite. he wanted to do it again. scarred palms brushing over sirius’s shoulder, sighing as he withdrew his hand. it had been a long time coming, but remus lupin hated himself for not thinking about tommy. it was the same hatred he felt whenever he slept with tommy and only thought of sirius. thomas vanderbilt deserved more than a man like him. he’d technically cheated and that idea tore remus apart.

arm resting his head against the wooden frame of the order’s hideout, remus found himself wasting time until he knew if james came back safely. he spotted fiona and without missing a beat he made his way over to her, resting his elbow on her shoulder--effortlessly. 

eyes glancing over a poster hanging on one of the brick walls of diagon alley, remus scoffed. it was a call for help against the dark forces, but the idea of a poster in plain sight seemed very counter-intuitive. 

the last thing dorcas meadowes wanted to admit was that she was terrified. it didn’t help she was scared for her mum and dad, for herself, for her friends, for the muggleborn younger classmen still at hogwarts; even though they were probably safer than anyone else. none of it helped.

all it was accomplishing was robbing her out of sleep. wrapped in a warm scarf and a large jacket she browsed the aisles of the apothecary looking for the sleeping draught she wanted. just as long as she didn’t end up too knocked out it was good, she still needed to go into work the next day or she’d never make it from trainee to official auror.  but she also wouldn’t accomplish that if she didn’t get any sleep.

it caught both her and the shopkeeper’s attention when a bottle crashed to the floor and dorcas peeked around to the aisle on the other sidel. drawing her wand out of her boot she spoke the incantation, “scourgify,” the mess vanished from the floor and dorcas extended a hand, “you didn’t cut yourself, right?” she asked.

even though remus lupin was a half-blood, he found the simplicities in doing things without magic. most of the time he didn’t really ever think twice about using his wand, so maybe that was why he immediately dropped to his knees to pick up the glass. though, he was beyond grateful when dorcas came into his focus. the glass that once littered the floor and covered his hands was no longer there. it was zapped away as the incantation left his friend’s lips. 

remus found comfort once he wasn’t completely alone in the apothecary. to be fair, he was never alone, he just didn’t really care for the others in the shop. getting up off of the ground, moony grinned at dorcas-- his eyes more grateful for her company rather than the help. he was happy to see her. 

There was nobody else in the world like Remus Lupin and Tommy supposed that quite a few people would probably agree with him but none of them understood it the way that Tommy did. Nobody else had essentially saved his life – or at least saved him from the monster he could have become if he didn’t fucking RUN. He’d been alone for months before he finally got in contact with Remus again and of course he took Tommy in because that was just the kind of person he was. A generous, kind soul. It was just one of the many reasons why Tommy loved him so and love was definitely the correct word for it because Tommy had been in love with this man for years now and even though they were no longer together, his feelings never disappeared. In fact, they simply grew stronger and in some ways, became just another part of him. 

Guilt was the main thing he felt being here. He’d never had to rely on people so strongly until recently and he HATED having to depend on others when he was once so independent. He felt like he needed to make up for living here rent free which was why he spent most of his time cleaning or cooking for Remus – which is what he was doing right now when he felt familiar arms snaking around his body. With anyone else he would have frozen at the touch but Remus always made him melt. The crease etched between his permanently furrowed eyebrows melted with the rest of his body as he smiled. “Morning,” he whispered back, his head tilting to one side as he pressed their heads together. “I was going to give you breakfast in bed but as you’re here…” He lifted Remus’ hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. Nobody else would EVER see this side of him but Remus. “Suppose I’ll have to cuddle you right here instead.”

remus strongly believed that he didn’t deserve any sort of affection. even small displays like this were bold for the werewolf. though, he worshipped in the little intimate moments-- those moments shared only by two people and the flicker of the moonlight. as much as he hated the moon, he couldn’t help but think of the nights of where it looked so beautiful dancing on tommy’s skin. 

remus appreciated the cooking and cleaning, but he didn’t fail to inform his housemate every waking moment that he didn’t have to work to live here. even if there wasn’t a romantic relationship reblooming between them, he still wouldn’t ever make him work for room and board. ❝‌   mmmm, a man who makes me breakfast in bed?  ❞ he mused all while peppering kisses on tommy’s shoulder. ❝‌   quite frankly, love-- if you ask nicely i’ll crawl back in bed and we can start the day over.  ❞ the tall, sleepy, welsh man unwrapped his arms from ‘round his partners waist and headed his way over to the cupboard. opening the doors, he took his time to dramatically pluck a bit of chocolate from the shelving. he figured that the sweet treat this early in the morning might help with the searing thought of the full moon coming up. closing the cupboard, the lanky man hoisted himself up onto the counter ( the terrible manners very reminiscent on all of the years spent cramped in a dorm with the marauders ) he was awaiting scolding not only for snacking but for sitting on the counter like this. either way, remus quite liked the view-- tommy looked beautiful from this angle... he hated that this man reminded him so much of his adolescence. from his hair, to his fiery attitude, it was quite safe to say that remus lupin had a type. though, there was no comparing tommy and sirius. they were two separate beings that completely took the wolf on a wild ride of emotions. 

shopping was already that last thing that remus wanted to do, but now that there was a curfew he was just about five seconds away from starting a garden on his flat balcony. at least then he could avoid the gaze of strange wizards who seemed to admire his facial scars with terror. for once, remus didn’t really care much. they were only afraid, because of the circumstances that fell to the wizarding world as a whole. there were some people who played ignorant, pretending that everything was fine. 

with his big trench coat on, remus lupin shielded himself from the cool air and cold stares. walking into the apothecary, he wasted no time in darting towards the healing potions. he stood there for a moment, looking at the shelves in confusion as he searched for a small vial of dittany essence. a sort of panic started to brew as the werewolf struggled to find such a vital ingredient to relieve his transformation pains. 

finally he saw it, but perhaps he was a bit too excited-- because whenever he reached to grab it, the bottle decided to fall and shatter onto the wooden flooring. 

H stood in front of the posters plastered to the brick side of a Diagon Alley shop. Her eyes fixated on the all-too-familiar faces – and the faces of the accused stared right back at her. The pictures of Nathalie and Marcel Vaillancourt moved in a loop, their smiles turning into scowls every few seconds. Just the sight of their faces froze H in her steps, rendering her unable to move, transfixed by the few memories and myriad thoughts that they elicited from her. After a few minutes, she turned away, running a hand through her hair before flipping it over her shoulder. “You don’t think they’re stupid enough to stay ‘round after such an attack, do you? Criminals of that kind – they’ve got to be smarter than that.”

it wasn’t at all smart for remus, a half-blood werewolf, to be wandering the streets like this. it was mid-day and he was cautious as he roamed the alley to stock up on some potion ingredients. namely just wolfsbane, though, the plant itself did much to nothing to help a transformation. but, touching the plant to his skin during a transformation sometimes helped remind him that he was sane and oh so human.  

he didn’t particularly like being out after such a vicious attack. it was absolutely no question to his allegiance. wherever remus lupin went, he was sure to be followed by or following behind sirius black, james potter, lily evans, and peter pettigrew. he wasn’t going to speak to her, mostly because he knew who she was. it was hard not to know whenever he shared a bed with her brother on most nights. but then she spoke and while remus was nonconfrontational-- he wasn’t rude.

     With an arm slung around his friend and nothing but the streets of London ahead of them, James allowed himself to fully enjoy the feeling of normality tonight. It was a nice change to let his brain get just foggy enough to forget about all of the heartbreak, death, and fear that had become so normal over the years, and for once get to feel like just a regular twenty-year-old, not a fresh out of school soldier. 

It felt like it had been so long since it had just been James and Remus, which made part of James upset. Someone forgot to mention that part of growing up included not getting to see your friends– your family, on a daily basis. Almost a decade of being there for each other’s highest moments and lowest blows. They had moved past the term ‘friends’ long ago, they were brothers.

“ Don’t get sappy on me now, Moony. That’s my job. ” he teased, moving his hand from Remus’ shoulder to ruffle the other man’s hair. “ You’re still the same old Moony, furry little problem or not. ” James continued, now pressing his head against Remus’. James Potter was terribly touchy-feely with alcohol in his system.

remus could remember the days where he’d hide behind large books just to keep the world from staring down at him. there wasn’t anything he hated more than being the way he was. from the cursed scar that split his lip to his hands that looked as if they belonged to an elder gentleman. he knew that the scars were the first thing people saw when they met him. though, he kind of felt as if that wasn’t the first thing james saw. he liked to think that he charmed the marauders with his intelligence and his quick wit. ( -- his overwhelming kindness was also a plus, but remus never liked to think highly of himself in any account. ) he was a fucking werewolf and even if he didn’t choose that fate-- it still felt as if someone was trying to make his life the worst it could possibly be. they hadn’t completely succeeded, because here he was actually happy for the first time in weeks. all he had to do was spend time with james.

for: @elaphxs​

even when things were catastrophically horrific, remus always seemed to find comfort in his friends. it was a hard time on all of them, but remus couldn’t help but want to be selfish and hold onto every moment he could. his biggest fear was the idea of losing his friends. james, sirius, and peter were this wonderful collaboration of support that the werewolf never new he deserved. truthfully, he didn’t entirely remember how much he’d drank tonight, but the tiny sliver of moonlight beaming down from the waxing gibbous seemed to blind him. it was as if the moon was mocking him, because somehow it knew the pain that was to come soon. 

he didn’t want to care, not now-- not when he was laughing so carelessly. two drunk wizards walking down the muggle london streets... that sounded like a set up for a really shitty joke. remus tried to hold onto the things that made him happy, so he blamed that fact for the way he held onto james for deer life.  

for: @tvanderbilt​

no one really ever had it good. everyone had their vices and there wasn’t anyone who was perfect. though, that statement in itself could be everchanging for each and every person. for example, remus saw himself as lousy-- but he knew people who would argue otherwise. in the same hand, when remus lupin watched thomas vanderbilt from the archway connecting the kitchen and living room... he saw perfection. from the build of his shoulders to the beautiful crease right above his brow, tommy was magnificent. he wasn’t entirely sure if the man noticed he was there, but he didn’t go out of his way to make much noise. moving up behind the wizard, he snaked his arms around his waist. resting his chin in the crook of tommy’s neck, remus hummed as he greedily pulled his body closer. it was innocent admiration, because the simple touch of skin to skin made remus’ warm canine heart catch fire. 

Sitting at the table, Lily focused on eating her food, trying her best not to let her mind wander into the land of what-ifs, where she likely couldn’t control it. She wanted to focus on the here and now, no matter how hard that might’ve been. She didn’t want to think about her sister, or her parents, or the growing fear that she might actually have a human being growing inside of her. So instead, when she looked up from her food, she decided to ask a question, hoping that by starting the conversation, she could control it. “I just went shopping earlier this week, and I’m already almost out of oatmeal. And chocolates… which were supposed to be my treat. Crazy, isn’t it? How quickly certain things go?”