Lunch With Grandma

I’m getting married two weeks from tomorrow.  And while it’s been a little stressful at times, I’m very excited and happy.  However, there is one major thing that is missing: Grandma.  I think about her all of the time, but especially now as I face this ritual that is filled with family and love.  I so wish she could be here with us in person to celebrate.  I know she is with us in spirit, and will always be a part of me, but it isn’t quite the same.  

The photos above show Grandma as two of my cousin’s weddings: one in India, when she was 98, and one in France, when she was 103.  I won’t have such pictures from my wedding, and that makes me incredibly sad.  There is nothing I can do to change this; I only met my husband-to-be six months before Grandma passed away, but I am glad she got to know him even a little bit.

Last weekend I went with my aunt to pick out some of Grandma’s jewelry to wear at my wedding.  It was bittersweet: I know she would have wanted me to wear it, but I’d much rather have had her pick something out for me.  In her honor, and to have her with me on my body, I will wear her engagement watch, the jade bangle she gave me only months before she died, and some other pieces.  

Looking through all of her old jewelry was like going back in time, with pieces marking milestones in her life and travels she had taken.  She like to buy gold because when people left China they often paid their way by taking small pieces off of gold chains to use as currency.  Her life had changed so much after she left, and she was very lucky.  She saw such change in the world throughout her life: from electricity to telephones to jet planes to the internet.  She was rarely phased by it all, she would often just chuckle and go with the flow.  It is with that in mind that I try to approach the life change I’m undertaking: with more chuckles than tears and going with the flow.

Yesterday was the anniversary of our grandma's passing - we loved her, we miss her and we spend time telling stories about her so as not to forget her. As time goes by the stories tend to catalyse and intensify just a tiny little bit, just because it makes it easier to tell them and to remember them as the years pass. That doesn't mean that the stories aren't essentially true - it just means that we might oversimplify the events or timelines for dramatic purpose.  Call it religion, faith, evolution, ancestor worship or just plain love. We don't care.  We loved her and she loved us.

Vi ses, Mormor.

- Jon Schumann

Grandma, on the way back from visiting Grandpa's gravesite at the cemetery: "You know, life is wonderful. But sometimes, it's very, very cruel."

Here is Grandma casting away her sins at the East River.

She arrived at High Holiday services wearing her Yankees hat and wouldn't take it off.  I asked her if she'd rather wear a yamikah.  She replied, "No, I'm covering my head.  God won't care."

Grandma and I were having dinner at Veselka (for a change we did not go to Little Poland), and we were catching up on the family.

Grandma: You know that I spoke to your father.  We speak every day.

Me: That's nice.  How is he?

Grandma: He's wonderful.  I think he's traveling in a foreign country.  Do you know where he is?

Me: He's not in a foreign country, Grandma.  He's spending the summer in Utah.

Grandma: Utah?  Utah?!  Are you sure?

Me: Yes.  I'm positive he's in Utah.

Grandma: Utah?  Wow.  Well, that may as well be a foreign country...

Yesterday the brightest light I've ever known went out. The world famous Grandma May Fung Lee passed away peacefully at home, at the age of 105, surrounded by family. She loved many and was loved by more. Thank you to all of her "fans," she got such a kick knowing you all followed her every move. She is deeply missed and life won't be the same without her.

It’s close to dinnertime. I hear my grandma making a ruckus in the kitchen. I go down to assess the situation. She’s got a bowl of Cheetos in front of her and she’s munching away.

Me: Really? It’s almost dinner? And you’ve chosen to eat shit instead of the dinner I’ve cooked for you?

Grandma: Sometimes it feels good to eat shit! Go Shit! (in Yiddish).

The only thing we like better than Grandmas, are one-woman shows about Grandmas!