lunasye

Yesterday was fun I guess. sitting in the park getting fucking stoned. its getting more and more a habit than a really fun night. its still fun, but not as it used to be. oh well. going out tonight, getting drunk, hopefully my friend is going with me do I can make our with her in in the bar where my ex is too. or idk, seems kind of harsh, but I just need some fun tbh. and I like making out with her.

binging and purging. much worse than restricting. at least that's what i think. when i was restricting i at least felt in control. i felt clean, empty, like i could do anything. this makes me feel so out of control. it's so messy. i'm not in control, i'm not controling my weight. not the numbers. it's nothing. it's just binging and purging. disguisting. ew. fat. ugh. i hate this. i can't stop though.