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if bad things u didn't think would happen can happen then good things that u didn't think would happen can happen too

04:12 30/03/2026 replacing my masterpost with this (?)

#feels stupid #this is like when i said i was glad the day had an end at uni and i got weird looks

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if i continue and cover the first lesson of my differential equations class, go over the harder questions i need to cover for my speaking exam and set up my next study session plan then i get the following rly cool v exciting rewards:

sleeping with a bit less stress (so hopefully no stress induced nightmare and therefore more rest)

listening to mamacita by ateez fully (bc i've only heard the first verse from the game and i rly like it)

watching an episode of my adventures with superman before sleeping

obviously the progress :) and setup for more progress hopefully

22:43 13/07/2026

#ngl im infuriated rn but we're gonna keep going bc i need to #i might update later :)#probably not tho idk anxiety spikes #the date is tinyyy ah cute

koiagain

just had a Desire. might have another but its unlikely Stay tuned tho

i-am-a-fish

whose dumb ass idiot fuck idea was it to make medicine cost money

koiagain

Does anyone wanna shut the fuck up? Is anyone down to hang out in straight up silence for 5-6 hours

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also :) i did it i gave the cafe staff and the library staff chocolate <3 i asked how many the cafe team were when i was ordering then gave the barista 4 she called me sweet :) i love her she's so nice to me and my sister when we come and she made my day today i love when she's there

the library staff i just slid it onto their desks bc it's rly quiet i quietly said i got it for them and got back to my seat :) they thanked me too

i'm glad i could do it :) it's not the big gesture of appreciation i wanted to make but still

i bought 10 chocolates (before i headed to the library) so i have a few left i'm gonna give them to my family now

21:54 13/07/2026

#normally i think of this stuff and even will get rly close to doing it and i bail bc of anxiety #glad i did it :)#everything abt today im proud of myself knowing how ive been feeling and how things have been for me

i just got home - i gave myself homework if i don't do it i'm not seeing the light of day again

due by midnight :)

20:22 13/07/2026 gonna eat lunch now hehe

#hehe bc decent day out #decent day generally tbh #also bc i was rly happy with the way i looked #outfit fire face card fire shoe game fire music taste fire and i was out to study? fire #and i was activeee i got out of my bed and out of the houseee #the intensity is bc i need progress urgently and i will forget if i don't keep the intensity / pressure up #i left bc i had to not bc i made enough progress for the day #i was good at staying off my phone and focusing on figuring my shit out so i earned a bit of time to eat and chill out #after this we fucking get back to it :) <3

bruh i should go out more so i don't forget how things usually go - i just touched my eye and I HAVE MASCARA AND EYELINER ON like yeah u feel like smth is there bc my guy there is I PUT IT THERE A FEW HRS AGO LEAVE IT ALONE

15:54 13/07/2026

#fucking pissing me off #dont mind me im gonna close the tab now i was just trying to study and getting on my own nerves

thankfully not everytime i go out but sometimes people say things around me when i'm outside and it rly makes me not want to be around them - i'm talking abt strangers - these are adults why are u not thinking before speaking at ur big age or are u and do u mean for me to hear and understand u why the fuck are u commenting on a stranger

14:01 13/07/2026

#v rare occurrence thankfully i realized and that's what's making it easier to dismiss bc it is one person #out of a lot of good ones #you're not supposed to speak in a language u think the other person might not understand #unlucky for me i actually do understand that language #lucky for them im anxious already and not nosy so i only heard the 1 part that stood out to me #there was a time i was at this cafe and a lady was complimenting me out loud to her friend thinking i had my earphones in #abt how hard im studying and how she wishes her daughter was like me #hit a bit close to home ig in both cases #in a bittersweet way ig #we move im in too bad of a situation to rly let my mind spiral abt that #and it was a religious comment :) so that was nice i'm gonna fucking forget abt it so i don't spiral like i said bye i have shit to do #also what's making it easier is that her friend / whoever she was with just said may God make her happy / guide her #so at least it wasn't all bad we move #also abt the language thing i meant religiously speaking if we're gonna go there she's not supposed to be doing that in the first place #like we're in a prayer room why are u being distracting shut the fuck up so the people praying can focus #and so i can fucking pray at least i'm here i'm fucking trying lmao #i said bye then added more lol it got to me i was trying to process it #taking it out back tho we're done with this #ngl being around adults as an adult makes me realize how much most of them lack manners and they're just out here like that

caiabresebun

some pikas between bigger illus and work

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kinda love that i'll be having intense thoughts and full on discussions in my mind while i'm in the shower and i get out and it was like a dream or smth i recall none of it what's up with that

12:22 13/07/2026

#the stress of my short ass dream made it stay in my mind tho so inaccurate comparison this time #usually it's stuff like that that puts me on edge so i do remember it #especially the shit that doesn't make sense and could mean things and drives my anxiety insane #even with this one but let's not go there #i remembered one thought so i wrote it down hehehe little blurb in my studying chat lol #nvm i remembered another one of my unserious thoughts but it was before the shower #i randomly came up with a peace to half heart hand pose so ig i'll be doing that sometimes #it's 3 parts and i have to click my hand into it so it makes me feel cool like a friendly transformer or smth #cool zei compare urself to a machine again #my more serious thoughts abt my life have been forgotten #i did have one i haven't forgotten i'm thinking of doing it tmw #for today i need to remember i have studying to get tooooooo urgentlyyyyy i need me some progressssss #if i don't study today someone come kill me im serious #if i do too i mean like why not #post study treat sounds good

also i complimented my sister's hair yesterday while we were out bc she had it down - she said she used my brush after she had showered <3

fire it turned out great and i'm glad she could use it well without pain / trouble - i told her she could also use the conditioner i use before i brush through my hair

12:15 13/07/2026

#maybe her fav ateez song is wave bc of her hair (she has wavy hair)

ngl sunscreen is way too expensive for how much and how many times we're supposed to be applying it to get the required UV protection

12:13 13/07/2026

#all the UV protection stuff is way too expensive actually #also skincare - idk any steps u wanna take towards self care in general #so like they want u to die basically but that's not rly a secret message it's more of a constant reminder

xaoca

by Arete Nani

chernolian

THAT'S NOT A PICTURE

vinnival

HOLY FUCK

#awesome #the glow of the fire is so cool #and the reflection obviously insane #i cant tell if im seeing things or there is a figure in the reflection ngl holdon #ok lol that's on purpose i thought i was seeing things #v v cool

british english is kinda cute sometimes i just heard tom holland say bunny rabbit - referred to the animal by first name bunny last name rabbit we just say one of them usually it's a rabbit lol

10:05 13/07/2026

#reminds me i learned british english in school so that's why my writing and speaking english are different #or a bunny ig but less commonly said i think #i wonder if there are more things like that #where it's a repetition of what is technically a synonym #ngl procrastinating getting ready to go to the library but i should do it before it gets too late

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no part of me wants to force myself outside and go to the library ngl but i have to - so i'm gonna give myself an hour of time to feel decent abt it then we're moving on change the channel i'm sick and tired of this

bruhhh they're starting to wake up i'm dreading the day so much i used to go back to sleep bc of this feeling

they'll be fine if i go the library they will be okay i will not be if i don't

08:39 13/07/2026

#hopefully the acid making me nauseous as fuck every conscious moment of my life can kill me soon or smth #i just had to remind myself the hour started #giving hour of joy not in the poppy playtime way tho #i am abt to put the mark stream back on tho so i can start my day a bit less on edge

kosmogrl

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