What do you mean lower myself?

bonus: bradley sees ed and freaks out, the homunculi try their best to not meet him cause no one wants their dad to yell at them like a feral rat

The homunculi have this terrible habit of listening to Ed when he says things now. They’ll be mid-fight, and Ed will say something and whoever it is in said fight, gluttony, envy, etc. just stop dead in their tracks and are like “shit sorry dad :(” and LEAVE.

Ed, who is exactly fifteen and a flaming idiot, freaking the fuck out afterwards because wait a goddamn second they said dad but I’ve never–I mean, I couldn’t have made them on accident right?????

fghjk this is funny because

1. when mustang takes ed to the exam, the only thing he knows about this kid is that he’s committed a gruesome, disfiguring, extremely alchemically challenging felony

2. mustang has NO IDEA what ed’s gonna do. none. he has no fucking conversation with this kid, no plan for if this tiny child just freezes up on the stage and starts crying or whatever in front of the president because again, HE’S TWELVE

3. mustang @ ed: lmao just do whatever. i dont care

4. ed: [does whatever for 5 years]

5. mustang, continually: lmao fucking wild. Y’all see that? crazy. what a kid! Anyway nobody look at what I’m doing over here 

in conclusion mustang’s like “This is a teenager with nukes for hands. Here, kid, have a million dollars and no fucking supervision! God love ya. That should keep the military occupied for a while” 

this is why you don’t have friends, Kaiba

also bonus obligatory ‘MHEH HEH HEH’ version

So, Ive seen a trope recently of Izuku somehow being All for One. And I like the idea, but I wanted to do something silly with it. Not just “oh look, this 200+ year old man is now in the body of a child and has to pretend” kinda funny, but genuinely lighthearted.

Made with @thelennystorm & @yuri-yurianywhere

All for One doesn’t kill Nana. In fact, he doesn’t kill any of his brother’s successors. He didn’t kill his brother either - seriously, who tf came up with that bullshit? The government, probably.

He doesn’t call himself All for One. He did gain a bit of a following way back, but they just kinda did that on their own. Maybe he should have done something to discourage them, because he didn’t want to be some icon, much less an icon for villainy.

He and his brother weren’t enemies. They were good at different things, so they didn’t work together much, but they were both trying to revolutionize the government, which was targeting people for having quirks. Or for being related to someone who had one. Or being associated to someone who had one. Or being suspected to be associated to…etc., etc.

They met up regularly, and the last time they saw each other, they had hot cocoa and cookies and said goodbye and good luck but he had no idea it would be the last time-

And then he finds out his brother is dead from someone wielding the power he gave to protect him, claiming they planned to take revenge for his brother’s death.

Trying, over and over, to make things better - maybe not always legally, but it’s not like law is moral, guys, come on - but he’s also part of this really long game of telephone, and none of the holders of One for All will let him explain.

there are so many things they attribute to him, that have nothing to do with him at all. so many times, OFA users rush to go battle him, but it’s an imposter, someone using the rumors, the myth of the AFO boogeyman, to scare people.

just, regular villains

And if they win against the villain, well it must have been a stand-in, right? AFO just sent them to stand in his place, he’s scheming in the shadows like he always does

And if they lose against the villain, well-

A user of OFA can’t have been killed by anyone else, right?

So he just, keeps trying to protect them. he’s pulled them out of danger more times than he can count, and they’re grateful to him but they don’t know it’s him and he can’t tell them or they’ll just attack-

he wants to scream

anyway he didn’t do any most of what everyone thinks he did

i mean, maybe he did murder a few people, but the imposters deserved it

tl;dr some asshole killed his brother and pinned it on him, and ever since, the users of ofa have been hunting him down

Then

Then he gets deaged, somehow.

is adopted by his own son and daughter-in-law

they think it’s hilarious

“Oh, I dunno, BEARS?”

[holds up an inanimate object] “Is THIS a Drachman spy?”

[talking about Olivier] “That’s why her hair is so big, it’s…full of secrets”

“what the fuck is a summer”

“Ahh, I’m so thirsty!” [tilts cup to take a sip. several ice cubes spill out]

[a very tiny animal/insect appears] “GET THE TANK”

“Let’s ask Major Miles!” [soldiers turn to a pineapple with glasses on it]

“statistics show that on average, every briggs soldier owns at least 2 ugly shirts. neil, who owns approximately 12,047 ugly shirts, is an outlier and should not have been counted”

[picture of soldiers doing something really stupid, like planking or hanging upside down from the ceiling] “this is the briggs way”

Major Miles delivers his Patented Death Glare™ and confiscates the pineapple without a word.

The next day somebody is called into his office and Major Miles has the pineapple–still wearing sunglasses–on his desk.

The pineapple sits at Major Miles’s spot whenever there’s a meeting he doesn’t want to go to. Major Miles is recorded as present but abstaining.

General Armstrong seems not to notice a difference and talks to the pineapple in exactly the same way she would talk to Miles. Her soldiers love this.

Mustang comes up to Fort Briggs to visit and is told that Major Miles will show him around: he is handed a pineapple.

At one point the pineapple is dropped and splits. It is rushed to the infirmary and the entire fort is plunged into mourning when news spreads that the major didn’t make it. The remains are buried with proper ceremony and heart-felt speeches about how the major would want them to carry on. Everyone pretends they can neither see nor hear Major Miles, although they seem to sense that, in some mysterious way, his spirit is still with them.

Major Miles is able to avoid his least favorite duties for about a week on the grounds that he’s dead.

When a soldier brings up a new pineapple from the town the major’s triumphant return is greeted with jubilation. Some weep. Rumors of the methods of his miraculous escape abound.

After they finish the mission Kakashi manages to convince them that he didn't make the up on the spot and there was a real, actual rumor he heard a couple years ago that Sakura's parents had won Sasuke's hand in marriage from one of his cousins during a card game. Sakura immediately buys it because this sounds exactly like something her parents would do. Sasuke flashes back to that time Itachi got accused of murder and is like "...which cousin."

After they get to Konoha, Kakashi cheats to get to the Haruno's before the kids do and begs Sakura's parents to play along. He's never seen the kids get along as well as they did during this mission. They didn't even fight on the way back! (Mostly because of shellshock, but y'know, whatever works.)

When Sakura bursts into the house with Sasuke and Naruto right behind her, yelling about did you bet my hand in marriage in a card game, Mebuki says "Of course not!" and Kakashi has a brief moment to think he never should have trusted career genin before she adds, "It was mahjong, Mikoto-sama was much too classy to gamble with cards."

Kizashi starts embellishing the details: they were all a little tipsy but everyone was perfectly happy with it the next morning, Mikoto thought the clan was getting a little insular and some new blood in the main family would be good for them, Fugaku wasn't very happy at first but after Sakura started getting such good grades and the academy teachers praised her chakra control he came around.

During this conversation Sasuke is mentally flipping through the month before the massacre when all the adults started acting weird and his dad looked like he'd swallowed a lemon more days than not and comes to the conclusion that everyone was mad because his mom lost him in a game of mahjong because she wanted pink grandchildren.

Sakura: SORRYI'MENGAGEDTOSASUKE

Meanwhile, Sakura is trying not to die as she tells Ino that it's true, her parents confirmed it, and Sasuke informs Lee that as Sakura's teammate and fiancé, he will be protecting Sakura, thank you very much.

Naruto spent about a month grieving his crush on Sakura, and now he's the most aggressive supporter of the good ship SakuSasu. He will throw down if you have a problem with it, believe it!

Within a week, everyone under the age of fifteen knows about the engagement.

LOL YES EXACTLY THIS

An FMA drabble because my brain needs a break.

———- 

He did not dress like a professor, did not speak like a professor, gave tougher homework and harsher grades than any other professor, and was undoubtedly the meanest professor in the entire Alchemy department. And yet, his classes grew waiting lists every single term.

It usually took a few weeks to get a good read on a new class. Would they be rowdy? Attentive? Sleepy? How many would drop out? How many would sleep their way to a C? Who would sit in the front row with their notebooks out? Who would sit in the back where he thought he couldn’t see? Who would set fire to their desk in a failed transmutation? Who would - and god, he always hoped it wouldn’t happen, but inevitably, it did - start flirting with him?

Edward Elric squinted at the at the new faces as the students filed into his classroom. Some he recognized from previous classes, but most were a mystery. Mystery was one of the fun parts of his job. Long retired from his youthful days of world-saving, the puzzle of new college students was a delectable treat, and the first few weeks of class were a thrill that he savored every term. So, when students made it easy for him, it pissed him off.

On day two, one hour and twenty-six minutes into a three hour discussion about transmutation circle geometry, a blond-haired, green-eyed pest raised his hand. Edward finished drawing his circle on the blackboard and paused.

“Yes - um, it’s Michael, right?”

“Yes sir, it’s ‘mik-KEL’, actually,” the boy gave a tight grin.

“Oh, right, sorry, Michael,” Ed filed the pronunciation away in his brain.

“Yes sir, I wanted to know how to get my circles to look as perfect as the ones you’re drawing.”

It was an honest, good question, and made Ed chuckle along with some of his students. “Practice, I’m afraid. I make it look easy, but there’s no trick to it. I’ve drawn hundreds of these things, you just have to practice at it.”

Michael was unmoved, and did not laugh. He looked pensive. “I wouldn’t think you’d need hundreds of transmutation circles if you can’t perform alchemy.” The room fell utterly silent. “…sir,” Michael tacked on, remorseless.

Edward stared at him, completely nonplussed. “The transmutation circle is the foundation for all alchemical operations,” Edward said, choosing to ignore the slight and continue on with class, “whether you’re performing a transmutation or composing a circle for future or theoretical use, the circle is a language all its own, and does not need to be executed in order to understand its meaning…” as he spoke, the class collectively relaxed, but Michael continued watching him, eyebrows drawn, green eyes flashing between Edward and every syllable he wrote on the board, looking for a gap in his armor.

Oh, Edward thought, seeing in an afternoon what would’ve normally taken him weeks to map out, so it’s going to be like that. 

one of his blogs is where he does analyses from the perspective of a hero course student (though he refuses to say which high school he went to) and then pro hero, another one where he speaks as a quirkless person giving his opinion from the outside looking in, and the last one is completely clinical and doesn’t have any personal information or personal bias and is the most “professional”.

the blog closest to his heart is the one from him as a quirkless person, because it’s the one he’s had since he was young, and it keeps him close to the person he was when he was hurting and seen as “worthless” by the world at large, and it reminds him to keep fighting for the little guy, and to keep speaking out against quirk discrimination.

A skin-contact quirk plus One for All should produce interesting results, no?