Saying What I Cant

This is gonna be a writing blog for me to express my creative feelings.

And the something you said gave me the impression that you'd never truly received love in your entire life...

Friday 13, October... What a mystifying thing...

Baths clean the soul. When I was trapped in my house and unable to leave, I'd spend hours in my tub. I was forced to stay in my room, and that safe space, became a prison. I'd fill my tub with bubble and water and I'd lay there. I'd lay in the dark with music playing in the background of my depressing thoughts. I'd submerge myself until only my nose and knees were sticking out from the water and hear the music echoing as it traveled through the water. I'd lay like that until water slowly trickled its way through my closed eyelids. Baths clean the soul, but they can't if you never get in the tub.

Life feels like drowning without being in water. It doesn't make sense but it still floods your lungs and clouds your vision. It makes you feel light, but in turn, powerless.

Does Nostalgia make anyone else sad? A poor childhood makes the feeling of Nostalgia bring a sense of emptiness for me and longing... like I think deep down I just wish I could've been a kid. I've always been told I'm so mature because I comfort, give advice, and forgive but being told this just brings a dull pain. I think I have Nostalgia for something I've never experienced... That's why it's so hard for me. I want to experience it but I know I never can because it's too late now. Nostalgia brings me back to the days when things were simple; it brings longing for what I used to have...

Nostalgia pumps through my veins for things I've never experienced...

I was so used to what we had, so I didn't know what it meant to let it go...

I loved you like the sun, but turns out you were a moon too...

You can’t help someone swim if you’re drowning too…

I can’t look people in the eyes,

There’s something about her that speaks to people as vital as life itself.

Shadows aren’t an absents of light;

Everything is passing me by.

I want to sleep,

When it rains, I stick my hand out the windows while going 60 MPH. On cool winter days, it causes your arm to go numb after 5 minutes. All you can feel is the lack of warmth and the stab of every rain drop. It’s a sensation I enjoy in a weird way because it’s different then most pain. Most pain isn’t numbingly cold, it tends to be… warm. Like heartache or relation troubles; those are best described searing throb in the void that has become your heart.