A Tenacious Learner

Have you ever sat down and wondered if you will ever end up divorced? If you single, did you ever ask yourself the question “What if my marriage won’t last?” If you did ask yourself these questions while pondering over life, no need to stress. Millions of people ask themselves this type of questions every day. I, myself, used to ask myself these questions. I always tried to figure out what is the main cause for the high rate of divorce. I don’t know about you but for me, everywhere I look I see a divorce. It’s scary, especially if you not married and have no idea who you are going to marry. If I told you I found the complete solution I’ll be lying because since every divorce has a different problem, there can never be one complete solution. However, I found something that might be the solution to most broken marriages. “What is it?” you ask. Well, the other day I came across a though provoking incident that took place in the time of Prophet Muhammad (s). Before I discuss the lessons and points that came to mind, first, let’s quickly go through the main points of the incident. Keep in mind that I’m summarizing so this incident is not quoted word for word from Hadith…

The Story

As you know, Ali (r) married Fatima (r), the daughter of Prophet Muhammad (s). One day they had a small disagreement and this lead to a small fight. Ali (s) left the house and went to the Masjid. The Prophet (s) went to visit his daughter (Fatima),as was his daily practise, and asked her where Ali was. She told him that he walked out. The Prophet (s) went and found Ali (R.A.) sleeping on the ground in the Masjid with a bit of dust on his face. Prophet Muhammad (s) started to gently wipe the dust off of his son-in-law and told him that it would be best for him to go home.  He then called Ali (r) Abu Turab which means ‘the one who has dust’.

Nothing major happened after this. The marriage of Ali and Fatima was back to how it once was.

Not let’s get down to the solutions that I spoke about earlier…

Remember this…

Ali (r) = Husband/son-in-law 

Fatima (r) = Wife/daughter

Prophet Muhammad (s) = Father-in-law

Lessons from Ali (r) for husbands

1. When the disagreement took place, Ali (r) did not stay in the house and argue. Arguing and shouting doesn’t solve anything. It is at this time that Shaytaan attacks the husband the most because is well aware that one word of ‘Talaaq’ and that happy marriage is over. The best thing to do at this time is to leave. Go into another room or leave the house altogether. Just make sure you don’t stick around. Come back when the atmosphere is calm. Do what Ali (r) done.

2. Ali (r) went to the Masjid. Leaving the room is vital but where you go from there is just as important. Don’t go to a friend who will ‘add more fire’ and encourage you to go back and stand up for your rights. Ali (r) went to the most serene and calm place in the entire city, the Masjid. This is a place where the blessing and peace are sent down from Allah. You need Allah the most at a time like this so why not go to His house.

 Lessons from Fatima (r) for wives

1. When Prophet Muhammad (s) visited her, he did not find her screaming and shouting nor did he find her discussing the matter with her neighbour. She remained calm throughout the incident. When we get too excited and start screaming or telling the whole world what happened, this often causes more problems. Take it easy, take deep breathes, relax.

2. When her father, Prophet Muhammad (s), asked her about her husband, she did not reveal anything by mentioning details of what took place. She did not humiliate her husband by calling him names. The finer details of the arguement was not mentioned, not even to her father. Sometimes, we tend to share with everyone what happens behind closed doors. This is extremely unhealthy for a marriage. There’s no need to tell anyone what is happening in your home. Yes, if it is a severe problem, then you may discuss the problem with your parents but small petty problems should never be discussed with anyone. Fatima (r) simply told her father that Ali (r) left the house.

Lessons from Prophet Muhammad (s) for all parents-in-laws and parents

1. When his daughter told him that Ali (r) left the house, he did perhaps sense that something wasn’t right yet he never demanded to hear the entire story. He could have easily asked his daughter what happened, why?when? And many other questions, but he did not. He knew that it’s a personal matter, a matter that should be kept private. As parents, we sometimes force out every story from our kids. We make it a point to know what’s happening in their marriages. Yes, we grew them up so naturally we are concerned, that is understandable but we got to understand that they have their own lives now with their spouses. If they are having a problem, let them fix it. We taught them how to fly, not let them take to the sky by themselves. By digging too deep we actually causing more problems. Look at the example of Prophet Muhammad (s). He didn’t dig into the story. If you think that is great, read on to see the beauty of his next move.

2. When Prophet Muhammad (s) got to the Masjid and found Ali (r), he didn’t shout, scream or hurl insults at Ali. He loved his daughter very much but he knew that loving your daughter is not a valid reason to hurl insults at your son-in-law. He (s) didn’t say much but his actions spoke volumes. By wiping the dust off Ali (r), he sent a message to his son-in-law that there is no need to feel bad, these things happen. He probably sensed that the atmosphere has calmed down that is why he advised his son-in-law to go home and patch things up. Sometimes, when the our child is in a rocky marriage, we develop hatred for our son-in-law or daughter-in-law not realising that maybe our own child is at fault, or maybe it’s just a misunderstanding and none of them are at fault. Remember, your son-in-law and daughter-in-law might not be your kid but they are someone else’s children. Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (s) called Ali (r) ‘Abu Turab’ which means ‘the one who has dust’. Scholars mention that this was said on the lighter side to cheer Ali (r) up and put a smile on his face. It was said to pass a message to Ali (r) that all is good and I am not angry with you in any way. Imagine if we could pass such messages to our son-in-laws and daughter-in-laws from time to time. How special and welcomed will they feel?

Conclusion

So there you have it, the solution that I spoke about in the start of this post. Most divorce cases can be avoided. It’s simple misunderstandings that throw it out of proportion. Either the husband, wife or parents overreact. Let us ponder over these beautiful lessons and implement them. I strongly believe that the lessons from this incident alone can save more than half of all divorces today.

Writing something that takes place in a hosptial? Consider this list of phrases to add a sense of realism:

HOSPITAL LIFE:

Report/ in report: When one nurse hands their patients off to another

“PACU can f*ck right off until 1930, we’re in report.”

Sign-Out: When one doctor/resident hands their patients off to another

*returning page* “Are they dying? I’ve barely gotten sign-out here”

EPIC- Electronic charting system. Literally any electronic charting system. Does not have to be Hyperspace/supplied by the EPIC corporation to be called this.

“Hey, could you put those vitals in EPIC for me since you’re already logged in?”

Bed 45/46-2/47-1/48/etc…: how we refer to patients, by their bedspace number, denoted “room-bed”.

“Hey Nikki, do you remember what 45-2′s blood sugar was?”

Assignment: The patients any one particular medical professional has responsibility for- be they a nurse, doctor, aide, respiratory therapist, physical therapist, etc…

“My assignment is rooms 43-45, how about you?”

The Board: Where the status of the patients on your floor get listed, including who is to be discharged, who has certain needs, and the day’s expected admissions. Used to be a physical white board, but now is electronic. Usually used to talk about how many patients a floor is about to admit.

“Jeeze, did you see they just put four new patients on our board? We’ve already got 16- call the nursing supervisor.”

Flexed up: Taking more patients than you’re staffed for on a floor

“Well, we’re staffed for 15, but they ‘found’ three more bedspaces so they’re flexing us up tonight.”

Code/Call a code/They’re coding: A Code Blue. When a patient’s heart stops on The Floor and everyone shows up to practice CPR and transfer them to The Unit.

“They’re coding, get a crash cart to 75-2 and call a code blue”

Rapid/Call a rapid/Rapid response team: Almost a code, but their heart is still beating. For hospitals who have a separate “Rapid Response” nursing team. Two Crit Care nurses show up and handle things. Also who you call if you and everyone else on your floor can’t get an IV.

“They have an INR of 9.5 and the doc doesn’t want to do anything- I’m gonna call a rapid.”

Float/they’re floating you: When you don’t have enough patients on your floor so the nursing supervisor sends you to a different, unfamiliar one.

“They’re making me float to 9C. Again. Can you believe that??”

Full: Can’t take any more patients, either due to physical space or nursing staff.

“Tell the nursing supervisor to stop putting patients on our board- we’re full”

Clinic: Outpatient. Where you want your patients to be.

“Tell them we’ll see them in Clinic in three days. They have no medical need to be here anymore and they know it.”

KINDS OF PATIENTS:

Contacts/isolations: Any patients who’s rooms you have to don a gown, gloves, mask, and/or respirator to enter.

“Are you sh*tting me? I have five patients today and four of them are isolations.”

Frequent flyer- Someone who, for medical or social reasons, just can’t seem to stay out of the hospital

“Did you hear Darlene is back?” “Yeah, we’re officially engraving her name on the Frequent Flyer wall of fame”

Crump/Crumpy/Crumper: Colloquial term for patients who are medically unstable/at a lower level of care than they need/will be transferred to The Unit when a bed becomes available or when the inevitably code, whichever comes first.

“73′s a crumper if I’ve ever seen one. Rapid’s in there working her now.”

‘Seeker: Someone in the hospital with their own agenda, but who largely has no medical need to be there and will threaten to sign out AMA (even though they’ve been discharged four times and keep refusing to go) if they don’t get what they want- be it drugs, social interaction, or over-the-top waitressing. Will probably threaten to give a horrible review of the hospital on their social media platform of choice and mention you by name if they don’t get what they want.

“49′s a total seeker. When she’s not begging for pain meds, you’re getting her crackers, juice, tea, hot packs, cold packs, everything you could think of. I didn’t sit down all night and my other patients slept pretty much the whole night. Give her some percocet and get her the hell out of here before I have to deal with her again tonight.”

Heavy: A patient that takes up a disproportionate amount of your time, but usually for a legitimate reason.

“Dr. P’s patients are really heavy. Something’s always going on with them and they have tubes coming out of everywhere that need care of some kind every hour… I had two of his patients today and I’m so tired… could we break up the assignment for the next shift please?”

HOSPITAL PLACES:

The Floor: Medical and Surgical floors, sometimes specialty floors- basically anywhere that’s not the ED, Psych, or The Unit. These have higher staffing ratios (more patients per nurse) and lower patient acuity than The Unit

“They didn’t really need a bed on the Unit so they were transferred to the Floor”

The Unit: The Intensive Care Unit. Where crumpy patients go, comes in the following flavors (though smaller hospitals may have just one): MICU (medical), SICU (surgical), PICU (pediatric), TICU (trauma), NICU (neonatal), NICU (neurological), BICU (burn), and Stepdown (in the days after an ICU discharge).

“They weren’t doing so hot, so we called a rapid and had them sent to The Unit.”

The ED: The Emergency Department. Oh dear lord it is not called the ER.

“They’re sending up that new admit from the ED in like 5 mins, do you have the room ready?”

PACU: Post Anesthesia Care Unit, where people are stabilized after surgery.

“PACU’s calling again, they’re backing up and need to give report.” 

THE NURSING HIERARCHY:

Director of Nursing: One Nurse to rule them all. Directs all facets of nursing, from training to hiring to staffing to quality improvement.

Nursing Supervisor: One nurse to rule them all… on a given shift. The nursing supervisor assigns patients to nursing units and makes sure everywhere is staffed accordingly.

Nurse Manager: In charge of the general staffing and personnel management of a particular floor, including scheduling, patient satisfaction, staff development, and service recovery.

Charge Nurse/Charge: The “shift manager” of nursing. Has final say on a lot of things you don’t want to be the bad guy on, as well as creating assignments/checking the crash cart, and submitting service requests when the nurse manager isn’t there. Also has a patient assignment.

Staff nurse: The nurses who do assessments, pass meds, start IVs, carry out orders, give updates to doc’s, chart, manage a patient’s day, make sure they get to tests/procedures on time with the right paperwork, and are overall responsible for managing patient care and providing first-line response to issues that arise throughout the shift.

Nurse Aide/Nurse Tech: Provides the majority of basic patient care. Counts intake and output, gets blood sugars and vital signs, sets up rooms for new admits, cleans and clothes patients, gets blood and urine samples, transports patients if necessary. Staff nurses are responsible for this when aides/techs are not available.