sunflower

I think it's an unrecognized practice to allow yourself to outgrow and shed versions of yourself that were more socially successful than who you want or need to be now. Not every new chapter is bigger and bolder and hotter, I think that's a very modern social media "glow up" mindset and doesn't actually have any room for what real transformation looks like. Sometimes we change exactly as we need to and it's not what anyone else was hoping for and that's part of it being important and true.

You ever Fuck Up

The deep but subtle difference between "giving you the cold shoulder" and actively keeping my mouth shut cause I wanna keep having this relationship later

my burden from God is that sometimes someone calls me a dumb selfish bitch and I have to choose between 1. Say nothing and seem petty 2. Say nothing and look like a pushover 3. Say nothing and seem sensitive and 4. Open my mouth and say something horrific like this sort of inability to handle your frustrations without lashing out at others is exactly what your mother used to do to you and maybe that's why everyone you've ever loved has left you, exactly like how you left her, and how does it feel for thirty years to pass you by and still be exactly where she started, exactly as miserable and alone, with no significant progress despite the time, just one long thread of unpleasant and unlikable people that never fuckin change and that last one only feels good for like. A minute

everyone hates orange until they actually see her in context. "oh it's such an ugly color, too bright!" look at sunsets and autumn, look at campfires and deserts. she's the most beautiful and special part of the scene. now apologize.

the word lover is so infinitely soft. So universal. So timeless. Two girls with awkward, hungry hands. A boy and a girl in the dark. Two men in empty light. A marriage of 40 years. Letters over eons. Sappho’s poems. The corner of a mouth. Lovers, lovers, lovers.