I will one day forgive myself for believing I was the problem

🙌🏽

I’ve hit such a all time low……. I just wanna feel beautiful in my own skin… I just wanna know I’m beautiful without needing my husband to let me know… just sitting there looking at him waiting for him to just stare at me and appreciate me and adore me.. tell me I’m beautiful even though I didn’t get dressed for the day I have no make up on and my hair in the same everyday hairstyle… even though he says he does I cannot stress how much actions speak louder than words. I guess in this case words would speak louder for me… I lost myself. I lost myself so bad I even lost our love. I don’t know how to love him anymore even though I do. Even though I feel it inside I lost it. I’m numb to our love. I’m numb to myself. I’m numb to anything that isn’t involving my daughter. She’s the only thing in my life that makes sense right now. She’s the only person getting me through this dark place. I don’t know if I would still be here without her. She’s my purpose. I’m just rambling on but I feel safe here… I feel like such a baggage to everyone… I feel like I’m constantly trying to let them know I’m drowning but they don’t see it. I feel like my husband is only with me cause he’s trapped. I don’t even know if I hate myself.. I guess I just feel disappointed 😔 I feel disgusted. I thought I would never be here again… losing my self worth this bad… questioning myself this bad… all for love….. all for wanting someone’s love….

I see him like other girls pictures… pretty girls… girls with tattoos… girls with fitness gym bodies…. girls that catch his eye…. and then there’s me…. and then I go into the mindset of wanting to be what I think he will like and notice again.. and be obesesed with again…

I don’t wanna be this person anymore…. why do I feel like in my heart there’s no returning to the love we use to have….. this isn’t love anymore….. I really can’t believe I’m back here… desperately wanting someone to just think I’m one in a million.. something must be wrong with me. Something has to be wrong with me. I’m toxic. I have to be toxic. Why can’t I just love myself….. I’m exhausted. I’m tired.

I tried so fucking hard but you never noticed me

Better yet it’s because I’m not what you desire

I’ve hit such a all time low……. I just wanna feel beautiful in my own skin… I just wanna know I’m beautiful without needing my husband to let me know… just sitting there looking at him waiting for him to just stare at me and appreciate me and adore me.. tell me I’m beautiful even though I didn’t get dressed for the day I have no make up on and my hair in the same everyday hairstyle… even though he says he does I cannot stress how much actions speak louder than words. I guess in this case words would speak louder for me… I lost myself. I lost myself so bad I even lost our love. I don’t know how to love him anymore even though I do. Even though I feel it inside I lost it. I’m numb to our love. I’m numb to myself. I’m numb to anything that isn’t involving my daughter. She’s the only thing in my life that makes sense right now. She’s the only person getting me through this dark place. I don’t know if I would still be here without her. She’s my purpose. I’m just rambling on but I feel safe here… I feel like such a baggage to everyone… I feel like I’m constantly trying to let them know I’m drowning but they don’t see it. I feel like my husband is only with me cause he’s trapped. I don’t even know if I hate myself.. I guess I just feel disappointed 😔 I feel disgusted. I thought I would never be here again… losing my self worth this bad… questioning myself this bad… all for love….. all for wanting someone’s love….

I see him like other girls pictures… pretty girls… girls with tattoos… girls with fitness gym bodies…. girls that catch his eye…. and then there’s me…. and then I go into the mindset of wanting to be what I think he will like and notice again.. and be obesesed with again…

I don’t wanna be this person anymore…. why do I feel like in my heart there’s no returning to the love we use to have….. this isn’t love anymore….. I really can’t believe I’m back here… desperately wanting someone to just think I’m one in a million.. something must be wrong with me. Something has to be wrong with me. I’m toxic. I have to be toxic. Why can’t I just love myself….. I’m exhausted. I’m tired.

I tried so fucking hard but you never noticed me

I thought I would wake up feeling differently but nope… I’m still just exhausted and my heart hurts…

i PERSONALLY would like to FALL IN LOVE please!!!!!! and have the SAME PERSON fall in love with me BACK!!!!!!! could i get some MUTUAL AFFECTION out here!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly

You don’t even make me feel like a person that drives you up the wall you can’t contain yourself and so on anymore. All I feel like is the mother of your child. I feel like nothing to you.

Learned the truth of why not... isn’t that crazy how life works!!!!!!!!

You don’t even make me feel like a person that drives you up the wall you can’t contain yourself and so on anymore. All I feel like is the mother of your child. I feel like nothing to you.

still relevant

Always