one man show

Brielle: what if it rains

“Would you have preferred an email?” She shot rhetorically, giving him a look.  “Of course, I said that– what did you think I was going to do?  Start making out with you and pretend someone hadn’t just walked outside?” Brielle paused, growing not only defensive of her own actions, but growing upset at everything that was being brought up.  “You could have talked to me about things– like I tried to do with you.  I’m so sorry my timing wasn’t convent for you.”  She rolled her eyes. biting the inside of her cheek to keep herself from crying.  “We’re supposed to be honest with each other and I tried to talk to you about how I was feeling, but you chose to ignore your feelings for me and made it seem like I was the crazy one” Brielle’s voice grew quieter.  “You’re not sorry I got hurt.  You knew what you were doing back then and you knew I’d be hurt.  You just didn’t care.” She shrugged, watching him as he got up.  “You brought this up, not me.  Obviously, you’re not past whatever you were feeling five years ago, and I’m sorry that I’m just a little upset right now that you’re telling me exactly what I wanted to hear five years too late.”

“Maybe, yeah!” he responded, knowing it wasn’t a serious question, but truthfully he would have rather gotten some kind of explanation before she just showed up. “You could have said something. Anything. You didn’t. And neither did I, and I get that. But you can’t pretend like you made your feelings known when you didn’t.” He shook his head. “You didn’t try to talk to me. You showed up and freaked out without giving me a chance to explain. And now you’re telling me I did things I didn’t do. I had no idea that I was going to hurt you. If I had I never would have done it. But I had to make a choice, Brielle, and I didn’t think you were an option anymore.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I brought this up because you kept asking what I was thinking and lately you’re all I think about. But you just told me I’m not allowed to feel that way. Which, for all the things I’ve done wrong, at least I never did that,” he shot back, his voice cracking as he could feel tears welling up in his eyes. “I never told you to pretend the feelings weren’t there because it was inconvenient for me. And you don’t have to feel the way I do. I’m not asking for that and I’m not expecting it. You asked. I tried to be honest with you. I’m not gonna apologize for that.” He was done. He had nothing left to say, and honestly he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear anything else she had to say. So he turned and walked away. 

Brielle ignored the first half of what he had said, once she was mad it was hard for her not to escalate herself.  She huffed out a breath, shaking her head at at Lucas, not quite wanting to hear the words coming out of his mouth.  “I’m the one who needs to be an adult and face my problems?” She scoffed rhetorically, not giving him time before she was off again.  “That’s funny, I remember me being the one who did that like five years ago when I went to New York and was met with you clearly avoiding your problems.” She paused, beginning to glare at him.  “But go ahead, sit on your high horse and brag about how it took you five years to take your own advice.”

“Ambushing me in New York is you being an adult and facing your problems?” he questioned. “I wasn’t avoiding anything Brielle! You had made it abundantly clear that you weren’t interested in me. You were the one who told Nick he wasn’t interrupting anything, remember that? What was I supposed to think? I went back to New York and tried to move on with my life. That’s not a crime. And I’m sorry you got hurt, I am, but I don’t have to apologize to you for starting to see someone else. We weren’t together. You made that clear.” Luke stood up, not wanting to be a part of this conversation anymore. “And you’re right, it was five years ago. Frankly, I’m not sure why I’m being put on trial for something I thought we had moved past.”

“Well… yeah.” Brielle finally spoke, breaking her silence after a few moments.  Shaking her head in attempt to clear her thoughts, she closed her eyes for a moment before looking back at Lucas.  “How would I even be able to assume any of the blame even if I wanted to?” Brielle asked, growing a bit frustrated as she realized what Lucas was admitting, though she wasn’t sure if she was more mad at him or herself in this moment.  “I’m not the one who was making moves on their best friend while I had a boyfriend in New York.” She told bluntly, taking a long sip of her drink.  “I think you need to figure out how to pretend.”

Of course this was going to start a fight. Lucas wasn’t sure why he had expected anything else. Sure, there had been a time when he and Brielle only ever got along, but that was before either one of them had feelings for each other, or at least before they seemed to realize it. “I wasn’t saying you should, I was just accepting the blame because it’s the right thing to do. I’m trying to acknowledge that I was wrong,” he responded softly. “And he wasn’t my boyfriend. Not then anyway.” He looked at her for a moment. “I think you need to figure out how to be an adult and face your problems head on instead of ignoring them or just getting angry at people.” It was harsh, but he couldn’t help the anger that started to burn with her simple statement. He was trying to make progress here and rather than even the decency of a simple rejection she was trying to tell him to just ignore his feelings entirely.

“No I’m actually pretty dumb– have you seen any of the report cards I’ve had in life?” She laughed, a bit immune to the pain that had come along with all of that when she was younger, having now just accepting that academics weren’t her strong suit.  She was shocked into silence though at his confession, not having expected such forwardness from Lucas, even though a part of her had mused this moment was coming in her mind.  She just hadn’t expected it to be now.  Which was probably why she sat with her jaw agape, staring wide eyed at the boy.

Luke ignored Brielle’s first comment. Her grades had nothing to do with it and both of them knew that. She knew Lucas better than anyone and she knew when he was joking around and when he was serious, he was sure of it. He wasn’t surprised by her lack of response. In fact, he wasn’t sure he was expecting any kind of response anyway, he just needed to finally say it all. The most shocking part of this for him was that she even seemed to be all that surprised, when he thought it should have been obvious. “I’ll take the blame for everything that happened then. I know all that stuff was my fault,” he continued, in a straightforward tone. He wasn’t trying to reason with her, or even gain her forgiveness, but rather just acknowledge the facts of the situation. “But I don’t think I can walk around and pretend I don’t feel the way I do anymore.” 

Brielle held her gaze on him, still a bit lost as to what was on in his head.  “I mean… maybe?” She told honestly, because the last time she really thought she knew where Luke’s head was at she couldn’t have been more wrong.  “I probably don’t know though.” She told honestly, wrinkling her nose a bit at him.

Luke shook his head softly. “You’re not dumb, Brielle. And you’re not clueless either,” he pointed out. This whole thing had passed, seemingly unnoticed, in high school. But ever since what happened that first year he was in New York, it was kind of impossible to deny the reality of their not quite platonic friendship. He looked at her for another beat. “I should have kissed you,” he didn’t bother to mention when he should have. He knew she already knew. “And everything has been a mess since I didn’t,” he confessed, looking away from her again. “I mean, my career’s great, but I have this whole theory about karmic energy and suffering for my art,” he half joked.

Brielle gave him a slightly puzzled looked, but nonetheless pressed on.  “How does the movie go?” She asked, a light laugh falling from her lips.

Lucas looked over, studying the girl for a long moment. He had some options here. There was a part of him, a big part of him, the dramatic life-is-a-movie part of him, that wanted to just go for it and kiss her right now like he should have years ago. She was practically egging him on. But there was another part of him, the smarter part, that knew this would be a huge mistake, one he couldn’t take back, and one he would inevitably get in trouble for. “I think you already know,” he said finally, with a tired sigh. He was tired of beating around the bush, but he also wasn’t exactly in the position to do anything about this right now.

Brielle laughed again at him as he patted her shoulder, shaking her head a bit.  “Oh yeah?  Well then in that case you have to tell me.  It’s practically the law.”

Lucas shook his head softly before looking away from here again. “I imagine all kinds of things,” he shrugged. “It’s like there’s a whole movie happening in my head of how my life should be but isn’t.”

Brielle couldn’t help but laugh at him, rolling her eyes fondly.  “You’re something else, Mr. Wild.” She joked, letting out a breath as she looked to her glass for a moment.  “What else are you imagining?” She chuckled, looking back to him.

Luke smiled back at the girl. “So are you, Ms. Edwards,” he commented back, reaching over to pat her shoulder softly. He looked at her for a moment before looking away, letting out a soft chuckle. “I can’t tell you. I’d get in trouble.”

“You should probably get that checked out then.” She joked back, reaching up to pat his head.  Truth be told, Brielle would much rather not discuss the last New Years they had spent together, considering it was the fuel behind the fire that pushed them apart.

Luke just shrugged off her comment. “I get it all the time,” he commented nonchalantly, still he had a kind of shine in his face. That night was usually a source of some kind of contention for him, but maybe he was just a little too drunk to care right now. “Maybe I’m just imagining things.”

A small squeal left her lips as she was lifted up, she carefully balanced her glass in her hand to avoid spilling.  “Oh am I?” Brielle counted, sitting down and rolling her eyes playfully.  “Anyone can do that.  I’m just really short– you’re not special.”

Luke was practically glowing with joy as he gazed down at the girl. “You are,” he responded, dropping down into the seat next to her, not breaking eye contact with her the whole time. At her next comment he let out a soft chuckle. “Whoa, I think I have deja-vu,” he joked, thinking back to the last New Year’s they had spent together, and probably the last time he had picked her up.

“Mhmm, okay sure.” Brielle continued to tease, clearly not convinced as she took another sip of her own champagne.  As Lucas tapped her nose, another laugh fell from the blonde’s lips.  “Thanks, I think?”

Luke grinned down at her. “If I was drunk could I do this?” he questioned as he dipped down and picked the girl up bridal style, carrying her over to some more comfortable seating before setting her back down. “You are very welcome,” he concluded happily.

Brielle eyed Lucas’ glass, a bit surprised at how quickly he had finished the champagne.  “Slow down there, tiger.”  She teased, laughing at him.  “That’s true, I am.”  She answered, wrinkling her nose at him.

Luke rolled his eyes. “Please, I’m a giant, this stuff barely affects me,” he shrugged, setting the glass down on one of the tables to be bussed later. “I love it when you do that,” he said with a soft chuckle, tapping the girl’s nose.

Brielle giggled at his comment, nodding her head in agreement before taking a sip from her own glass.  “Did you have fun though?”  She asked.  “I feel like I haven’t seen you all night.”

Lucas nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, tons of fun,” he agreed happily, before downing the rest of his champagne. “Great party,” he told her. He smiled down at her. “Yeah, we’ve both been busy I guess,” he shrugged. “But you’re seeing me now.”

Brielle just about jumped when she heard a voice address her– she was quite honestly zoned out at the moment.  Realizing it was only Lucas, her body eased up and a grin formed on her face.  “Happy New Year.” Brielle told back, still smiling as she took the glass from him.  Glancing around the room for a moment, it was only now did she notice how many people had left.  “People are leaving already– wow we must be older than I thought.” She giggled, looking back to Luke.

“Ugh, I know,” Luke rolled his eyes as he glanced around the emptying room. “No one knows how to have fun around here,” he pouted, taking a large sip of champagne. Lucas definitely wasn’t usually a party person but in his current inebriated state, it was hard not to want to keep the party going-- especially when he seemed to actually have Brielle alone without Link.

It was already past midnight, and a lot of the people who had been at this party had started to filter out. Luke was admittedly rather drunk by this point, but the bar was still open and he hadn’t seen Brielle in over an hour. It was the first New Year’s they’d been at the same party since freshman year of college and, just like then, he was determined to find her. He stopped at the bar first, picking up two glasses of champagne before scanning the room for the small blonde. It wasn’t too hard to find her in the emptying room and he approached her haphazardly, a stupid grin on his face. “Happy New Year!” he announced as he approached, holding out one of the flutes to her.