Is skate lif?

I've seen you walk unafraid, I've seen you in the clothes you made and you, see the beauty I had inside of me. What happened to the beauty I had inside of me?

My granpas dog Wheezy is all we have left of him. Granpa died about 10 years ago. Wheezy has to be about 18 or 19 years old, purebred miniature pinscher. My fuck is he cute and full of personality. He's a little football. His hips are failing him and he can barely walk sometimes. I always get him to run when I take him out. Today he needed carried out and down the steps, did his business but didn't want to walk anymore. I carried him to the bottom of the yard, let him explore a bit, showed him a few things. Then to my surprise he ran with me and Fritz back to the side door. Had a conversation with him. Told him how much he is loved, and how much we want him to stick around as long as he can. That when the time comes and he's ready to let go, that to just do it and let go. I want him around as long as he is willing to be around, not as long as possible. Trying to cherish every moment I have with him because I know he's going to go soon. We love you Wheezy.

I think the most defeated I've ever been was at Camp Muskingum in like 2010. Was taking a class for my canoeing merit badge. We were testing on the j-stroke which is paddling and steering from the same side. I couldn't get it, everyone else had finished long ago, I was still out at the end of the lake. I broke down and gave up after trying for so long and couldn't do it, felt hopeless. The instructor finally came out and worked with me until I got it right and passed the test. It was that feeling that has driven me to never give up, that I can do anything and it's okay if I have to have a little help along the way.

Highly debating a trip to Tennessee just to see the lead singer of For Today, Matt Montgomery, who is now the pastor of a church down there. Been years since I've actually wanted to go to church, but ever since Charile Kirk was killed, his words and kingdom core have been hitting hard lately.

I don't know what I believe anymore, but it's kind of a nice thought that we might have been here forever, and will be here forever. How lucky I am to spend this time here with people I love.

Gotta give myself credit, still haven't given up. Been crushing on the cute manager at wendys for a while now. Finally got a chance to talk to her and make her laugh. Asked her if I could giver her my number, she has a boyfriend though. Told me I should have asked her a month ago. Figures, my timing is always off. I'll get it right at some point, patience has always been a strong suit of mine.

Do you know why I've never tried to reach out or tried to get you back no matter how much it has killed me? Because I know you're exactly how I am, we won't give someone another chance to hurt us like that again.

By all accounts, I should be married and have kids by now, but I met Cortney. I didn't have what it took to be with her and it's haunted me ever since. She was the most amazing person I've ever met, and I couldn't find a way to get through to her son and removed myself from the situation. And then she sent him to live with his dad a month after we broke up, which was a gut punch like I had never known. I know we had a chance to make it if he wasn't the way he was, or if I found a way to get him to not hate his mother; or if she sent him to live with his dad when he did everything he could to make her as miserable as possible. 6 years later I still think about her and that fact everyday, I don't think that's ever going to change. She moved onto someone else 3 months later, and they're still together and happy so good for them, but fuck man, how could she just forget me like that. She told me I was what she needed and I failed her. I've had times when I'm doing better, or worse than usual, but I can't get past this. I just hope this is a healthy way of dealing either it. I see her in every sad song I listen to, every movie or show we watched, every game we played, the food we ate. I can't go to the trans siberian orchestra anymore like I used to every year because all I can think of is how much I want her to be there with me. I know I need to stop obsessing over this, it's killing any chances I get to find someone and be happy. But I'm honestly cool with being the cool uncle who has cool shit, does cool shit, and takes care of his family. If I do find someone, she's going to have to be pretty amazing, there's a pretty high bar set, and I'm not settling for some sorry ass bitch. Big things to come this year, just gotta keep myself from bathing in my regret.