Pomes And Distance

I am always on the sidelines, always detached from what’s happening around me. Distant, most of times. Basically, i know i came across as a stone-cold. My monster made me feel alone and unwanted. One who could keep me safe and kill the other monsters who wanted to hurt me.

I've been so angry lately, and now all that anger has turned into a weary deep misery that I'm not sure what to do with it. My heart aches, my mind is restless, and my body is heavy, so heavy I can barely move.

blood was on my hands and guilt watched me while I slept.I was stuck in the world’s expectations for me. It took years of feeling like a pretty bird in a cage until it all became too much .and I escaped.It’s hard to describe.

"I think I'm pushing people away" "I think people leave because I'm too much and not enough" "I think something fundamentally is broken within me"

I don't think it makes a difference; I think I'm meant for loneliness and I don't know what to do with that.

I want to stop caring, I want to stop thinking about everything all the time. But I care. Oh, do I care. And it's consuming my every waking moment to the point I can barely function.

I don't think I know how to connect with someone; how to maintain a semblance of a relationship, how to communicate or verbalise anything. I think I keep pushing people away by creating a distance that I never meant for. I think I locked myself inside a glasshouse.