Who we think we're pleasin'

Like so many women are so, so careful before they commit to a man in any way because he could turn out to be a horrible abuser. They find one they think is different, one they think they can trust, and as soon as they’re legally bound to him he turns out to be exactly what they feared he would be.

That’s horrible.

And, I can say from personal experience, it is embarrassing to get divorced almost immediately after being married. No one cares about how long you were together beforehand or what happened, they just think “Oh it only lasted a year, she’s so irresponsible”. On top of it being exceedingly difficult to get help from the police or other legal assistance(especially if you live together, share funds, children, property, etc.), there’s a heavy stigma that comes with it, only isolating abuse victims further.

- don’t make us justify why we got divorced and don’t feel entitled to the details of what happened.

- don’t contribute to the stigma around divorced women that says we’re irresponsible, or that something must be wrong with us.

“I’m sorry to hear that things didn’t work out. Is there anything you want to get off your chest or would you rather do something to not think about it?” or “I know that divorce can be hard, so let me know if there is anyway I can make this easier for you.” something like that.

Give clear indications that you will be there for them in both word and deed. Don’t push out a confession but be open to accepting one if it occurs.

THEN, he couldn’t decide which one he wanted to date more, so he kept dating Julie and didn’t tell Rachel anything about his decision after they had kissed

THEN he made a pros and cons list to decide whether or not to dump Julie so he could date Rachel and he wrote shit like: Too ditzy, too spoiled, too into her looks, not much in common since she’s just a waitress, and she has fat ankles

THEN, after he finally decided to dump Julie and be with Rachel, he tried to hide the list from her but she found it anyway and got rightfully pissed off

THEN he tried to make all sorts of excuses for the list without actually apologizing

THEN he ignored Rachel’s choice to be alone by CLIMBING UP THE SIDE OF THEIR BUILDING INTO THEIR FUCKING BALCONY to try and force her to listen to him read her “Pro-list”

THEN he gets his other friends to let him into the house after Rachel makes it clear that she doesn’t want to see him by going into her room

THEN Rachel tries to explain to him why she’s so hurt by the list by telling him that all the things he wrote on the list were things she actually hates about herself and it sucks he not only agrees with her but actually uses those things as reasons not to be with her

THEN he CONTINUES to try and make excuses for himself and even try to make her feel bad about being mad at him by turning the situation around by saying “If things were the other way around, there’s nothing you could write about me that would make me not want to be with you”

THEN, after Rachel makes it clear that she’s not interested in talking to him, he calls Monica and asks her to turn on the radio since he made a song request for her so he’s basically forcing Rachel to listen to him

SO IN CONCLUSION: He didn’t apologize ONE TIME for the list, he tried to manipulate Rachel into forgiving him by saying she’s overreacting, AND proceeded to ignore Rachel’s wishes for a little bit of space continuously

For me, studying isn’t at all something I do to memorise the information covered in my classes. I study to understand and, most importantly, practice making analyses.

I should stress now, if you get anything at all from this post get this:

be different.

and no. I don’t mean that in the cliche feel good way. If your essay or assignment is the same or similar to everyone else’s then you’re not going to do well. Would you want to read the same thing just worded differently 50 times? No? Neither does your teacher. If you can give them a break from the ordinary, they’ll thank you for it in your marks - it will set you apart. Take it from someone who tops their literature and journalism classes.

This is how you do that:

1. When I’m reading a text or learning about an event I write down questions. Not who, what, when, or where questions though - why and how are the important ones. Answer these after class and try to form your own unique thoughts and ideas in regards to them. Make sure to write a decent paragraph at least and use this as an opportunity to practice writing formally. The more questions you answer, the clearer and stronger your own arguments will become.

2. Google Scholar is your new best friend! I use this for all of my assignments and my teachers always applaud my use of supporting references and sources. Just type in the text or the event and a tonne of formal essays, books, and theses will appear! They’re often incredibly long so I usually only read the introductions and conclusions of a few. AND they use lots of references themselves, so reading introduction will often give you up to ten other people to reference!

It will also give you a range of differing perceptions and analyses of the text or event which you can use to expand your initial perceptions and analyses! Or, they may bring completely new concepts to your intention!

3. This is the fun part, I promise!! Now that you’ve got a tonne of background knowledge you’re good to go! If you know what type of assignment you have I highly recommend polishing what you’ve learnt through that format. 

If you have to write an essay, then sum up the idea you want to follow, and explore it through an essay like piece of writing  - this will, unless you change your mind on what you want to do it on, become a draft for your assignment! 

Bring together all of the information, references, and thoughts you have. Initially you’ll be chopping and changing a lot as your ideas evolve into more specific ones but you’ll quickly find your flow. Once you do, it will be incredibly relieving because not only do you understand the text; you know exactly what you want to say about it.

And that, is incredibly important - it will show maturity and intelligence because your work won’t be scattered or off-topic at all - it will be what you want it to be.

I hope this was helpful!! This way of working opens up a whole bunch of pathways to take for each assignment so it kind of forces it to be interesting - for me at least! ((: