I have a thing for Villains

 You could not be more grateful to be out of the Underdark and away from Minotaurs or to have a true rest day. 

On the other hand, you are borderline loopy if you are being entirely honest with yourself. Your entire body feels excruciatingly heavy and you kind of just want to sleep. 

 It’s been a really long and difficult trip. You are over it- mostly because you really don’t want to go to the crèche. Shadowheart and Lae’zel have been like two toddlers throwing tantrums back and forth regarding the whole thing and at one point you lost your marbles.

“You!” You pointed at Shadowheart, “STOP BEING A RACIST JACKASS!

 You turned to Lae’zel, “AND YOU! Stop threatening her with a good time!”

 You and Astarion went on the hunt for Blackberries. It was initially just you going, but he asked if he could go with. He was rather shy about the whole thing and you are still trying to figure out what his feelings towards you are- which is also very confusing and tiring.

  A hand wraps around your bicep, interrupting your thoughts, and Astarion just barely pulls you before you walk off a larger rock and go tumbling to the ground.

 The only one who has taken any real notice in your emotional distress is Astarion, but you don’t know he realizes that and that he is very hyper aware of your needs and potential stressors. It’s part survival technique and also part absolute obsession with how wonderful you are. He feels like a giddy school boy and it’s weird. 

“Darling,” he scolds you, “why didn’t you say you were dangerously tired?”

“I’m fine,” you fib, not wanting to inconvenience him with worry.. 

 Astarion rolls his eyes and takes his bow and arrow off his back. He straps them to you before guiding you up a rock. 

“Well?” He asks with a shrug.

 It takes you a moment and you blush extremely hard. You can’t keep doing this to yourself- it’s getting pathetic. 

“I am fine, really, I -“

“Says the person who damn near walked straight off the cliff,” he chastises you again, “besides, I drank our last elixir of giant hill strength so I might as well put it to use.”

 You eventually agree and you are grateful that he carries you on his back with ease. You wear mostly light armor- preferring to be able to move swiftly to support healing your companions or fellow selunite’s. 

 Astarion smells like his cologne with a hint of salt. You can hear his barely existing pulse thrumming through his skin. Sometimes it’s odd to realize your blood is what runs through his veins right now. 

 It feels oddly intimate and dare you say… special? 

 You had woken up this morning to a very frustrated Astarion. He had reported that his hunt didn’t go well so you offered your neck. 

  Astarion hasn’t fed from you in a while so when his teeth broke skin- he had to be very mindful of his every action. You, on the other hand, were fighting off the faint moans that you refuse to let escape your lips while he feeds.

 You have no desire to sexualize him- it’s the intimacy of the act itself. Nothing more, nothing less. You haven’t been touched in a while and you haven’t touched someone in a while- not in that way anyway.

 Your hands had tangled in his hair and you were about to let him bleed you dry. He thankfully had enough restraint for both of you. 

 You thought everything was black and white- unrequited love at its finest. 

 The kiss is confusing and you keep trying to convince yourself it’s merely because he was caught up in the heat of the moment or you imagined it. The proximity isn’t helping and all you want is to do it again.

“Star?” You murmur.

 Astarion perks his ears up, “hm?” 

 “I need a nap.”

 He rolls his eyes and smiles, “well, maybe someone wouldn’t be so sleepy if someone asked for help every once in a while.”

 “I-I… ask for help,” your voice going from indignant to a grumble. 

 “You are disgustingly selfless,” he remarks, “you should do something for yourself for once.”

 “Like what!?” You exclaim, “should I try mushrooms again? Is this what you are suggesting?”

“Absolutely not,” he tsks, “I prefer when there is a smile on that lovely face of yours and I saw far more of your frown than your smile during that whole debacAle.” 

 You are so grateful he can’t see you blush like a schoolgirl right now. You wouldn’t be able to explain yourself. 

 You look around in the environment and try to come up with something fun you can do to fill your cup- which, surprisingly enough- you do so rather quickly. 

“What if we went to that waterfall?” You offer, “the water was clear and the area was cool. It would be a great way to cool off.”

“You mean the water down the insanely large cliff?” 

  You nod and are suddenly being put down- Astarion puts both hands on his hips and leers at you- then shrugs.

“Fine, but no falling or drowning- please. I don’t need oxygen, but I have no idea if I can swim or not. “

 Your original excitement wanes and turns into a different kind of excitement entirely. You cast Feather Fall and are quickly leaping over the side of the cliff- you love your silly flying magic- both flying and feather fall. You are one of the few clerics you know that actually knows how to cast fly, but you typically prefer to use a potion to avoid having to concentrate on it. You have fallen a few times before because you forgot to keep focusing. 

 Before you know it, you have dragged him towards the shallow part of the pool of water below the waterfall. Astarion looks like he may be sick, but you are certain you can teach him how to swim if he doesn’t know how to. 

 However, what you didn’t think about was the lack of swimwear. 

 It can’t possibly be that big of a deal. You are both perfectly mature adults and it’s not like seeing your friend in his underwear is that weird.

 Sure he kissed you, but he hasn’t said anything else since or tried again. It was probably an accident- even after everything he said. You know he isn’t someone to shy away from what he wants.

Besides, you try to see this as a positive rather than the excruciating negative it actually is, he isn’t even attracted to you so you don’t even have to worry about how you look! Your hair can get as mussy as it needs to be!

 You begin to get rid of your armor and Astarion almost seems to get taller suddenly- you look over and raise an eyebrow at the obviously shell shocked man.

“What? You can’t swim in your armor- you would be stuck at the bottom,” you exclaim as if the man in front of you is gawking because you are using common logic, “and I would drown- which I certainly do not want to do.”

 He blinks several times- almost too fast to be human, if you are being entirely honest with yourself, before he snaps out of it and puts on his usual confident smirk.

“I am glad we can agree on something for once,” he teases, you don’t notice the amount of effort he is putting in to not looking further from your face, “but if you wouldn’t mind turning around while I strip into my un-“

“Oh! Duh!” You feel wildly embarrassed, “I am so sorry- I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Gods I didn’t even think about that before I began- I will do better next time.”

 Flustered, you turn around and slowly submerge yourself in the water to get used to the coolness of it. It’s significantly colder than the water near Emerald Grove and you really miss it. You really liked the weird harpy beach (after the Harpy’s were removed) and the sand had been soft. 

 Maybe you should travel back some time. You are certain Karlach would be absolutely thrilled to go back after her and Wyll had their “epic cannonball” competition. Gale had cast feather fall, but it still didn’t stop the belly flop Wyll performed to hurt any less.

 That was a fun day, you think to yourself, I wish Astarion had been there, but still. I think these are the first people I feel like I belong around. 

 You smile to yourself and take a deep breath. 

 You are very proud of yourself for stepping up- you feel eons away from the person who woke up on the Nautiloid and significantly more confident in yourself. 

 You are a smart, funny, and charming individual. You are someone worthy of love and you are grateful to have boat loads of it now. 

  The water splashes from behind you and you wait for several moments. You begin to feel a bit worried when there is some silence and then teeth chattering begins. 

 You turn and Astarion is hugging himself- leering at you with his lips set in a pout.

“It is MISERABLE IN HERE!” 

 You giggle and cast a warming cantrip that Gale taught you. The water becomes significantly more comfortable, but Astarion still groans and complains. 

“What if I just watched you swim?”

 “That would be weird, Astarion.”

“Is it?” He questions, “mothers and fathers watch their children swim and don’t join them all the time- if my memory serves me correctly.”

“Are you saying you’re my mom?” You snort and relish in the way his entire face turns pink- his ears especially.

“I- NO!” You have never seen him this flabbergasted before, “I have no desire to be your mother.” 

“Oh, so you are my dad then?”

“Ye- NO!” 

 You throw your head back with mirth and laughter. It’s fun on the rare occasion that you catch him off guard first. Astarion is usually making you trip through sentences. 

You wipe away your tears and your face hurts from smiling. You feel like your face may split in half when you look at his face. He looks equally as happy and he is still embarrassed- it makes him look softer and he blinks very slowly. 

 His lips… look… so… kissable!!!!

Swimming! You scream at yourself, you came to teach him how to swim, not imagine making out with him!

 “Alright,” you submerge yourself until you are neck deep, turning to face him, “I believe in you peepaw!”

 Astarion glares at you and you give him a shit eating grin.

“I am going to fucking kill you,” he yells over the waterfall.

“PROMISE!?” 

 Astarion rolls his eyes at you before nervously looking down as he watches the rest of his upper torso disappear. Another drool worthy aspect of him that you, begrudgingly, will never get to see outside of this capacity again.

 Shadowheart saw him in that capacity. 

 It’s almost enough to derail you and want to run back to camp.

Almost.

  Where you are up to your neck, Astarion still has quite a lot water clearance. 

“Look at that!” You wipe away a fake tear, “they get older and older everyday.”

“Oh will you knock it off with that already!”

 Astarion splashes you in the face and you sputter- spitting the water that got into your mouth out. 

“EEWWWWWW!”

“HAH!” 

 It takes a few more childish splashes before you eventually get to the initial matter at hand. However, you didn’t anticipate it taking thirty minutes to convince him to even doggy paddle.

“Maybe Scratch would be a better swim teacher,” you scratch the back of your head, “maybe he would demonstrate better.”

 Astarion is tight lipped and you have noticed that he refuses to turn around in front of you or allow you to get behind him. 

 Does he have some kind of nasty mole or something?

 No, you shake your head, it’s not your place to ask. 

 “What if we tried a backstroke?” 

 Astarion takes to that very quickly-  becoming faster than you even. 

 Everything is going “swimmingly” (Astarion splashed you again for that one) and you are pretty bummed that you have to leave. You are getting tired and your stomach is growling so loudly he can hear it.

 “Wait,” Astarion pulls you back before you get out of the water- it is now just below your shoulders while Astarion almost has his entire torso above water.

 Don’t look. Don’t stare. Don’t look. Don’t stare.

“Yes, Star?”

 A ghost of a smile flickers on his face, “I- I want to show you something.”

 You are a bit confused, but nod anyway. Astarion grabs your hand this time- a shock to your system- and pulls you out while looking at both of your hands. He refuses to look your way and he seems to struggle with letting go. 

 He closes his eyes with a shaking breathe and turns around, his fists are in tight balls and you are beginning to worry there may be a creature that wishes to consume you coming out of his back at this rate.

 Thankfully, the situation isn’t that dire, but you still take a sharp breath. 

 You can see why he didn’t want to turn around earlier. The scars are so precise and deep- it looks horribly painful. You cannot imagine how long it took for this to occur- considering he has vampiric healing. 

 The skin has been healed over a thousand times, but your heart feels broken when you think about how many people have taken advantage of his situation and never stopped to ask how they could help. Those who dug their nails into his back or found beauty in his scars- only wanting to enjoy his body and chase their own pleasure.

 You aren’t sure what you should do. You want to touch them and soothe every emotional and physical wound- even the ghosts of them- but you aren’t sure that would be accepted considering the nature of the scars. You want to tell him you think the world of him- that you love him and nothing could ever change that. Hells- you would kill Cazador tomorrow if you could- but you don’t think that would help either.

 You have never felt this angry in your whole life.

“A gift,” he says solemnly before his voice is flooded with venom and embarrassment, “from Cazador.

“He composed it over the span of a night,” his shoulders slump, “he made many revisions as he went.” 

 You recognize the language and it makes your stomach turn. 

 This soul swears no oath by fire 

Nor words does he speak

In the realm of death

“Do you know what it is supposed to be?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs, “I have never seen it. A poem or something like that.”

 A poem? That isn’t right. It’s poetic, but it seems more of a contract or curse.

 You shake your head, “this is Infernal and while it reads like a poem- it’s certainly not a poem.”

“What!?” He turns around and looks at you with panic, “infernal?” 

  This leads to drawing the design out of the dirt on the beach.

“What in the hells did he do to me?” 

 Astarion’s fear and horror soaks into your bones. You look down at the looping design. 

 It makes your own skin crawl and the message itself worries you deeply. It makes you worry that Astarion will never ever be free, but it wouldn’t make sense. This is a devil’s contract- you aren’t sure people can use those to bind themselves to someone.

“Karlach and Wyll may-“

“No,” he interrupts, “let’s keep this between us for now.”  

 You erase the evidence quickly and you are admittedly a bit surprised by the statement. 

“Doesn’t Shadowheart know? She may-“

“Shadowheart hasn’t seen them.” 

“I think she- wait really?”

“Yes.”

“But you-“

“Barely- neither party was enjoying themselves.” 

 Oh.

 Your perplexed mind must be showing on your face because Astarion smirks at you with a roll of his eyes.

“Oh please- I may be a worthless elven whore, but I-“

“Do not say that,” you cross your arms and Astarion’s sentence stops in it’s tracks, “you are not ‘worthless’ and you are not a ‘whore’ either. Even if you were- of your own volition- there is nothing wrong with that. Sex work is a very valid form of work and as long as you are happy, I will be more than happy for you.

“However, that is not the reality of the situation.” You feel your frown settling further into your face, “what happened to you is cruel and horrific. No one deserves to be treated that way- especially not you- and I can assure you that the Priestess and I are going to have serious words about including vampire spawn and helping them when I return to the temple! I am embarrassed on the behalf of the entire damn clergy.” 

 Astarion’s eyes soften significantly with a bit of warmth and humor. He also looks authentically surprised by your passion regarding the subject. He nods and turns away- continuing to get dressed and you do the same. 

 You aren’t necessarily thrilled with yourself because you neglected to think about what you are going to wear to sleep. You have a few pairs of camp clothes, but now they are soaked adjacent and you still technically have a tent mate. 

 Unless he decides that this is all too much? It feels like there has been a lot more emotionally intimate moments between both of you and you worry from time to time. It helps that you don’t have the pressure of a romantic bond, but you don’t want to make him feel trapped. 

  You walk back in silence- stretching and yawning as you go. 

 There is so much to do tomorrow. Laundry- big time. Probably need to try to secure more food before we cross the border… at this rate, we never know when the next time to restock will be.

 Ugh- especially with the Shadow Cursed Lands. We probably need to secure more blood for Astarion too. Oh and finding a way to store it so it doesn’t become disgusting. Maybe a few Restoration scrolls. I know I will be the primary source of food for him. 

 “You are thinking awfully hard over there, Darling.”

“I am just thinking about my chores.”

“Chores?

“Well, for one, I need to wash my clothes. I didn’t think about that before we went swimming. I am also trying to figure out the food situation- we are going to need to figure out how to store blood for you and try to collect as much food as we can before entering the Shadow Cursed Lands. I want to begin preparing for that now so we don’t run into trouble later. Hungry bellies and life threatening circumstances never end well.”

“Y-you don’t need to worry about me, Darling,” he stammers, “I am sure I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can, but I want to help. It will stress me the hells out if I know we don’t have something for you to eat or at least several potions so I can recover because you starving is not an option!” You exclaim, “and could you imagine Shadowheart and Lae’zel interacting while hangry? I like living, thank you very much.” 

 Astarion snorts and shakes his head, “I don’t know- I think it would make for a rather fun evening. My money would be on Lae’zel.”

“Really?” You are genuinely surprised, “my money would be on Shadowheart only because Karlach may get involved. Otherwise- Lae’zel all the way.”

“What if we made them ‘hangry’ on purpose,” Astarion offers, “we could see exactly how the situation goes? For research purposes, of course.”

“Of course,” you say, “just for research…”

 The two of you hatch a plan- the next day, you will refuse to take breaks and Astarion will throw a fit if you try. This means the two women won’t be allowed to snack throughout the day and Gale always takes forever to cook. 

 At some point, Astarion intertwined his fingers with yours and you notice, but you just hold on tightly. You really don’t want him to let go and it feels natural. You don’t notice the way he is looking at you or how he has to pay extra attention to the environment while he listens because he has almost tripped a couple times. 

 The walk home is calm and peaceful. You chatter back and forth about the various theories you have regarding Gith culture and the oddness of the crèche.

  Once you finally get back to camp- you practically skip to your tent to get out of your wet clothing. 

 It’s not until after that you realize you have made quite the error by getting caught up in your to-do list without informing Astarion that you don’t necessarily have clothes- your laundry situation is far more dire than you mentioned- and he may want to sleep in his own tent tonight. Your laundry didn’t just magically do itself in the last 10 minutes.

 You groan- thankful you have at least found a pair of underwear that are clean, but what are you supposed to do about a top? You also can’t go out to the campfire exposed. 

 “Darling- I think I may have left my-“ he coughs suddenly, “shirt.”

 Your arms cover your chest by instinct although you are turned around. 

“Oh- uh- ya um probably over there,” you sound even more awkward than you feel, “I am probably going to spend time here for the rest of the night. Didn’t really think about the laundry situation.

“I suppose that means I will see you tomorrow-“

 As if on cue- a shirt is pulled over the top of your head and you naturally put your arms through the holes. He spins you around with his delicate fingers leaving the ghost of his presence along your hips.  

  Blood is rushing through your ears. You feel far too warm and you just try to focus on the floor as he ties the laces up the front of his shirt. 

“There,” his voice is thick with an emotion you don’t know, “I suppose we are both stuck in here then. No shirt, no pants, no service, or whatever nonsense. It’s never stopped me though, but I can imagine you are no more ready to die than I am.” 

“What do you mean?”

 Astarion looks at you with a roll of his eyes and takes off his cloak.

“Oh please.”

“What!?” 

  Astarion guffaws at you, “Gale would explode if he had the opportunity to see you without any pants. It would be instantaneous.”

 Now it’s your turn to roll your eyes. That’s nonsense and absolutely silly.

“Ha, ha, very funny,” you huff, walking to your pack to get your brush, “I think it would be more so him dying of shock that I have skin to show.” 

  More silence as you brush your hair- styling it the way you prefer and praying to Selune that it dries correctly. Also that you don’t fall asleep so prematurely that it dries weirdly. 

 You are distracted though. You very much like how you look in Astarion’s shirt and it is very nice of him to be lending it to you. 

“I’ll make sure to wash your shirt with my laund-“

“I would prefer you didn’t,” he muses, “I rather like it when my clothing smells like you in your natural state, Darling.”

 You run straight into him as you turn around in your confusion, his fingers tilting your chin up until your eyes meet his.

 Ruby eyes send a massive infernal wave through you- this is how you imagine Karlach feels after consuming a soul coin. 

 You burn for him- whether he lights you on fire or sends electricity through your body. Only, you feel powerful in the way he looks at you. 

 It’s a somewhat possessive look, but not in the way you would have anticipated. It’s lustful and wanting, protective and gentle, heartbreak and hopefulness. Maybe even a bit of a fear. 

“Would you be with Gale like this if he asked?” 

 You shake your head wordlessly. Your cheeks are flushed, your heart is thumping erratically against your chest, and blood is rushing in your ears. Your entire body is quivering in anticipation.

 Astarion pulls you to him, his hands lightly on your ass. You can feel his finger curling- wishing to leave fingerprint bruises on your hips and thighs. You want him to so terribly it hurts.

“And Wyll?”

“No,” you say breathlessly. 

“Halsin?”

“Not without you.”

 He stops and chuckles darkly, “don’t threaten me with a good time, Lover.”

 You try to hold still as he kisses along the curve of your jaw- his other hand has become tangled in your hair. You want him to feel in control and to feel like he can stop if needed.

“What about the others?” 

 Gods- you can hardly believe he is serious right now.

“I only want you, Astarion.”

  This is not a confession you wanted to share ever again, but it’s out there now and you suppose it’s better to get your second rejection over with now than later. He’s probably just teasing anyway. 

 Only, it never comes- in fact- his fingers only seem to become more fidgety as they glide across your skin, sending shockwaves to your core. 

 You are in a trance and his grin is beautiful. Astarion is certainly a predator and you have quickly turned into helpless prey. You are right in his trap. 

 The whole world seems to just… stop. Your heart beat is thundering in your chest and blood roars through your ears. You wonder if he feels this way too- is this a universal experience or one sided? 

 His fingers travel along the curves of your face as if he is painting you, but his eyes are intense- it almost feels like he is trying to memorize you and your features. 

 Your breath hitches when his thumb swipes across your bottom lips, parting them ever so slightly. 

 You allow your eyes to meet his, and you have never wanted to be kissed more in your entire life. Something in the way he looks at you tells you that he feels the same. 

 It’s a silent consent- he watches your every move as he leans in and your eyes flutter shut the closer he gets to you. 

 The anticipation is killing you and you try to contain your huff of frustration, but you are desperate. This feels like a dream. 

 Astarion’s lips send shockwaves through you when he finally makes contact. 

 Every movement is slow and tender- your face is still cradled in his hands, but you aren’t sure where to put yours. Astarion seems to read your mind and his hands travel south, gently guiding your hands to rest on his chest before returning to your face. 

 You have kissed people before, but not a single soul could hold a candle to Astarion. Not that they could anyway, but this is just… incredible. 

 His lips like honey and wine are dizzying, you feel like a delicate work of art in his hands, and his skin feels like porcelain underneath your fingertips. 

 Astarion guides you to the ground, your hips straddling his, and one of his hands tangles itself in your hair, pulling you into a bruising kiss. The other remains firmly on your hip and you feel exhilarated by the idea of the fingerprint bruises that are certain to be left behind. 

 One of your arms is propped up next to his head- helping you keep balance so you don’t fall on top of him by accident. The other slides in between both of you and rubs along the outline of his cock- you swipe your tongue along his lower lip when he moans, taking advantage of the temporary dominance. 

 It’s short lived- he pulls you back by your hair and you have to put your hands on his chest to keep from embarrassing yourself. The last thing you want is to topple over on accident and have the, “yeah so I have a dirty V-Card and haven’t gone all the way, but it’s no biggie! I am sure this whole position thing will make sense eventually!” Because that seems to just scare off men. 

 The hand that had been gripping your hair is now paying an artfully close amount of attention to your clothed clit, pushing away the fabric, and one finger slides inside you with ease. 

 You bite your lip so hard you draw blood and you basically growl- you don’t want to alert the entire camp to your activities. This is meant to be a private moment and yet, you could not be more embarrassed.

“I-“ you are blushing red, his finger still moving slowly inside you, “I’m- sor- just wanted-“

 Astarion has you on your back- sucking, nipping, and lapping at the blood on your lower lip. He reinserts his lithe finger inside of you- his thumb taking it’s sweet time to hit every single nerve followed by a second finger that makes you briefly see stars.

“I don’t want to hear you ever apologize to me over something like that- it’s a noise I would rather like to hear from you again,” he nips your lower lip and you groan, “you are absolutely divine.” 

 You are a moaning mess against his doll like lips and your core is tightening so much it’s bittersweet. You want your release so terribly and you are lost in the way his fingers feel inside of you. Astarion curls and scissors his fingers- eventually adding a third that makes your toes curl in pleasure.

 He begins to make his descent down your body- kissing along the vein in your throat and along your collarbones. 

 Every inch of your skin is littered in kisses or has been love bitten by the time his cold tongue circles your sensitive clit. His fingers continue their rhythm- occasionally changing speeds to either tease or ruin you. His other hand is holding your hips down- your thighs are holding his head in place and you have no idea how much he is enjoying being buried between your legs. 

 He really, really made a mistake going with Shadowheart. You are incredible- exceptional even. The way you are fighting to keep your moans quiet as the camp begins to stir to life makes his cock twitch painfully against the already strained clothing. It doesn’t seem to matter how much friction he provides himself with- all he can think about is being inside you, filling you to the brim, taking you and making you his once and for all. 

 When you finally have the wherewithal to look at him- you are taken away with the way he looks at you. It’s the same way a priest looks talking about his God. 

 You guide his face back up to yours by weakly grabbing his hair- evidently your mind is in the same space and wanting to feel entirely consumed by him. You bite his lower lip and the growl he releases tips you over the edge- stars explode behind your eyes and you feel the rush of bliss numb your entire body. 

 A low pitched whine leaves your throat when he removes his fingers. He chuckles, but you feel so incredibly empty. It feels wrong. You are desperate to know him in every way, if he wants that.

 His eyes are still blown with lust, but you can see the adoration for you that Karlach so often talks about. You are smiling like a schoolgirl as he slots himself between your legs and begins to kiss you again. 

 Astarion’s cock is hard against the inside of your thigh and your breath hitches- the implication of the next act suddenly hitting you. 

 It’s happening and with someone you care about. Only, it makes you freeze, because it’s happening and it’s with someone you care about. 

“Is everything alright, Darling?”

 Astarion is looking at you with concern and you are quick to assuage him- gently guiding his face down to yours and kissing him deeply.

“I haven’t quite- reached this step yet- if that makes sense, but I PROMISE I WANT TO,” you are trying to save it before it crashes and dies on the floor, “if you want to- that is. 

 Astarion looks a bit surprised- maybe even a little shell shocked. What do you mean you haven’t quite gotten to this step? Are you trying to tell him you are a virgin?

 It makes sense, but a part of him is worried he may be opening the proverbial Pandora’s box and you will only want him for sex now. 

 But this is you and… he can trust you. He can enjoy you. He can indulge safely.

“I very much want to,” his voice is low and thick with lust, “I want you so terribly it hurts.” 

 The act is far more beautiful than you could have ever expected- it feels like putting together two pieces of the same beautiful vase as if it wasn’t fixed or reunited until this exact moment. 

 His movements are slow and careful- he takes his time to ready you completely. Astarion kisses your whimpering lips and his hands are intertwined with yours. 

 It’s odd for him to be entirely in control, but he also loves every second of it. He loves how consumed with you he is.

 Astarion’s eyes are boring into yours with every movement of his hips and every time you blink- he is still watching you with hooded, lustful eyes.

 His own eyelashes flutter and Astarion’s eyes are fighting not to roll back- he wants to see every single second. Astarion wants to enjoy every moment of you.

 You are technically his first too- to an extent. You are the first person he feels something for and wants to be with. 

 Your pulse thrums through his cock and his chest- it’s intoxicating and enduring. You are so real- so undeniably wonderfully alive and it allows him, even if for a moment, to feel like he is alive too.

 You mewl against his mouth, you weren’t expecting so much pinching at the start, but you found it went away quickly- your arms are now wrapped around his neck and he rocks inside of you with a slightly faster pace. His lips coax even more sighs and gasps- his own becoming intermingled as you continue to indulge in one another. 

 You feel utterly full- disgustingly, beautifully, perfectly full. You are on cloud 9 or you may have died and gone to heaven. 

 This feels right- exactly what you had been waiting for. 

 Astarion is experiencing the same emotions- he can barely keep his composure as you kiss him. The mewls and keens that leave your lips are some of the most melodic sounds he has ever heard and you are all his. 

 You feel perfect- he likes the feelings of your hands on him, even if it’s still a complicated feeling. 

 Sex has never felt sacred or safe- he has never been able to forget himself in a way that wasn’t dissociative and here he is, entirely lost in the moment.

 Entirely lost in you.

 He is gasping and sighing shamelessly into your ear with each thrust of his hips. Astarion is fighting to keep is release at bay and it’s a lot harder than he thought it would be. It usually isn’t, but you are a lovely wonderful treat. 

“A-Astarion,” you murmur his name like a prayer with every moan, as if he isn’t the one worshiping you right now. 

 Your heels are digging into his back and your heart beat is erratic. He kisses and nips your neck- struggling with his self control. You smell incredible. 

 When he goes to move away from your neck- one of your hands holds his head in place and he growls in response. Astarion means it more of a warning than anything else- he will end up biting you if you keep him here any longer. You are far, far too tempting.

 You seem to read his mind.

“I-you can- if you want,” 

 It happens so fast, neither one of you really expects it when he sinks his teeth into your neck- his body responds for him and begins to thrust into you erratically. Astarion has both of your hands pinned above your head again and you- in all your inexperience- are trusting him.

 The sounds that leave his mouth as he feeds and ruts inside you are animalistic and oddly enduring- your adrenaline and lust flows through your body. 

 Astarion’s mouth begins to feel warmer as you grow colder and his movements seem almost even more fast and distant with each second he takes from you, but you find you don’t mind. You should, but you don’t. 

 Your cries are guttural, hushed, and filled with pleasure- your legs are shaking around his waist and he can feel your life essence getting weaker and weaker. 

 It is becoming harder and harder to move away with each gulp of blood he takes, but he knows he needs to stop before he kills you on accident. 

 It feels physically painful to do so- not even necessarily because he is hungry, but because it made him feel truly connected to you on every single level. Astarion has never been given the pleasure of doing that before. 

“You,” he kisses all over your face as you look up at him lazily, “are so lovely and you have been exceptionally good for me, my Dear.”

 Astarion rolls so you are on top of him again- he knows you need a second to recover and he thinks you may rather enjoy this. 

 He props you up with his core and legs- using his hand to help himself get back inside you while you weakly keep yourself upright. You are a blissed out, wanting, whimpering mess when you finally are sinking back down on him and your hands are on either side of his head.

 Your eyes are blown wide with lust, blood drips down your throat and down your chest, and Astarion wants to remember this moment forever. You look euphoric and your eyes are glossed over from the haze of blood loss and pleasure. 

  Astarion moves his core up and done- thrusting up into you while one of his hands keeps you from moving and the other is tangled in your hair. He wants to see you orgasm- he wants to watch your face when bliss takes you again. 

 It’s beautiful when it does. 

 Your face is peaceful with pleasure, but your eyes are filled with adoration for him, not just lust and hunger-sated. 

 There is no boredom or false infatuation. No Cazador or  looming death right now- just the two of you in your little sanctuary together. 

 A mixture of your rush and his seed coats his navel and it may be the most delicious feeling in the whole world. The sound of your bodies is positively filthy and he is thankful you are still caught up in your haze because there is no way no one didn’t hear the events that have transpired in your tent.

 He pulls you down to his chest, your legs are shaking around his waist and he’s slightly worried he may have done too much for your first time. However, you are lazily kissing his cheek and along his jaw so you certainly don’t seem displeased.

 “Thank you,” you whisper, “this is what I envisioned my first time being like.”

“What do you mean?” He whispers back, unsure of why that is. Did you envision being with someone experienced? Beautiful? Easy to manipulate into sex?

“Being with someone I care about,” you lay your head on his chest and yawn, “with someone I consider my closest and most favorite companion. My friend and…”

 It surprises him immensely and he honestly has no idea how to express his gratefulness, but he is able to respond in a somewhat normal way.

“One and Only Lover?” He offers flirtatiously, “exceptionally charming Vampire? Your deviously handsome rogue?” 

 You sit up weakly, rolling your eyes and place a kiss on his chin before curling back up.

“All of the above.”

“Thank the Gods- I was worried I was going to have to kill Wyll after all.”

 You snort and just shake your head. Your breathing evens out and his hands are playing with your hair- as is the normal routine. 

 The normal routine. 

 Astarion’s smile is massive- he feels happy tears begin to stream down his face and he wipes them away with his free hand. 

 This is his new normal- having sex with you, a person he wants to be with, and cuddling afterwards. He even gets to drink from you.   And he already can’t wait to be with you in such an intimate way again.

You hear his appreciative inhale of the air that’s sweet with the scent of pastry and vanilla. “Have I died and arrived in Valhalla?” His deep voice rolls over you like liquid silk, and he’s swiftly crossing the small space of the kitchen to easily mould himself against your back and loop his arms around you. 

There’s nowhere else on earth you’d rather be. Not when his arms have become your safe space and his laughter is now your favourite sound. Not when…well…

You push your hips back gently against his. “Took you long enough to notice,” you tease him, whacking his hand away when he tries to dip a finger into the raw cupcake mix. 

Rascal.

His laughter rumbles against your back and, god, the sound of his joy is so infectious that you find you can’t help but secretly grin. “Darling, the last time you baked, you explicitly told me that if I continued to bother you, you would beat me with your rolling pin.” 

With a quiet “tut” and shake of your head, you continue to smooth out the last of the batter into the little paper stands. “You know I wouldn’t actually beat you with a rolling pin, dummy.” 

I love you too much. You want to add. 

“That’s not a chance I’m willing to take,” he teases back, but then lightly kisses your temple. “What’s on the menu today?” he then asks, resting his chin on your shoulder. 

You wriggle back against him. “Apple pie because it’s almost Halloween, and peanut butter and chocolate cupcakes because…because I know they’re your favourite,” you reply, trying to sound casual while scraping the last bit of batter off the spoon. 

He’s never told you outright that they’re his favourite, but you’ve noticed. You know that he prefers to shower at night and that he’s grown fond of sitcoms. You know that he hates green peppers but could eat an orange one whole. You know that he’s not ready to talk about the nightmares that have him waking in a cold sweat, but that he’ll relax instantly when you twist yourself around him beneath the sheets. 

You know that you love him. 

The three words have been on the tip of your tongue for weeks and you want to tell him, but you don’t and you haven’t because what if…

“I love you,” he murmurs gently into your hair. It’s soft and simple and filled with so much truth that your heart swells in your chest.

How long has he known?

Gently, he takes the utensils from your hands and pulls you around to face him. His eyes are glittering like stars as he looks at you, like he can read the secrets of the universe between each line on your face. 

“I love you,” he repeats, placing his palms on each side of your face and tracing gentle lines with the pads of his thumbs.

He’s smiling down at you and you know he’s been wanting to say those three words for as long as you have. Happiness is flowing through every vein that this beautiful man loves you back, and with three words your heart and soul are his for as long as he’ll have them. 

Your voice is shaky when you speak, but you have no idea if you’re laughing or crying. “Thank god. Because I love you too.” 

He was alone in the field, sitting cross-legged on the grass, staring up at the stars. He did this a lot lately, contemplating some unknown part of his past or future; something he didn’t quite feel ready to share with you yet. You were patient, for the most part, letting him walk into the night with no questions, only a “stay safe” or a “see you soon”. He would always return and curl up behind you in your bedroll, but you always wondered what he did when he slipped away. Tonight, you had followed him here, hurrying to catch up to him with only your slip to cover you after bathing in the river. You suspected he knew you were there - his hearing was unparalleled, being both an elf and a vampire - but if he did, he didn’t acknowledge it. To tamper the risk of feeling as though you were eavesdropping, you quietly walked over to stand beside him, choosing to look up at the same stars his eyes looked towards when he didn’t turn his head to you.

“I won’t try to make you talk about it,” you said quietly after a few moments of silence. “But I want you to know that I’m here for you; and I love you, very much… no matter what it is you aren’t telling me.” 

There was no response. You released a slow breath and almost turned to leave, but then you felt his feather-light touch on your calf, his fingers trailing over the prickly skin there. You paused, waiting for him to speak. He didn’t. But his fingers never left your skin, and instead he surged closer, wrapping his arms around your leg. Your eyes fell closed and you released a stuttered breath when his lips pressed gently onto the soft skin behind your knees. Belatedly, you wondered what had gotten into him; his movements felt impatient; desperate, like this was his only chance to touch you like this before the darkness caught up to him. But as his palms flattened against your leg, raising goosebumps in their wake, and his mouth made a warm, wet trail in pursuit, you forgot your curiosity and surrendered to him. 

He moaned against you when his mouth reached the crease of your ass cheek, sending jolting vibrations straight up through your spine before settling in a deep ache at your core. You whimpered, shaking in his hold, and he supported you, nipping the flesh of your backside with his sharp canine teeth and nuzzling there, a silent request. “Y-yes, Star. Please-” you stuttered and he wasted no time, placing a tender kiss on the round of your ass before sinking his teeth into the meaty flesh. 

You yelped at the pain, but it morphed into a soft moan as his deft fingers found your clit and then took a slow drag through your damp folds. “S-Star, please oh gods, please.” You whined pitifully as he slid his digits forward and back, teasing you while he drank, his other hand clamped on your hip to keep you in place. You desperately wanted to rock against his fingers, eager for more friction, but when you bucked, he pressed his face more firmly into your backside in warning, his fingers retreating and leaving you wanting. 

“N-no, Star please I'm sorry, I won't move. I won't move I promise, please touch me,” you pleaded softly, sighing in relief when you felt his lips curl into a smile and his fingers return to your sensitive bud. You could practically hear his cocky expression and his gentle praise in your mind. ‘Good girl.’ You whined.

You shuddered as he pulled his fangs out of your skin and began to lick at the wound. “Mmm,” he sighed against your skin. “On your knees, darling.” You dropped without any further provocation, eager to please him. Fingers trailed up your sides and you gasped at the chill his fingers brought to your body. He hooked your shirt with his thumbs in his ascent and you raised your arms, allowing him to expose you to the night air. You let your arms relax and hummed when you felt his lips press into your neck. 

“Very good, my love.” He murmured into your ear and your body responded, shuddering violently. He chuckled, a dark and dangerous sound, and nipped at your skin before raking his nails down your spine. 

“Ah!” You arched at the touch, every nerve ending suddenly alive and on fire. Heat pooled in your core and you felt your wetness seep through to the patch of hair lining your folds. 

“Stay,” he whispered softly and you nodded, stilling your body and taking a deep breath. You expected to see him round to the front, but he never did, and you began to worry. Had he changed his mind? Was he alright? Did you need to stop? 

“Star?” You called softly. “Are you alright?” 

“Perfectly so, love.” He murmured from behind you and you let out a breath you didn't realize you had been holding, relaxing back into your stance. 

Moments later, you felt the soft tickle of his hair between your legs and you gasped, jumping a little as he maneuvered himself to lay beneath you, his tantalizing lips only breaths from your core. Your eyes snapped to his, widening in surprise as his hands wrapped around your thighs. He met your gaze and his grin widened into a devilish smirk that would send anyone spiraling. “Sit down, darling,” he murmured. You moaned loudly when his hot breath hit your wet folds and you clapped a hand over your mouth, praying none of your companions at camp heard. “No, none of that.” Astarion cooed, reaching up to tug your arm away. “If they hear, perhaps they'll remember who you belong to-” He pressed up into your hairs “-and keep their distance, as they should.” You whined as his lips brushed your sensitive skin and nodded quickly. 

“Now, my love,” he murmured. “I believe I said, down.” Growling, he pulled your hips down forcefully and your legs parted around him as you were tugged onto his face. His nose pressed into your clit and you nearly screamed with the force of the pleasure that followed. His tongue parted your folds and he explored you with all the excitement that he had when he supped on your blood. You let a moan into the night air and your lover hummed into your clit in approval. You squirmed at the overwhelming sensation and immediately stuttered a breath when your movement sent another jolt of pleasure coursing up through you. 

His fingers dug into the flesh of your hips and urged you to roll onto him. You followed his lead and cried out as his nose rubbed against your bud. “Oh, gods, Star. Please, yes- ah!” With his guidance, you rutted against him, your moans crescendoing as he sucked, licked, and nuzzled, sending you soaring. You pressed your breasts together in an effort to keep them still, tweaking your nipples with your thumbs as you rode your high. You wailed his name as you came, your legs shaking violently as your slick gushed over his lips. 

Trembling, you tried to ease off of him as you slowly descended back to reality, your mind in a blissful haze. But he stopped you, holding you in place. Gently, he licked you clean - not a crevice escaped his skillful tongue - and you mewled, your sensitive skin protesting the extra care, despite how appreciated it was. You gazed down at him with a dazed, lovesick smile on your face, and he smiled back at you, his lips glistening with your release. “Ready for more, darling?” He asked softly, running his hands tenderly along your back, then down your thighs. 

“Mhmm,” your mouth answered before your brain. But you would never have said no to him anyway. You were fairly certain you would do just about anything as long as it made him happy. He smiled brightly at you and any trepidation about how much more you could take this evening melted away. You were safe in his hands. He would take care of you, and you longed to take care of him in return. 

Without warning, he slid his hands to the insides of your thighs and pressed them further apart, far enough for you to feel a burning stretch. “Star, what are you-” You didn't get the chance to finish as his hands found your hips again and slid you down his bare torso. You yelped as your overstimulated core was dragged along the hard planes of your lover's body; down, down, until you were seated just above his throbbing member. You felt it pulse against the curve of your ass and wriggled your backside against it, earning a throaty groan from the elf below you. 

“Darling, ungh-” Astarion moaned and gripped your hips tighter, urging you to raise up onto your knees again. “Are you ready to take me, my love?” He murmured, letting the fingers of one hand trail over your stomach and then down to your clit again, where he rubbed a few lazy circles. He smirked triumphantly at the whine you let out in response, obviously pleased at how little it took to rile you up again. 

You nodded desperately, needing to feel him filling you up, needing to make him feel the way you were feeling. “Good girl,” he purred and you let out a whimper, bucking your hips back in response. 

“M-may I?” You hovered over his twitching length and he groaned at the sight. 

“Yes, darling, you may.” 

“Ah- thank you. Mmph! Yes,” you sighed, giving him a few pumps and teasing your folds with his pink cock head, so full of your blood. You lowered yourself onto him, biting your lip as he stretched your walls, a deliciously nipping pain mixing with the pleasure of feeling his veins drag inside of you. 

You hissed as you worked yourself down onto him, the sheer length of him never failing to surprise you. But you were ever encouraged by the beautiful flush on his cheeks and the tips of his ears; the way his eyebrows were knitted together and his jaw had dropped open ever so slightly, showing off his fangs in the moonlight. “Yes, love- mm,” he murmured, letting his hands roam your body while you grew accustomed to his size. His hands came to rest on your breasts and he squeezed them, your hardened nipples poking out from between his fingers as he kneaded. 

You threw your head back and groaned, dropping yourself down on him the rest of the way and earning a clipped moan from him in return. Your eyes lolled to the back of your head. So full; gods, he felt so good inside of you, twitching and throbbing, each pulse making your walls contract around him. Your hands came to rest on his chest and you looked down at him expectantly, waiting to be given your next instruction. His chest rose and fell heavily, the air around you both thick with sweat and exertion, and he grinned at you - a dopey, gleeful thing that had your heart welling in your chest. You couldn’t help but grin back, and giggle as he rested his hands over yours. “My love,” he said, and the way his voice curled around you like a safety net nearly brought tears to your eyes. 

“Yes?” you murmured in return, biting back a yelp as he adjusted beneath you. 

“Ride me.” 

You were nothing if not eager to please, so you followed his order with zeal, rolling your hips into his. You moved slowly at first, squeezing when you moved to let him feel the tightness of your walls around him. He growled, a gasping moan escaping from his lips after a particularly deep thrust. His undoing was your confidence and you began to move faster, clinging to his pecs to keep yourself steady. “This good, Star? Ah, is t-this- oh, Star! Ah!” you howled when he took control, pulling you up by your sides just to slam you back down again. 

“Less talking,” he rasped, then met your eyes. “You feel perfect. Gods, you are perfect.” Digging his nails into the flesh of your ass, he took over, and you were happy to let him; content to lay down onto him and capture his lips in a bruising kiss as he snapped your hips down again and again, his cock plunging deep inside of you each time. With each drag, you felt the knot in your core tighten, pulling tighter and tighter as he moaned into your mouth. He was close, too; you felt it in the way his cock shuddered inside of you, curving inwards to hit the spot that had you seeing stars again. 

“Mmm, ‘Starion, you feel s-so good- mmph!” he silenced you with his kiss before mumbling against your mouth.

“Gonna cum inside you, alright, love? ‘m gonna- mmf, cum with me- urgh!” 

You nodded desperately, your head bobbing as his lips chased yours again. “‘Mkay, Star. Mmm yes- oh! Yes, yes, yes!” 

With one last thrust, he seated you fully on his cock and claimed your mouth with his own, sitting up and folding you between his chest and his legs as you both came together, shuddering and whining and crying into each other’s mouths. As you came floating down from your high, you curled your fingers through his thick white hair and nuzzled your nose into his neck, placing tender kisses along the lines of his shoulder as you went. His arms tightened around you, giving you a loving squeeze before he ran them up and down your spine, easing you into a more relaxed state. You felt him soften inside of you, but you weren’t quite ready to be without him just yet, so you made no efforts to move. He didn’t seem to mind; he was too busy dropping kisses on your shoulder in return. 

“Was that- was that okay, Star?” you asked meekly, letting your fingernails glide down the nape of his neck. He shivered ever so slightly and pulled you closer, making you both moan from the sensitivity of where you were still joined. 

“It was,” he said contemplatively. “I… I really enjoyed that. There were no lingering feelings of disgust or a need to escape. I felt- I feel… safe with you; seen. Thank you.”

He chuckled softly, leaning in to press his lips to yours. “Well you certainly do that; quite beautifully, if I say so myself.” he mumbled against you, and you smiled.

“No need to thank me, my love.” you whispered, pulling back enough to meet his eyes and bump your nose with his. “This is what you deserve. I’m more than happy to love you any way you need me to.” 

“I’m glad. Thank you for loving me, too,” you replied, your cheeks warming.

“Darling, I would be a fool not to."

~

fin