Rpf Is Fine.Jpeg

Richard Siken, Unfinished Duet

Caitlin Bailey, from Solve for Desire: Poems; “To G, after the party”

Ask and ye shall receive. Not beta'd cause who's got time for that when you're writing sad nesting fic. You can read this whatever way you want but I'm choosing to think of it as platonic.

The wishbaby au is one of the few wips from when I dabbled in sidgeno hrpf circa 2018 that got ported to my gdrive from a different notes app that I fully forgot to check because so many of those wips are straight up abandoned/wip-amnesty. What I have written is outline/not!fic territory.

The concussion happens and it's not great, but he's home all the time with Mason and that is pretty great. Geno's also over a lot, especially when he gets his knee injury. He's so good with Mason. Sid has never quite stopped being in love with Geno, but seeing him be Uncle G to Mason is enough. He thought it would be enough for Geno, except Geno comes back to Pittsburgh at the end of a long summer in Russia with no girlfriend (they broke up earlier that year) and a tiny slip of a baby girl with a wisp of blonde hair and Geno's big sleepy eyes named Yulia.

Sid takes one look at her and falls head over heels. Mason isn't far behind. He's maybe around 3-ish and is totally big enough to help with the baby. He's too adorable and the team group chat is filled with pictures of Mason looking starry eyed as he gazes down at the sleeping Yulia held in his arms. Geno unfortunately isn't as lucky as Sid. Geno is a great dad, he's just not cut out for single-fatherhood. Geno loves Yulia with all his heart but Gonch has moved away and of his close friends and family none of them are really good with children. Except Sid. Who's always there to watch Yulia while he's still out for fear of his concussion symptoms returning. Sid who shares Mason's nanny with Yulia while they're gone on road games and insists on dragging Geno to his house to feed him and Yulia after hard games.

Geno doesn't know how he would have survived the season if it wasn't for Sid's help holding his hand and opening up his home for them. It’s not fair. Geno wants that. Geno wants Sid. Wants a family with him. He wanted it so much that he wished a baby girl from the sky. Eventually Geno knows he has to start to distance him from Sid and Mason. It's just not fair to infringe on their space all the time, especially with Sid back on the ice finally, finally, healthy and the season drawing to a close. It already hurt once leaving Sid and Mason to go back to Russia for the summer and that was before Yulia, before his daughter, but Geno has to be the best Papa he can for her.

Except Geno distancing himself does the exact opposite. Mason sees Yulia as his little sister and doesn't know why she's not around as much anymore. He's hurt and he's afraid he did something wrong, so G's stuck explaining to a 3 year old that no he didn't do anything wrong but Geno didn't want to intrude on his family time with his father. Which is stupid, as Mason clearly tells him. He and Yulia are family. And somehow this leads to Sid and Geno confessing their mutual feelings and maybe ending up in bed together or at least a lot of making out in the kitchen while the kids play in the living room. And then Geno and Yulia move into Sid's ridiculous house and they live happily ever after raising their kids.

Except then a couple years later Sid and G are doing a charity event and an orphanage and they fall in love with this brother-sister pair who are so sweet and who remind them of Mason and Yulia when they were around those ages and needless to say they take both kids home with them. So the Crosby-Malkin household has now gone from 2 kids to 4. More happily ever after.

Until the mother of one of Geno's ex-girlfriends shows up with an 11 year-old with Geno's eyes and nose. His mother died recently in a car accident and her parents were too old to take care of a child. So 4 became 5.

Then comes Sid and Geno's ten year anniversary. Mason's about 13-14 years old. Nikita is 12. Yulia is 10-turning 11. Jack is 7 and Sarah is 6. Sid and Geno are still playing hockey but they're making time for their gaggle of kids and everything is going well in their lives. They're on track to win the cup, Geno got the Art Ross, everything is good. They dump the kids on their extended family for their ten year anniversary and have a delightful night in, making love and talking about all the fond memories they have about their family and their ten years together.

You know, as noisy as the house is usually, with it empty like this, both Sid and Geno realize they miss having a baby around. It's just an idle comment Sid makes before bed, marveling at the quiet of the house, and Geno agrees with him. Geno wonders idly what it would be like if they'd had a kid that was biologically both of theirs and they waste five minutes describing them.

Geno’s convinced it'd be a boy with his height and Sid's nose and dorky laugh. Sid thinks it'd be another sweet girl who'd take after Sid and Taylor in the hair and general body shape area but have Geno's sleepy eyes and kind heart. They argue and laugh a little. It's a sweet image but nothing more. Then they go to bed and assume that is that. Until they get up the next morning so that they can prepare for the onslaught when the kids get home from their sleepovers and find two perfect baskets waiting on their front porch. Sydney and Misha Crosby-Malkin.

~~~_X_~~~

And then the rest of the fic would be a lot of running around and screaming while they tried to juggle twins and new babies and also their old babies. At first they're afraid that the kids are gonna be weirded out that their parents just wished more kids from the sky except that it turns out that Mason has been wanting more siblings and both Yulia and Sarah wanted another girl in the household and basically they’re very excited cause they thought they'd wished the twins into existence until they got sat down and told that wishbabies don’t work that way. You can't wish a sibling out of the sky.

There's a subplot somewhere in there where Nikita gets pretty withdrawn cause he's afraid with the new babies Geno will decide he doesn't want him and send him back to live with his maternal grandparents but Mason and Yulia confront him about it and eventually get him to start spending time with the twins and he becomes their staunchest defender and also their favorite older sibling much to Yulia and Mason's disgruntlement.

1. you weren’t raised to love tender.

not with hockey and hockey is in your blood. rough housing in the locker room and checking on the ice. ass slaps and back pats. slamming into each other screaming and shaking to celebrate a goal, a win, a championship, a milestone. there’s nothing tender there. not when you have to go out and defend. put on pads and keep everything out of your net. dropping gloves a sign of devotion as much as the words you swallow when you don’t think you’re alone.

2. when he’s around all you do is tremble. when he’s around you want to get on your knees. look how much power he has over you. it’s dangerous.

he walks into the room and your knees weaken. he skates out on the ice and you can feel your focus slip. being near him makes you feel weak and strong. like a stiff breeze could knock you over if you weren’t careful but also like you could fight the other team and win as long he kept his eyes on you. your desires don’t belong in the locker room. it’s dangerous. nobody can know the way you want him to defile you. no one can know the way you think it would make you holy. it scares you how much those thoughts used to scare you and how little they scare you now.

3. he’s too good at forgiving and you’re too good at violence.

violence is in your blood. in his. in the blood of the sport. you never want to be violent with him. he deserves gentleness. gentleness that you lost sometime during your midget years. gentleness that you try desperately and fail to emulate. how can you be gentle when the other team won’t? when you must defend your/his/our crease? he forgives you. he always forgives you. the question you’re afraid to voice is can you forgive yourself?

4. you know what they say about monsters. you know what happens to the boys who love them. are you going to do that to him?

you know what you are. you know what they say about you. every team has known sooner or later. you’re still not used to the whispers, even now, years later. they follow you, silent and loud, imagined and real. can you do that to him? can you let them talk about him they way they talk about you?

5. your hands don’t know how to be gentle. think about the last beautiful thing that shattered in your palms. the fresh rosebuds crumbling between your fingers like a bruise. you wolf-boy, you war machine. you wouldn’t know how to hold something magic and not destroy it.

your hands weren’t meant for softness. they’re meant for the padding of your gloves, the smooth shaft of your stick in one hand, your catcher in the other. your hands were meant for stopping high speed rubber and hefting 35lbs of silver. he is neither of those things. he is big and soft and strong and so many things you don’t have words for but most of all he’s beautiful. you’re scared of tarnishing that beauty. damaging it. destroying it. you’re so afraid of ruining what you touch that you’d rather not touch at all.

6. if you hurt him it might kill you.

you’ve seen his face exiting a game. you’ve seen him lose and lose and lose. you could never forgive yourself if you put that look on his face. that look of pain. that look of loss. you’d rather die than have him turn his sad eyes to you and know you were the reason.

7. if you hurt him you might kill yourself.

you’ve seen him win. seen the boundless joy and breathless smiles. you couldn’t take that from him. couldn’t be the source of its loss. he wouldn’t have to say a word — you’d know. you’re observant; you have to be. catching pucks and catching feelings. you always know, and that knowledge might be the end of you. you’d do anything to escape the hurt, escape the blame, even if it would hurt him more.

8. you are very bad at rehabilitation. this is one addiction you’d fail to give up. he’s going to ruin you for all other kisses and all other boys and you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to forget his name.

you’re a gambler at heart. taking chances. taking risks. gambling on your skills, your body, your team. betting that this time you come up big. you’d think you wouldn’t be — stuck in goal, doomed to failure — but you are. the only way you can go out there every night is bet it big and let yourself hope, make yourself believe. it feels like that with him too. when he smiles across the locker room at you. when you skate up to him on the bench. every smile, wink, glance feels like a risk, feels like betting it all on a coin flip without caring if it comes up evens or odds. feels like putting your job, your crease, the puck on the line and not caring which way it falls. not if it’s him. it’ll wreck you, every step of the way, and you’ll let it. let him.

9. you still aren’t sure he isn’t a dream.

you wake up some afternoons and wonder what day it is, what month it is, what season it is. part of you is stuck in the past, haunted by the ghosts of teammates and hookups of years gone by. they whisper that you loved them too and now they’re gone. “that’s hockey,” they remind you, as if you’ve ever forgotten. on those days you knock on his hotel room door or find him at the rink and don’t truly feel present until he’s got his hands on you. a fist bump in greeting. a back slap as he lets you close. those touches are realest you feel those days and it scares you how much it all feels like a dream.

10. if you kiss him, you might wake up

it scares you how much it all feels like a dream. that the realest you feel is when he’s touching you. you’re scared then, what a kiss might do. if the casual contact of hockey and locker rooms makes you feel this way what will kissing him be like. will it be rough like a game? like knocking your helmets together after a win just to feel the impact. will it be soft like your afternoon nap? soft sheets and softer pillows gentling you to sleep before a game. will it feel normal like your pre-game routine? rote and comforting in its familiarity. will it feel electric like a win? energy zinging through you like a buzzer beating save? you wonder what it will feel like to kiss him. will he still be there in the morning? will he still be there if you wake up?

reasons to kiss him:

1. because he’s beautiful.

you look at him and your breath catches. you watch him from the bench and can’t look away. wearing pads, sweats, his game day suit, when he’s sweaty after a workout, when his face obscured by his mask - his every look is beautiful and you long to tell him that.

2. because he asked.

you would never. all you’ve done is look. you would never do more. would never touch him, kiss him, let him know how much you wanted. you’ve got all these reasons why you would never make the first move. but he asked. he asked. no one’s asked before. no one has ever told you “please” and meant it. no one but him.

3. because he proceeded please with, I’m not afraid of you.

because he isn’t. afraid. you are. he isn’t. he looks at you like he knows all your desires, all your looks, all your reasons why this is a bad idea and he wants it anyway. he’s asking - not begging, not pleading, just asking. he isn’t looking to convince you. he doesn’t want you to change your mind. he asked simply and plainly despite knowing what you are.

that’s why you kiss him.

Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy by Fall Out Boy // an edit a day til penguins hockey, a countdown (day 31)

Northern Downpour by Panic! At The Disco // an edit a day til penguins hockey, a countdown (day 28)

x x

Everybody has their soulmate’s name on their wrist. The catch? It’s just the first name. No last name.

Tristan has Alex on his wrist which is beautifully frustratingly gender neutral up until the latent bisexuality hits and becomes a gay awakening and then it’s just frustrating cause do you know how many Alexes there are in the league?

Tristan does look up all the new guys when they get signed and stare at any Alexes but he refuses to get his hopes up.

Training camp happens and look, in his defense, he fully forgot that the new goalie is named Alex after he introduced himself as Ned.

Besides Tristan doesn’t need relationship stuff right now. He’s in year one of his brand new five year contract and they just missed the playoffs for the first time in his career and he has to prove that he’s a franchise goaltender and he’s healthy but also [insert lingering issues from the back/groin thing and the broken foot], and the team is hot garbage some nights but he’s still the worst goalie with a league leading number of shutouts.

So yeah, Tristan is not looking for his Alex.

Meanwhile Ned absolutely has Tristan on his wrist and is only feeling a little weird about it since Tristan doesn’t seem interested and doesn’t have Alex’s name and is also probably straight since he said he’s got a girl’s (or gender neutral) name.

Alex is an idiot. Tristan is also an idiot. They’re idiots together. [insert SpongeBob rainbow meme] Tandem Partners 🌈

Anyway most people wear wrist guards, even in the locker room. It’s totally normalized to not show anybody even when you’ve met your match, so you know both boys are braceleted up.

In Ned’s defense it may be an accepting locker room and everything but Tristan is still very clearly a guy’s name and some people are weird about it. It’s much harder to joke about platonic bonds now in the show than it was in juniors and he’s a goalie so it’s not like he can say “maybe he’s my future D-partner” or something.

In Tristan’s defense, he just doesn’t want people to know. Doesn’t matter if Alex is a girl’s name, that shit is private.

Tanger absolutely knows about Tristan’s name cause during the 2020 asg baby Tanger badgered Tristan to show him his wrist cause he’d just learned what they meant and then went “oooooo” when his name was on Tristan’s wrist.

Instant bond with the baby and now Tristan is his favorite babysitter among his dad’s teammates.

Did Tristan come out to the baby before any of team leadership? Yes. He told Kris eventually. He just had to soft launch it with Alex Letang first.

Now that Alex has a phone he will just text Tristan links to various Alexes’ player pages. He’s like “sup’ is this your dude?” And it’s fucking Alex Ovechkin or Barkov or smth. Tristan got “👀😏😏😏” from bb!Tanger whenever the team called up Alex Nylander and Tristan had to be like “stop it it’s not him (yes I asked 🙄).” Response text: 😇😌

Kris goes through Alex’s text history w/ Tristan once just to see why Alex is cackling and it’s just an increasingly long list of every Alex in the league starting with Ovi and getting quote “uglier”

(I don’t know why Alex isn’t beating the Alex Nedjelkovic drum at Tristan but it might be cause Kris told him to stop bothering Tristan about teammates or cause it’s so fucking obvious to Alex that he figured Tristan already said something and got a No.)

Tristan has not said anything to Ned. Because, again, Tristan is an idiot. That’s Ned. His goalie partner, Ned. Ned is fully off Tristan’s radar bc his name is not Alex, it’s Ned.

Kris is side-eying Tristan cause like “are you sure this isn’t your boy you’re doing a lot of sighing” but neither of them know what’s on Ned’s wrist and Tristan swears it’s just a crush.

Tristan is on Ned’s radar cause man that’s a lot of flirting from a guy who doesn’t have my name.

Unless Ned thinks that somehow Tristan found out about the name and is like hazing/fucking with him with the flirting. Which. Uncool.

Ned spends a couple days testing out the waters before he realizes that no Tristan isn’t fucking with him, he genuinely doesn’t know, Tristan just likes him (as a friend)(cause Tristan doesn’t have his name on his wrist).

Note: both of them are probably hardcore crushing on each other. It’s very obvious to the people who know Tristan well but less obvious to the new guys and obviously everyone is still trying to figure out Ned.

Eventually someone has to remind Tristan that Ned is not Ned’s first name, hockey nicknames be damned. I nominate one Michael Bunting (bc it’d be funny).

Bunts would exclusively use Ned from their time in Carolina so it’s not immediately after the trade, but Bunts would scream “ALEX NEDJELKOVIC YOU FUCKING BEAUTY” after a particularly good game or shutout win or practice or smth.

Tristan immediately goes:

Thank god he was literally in the process of pulling his jersey over his head so he could hide his reaction. Or maybe it was after practice so he has a sweaty towel to hide his face in.

Either way Tristan has a very uncomfortable shower ahead of him as he tries not to stare at the wristband on Ned’s wrist and wonder things.

Tristan: I can’t be weird about my tandem partner. Basically everyone who is familiar with Tristan: whatcha being weird about now? Is it a goalie thing?

Ned chalks it up to Tristan losing his net and is sad that Tristan only seems to talk to him during practice and games even though he’s being really supportive when they do talk.

Bunts is ready to fuck shit up cause Ned is his goalie sorry man I know you’re the starter but Ned is my boy this is team #2 together you gotta understand…

Rusty and Petey have to spend the plane ride card game talking Bunts (and Ned) down cause trust us it’s a goalie thing if he’s not being a weirdo about something he won’t explain then there’s a huge chance he’s injured and sulking at which point just sick Kris on him.

Ned would be jealous of Kris but 1) Cath, 2) both Tristan and Kris are straight, 3) Kris’s whole married with soulmate and kids thing

kris knows exactly which buttons to push to get tristan to talk. It used to be putting him in a headlock and giving him a noogie when he was baby goalie but now there’s a lot less potential violence involved since Tristan has learned to use his words.

The funniest way imo for Ned to find out about Tristan is for Alex Letang to rock up to family skate and call Tristan his soul-brother cause his name is on Tristan’s wrist but Tristan’s name isn’t on Alex’s and obviously it’s a tragic missed connection, one sided bond, however will Tristan live without him, etc etc. full tweenage melodrama and chirping. You can tell he’s Kris’s son.

Ned is in the corner screaming because he is named Alex and has Tristan on his wrist. FUCK

Ned has to go leave the ice (it’s just family skate so he’s not full pads) and hyperventilate in the corner.

Tristan just rolls his eyes at Alex. He’s on babysitting duty for Alex and Nikita while Kris deals with his daughter’s skates and Geno has fucked off somewhere. He’s busy so he doesn’t see Ned leave.

Tristan does notice he’s missing and go looking eventually

Tristan finds Ned in the corner of wherever, maybe a random trainer’s office cause that’s the equivalent of the hotel room in terms of liminal spaces inside an arena

I don’t know what the scene in question looks like but I’m assuming the end of it is them comparing wrists and then kissing and then missing the rest of family skate

Maybe some “we just realized we like each other relationship establishing hjs or bjs” or whatever the fanfic standard is. They’re not in pads so it’s perfectly acceptable to stick a hand down each other’s pants in a random room behind an unlocked but closed door. Nobody is gonna come looking for them.

They’ll probably tell the team eventually. Eventually. Nobody tells bb!Tanger how they got together tho, he’d be too smug.

Insert more instances of crushing and mutual pining because these boys are idiots. However, it is not the same idiocy. They each have their own special brand of idiocy

Ned: Tristan is straight :(

Tristan: Ned's not my soulmate :(

(Tristan has hit the point of being openly bi/gay that he sometimes forgets other people aren't out and also straight/non-bi. It never occurs to him that Ned isn't gay, just that Ned isn't Alex, his soulmate).

(Ned thinks Tristan is straight and is sad about falling for a straight boy who keeps flirting with him. Ned pls consider that maybe you can ask if he likes guys)

During the pining and awkwardness, one of them is about to get a visit from painfully earnest Sid making sure that he’s okay and not experiencing issues in the locker room. (Spoiler: its Ned)

Sid’s like nobody is giving you problems right? 🧐🥺😤 cause as captain I won’t tolerate that in my locker room

Sid of course actively has Geno’s name on his wrist and is - not shameless cause Sid is private - but not private when it’s just the team. American Thanksgiving at Sid’s house is the first time Ned sees him without the wrist guard and he learns some things about the team that day.

Geno may or may not have Sid *and* Anna's names on his wrists cause I love a poly V but the irl divorce implications are hmmmm

Petey has both Rak and his wife’s name on his wrist and Rak has Petey and *his* wife because fuck it four way marriage.

Ned has been reassured that the gay thing would be fine. Ned is still nervous. Also like it’s one thing to have a guy’s name and another thing to have your straight teammate’s name on your wrist. Sid and Geno and Rak and Petey of course are matched sets but him and Tristan aren’t. He’s just not gonna show anybody. Good to know the team cares and aren’t gonna be homophobic.

Other shenanigans include Tristan's goalie goal celebration where they're at like a bar to celebrate Tristan and Tristan is all shy about it and drunk!Ned is like if I was your soulmate I would hype the shit out of you.

this one is fully non-canon but I feel like group bye-week somewhere warm and shirtless and it's not just the two of them there's a whole crew but Ned is like I know I see Tristan shirtless daily but this is a context I was not expecting to get horny in and has to go take a minute

(Tristan is also in shambles at shirtless Ned he just hides it better)

At some point I feel like Tristan gets drunk and ends up on Jake's couch lamenting his lack of love life and also his stupid crush on Ned.

Rusty is there to be the responsible one because Jake gives terrible advice.

Rusty (to Tristan): are you sure you can’t be interested in him anyway? Tristan: he’s not my soulmate :(((((

PO is there because he's french and he needs a break from Tanger. (PO also gives terrible advice but unlike Jake he knows its bad)

Immortals by Fall Out Boy // an edit a day til penguins hockey, a countdown (day 20)

Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy // an edit a day til penguins hockey, a countdown (day 18)

Teenagers by My Chemical Romance // an edit a day til penguins hockey, a countdown (day 10)

Since it’s also Friday the 13th, have a trick with your treat and enjoy my Galentines whump. CW for panic attacks.

Tristan fights his way back to consciousness, bursting out of subspace with a gasp. He doesn’t know where his is. His breathing is labored, his eyes are covered, and he’s on his knees. Someone is touching him, a hand in his hair and another curled protectively around the back of his neck, keeping his face pressed against a thigh.

Who?—he doesn’t know. He can’t—can’t tell, can’t see. The presence looms over him, folding itself into his space, and he flinches, pulling away. He scoots back, hands using the knees on either side of him to push himself until he’s several feet away, panting in the middle of the floor.

Lake Effect Kid by Fall Out Boy // an edit a day til penguins hockey, a countdown (day 6)