ℒ𝙾𝚅𝙴 ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏𝒩𝙾𝚃𝙴𝚂. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏✿

   maybe   that   was   another   reason   it   had   been   so   easy.   that   beau   had   decided,   practically,   to   lay   himself   out   on   the   table   like   a   folder   of   documents   for   cassius   to   peruse—and   that   cassius   had   done   the   same   thing   right   back,   had   matched   him   piece   for   piece.   beau   took   note   of   all   of   it,   filing   all   details   away.   the   things   cassius   chose   to   share.   the   serious   stuff,   then   the   small   stuff.   his   family.   the   fact   that   he   apparently   could   not   function   without   doing   his   skincare   routine   that   sounded,   from   the   way   cassius   described   it,   like   it   had   more   steps   than   beau's   entire   morning   combined. 

somewhere   in   the   accumulation   of   details,   a   portrait   was   assembling   itself,   one   beau   found   more   amusing   the   more   of   it   filled   in.   cassius   was   high-maintenance.   not   in   the   difficult   or   demanding   sense,   though.   cassius   was   just   dedicated   with   taking   care   of   himself.   really,   whatever   routine   kept   his   skin   looking   like   that,   kept   him   looking   put-together   even   at   one   in   the   morning   in   a   diner   after   a   full   night   out...   it   was   effective. 

gorgeous.   beau   had   already   thought   that   from   across   a   club   floor   and   the   diner   lighting   hadn't   done   anything   to   argue   him   out   of   it.   if   anything   the   plainer   light   made   it   more   obvious,   stripped   away   whatever   forgiveness   a   dance   floor's   dimness   offered   and   left   just   cassius,   still   very   fucking   attractive.   objectively   beau's   type.

he   reached   for   the   waffle.   it   was   enormous,   and   beau   picked   up   his   fork   and   knife,   cutting   it   into   smaller,   shareable   pieces.   he   heard   the   phone   before   he   saw   it.   the   faint   shutter   sound,   muted   but   not   muted   enough,   and   beau—didn't   look   up.   kept   his   eyes   on   the   waffle   andhis   hands   moving.   because   he   knew   cassius   was   taking   a   photo,   a   ‘stolen’   one.   honestly,   he   didn't   need   to   see   it   to   know   how   it   would   turn   out.   that   wasn't   arrogance,   exactly—or   maybe   it   was,   a   little,   but   it   was   earned   arrogance.   he   was   already   fairly   certain   the   photo   was   going   to   be   a   good   one.

the   notifications   came   in:   cassius   cho   tagged   you   in   his   story.

beau   swiped   it   open,   then   he   saw   it;   the   photo   of   beau   mid-motion   with   the   waffle,   unposed   and   unguarded,   and   underneath   it,   text:

my   midnight   snack.

beau   grinned.

he   was   cassius'   midnight   snack.

low-effort   humour   of   a   caption   anyone   would   write   when   posting   a   photo   of   the   person   they   were   supposedly   dating.   cheeky,   and   a   little   suggestive.   the   whole   point   was   to   be   a   little   playful,   a   little   pointed,   a   post   that   existed   less   for   the   person   in   the   photo   and   more   for   the   people   who'd   be   looking   at   it   later,   scrolling   through   their   phones   and   seeing   exactly   who   cassius   had   been   out   with   at   this   hour   and   exactly   how   not-single   he   was.   this   was   strategy.   cassius   making   sure   the   story   reached   the   group   chat,   to   the   friends   who   meddled   in   his   life.   cassius   practically   shut   all   of   that   down   without   him   having   to   say   another   word   about   it.

nothing   to   make   anything   of,   from   beau's   point   of   view.

except   something   in   beau's   chest   did   a   small,   involuntary   thing   anyway.   a   flicker   of   warmth—smugness,   maybe.   that   satisfaction   of   being   someone's   midnight   snack,   claimed   publicly   and   cheekily.

he   found   the   repost   option,   and   put   it   up   without   adding   anything   else.   no   caption   of   his   own,   or   any   other   addition.   just   cassius'   story   exactly   as   it   was,   passed   along   to   his   own   followers.   he   set   the   phone   down.

"i   reposted   it,"   he   said,   "para   mas   magmukhang   legit."

a   fake   relationship   required   corroborating   evidence   across   both   accounts,   and   beau   was   nothing   if   not   thorough   about   the   details   of   their   arrangement.

his   phone   buzzed.   then   buzzed   again,   a   small   cluster   of   notifications   stacking   up—probably   people   reacting   to   the   repost,   probably   a   few   messages   from   his   own   friends   who'd   want   an   explanation   eventually.   beau   glanced   at   the   screen   without   really   looking,   and   set   it   face-down,   unbothered.   that   could   wait.

the   food,   on   the   other   hand,   could   not.

he   was   hungrier   than   he'd   thought,   the   whole   night   finally   catching   up   with   him.   all   of   it   kind   of   drained   something   out   of   him   that   the   tapsilog   was   now   aggressively   replenishing.   he   ate   with   real   enthusiasm,   no   longer   distracted   by   phones   or   photos,   just   working   through   the   plate.   the   conversation   kept   going   between   bites,   lighter   now,   easier,   filling   in   whatever   gaps   were   left   in   the   earlier   information   dump,   and   beau   found   himself   laughing   more   than   once   at   something   cassius   said.   as   the   plates   emptied,   the   diner   around   them   also   thinned   out   further.   even   the   drunk   group   up   front   seemed   to   be   winding   down. 

he   raised   a   hand,   flagged   down   the   waiter,   making   the   small   gesture   that   universally   meant   bill,   please.   and   when   it   came,   beau   reached   for   it   before   cassius   did,   pulled   it   towards   himself.   which   was,   if   he   thought   about   it   for   half   a   second,   a   slightly   amusing   turn   of   events.   he   was   the   one   who'd   made   cassius   agree   to   cover   the   meals.   that   had   been   the   deal,   one   of   the   terms   he'd   set   himself.   but   he   was   the   one   settling   the   bill   without   a   second   though   now,   the   terms   he'd   written   for   himself   apparently   optional   the   moment   it   actually   came   time   to   enforce   them.

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙸𝙽𝚃.     𝙱𝙴𝙰𝚄'𝚂 𝙲𝙰𝚁     —     𝙽𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃. 

                                        ❝          by   the   time   they   make   it   back   to   beau’s   car,   cass   is   finally   full.   not   just   from   the   food.   for   the   first   time   all   day,   he’s   had   a   proper   meal   after   surviving   on   nothing   but   coffee   and   liquor—   a   combination   he   knows   is   absolutely   terrible   for   him,   yet   somehow   keeps   repeating   anyway.   but   more   than   that,   he’s   full   of   everything   he   learned   about   beau   tonight.   the   little   details   that   make   up   the   man   currently   sitting   behind   the   wheel.   his   family.   his   likes   and   dislikes.   the   stories   about   his   grandfather.   even   the   way   he   talks   when   he’s   passionate   about   something.

                          and,   admittedly…   he’s   also   full   of   satisfaction   after   seeing   beau   repost   his   instagram   story   without   hesitation.   it’s   such   a   small   thing.   stupid,   even.   yet   it   scratches   an   itch   cass   has   carried   around   for   years.

                          he’s   dated   enough   people   to   know   how   difficult   it   is   to   get   someone   to   acknowledge   you   publicly.   some   would   dodge   every   photo.   others   would   ask   him   not   to   tag   them.   a   few   made   him   feel   almost   embarrassing   to   be   seen   with.   he   remembers   practically   begging   some   of   them   to   show   him   off.   just   once.   just   enough   to   make   him   feel   chosen.

                          with   beau…   he   doesn’t   even   have   to   ask   twice.   he   doesn’t   have   to   ask   at   all.   

                          as   they   pull   back   onto   the   road,   cass   keys   his   address   into   waze   before   confirming   the   route.   after   that,   silence   settles   comfortably   between   them,   broken   only   by   the   music   drifting   softly   from   the   radio.

                          normally,   he’d   fill   it   with   conversation.   tonight…   his   mind   is   elsewhere.   it   keeps   wandering   back   to   everything   beau   shared   with   him   over   dinner.   then   to   something   that   still   doesn’t   quite   make   sense.   the   bill.   cass   was   supposed   to   pay.   that   had   been   part   of   their   arrangement   from   the   very   beginning.   as   far   as   he’s   concerned,   it’s   one   of   the   reasons   beau   agreed   to   become   his   fake   boyfriend   in   the   first   place.

                          and   yet…   beau   had   insisted.   no   matter   how   many   times   cass   reached   for   his   wallet,   beau   simply   paid   for   everything   as   though   it   were   the   most   natural   thing   in   the   world.   after   agreeing   to   accompany   him   to   a   club   full   of   strangers.   after   pretending   to   be   his   boyfriend.   after   driving   him   away   from   the   chaos.   after   driving   him   home.

                          it   doesn’t   add   up.

                          unless...

                          maybe   beau   has   something   else   in   mind   when   it   comes   to   getting   repaid.   the   thought   alone   is   enough   to   make   cass’s   imagination   spiral   right   back   to   the   club.   to   the   kiss.

                          god.

                          he   really   needs   to   stop   thinking   about   it.   except   he   can’t.   not   when   every   memory   feels   vivid   enough   to   replay   like   it   happened   seconds   ago.   the   warmth   of   beau’s   mouth   against   his   own.   the   way   he   held   his   waist,   firm   enough   to   keep   him   close   without   ever   making   him   feel   trapped.   the   way   their   lips   moved   together   so   effortlessly,   beau   kissing   him   with   a   confidence   that   made   cass   completely   forget   they   were   only   putting   on   an   act.   and   that   damn   tongue.

                          how   easily   it   had   slipped   into   his   mouth,   teasing   him,   tasting   him,   making   cass   meet   it   instinctively   like   they’d   done   it   countless   times   before.   his   entire   body   grows   warm   just   remembering   it.   he   wants   it   again.   wants   beau’s   hand   back   on   his   waist.   wants   to   kiss   him   somewhere   without   flashing   lights,   loud   music,   or   curious   eyes   watching   every   second.   he   wants   to   take   his   time.

                          the   thought   lingers   long   enough   that   the   drive   feels   impossibly   short.   before   he   realizes   it,   beau   is   already   pulling   into   the   parking   area   of   his   condominium.   cass   blinks.   ten   minutes?   surely   it   had   been   longer   than   that.

                          he   looks   out   the   window   before   turning   back   toward   beau.   neither   of   them   has   spoken   much   during   the   drive.   his   fingers   remain   wrapped   around   the   seatbelt   still   stretched   across   his   chest.   he   doesn’t   unbuckle   it   right   away.   instead,   he   sits   there,   debating   whether   he’s   about   to   ask   for   too   much.

                          they're   only   pretending   to   date.   then   again…   boyfriends   do   spend   time   at   each   other’s   places.

                          a   small   smile   slowly   curves   across   his   lips.      “   thanks   for   the   ride,   ”      he   says   quietly.      “   and   for   the   meal.   ”      his   eyes   meet   beau’s.      “   sa   susunod,   ha?   let   me   pay.   kasama   ’yon   sa   arrangement,   eh.   ”      a   soft   chuckle   follows   before   he   finally   presses   the   release   button   on   his   seatbelt.   click.   his   hand   reaches   for   the   door   handle.   but   he   doesn’t   open   it.   instead,   he   bites   lightly   on   his   lower   lip   before   glancing   back   at   beau.

                          “   do   you   wanna   come   up   sa   condo   ko?   ”      his   tone   is   almost   casual.   almost.      “   i   meeeeeeeeean…   ”      he   shrugs   innocently.      “   my   boyfriend   should   at   least   know   what   my   place   looks   like,   right?   ”      the   words   themselves   are   harmless.   cass   isn’t.   there’s   a   knowing   smirk   playing   on   his   lips,   while   the   glimmer   in   his   eyes   gives   away   everything   his   innocent   voice   is   trying   so   hard   to   hide.

                          the   invitation   isn’t   just   about   showing   beau   his   condo.

                          they   both   know   that.

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙸𝙽𝚃.     𝙱𝙴𝙳𝚁𝙾𝙾𝙼     —     𝙽𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃. 

                                        ❝          in   tj’s   eyes,   beau   has   to   be   the   hardest-working   person   he’s   ever   known.   not   just   hardworking.   the   most   selfless,   too.   sagada   has   become   one   of   the   most   popular   tourist   destinations   over   the   years,   which   means   the   shop   is   almost   always   busy.   and   even   though   it   technically   happens   to   be   blair’s   day   off,   beau   still   chooses   to   run   the   shop   by   himself   just   so   blair   can   finally   get   the   rest   he   deserves.   on   top   of   that,   he   insists   on   carrying   the   workload   alone   because   he   wants   tj   to   focus   on   his   editing   instead   of   worrying   about   the   shop.

                          sometimes...

                          tj   wishes   beau   would   think   about   himself   for   once.   he   lets   out   a   quiet   chuckle   before   sighing,   unable   to   hide   the   fondness   in   his   eyes.      “   eto   naman,   ”      he   says   with   a   smile.      “   parang   hindi   ko   kayang   mag-multitask.   ”      his   free   hand   reaches   up,   his   thumb   lazily   stroking   beau’s   cheek.      “   kaya   ko   naman   tumulong   kahit   nag-e-edit   ako   ng   video.   i   can   edit   anywhere.   ”      he   shrugs   lightly.      “   mapa-bahay   man   o   sa   shop,   okay   lang   sa’kin.   ”      his   gaze   softens.      “   i   just   want   to   be   there   with   you.   to   help   you   whenever   i   have   free   time.   ”      he   hopes   beau   can   hear   what   he’s   really   trying   to   say.   

                          tj   smiles   to   himself   before   brushing   another   strand   of   hair   away   from   beau’s   face.      “   i’m   sure   sobrang   proud   na   sa   ’yo   ng   lolo   mo,   ”      he   says   quietly.      “   to   the   point   na   kung   nandito   pa   siya,   siya   pa   mismo   ang   magmamakaawa   sa’yo   na   humingi   ka   ng   tulong   at   magpahinga   kapag   kailangan.   ”      he   leans   down   and   presses   a   tender   kiss   to   the   crown   of   beau’s   head,   lingering   there   for   a   moment.   

                          “   kumain   ka   na   ba?   ”      a   grin   slowly   spreads   across   his   face.      “   believe   it   or   not…   gumawa   ako   ng   lugaw.   ”

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙸𝙽𝚃.     𝙱𝙴𝙳𝚁𝙾𝙾𝙼     —     𝙽𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃. 

                                        ❝          “   mahal   naman,   eh...   biro   lang   kasi   ’yon.   ”      tj   lets   out   a   soft   chuckle   as   he   continues   absentmindedly   combing   his   fingers   through   his   husband’s   hair.   after   a   while,   his   hand   drifts   lower,   tracing   gentle   paths   along   beau’s   arm,   his   fingertips   gliding   over   his   skin   in   slow,   soothing   strokes.   he   can’t   help   but   laugh   again   when   beau   only   snuggles   closer,   rubbing   his   face   against   tj’s   chest   as   if   trying   to   get   impossibly   closer.   the   room   falls   silent.   for   a   full   minute,   neither   of   them   says   anything.   tj   simply   watches   him.   then   their   eyes   meet.   this.   this   is   home.   a   small   smile   finds   its   way   onto   his   lips   as   he   brushes   a   thumb   across   beau’s   arm.      “   sabi   ko   naman   kasi   sa’yo,   mahal,   tulungan   na   kita   sa   shop.   ”      his   voice   is   gentle,   leaving   no   room   for   argument.      “   pahinga   ka   lang.   ako   na   bahala.   ”      he   leans   down   to   press   a   lingering   kiss   against   beau’s   forehead   before   resting   his   own   against   it.      “   aalagaan   kita.   ”

𝗼𝗱𝗱𝘀   𝗼𝗳   𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿 ／ 𝑐𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛   . 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 ／ 𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒   .

             𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑛𝑒   𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠   𝑡ℎ𝑒   𝑏𝑜𝑙𝑑   .

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙸𝙽𝚃.     𝙱𝙴𝙳𝚁𝙾𝙾𝙼     —     𝙽𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃. 

                                        ❝          tj   instinctively   opens   one   arm   for   beau,   giving   him   all   the   space   he   needs   to   curl   up   against   his   chest   as   they   settle   into   bed   after   another   long,   exhausting   day.      “   talaga,   mahal?   ”      he   hums,   a   soft   chuckle   escaping   him   as   his   fingers   lazily   comb   through   beau’s   hair.      “   gusto   mo   dedein   mo   pa   ’yan,   eh.   ”      he   breaks   into   laughter   before   lightly   shaking   his   head.      “   hahaha,   joke   lang.   ”

   cassius   was   incredibly   easy   to   talk   to.   it   was   company   that   didn't   require   effort   to   be   in.   they'd   been   talking   for—however   long   it   had   been   since   they'd   slid   into   this   booth,   and   beau   couldn't   identify   a   single   moment   where   the   air   had   gone   awkward.   the   conversation   just…   went.   one   thing   to   the   next.   which   was   not   nothing.   beau   had   sat   across   from   enough   people   to   know   that   this   specific   quality   wasn't   universal   nor   guaranteed.   it   couldn't   be   forced   through   goodwill   alone.   either   it   was   there   or   it   wasn't,   and   with   cassius   it   was   there   from   the   first   genuinely   bizarre   conversation   in   the   club   that   should   have   been   awkward   and   somehow   wasn't.   and   it   had   stayed   through   the   elevator   pitch   of   their   arrangement   and   the   drive   and   the   ordering   and   this…   whole   improbable   evening.

cassius   was   the   kind   of   person   beau   could   imagine—in   another   world   where   they'd   met   in   a   different   way—being   someone   he   actually   kept   around.   a   friend,   maybe.   they   seemed   to   move   through   the   world   similarly,   or   at   least   it   felt   that   way   from   the   surface   of   one   long   midnight   conversation.

the   love   thing   especially.   they   had   the   shared   outlook   in   regard   to   that;   the   lack   of   active   pursuit,   and   that   both   of   them   had   made   their   peace   with   it.   because…   well.   this   was   real   life.   it   was   not   a   film.   not   a   fantasy   world   where   people's   intentions   were   clean   and   their   hearts   were   simple   and   love   stories   always   had   happy   endings.   real   life,   where   beau   had   met   enough   people   to   know   that   most   of   them   were   complicated,   selfish,   and   greedy,   was   the   furthest   from   that. 

to   be   fair,   him   and   cassius   did   not   know   each   other   yet   well   enough   for   beau   to   judge   him   accurately.   if   he   would   even   be   able   to   know   cassius   to   that   extent.   though,   setting   all   of   that   aside,   this   was   a   fake   relationship.   the   terms   had   been   stated,   understood,   and   agreed   to.   there   was   no   ambiguity   here   to   get   lost   in.   there   was   no   chance   for   a   moment   where   one   person   thought   they   were   doing   one   thing   and   the   other   person   thought   they   were   doing   something   else.   and   within   those   terms   beau   knew   exactly   what   he   should   be:   the   perfect   boyfriend   for   a   month.   attentive,   present,   made   cassius   look   well-loved   in   public,   showed   up   beside   him   at   parties   and   held   his   hand   and   touched   his   hair. 

gosh.   this   felt   like   a   trial   run,   almost.   an   experiment   in   what   it   would   feel   like   to   do   this   properly,   with   someone   whose   company   beau   actually   wanted.   the   feelings   wouldn't   be   there…   but   the   shape   of   it   could   be.   the   form   of   a   relationship   without   the   commitment   of   one.   beau   could   do   that.   was,   if   anything,   perhaps   the   ideal   candidate   for   exactly   that.

beau's   eyes   shot   up   at   the   innuendo‚   which   had   sounded   very   intentional,   and…   yes.   it   really   was   intentional.   the   proof   was   right   there   on   cassius'   face:   the   playful   smirk   sitting   at   the   corner   of   his   mouth.

"long   lang?   ayaw   mo   ng   mahaba   tapos   mataba   rin?"   beau   asked,   grinning   wide   and   shameless.   "mas   nakakabusog   'yon."

suddenly,   his   mind   went   somewhere   else.   went   back,   specifically,   to   the   feeling   of   cassius   against   him   and   the   memory   of   their   kiss,   which   had   not,   it   turned   out,   diminished   in   quality   upon   reflection.   if   anything   it   had   made   it   worse,   he   couldn’t   stop   thinking   about   how   cassius   had   kissed   him   back.   he   could   still   taste   cassius   on   his   mouth,   hear   the   little   hitch   of   his   breath   when   he   had   pulled   away.   he   then   wondered,   briefly,   if   they'd   do   that   again.

"uh…   ha?"   beau   blinked,   returning   to   reality.   "ah,   waffles?"   he   said,   "sige.   hati   tayo.   pwede   mo   rin   i-post   sa   instagram   na   nagsha-share   tayo   ng   pagkain." 

once   the   waiter   left,   beau   slouched   back   against   the   booth.   he   wasn't   normally   someone   who   laid   it   all   out.   not   on   a   first   date,   not   on   a   fifth,   not   really   ever.   but   this   wasn't   normal,   was   the   thing.   this   was   a   fake   relationship   that   needed   to   hold   up   under   interrogation   from   people   who   might   be   actively   looking   for   inconsistencies,   which   meant   beau   actually   had   a   practical   reason   to   say   the   things   he   usually   didn't   say.

so   he   talked.   about   his   family,   about   his   parents,   about   his   grandfather.   he   talked   about   his   job,   the   hours   it   took.   he   talked   about   what   he   did   when   the   week   finally   finished.   what   he   listened   to,   what   he   ordered   when   he   needed   comfort   food,   what   he   couldn't   stand,   what   he'd   watched   three   times   and   would   watch   again   without   being   asked.

he   didn't   even   notice   the   food   arrive   until   the   waiter   had   set   down   their   food—as   well   as   the   waffles,   which   were,   as   advertised,   huge   enough   to   justify   the   sharing.

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙸𝙽𝚃.     𝙳𝙴𝙽𝙽𝚈'𝚂     —     𝙽𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃. 

                                        ❝          “   i   guess   we’ll   see.   i   might   be   disappointed   later   on...   or   not.   it   depends   if   mahaba   at   mataba   ’yung   longganisang   darating.   ”      cass   fires   the   remark   back   almost   effortlessly.   the   grin   on   beau’s   face   tells   him   everything   he   needs   to   know.   unlike   cass,   who   immediately   followed   his   own   joke   with   a   laugh,   beau   doesn’t   even   try   to   disguise   the   innuendo.   he   says   it   with   enough   confidence   that   it   barely   sounds   like   a   joke   at   all.

                          which   can   only   mean   one   thing.

                          maybe   this   arrangement   isn’t   just   going   to   be   about   fake   dating.   maybe   they’re   both   expecting   something   more   out   of   it.   something   to   pass   the   time.   something   to   satisfy   the   loneliness   neither   of   them   has   admitted   out   loud.

                          see?   how   is   he   supposed   to   stop   thinking   about   that   makeout   session   earlier   when   beau   keeps   feeding   his   imagination   like   this?   his   stupid,   beautiful   mouth.   the   way   beau   devoured   it.   soft.   tender.   passionate.

                          like   he   genuinely   wanted   to   kiss   him   instead   of   simply   putting   on   a   show   for   his   friends.   the   way   beau   tilted   his   head,   deepening   the   kiss   so   naturally   that   cass   found   himself   following   without   hesitation.   feeling   beau’s   tongue   teasingly   slip   past   his   lips,   brushing   against   his   own   before   inviting   him   deeper,   their   breaths   tangling   together   until   he   couldn’t   tell   where   one   ended   and   the   other   began.

                          god.                           god.                           god.

                          cass   wants   to   do   it   again.   this   time   without   an   audience.   without   music   blasting   in   the   background.   without   pretending   it’s   only   part   of   the   act.   he   wants   to   know   what   beau   tastes   like   when   there   isn’t   a   crowd   watching   them.   wants   to   kiss   him   until   they’re   both   breathless,   until   the   only   thing   passing   between   them   isn’t   just   air   but   shared   breaths,   shared   saliva,   shared   desire.

                          if   beau   will   let   him.

                          his   eyes   wander   back   to   the   man   sitting   across   from   him.   this   stranger   looks   almost   unfair.   beautiful   enough   to   resemble   an   angel,   yet   dangerous   enough   to   make   someone   forget   every   sensible   thought   they’ve   ever   had.   the   kind   of   person   who   makes   you   feel   everything   all   at   once   while   reminding   you   that   you   were   never   meant   to   keep   him.   someone   capable   of   kissing   him   senseless   one   second   and   making   casual   conversation   the   next   as   if   neither   of   them   had   just   shared   something   that   intense.

                          and   somehow…   talking   to   beau   is   just   as   easy.   whether   they’re   discussing   something   deeply   personal   or   exchanging   shamelessly   suggestive   jokes,   the   conversation   never   feels   forced.   everything   comes   naturally.   like   they   understand   each   other   without   having   to   explain   much.

                          it’s   strange.

                          it   almost   feels   like   he   has   known   beau   his   entire   life.   except   he   hasn’t.   they’re   still   strangers   learning   each   other’s   favorite   colors   and   breakfast   orders.

                          cass   remembers   something   someone   once   told   him.   you   attract   who   you   are.   it   had   something   to   do   with   astrology.   karma.   the   universe   pulling   similar   souls   together.   cass   never   really   bought   into   any   of   it.   but   now…   he   wonders   if   there   might   be   some   truth   to   it.

                          maybe   the   people   you   surround   yourself   with.   the   people   you   happen   to   meet.   even   the   ones   who   appear   out   of   nowhere...   maybe   they’re   reflections   of   yourself.   different   versions   of   the   same   person.   magnets   drawn   together   because   they   recognize   something   familiar   in   each   other.   maybe   that’s   why   beau   feels   so   easy   to   be   around.   they’re   both   here   because   they’ve   stopped   chasing   commitment.   or   at   least…   that’s   what   beau   says.   cass   can’t   help   but   wonder   if   that’s   really   true.   deep   down,   does   beau   get   lonely   too?

                          does   he   ever   imagine   growing   old   beside   someone?   does   he   secretly   wish   there   was   one   person   waiting   for   him   at   the   end   of   every   day   instead   of   another   temporary   distraction?   does   he   also   get   tired   of   hookups,   of   one-night   stands,   of   pretending   he   doesn’t   want   something   permanent?

                          cass   will   probably   never   know.

                          their   arrangement   already   has   an   expiration   date.   by   the   time   he   figures   beau   out,   beau   will   most   likely   be   gone.

                          the   conversation   continues   while   they   wait   for   their   food,   and   somewhere   between   teasing   jokes   and   idle   chatter,   cass   learns   more   about   beau   than   he   expected   to   tonight.   his   family.   his   work.   the   things   that   irritate   him.   his   favorite   movies.   the   impact   his   grandfather   left   him.   it   would   be   a   pretty   dick   move   to   lie   about   something   like   that,   especially   when   there’s   no   reason   to.   they   aren’t   in   a   real   relationship.   there’s   nothing   to   gain   by   making   up   stories.   so   cass   believes   him.

                          in   return,   he   opens   up   too.   he   tells   beau   about   his   absent   father.   about   his   mother   remarrying   and   eventually   moving   abroad.   about   working   as   a   brand   strategist   with   well-known   brands   and   clients.   about   refusing   to   go   to   bed   without   doing   his   skincare   routine   first.   about   listening   to   jesse   barrera   whenever   he   wants   to   unwind.   about   trying   pilates   exactly   once   and   deciding   he’d   never   willingly   do   it   again.

                          just...

                          little   pieces   of   himself.

                          nothing   more.   nothing   less.

                          their   food   arrives   in   the   middle   of   another   conversation.   cass   nods   when   beau   suggests   taking   photos.      “   wait.   ”      he   immediately   pulls   out   his   phone   and   points   the   camera   toward   him.      “   start   cutting   the   waffle.   ”      beau   does   exactly   that   while   cass   snaps   away.   the   first   few   photos   focus   on   beau’s   hand   slicing   through   the   waffle,   the   cozy   diner   lighting   making   everything   look   warmer   than   it   actually   is.

                          then   he   takes   another.   this   one   catches   beau’s   face.   cass   lowers   the   phone   just   enough   to   admire   the   shot.      “   pogi,   ”      he   mutters   under   his   breath.   he   isn’t   even   sure   if   beau   hears   him.   opening   instagram,   he   uploads   the   first   picture—   the   one   showing   beau’s   hand   and   the   waffle—   to   his   public   story   before   tagging   him.

                          then   he   switches   to   his   close   friends.   this   time,   he   chooses   the   photo   where   beau’s   face   is   fully   visible.

                          my   midnight   snack.   ♥️🥵   

                          he   grins   to   himself   after   posting   it   before   locking   his   phone   and   setting   it   on   the   table.      “   i   tagged   you   na,   ”      he   says   casually.      “   if   you   want   to   re-story   it,   it’s   fine.   ”      a   small   shrug   follows.      “   if   not,   okay   lang   din   naman.   ”

   cassius   was   right.   kind   of. 

"i   get   it." 

there   was   nothing   wrong   with   being   single.   beau   believed   this.   yet,   the   social   stigma   was   real,   how   a   certain   age   seemed   to   function   as   a   threshold   past   which   singleness   stopped   being   a   lifestyle   and   started   being   something   that   required   explanation   or   remedy   or   at   the   very   least   a   sympathetic   expression   from   whoever   was   asking.   like   the   absence   of   a   relationship   was   a   problem   you   were   supposed   to   be   solving,   and   if   you   weren't   visibly   trying   to   solve   it,   then   something   must   be   wrong! 

why   did   people   care   so   much   about   building   a   life   around   the   presence   of   another   person?   about   a   future   constructed   in   the   shape   of   togetherness,   family   and   a   shared   fucking   mortgage   and   matching   towels   and   all   of   it?   beau   had   genuinely   never   understood   the   obsession.   okay,   well…   he   understood   that   people   wanted   it.   he'd   read   something   about   the   neurological   mechanics   of   falling   in   love   once,   the   cocktail   of   chemicals   that   made   it   feel   the   way   it   felt,   that   produced   happiness   and   warmth   that   people   spent   significant   portions   of   their   lives   chasing.

honestly,   beau   could   just   smoke   a   blunt   and   get   the   same   effect.   cheaper,   too.

his   gaze   drifted   across   the   table.   cassius   was   looking   at   the   menu.   eyes   down,   focused   on   whatever   he   was   deciding.

yes.   it   got   lonely…   sometimes.   but   he   was   good   at   covering   it   up.

the   weekends   at   bars   with   his   friends—there   was   a   reason   for   those,   wasn't   there?   a   reason   that   went   slightly   deeper   than   just   liking   drinking.   he   went   there   to   expand   the   list   of   go-to   fuckbuddies   in   his   contacts,   the   arrangement   of   people   he   could   call   when   the   night   got   too   quiet   and   the   apartment   too   empty,   who   served   a   purpose   that   was   purely   physical.

"i'm   taking   that   as   a   compliment."   he   had   broken   a   couple   of   hearts,   but   he   wasn't   an   asshole.   he'd   spent   enough   time   in   the   vicinity   of   actual   assholes   to   know   the   difference.   being   an   asshole   required   a   willingness   to   mislead,   let   someone   believe   something   that   wasn't   true.   beau   didn't   do   that.   it   was   possibly   the   one   area   of   his   personal   life   where   he   maintained   something   close   to   a   moral   standard,   where   the   transparency   was   non-negotiable.   he   said   what   he   wanted.   he   laid   all   his   cards   on   the   table   before   anything   even   started.   but   was   it   his   fault   that   sometimes,   people   decided—somewhere   between   the   first   time   and   the   fifth—that   the   arrangement   had   upgraded   itself   into   something   more?   he   couldn't   control   expectations   that   he'd   never   encouraged.

he   just   wasn't   boyfriend   material.   working   under   his   grandfather   drained   him,   with   barely   anything   left   over   for   the   emotional   labour   of   a   relationship.   where   in   there   was   he   supposed   to   find   the   capacity   for   another   person?   "i   guess   you   could   call   it   a   choice,"   he   said,   "it   had   been   mutual.   amicable   naman   yung   breakup   namin.   pero—"   he   took   a   breath,   "wala   lang   talaga   sa   plano   ko   magjowa.   it's   too   much   work.   nakakapagod.   i   barely   have   time   for   myself.   magiinvest   pa   ako   ng   oras   para   sa   ibang   tao?"

his   eyes   dropped   to   the   menu   in   cassius'   hand.

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙸𝙽𝚃.     𝙳𝙴𝙽𝙽𝚈'𝚂     —     𝙽𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃. 

                                        ❝          cass   understands.

                          well...   sort   of.

                          being   in   a   relationship   is   a   lot   of   work   when   your   heart   and   mind   aren‘t   completely   in   it.   that‘s   probably   why   this   whole   arrangement   works   in   both   of   their   favor.   once   everything   is   over,   they   can   simply   walk   away   and   pretend   they   were   never   boyfriends   in   the   first   place.   no   messy   breakup.   no   begging   someone   to   stay.   no   convincing   the   other   to   give   the   relationship   a   real   chance.

                          sometimes,   even   looking   for   love   feels   like   too   much   work   in   cass’   perspective.

                          because   if   it   weren‘t,   he   wouldn‘t   have   found   himself   downloading   dating   apps   every   few   months,   matching   with   strangers,   rearranging   his   schedule   just   to   squeeze   in   a   date,   only   for   it   to   lead   absolutely   nowhere.   even   going   to   clubs   and   forcing   himself   to   strike   up   conversations   with   people   eventually   became   exhausting.

                          ten   years   ago,   though,   he   had   thought   love   worked   like   it   did   in   the   movies.   two   people   would   lock   eyes   across   a   crowded   room,   and   somehow,   they   would   just   know.   know   that   what   they   were   about   to   build   would   be   real.   that   it   would   last   for   years,   maybe   even   for   the   rest   of   their   lives.   passionate.   unwavering.   the   kind   of   love   people   wrote   songs   and   novels   about.   he   used   to   think   all   it   took   was   one   lingering   glance,   one   moment   where   the   rest   of   the   world   faded   into   the   background   until   everyone   else   became   nothing   but   blurred   faces   and   muffled   voices,   leaving   only   the   two   of   them   standing   there.

                          he   honestly   believed   that   was   how   it   happened.   unfortunately,   life   had   a   different   way   of   teaching   him.   after   years   of   failed   flings,   awkward   dates,   and   people   who   came   into   his   life   only   to   leave   just   as   quickly,   cass   learned   the   hard   way   that   real   life   isn‘t   nearly   as   romantic   as   the   movies   made   it   seem.   not   everyone   gets   a   grand   love   story.   not   everyone   finds   the   right   person   just   because   the   timing   feels   right.   some   people   simply...   don‘t.   maybe   he‘s   one   of   them.   

                          so   yes.   it   is   too   much   work.   it   is   tiring.   but   they   aren‘t   getting   any   younger   either.   at   some   point,   constantly   settling   for   one-night   stands   and   fuck   buddies   will   lose   whatever   excitement   they   once   had.   temporary   company   is   still   temporary,   no   matter   how   fun   it   is   in   the   moment.   eventually,   everyone   starts   looking   for   something   that   lasts.

                          unless,   of   course…   you‘re   a   cheater.

                          the   thought   earns   a   quiet   chuckle   from   him   before   he   lets   it   go.   still,   beau   is   technically   a   stranger.   sure,   cass   introduced   him   as   his   boyfriend   less   than   thirty   minutes   ago,   but   that   doesn‘t   suddenly   give   him   the   right   to   lecture   beau   about   love,   relationships,   or   what   he   should   want   out   of   life.   they‘re   only   meant   to   stay   in   each   other‘s   lives   for   a   month,   and   after   that,   they‘ll   probably   never   see   each   other   again.   so   instead   of   saying   any   of   that,   cass   simply   nods.      “   i   agree.   ”

                          he   leaves   it   at   that   before   lowering   his   gaze   back   to   the   menu   in   front   of   him.   despite   the   unexpectedly   deep   conversation,   he’s   still   starving.      “   longsilog   ‘yung   sa   ‘kin.   ”      a   mischievous   grin   slowly   spreads   across   his   face.      “   i   like   it   long   kasi—   ”      he   pauses   just   long   enough   before   laughing   at   himself.      “   joke   lang.   ”      shaking   his   head,   he   continues   more   seriously.      “   but   yeah,   mine‘s   longsilog.   tapos   coffee   na   rin.   ”      his   eyes   wander   across   the   menu   one   last   time   before   stopping   on   another   item.      “   hmm...   i   think   their   waffles   are   a   pretty   big   serving.   ”      he   glances   back   up   at   beau.      “   gusto   mong   mag-share?   ”

                          once   beau   gives   him   an   answer,   cass   closes   the   menu   and   catches   the   attention   of   a   nearby   waiter.   after   placing   both   of   their   orders   and   waiting   for   the   server   to   leave,   the   conversation   naturally   starts   up   again.

                          this   time,   the   questions   are   much   simpler.   family.   favorite   color.   favorite   song.   dream   travel   destination.   the   kind   of   things   two   people   who   are   pretending   to   date   probably   should‘ve   known   about   each   other   before   introducing   themselves   as   boyfriends   to   an   entire   friend   group.

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙸𝙽𝚃.     𝙱𝙴𝙳𝚁𝙾𝙾𝙼     —     𝙳𝙰𝚈. 

                                        ❝          a   small   frown   curls   upon   cass’   lips   when   he   catches   the   concern   in   beau’s   eyes.   it   deepens   when   beau   tries   to   reassure   him   that   he   isn’t   going   anywhere,   because   words   are   easy.   people   say   things   they   mean   in   the   moment   and   still   leave   when   something   better   comes   along.   but   then   beau   leans   in   and   presses   a   soft   kiss   against   his   lips.   cass   stills.   the   kiss   lingers   for   only   a   brief   moment,   but   it’s   enough   for   the   tension   in   his   body   to   slowly   loosen.   his   eyelids   flutter   shut   as   he   relaxes   into   the   familiar   warmth   of   beau’s   lips,   and   by   the   time   they   part,   the   frown   on   his   face   has   already   softened   into   a   small   smile.      “   you’ll   always   be   by   my   side...   forever?   ”      he   asks.   his   gaze   remains   fixed   on   beau.   the   softness   that   had   been   there   seconds   ago   disappears   almost   entirely,   replaced   by   something   far   more   intense.   then   beau   gets   out   of   bed.   cass   watches   him   closely,   still   lying   there   until   two   words   catch   his   attention.   lakad.   mikee.   his   entire   expression   shifts.      “   huh?   ”      cass   immediately   sits   up,   any   trace   of   sleep   disappearing   despite   the   exhaustion   still   visible   in   his   red,   tired   eyes.      “   saan   lakad   niyo?   ”

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙸𝙽𝚃.     𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙻     —     𝙳𝙰𝚈. 

                                        ❝          at   this   point,   santi   is   very   much   aware   of   his   boyfriend’s   gaze   lingering   on   him.   or,   more   specifically,   on   his   arms.   it   doesn’t   take   him   long   to   figure   out   what   he’s   trying   to   do,   especially   after   he   suggests   thor’s   outfit   from   love   and   thunder,   where   his   arms   would   be   completely   bare   and   on   full   display.   then   the   hulk   comes   up   next,   and   santi   can   no   longer   hold   back   his   laughter.      “   ano   ba   ’yan?   ”      he   asks,   chuckling   as   he   finally   turns   to   look   at   him.      “   parang   gusto   mo   lang   ata   akong   makitang   hubad,   eh.   ”      his   brows   raise   teasingly,   an   amused   smile   still   curled   upon   his   lips   as   he   catches   him   staring   again.      “   sabihin   mo   na   lang   kasi.   ang   dami   mo   pang   dinadahilan.   ”

   since   college,   huh?

a   decade?   less   than   a   decade,   depending   on   when   cassius   had   finished.   ten   years,   roughly,   like   cassius   had   mentioned.   ten   years   of   apparently   not   being   in   a   relationship,   which   was—a   long   time.   

cassius   had   good   friends.   they   had   grown   concerned   that   cassius   hadn't   been   in   a   relationship   in   a   while.   at   least   they   cared   enough   to   decide   that   their   aforementioned   concerns   were   worth   the   awkwardness   of   acting   on   it,   even   if   the   method   they'd   done   was   unorthodox   and   had   resulted   in   cassius   approaching   a   stranger   in   a   club   with   a   fake   boyfriend   proposition.   the   intention   underneath   it   was   good.   beau   could   see   that.   these   were   people   who   paid   attention   to   cassius,   and   had   decided   that   his   happiness   was   something   worth   meddling   in,   and   beau   didn't   really   have   friends   who   did   that.   not   because   his   friends   weren't   good.   he'd   just   never   given   them   enough   visibility   into   his   life   to   meddle   with. 

he   had   mentioned   flings,   too,   which   meant   that—beau's   mind   went   briefly,   to   the   specific   and   well-documented   evidence   of   the   kiss   they   shared,   that   had   behind   it   a   certain…   err,   familiarity   with   the   territory.   experience.

cassius   was   not   abstinent.

beau   had   surmised   as   much.

"mukha   ba   akong   two-timer?"   he   laughed,   "pero   no.   pareho   tayo.   college   din   last   relationship   ko."

his   last   real   relationship,   was   in   college—and   looking   back   now…   he,   too,   has   been   single   for   a   long,   long   time.

it   hadn't   felt   like   almost   a   decade   while   it   was   happening.   the   relationship   itself   had   been   fine.   a   typical   college   relationship,   felt   significant   at   the   time   because   everything   felt   significant   at   that   age,   when   your   entire   world   was   contained   within   a   campus   and   the   people   on   it.   they'd   been   good   together,   although   they   hadn't   yet   learned   enough   about   themselves   to   know   what   they   actually   needed   yet.   the   end   hadn't   even   been   dramatic. 

after   that…   things.   people.   flings   that   he'd   never   elevated   to   the   status   of   relationships,   that   had   repetitively   lived   and   died   in   the   talking   stage.   the   getting   to   know   someone,   the   back   and   forths,   the   process   of   learning   a   person   from   scratch—what   they   liked,   how   they   thought,   what   they   were   like   at   two   in   the   morning   versus   two   in   the   afternoon,   all   of   it—and   then   somewhere   in   that   process,   consistently,   the   boredom   arriving.   it   wasn't   as   if   he   wasn't   interested   in   the   person   exactly,   he   had   just   gotten   tired   of   having   to   do   the   whole   thing   again.   he   was   wasting   energy   he   didn't   have   on   a   process   that   kept   producing   the   same   result:   nothing.

which   made   it   ironic   that   he   was   currently   sitting   across   from   someone   he   was   technically   in   a   relationship   with,   technically   in   the   getting-to-know   stage   with,   technically   doing   the   thing   he'd   decided   was   tedious   and   not   worth   it,   except   none   of   it   was   real.   which   was   maybe   why   it   didn't   feel   tedious.   shit,   they   were   doing   this   completely   backwards.   boyfriends   first,   information   later.   it   should   have   felt   strange.   mostly,   it   just   felt   like   an…   interesting   situation.

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙸𝙽𝚃.     𝙳𝙴𝙽𝙽𝚈'𝚂     —     𝙽𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃. 

                                        ❝          “   they   are   aware   naman.   ”      and   that   is   the   truth.   for   the   past   ten   years,   cass’   friends   have   known   that   he   isn’t   actively   looking   for   a   relationship.   for   ten   years,   they’ve   mostly   left   him   alone   and   allowed   him   to   have   his   own   fun.   flings,   one-night   stands,   fuck   buddies,   whatever   could   scratch   that   occasional   itch   whenever   the   loneliness   becomes   too   much   for   one   night.   or,   to   put   it   more   simply,   whenever   he   just   wants   the   pleasure   and   company   without   expecting   anything   more   from   it.

                          for   a   while,   that   kind   of   life   worked   for   him.

                          but   as   the   years   passed,   one   by   one,   his   friends   started   getting   into   serious   relationships.   slowly,   the   friend   group   seemed   to   grow   smaller.   not   because   they   stopped   being   friends   or   had   some   huge   falling   out,   but   because   their   priorities   naturally   changed.   most   of   their   time   became   devoted   to   their   partners   and   the   futures   they   were   starting   to   build   with   them.   even   when   they   did   find   the   time   to   hang   out,   their   partners   usually   came   along.

                          and   cass   was   always   the   only   one   who   showed   up   alone.

                          at   first,   he   genuinely   didn’t   mind.   he   even   told   his   friends   that   he   was   fine   with   it.   he   was   simply   happy   they   still   remembered   to   invite   him   despite   everyone   having   their   own   lives   now.   he   could   handle   being   the   only   single   person   at   the   table.   at   least,   he   thought   he   could.   over   time,   though,   he   started   feeling   out   of   place.

                          cass   noticed   everything.   the   way   his   friends’   partners   took   care   of   them   without   needing   to   be   asked.   how   naturally   they   reached   for   each   other   or   checked   if   the   other   had   eaten.   he   watched   them   love   and   cherish   his   friends   in   ways   cass   had   never   experienced   for   himself,   and   eventually,   jealousy   started   creeping   in.

                          he   became   lonelier.

                          lonely   enough   that   he   seriously   tried   dating   apps,   this   time   with   the   actual   intention   of   finding   someone   instead   of   looking   for   another   temporary   distraction.   he   went   on   dates.   he   entertained   conversations.   he   genuinely   tried   to   make   connections   work.   they   always   failed.   for   one   reason   or   another,   cass   was   never   the   right   person   for   them.

                          and   that   hurt.

                          a   lot   more   than   he   ever   admitted   to   his   friends.

                          so   eventually,   they   stepped   in.   they   comforted   him   in   the   only   way   their   friend   group   apparently   knew   how   and   started   dragging   him   out   every   weekend,   helping   him   burn   through   his   liver   while   convincing   themselves   that   maybe   cass   would   finally   meet   someone.      “   i   guess   they   just   feel   bad   for   me,   ”      he   admits   with   a   small   sigh.      “   kasi,   you   know…   i   genuinely   think   there’s   nothing   wrong   with   being   single.   ”      his   gaze   lowers   toward   the   menu   in   his   hands.      “   like,   i   can   take   care   of   myself.   i’ve   been   doing   it   for   years.   ”      he   pauses.      “   but   it   does   get   lonely.   ”

                          cass   continues   staring   at   the   menu,   but   he   isn't   reading   a   single   word   printed   on   it   anymore.   the   pictures   of   waffles   and   breakfast   meals   blur   together   as   his   thoughts   begin   drifting   somewhere   he   doesn't   particularly   want   them   to   go.

                          he   has   probably   said   too   much   already.

                          so   he   looks   up.

                          his   gaze   settles   on   beau   again,   and   cass   decides   it’s   time   to   turn   the   attention   back   toward   his   fake   boyfriend.   beau   shouldn't   be   the   only   one   gathering   information   about   him   tonight.   if   they're   going   to   make   this   arrangement   convincing,   cass   needs   to   know   him   too.      “   i   think   ’yung   mukha   mo…   ”      cass   starts,   studying   him   from   across   the   table   as   a   small   smile   slowly   curls   upon   his   lips.      “   can   break   so   many   people’s   hearts.   ”      and   he   means   it.   beau   looks   like   the   kind   of   person   people   would   easily   fall   for.   cass   wouldn't   be   surprised   if   he   already   had   a   long   list   of   admirers   waiting   for   their   chance.   he   is   unfairly   good-looking,   but   there   is   something   about   his   face   that   cass   finds   difficult   to   read.

                          he   can't   tell   what’s   going   on   inside   his   head.   he   can't   predict   whether   the   next   thing   beau   says   will   make   someone   feel   wanted   or   completely   destroy   whatever   hope   they   had   of   being   with   him.   in   some   ways,   beau   reminds   him   of   the   men   cass   had   tried   dating   before.   the   kind   who   already   knew   exactly   what   they   wanted   in   a   partner.   the   kind   who   would   eventually   look   at   cass   and   tell   him,   as   gently   as   they   could,   that   he   simply   wasn't   the   right   person   for   them.   and   for   some   reason,   despite   barely   knowing   beau,   cass   has   already   convinced   himself   that   he   wouldn't   be   the   right   person   for   him   either.

                          his   smile   remains   as   he   tilts   his   head   curiously.      “   bakit   college   pa   ’yung   last   relationship   mo?   ”      he   asks.      “   choice   mo   lang   din?   ”

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙸𝙽𝚃.     𝙽𝙸𝙲𝙾'𝚂 𝙰𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃     —     𝙽𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃. 

                                        ❝          “   no.   it’ll   only   make   me   feel   worse.   ”      he   shakes   his   head,   the   answer   leaving   him   without   much   hesitation.      “   nando’n   si   beau,   ’di   ba?   ”      his   expression   shifts   at   the   thought   of   him,   the   guilt   immediately   creeping   back   in.      “   you   know   how   badly   i   hurt   him.   so   i   don’t   think   it’s   a   good   idea   for   me   to   go   back   there   knowing   he’s   still   hurting   because   of   me.   of   us.   ”

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙸𝙽𝚃.     𝚃𝙱𝙰     —     𝚃𝙱𝙰. 

                                        ❝          “   ampotek.   paano   ako   mag-r-reflect   kung   hindi   ko   naman   alam   kung   ano   ang   dapat   kong   i-reflect?   ”