𝗉𝗈𝖾𝗍 ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏𝒊𝒊𝒊. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏✿

   this   was   a   picture   beau   was   absolutely   used   to.cramped   metal   bench   pressing   into   his   thighs.   shoulders   jammed   against   his.   the   person   to   his   right   whose   bag   was   half   in   beau's   lap   because   there   was   nowhere   else   for   it   to   go.   the   thick,   layered   heat.   the   smell   of   exhaust   from   outside   mixing   with   the   smell   of   sweat   and   cheap   cologne.   beau   didn't   flinch,   he   didn't   sigh,   he   didn't   make   a   face.   his   body   had   long   since   stopped   registering   any   of   this   as   unusual.   he   was   used   to   it.   he   had   been   riding   jeepneys   since   he   was   old   enough   to   ride   them   alone,   had   grown   up   with   this   as   the   default   mode   of   getting   from   one   place   to   another,   and   his   body   had   adapted   accordingly.   the   heat   was   just   heat.   the   squeeze   was   just   the   squeeze.   you   got   in,   you   found   your   spot,   you   made   yourself   as   small   as   possible,   and   you   waited.

the   waiting   was   its   own   thing,   but   beau   was   used   to   that   too.   the   patience   required   when   the   jeepney   wasn't   moving   because   the   driver   was   still   waiting   for   more   passengers.   because   of   course   the   driver   was   waiting.   the   jeepney   wasn't   going   to   leave   half-empty.   that   wasn't   how   it   worked.   the   driver's   income   was   per   head,   and   every   empty   seat   was   money   left   on   the   table,   so   the   jeepney   sat   there,   engine   idling,   filling   up   one   body   at   a   time,   and   beau   sat   inside   it   and   waited   because   what   else   was   there   to   do. 

it   wasn't   convenient.   public   transportation   in   this   country   had   never   been   convenient—not   in   his   lifetime,   not   in   his   parents'   lifetime,   not   in   any   version   beau   had   observed   with   his   own   eyes.   the   jeepneys   were   old.   the   buses   were   unreliable.   the   trains,   where   they   existed,   were   overcrowded   to   the   point   of   being   genuinely   dangerous   during   rush   hour. 

and   that   was   why   traffic   was   insane.   people   who   could   afford   cars   bought   cars—not   because   they   loved   driving,   but   because   a   car   had   air   conditioning.   a   car   had   seats   that   fit   a   human   body.   a   car   didn't   require   you   to   press   your   arm   against   a   stranger's   arm   for   forty-five   minutes   in   thirty-eight-degree   heat   while   exhaust   fumes   poured   in   through   the   open   sides.   people   bought   cars   because   the   alternative   was   this,   and   this   was   not   something   any   person   with   options   would   voluntarily   choose.   so   the   roads   filled   up   with   private   vehicles.   and   the   private   vehicles   created   traffic.   and   the   traffic   made   the   jeepneys   slower.   and   the   slower   jeepneys   made   more   people   buy   cars.   and   the   cycle   continued,   and   the   government…   did   nothing.

nothing.   or   worse   than   nothing—the   government   did   things   that   looked   like   something   on   paper   and   amounted   to   nothing   in   reality.   announcements.   plans.   modernisation   programmes   that   never   materialised.   budget   allocations   that   disappeared   into   the   machinery   of   a   system   designed   to   extract   money   from   the   bottom   and   deliver   it   to   the   top.   the   people   who   made   the   decisions   about   public   transport   didn't   ride   public   transport.   they   had   never   ridden   public   transport.   they   lived   their   lives   in   air-conditioned   vans   with   tinted   windows,   moving   from   gated   subdivisions   to   government   offices,   and   had   probably   never   once   stood   on   a   sidewalk   in   the   sun   waiting   for   a   jeepney   that   was   already   twenty   minutes   late.

all   they   did   was   take.   they   took   and   they   lived   comfortably   and   they   went   home   to   houses   that   beau   would   never   see   the   inside   of,   and   the   rest   of   them—beau   and   everyone   who   looked   like   beau,   everyone   who   earned   what   beau   earned,   everyone   who   stood   where   beau   was   standing   right   now—suffered   like   this.   daily.   without   complaint,   mostly,   because   it   required   energy   and   the   commute   had   already   taken   most   of   it.

cassius   was   beside   him,   asking   about   a   fan.   portable,   he   meant,   probably—the   little   rechargeable   kind   with   the   clip   and   the   USB   cable,   the   jisulife   ones   or   whatever   brand.   they   cost   somewhere   in   the   range   of   eight   hundred   to   a   thousand   pesos   depending   on   the   model,   which   was   not   a   lot   of   money   to   some   people   and   was   grocery   money   to   beau.

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙸𝙽𝚃.     𝙹𝙴𝙴𝙿𝙽𝙴𝚈.     —     𝙳𝙰𝚈. 

                                        ❝          riding   public   transportation   for   the   first   time   opens   cassius’   eyes   to   just   how   different   life   can   be   depending   on   where   a   person   is   born.   he   has   traveled   to   other   countries   since   he   was   young.   and   while   his   family   never   actually   needed   to   use   public   transportation,   they   still   tried   it   every   now   and   then   for   the   experience   of   seeing   how   locals   moved   around   their   cities.   the   trains   were   air-conditioned.   the   buses   were   clean.   passengers   had   enough   room   to   sit   comfortably.   if   there   were   no   more   seats   available,   people   simply   waited   for   the   next   ride.   nobody   squeezed   themselves   into   impossible   spaces   just   to   fit   one   more   person   inside.

this   jeepney   is   nothing   like   those.

and   yet,   as   uncomfortable   as   it   is,   cass   can't   help   finding   something   charming   about   it.

every   jeepney   looks   different.   some   are   painted   in   bright   colors.   others   have   names   stretched   across   their   windshields   in   bold   letters.   there   are   stickers,   religious   images,   family   photos,   decorations,   and   little   personal   touches   that   make   each   one   feel   unique.   they   don't   look   like   mass-produced   vehicles.   they   look   like   extensions   of   the   people   who   own   them.   many   jeepneys   are   customized   by   hand   and   built   around   the   routes   they   serve   for   years.   the   more   cass   looks   around,   the   more   he   understands   why   so   many   people   are   passionate   about   preserving   them.   they're   crowded,   noisy,   and   far   from   perfect,   but   they're   alive.   they   carry   students   rushing   to   class,   workers   heading   home   after   long   shifts,   vendors   bringing   goods   to   market,   and   strangers   somehow   finding   ways   to   make   room   for   one   another.   there   is   something   deeply   special   about   that.

which   only   makes   the   situation   surrounding   them   more   frustrating.

because   for   all   the   history   and   culture   attached   to   jeepneys,   it   feels   like   the   people   responsible   for   improving   public   transportation   have   long   stopped   caring.   most   of   the   vehicles   he   sees   are   old.   many   look   worn   down   from   years   of   use.   drivers   spend   entire   days   on   the   road,   yet   still   struggle   to   earn   enough   to   maintain   their   units   properly.   and   because   every   passenger   matters   financially,   they   keep   squeezing   more   people   inside   even   when   the   benches   are   already   full.   cass   understands   it   now.   it's   not   greed.   they   just   have   no   other   choice.   the   extra   passenger   cramped   between   two   people   means   extra   income.   the   extra   trip   means   another   meal   on   the   table.

looking   around   the   jeepney,   he   suddenly   realizes   how   sheltered   his   own   life   has   been.

his   parents   never   let   him   experienced   any   of   this.   growing   up,   transportation   simply   appeared   whenever   he   needed   it.   drivers   picked   him   up.   cars   dropped   him   off.   security   and   convenience   were   things   he   never   questioned.   he   understands   their   concerns   now.   the   news   is   filled   with   stories   about   robberies,   scams,   accidents,   and   other   things   that   can   happen   while   commuting.   but   sitting   here   now,   surrounded   by   students   carrying   backpacks   and   workers   trying   to   get   through   another   ordinary   day,   those   fears   feel   smaller   somehow.   not   because   bad   things   never   happen,   but   because   this   is   simply   how   millions   of   people   live   every   single   day.

besides,   beau   is   here.   and   if   there's   one   thing   cass   knows,   it's   that   beau   knows   exactly   what   he's   doing.

his   attention   immediately   shifts   when   beau   pulls   something   out   of   his   bag.   cass   expects   a   handheld   electric   fan.   something   with   a   button.   maybe   rechargeable.   instead,   beau   hands   him   something   made   of   wood   and   folded   fabric.   cass   stares   at   it.   then   stares   at   beau.   then   back   at   the   object.   “   what's   this?   ”   he   asks,   turning   it   over   in   his   hands   as   if   it   might   reveal   its   purpose   on   its   own.   he   waits   a   second,   fully   expecting   it   to   somehow   activate   by   magic.   nothing   happens.   “   also,   ”   he   adds,   looking   over   at   beau   with   genuine   curiosity,   “   what's   trese?   what's   that   in   english?   ”

𖤐. ⠀⠀⠀hindi   ko   yata   tanggap   ang   buhay,   kung   sa'n   'di   ko   mahawakan   ang   iyong   kamay.

"sus,   alam   ko   naman   na   gusto   mo   rin   akong   makasama   for   the   week,   eh."   yves   said   confidently,   one   hand   resting   on   the   felt   behind   him,   weight   shifted   onto   his   hip.   he   looked   at   tj.   a   full,   unhurried,   top-to-bottom   kind   that   yves   did   when   he   wasn't   pretending   to   be   civilised   about   his   attraction   towards   tj,   which   was   most   of   the   time.   his   eyes   started   somewhere   around   tj's   face   and   moved   down   with   interest.   his   brain   was   already   moving,   jumping   forward   into   the   rest   of   the   week   and   was   assembling   options.   because   yves   had   won,   which   meant   he   got   to   decide   what   came   next.   and   yves   had   ideas.   several   of   them.   ranging   from   innocent   to   explicit,   all   of   them   involving   tj,   most   of   them   involving   tj   underneath   the   sheets.

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙸𝙽𝚃.     𝙱𝙸𝙻𝚈𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙽.     —     𝙽𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃. 

                                        ❝          tj   only   answers   with   a   smirk,   letting   it   linger   on   his   lips   instead   of   giving   yves   an   actual   response.   because   for   all   the   times   he   gets   on   his   nerves,   yves   isn't   exactly   hard   to   look   at.   their   relationship   started   off   terribly.   most   days,   tj   wants   to   roll   his   eyes   every   time   yves   opens   his   mouth.   he's   bratty,   shameless,   and   far   too   aware   of   the   effect   he   has   on   people.   unfortunately,   that's   also   part   of   the   problem.   tj   likes   a   challenge.   and   yves   has   been   one   since   day   one.   his   gaze   drifts   over   him   slowly   before   returning   to   his   face,   completely   unbothered   by   how   little   space   remains   between   them   now.   “   eyes   on   me,   ho,   ”   he   says   with   a   low   chuckle,   leaning   back   against   the   edge   of   the   pool   table.   even   then,   he   makes   no   effort   to   move   away.   if   anything,   he   looks   a   little   too   comfortable   with   yves   standing   this   close.

“   right   now?   ”   one   brow   lifts.   “   akala   ko   mamaya   na   tayo   magsisimula.   ”   the   corner   of   his   mouth   curls   upward   as   his   tongue   briefly   wets   his   lower   lip.   he   studies   yves   for   a   moment,   amused   by   whatever   is   clearly   going   through   his   head.   despite   the   teasing,   tj   finds   himself   nodding   anyway.   his   fingers   tap   lightly   against   the   edge   of   the   pool   table   before   he   finally   pushes   himself   upright.   “   sige,   ”   he   says,   taking   a   step   closer   instead   of   away.   “   saan   tayo?   ”

   fingers.   on   the   hem   of   his   shirt.   light,   a   bit   tentative—two   fingers,   maybe   three,   pinching   the   fabric   just   above   his   hip   where   his   shirt   hung   loose.   cassius   was   holding   on   to   him   the   way   a   child   holds   on   to   a   parent's   sleeve   in   a   fucking   department   store,   and   beau's   brain   did   three   things   at   once:   acknowledged   it,   tucked   it   away,   and   became   catastrophically   aware   of   the   fact   that   the   back   of   his   neck   was   sweating.

beau   stared   straight   ahead   at   the   traffic   and   thought   about   evaporation.   thermodynamics.   the   heat   index.   anything   other   than   the   fingers   hooked   into   the   cotton   at   his   hip.   he   didn't   pull   away.   he   also   didn't   turn   around,   didn't   look   over   his   shoulder,   didn't   do   anything   that   would   require   him   to   see   cassius'   face   right   now.

the   thing   was,   he   wasn't   surprised.

he   wasn't   surprised   that   cassius   didn't   know   how   to   cross   a   street.   cassius   probably   knew   how   to   cross   a   street   in   the   abstract   sense,   the   way   they   taught   it   in   grade   school   with   the   illustrations   of   a   child   looking   left   and   right   and   the   friendly   cartoon   traffic   light   giving   a   thumbs   up.   what   cassius   didn't   know   was   the   real   version,   one   that   didn't   involve   signals   or   stripes   or   any   kind   of   acknowledgment   from   the   vehicles   that   you   existed.   it   took   practice,   and   it   took   repetition   for   your   body   to   eventually   learn   the   timing.   a   normal   person,   someone   who'd   grown   up   crossing   streets   like   this   since   they   were   old   enough   to   walk   to   school   alone,   would   have   absorbed   it   naturally.   but   cassius   had   grown   up   in   the   back   seat   of   a   car   with   tinted   windows,   or   in   the   backseat   of   a   grab   with   the   aircon   on   and   the   radio   playing,   watching   streets   like   this   pass   by   at   a   safe,   glass-separated   distance.

beau   wasn't   going   to   make   fun   of   him   for   it.

he   wasn't   going   to   laugh   or   raise   an   eyebrow—he   wasn't   going   to   do   any   of   the   things   that   would   be   easy   to   do.   at   the   very   least,   cassius   wasn't   complaining.   he   was   just   here,   present,   sweating   through   his   shirt   the   same   way   beau   was   sweating   through   his,   flushed   and   visibly,   transparently   uncomfortable,   and   not   once   had   he   looked   disgusted.   not   once   had   he   wrinkled   his   nose   at   the   exhaust   or   recoiled   from   the   crowd.   he   wasn't   put   off.

he   was   enthusiastic.   that   was   the   word,   and   beau   hated   that   it   was   the   right   one,   because   enthusiasm   was   such   a   stupid,   wholesome,   golden-retriever   word   and   it   fit   cassius   so   exactly   that   it   made   beau's   teeth   hurt.   cassius   wanted   to   know   how   to   do   this.   "sumunod   ka   lang   sa'kin,"   he   said.   cassius'   hand   was   still   on   his   shirt   when   they   reached   the   other   side;   the   terminal   was   half   a   block   further,   and   beau   continued   leading   the   way,   and   when   they   reached   the   row   of   jeepneys   parked   along   the   curb,   engines   off,   waiting   to   fill   before   departing,   he   climbed   inside   one,   sitting   down   at   the   furthest   end.   the   bench   was   empty.   the   whole   jeep   was   empty,   actually—they   were   the   first   ones   in,   but   it   didn't   stay   empty   for   long.

people   arrived   in   clusters,   filing   in   one   after   another,   filling   the   benches   the   way   water   filled   a   container,   from   the   edges   inward,   and   with   each   new   passenger   the   available   space   contracted,   shrunk,   rearranged   itself   to   accommodate   one   more   body   in   a   vehicle   that   was   already   reaching   its   limit.

he   was   pressed   against   cassius,   shoulder   to   shoulder.   arm   to   arm.   the   full   length   of   his   side   flush   against   the   full   length   of   cassius'   side,   no   gap,   no   air,   no   plausible   deniability   about   the   contact   being   accidental,   because   the   jeep   was   full   now   and   there   was   nowhere   else   to   go. 

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙴𝚇𝚃.     𝙺𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙿𝚄𝙽𝙰𝙽 𝙰𝚅𝙴.     —     𝙳𝙰𝚈. 

                                        ❝          despite   the   ridiculous   heat   index   and   the   fact   that   he   feels   like   he's   being   cooked   alive   every   second   he's   outside,   cassius   is   oddly   grateful   for   today.   grateful   for   beau.   grateful   that   he   forgot   his   wallet   back   at   his   condo.   grateful   that   even   though   there   are   plenty   of   things   worth   complaining   about,   he   isn't   experiencing   all   these   firsts   alone.   beau   could   have   easily   told   him   to   figure   things   out   himself.   instead,   he   lets   cass   tag   along,   lets   him   hold   onto   the   hem   of   his   shirt   so   he   doesn't   get   lost,   and   doesn't   make   fun   of   him   when   he   admits   he   doesn't   know   how   to   cross   the   street   on   his   own.   that   alone   makes   cass   admire   him   even   more.

for   someone   who   comes   across   as   so   detached   all   the   time,   beau   has   a   surprisingly   kind   heart.   at   least   that's   how   cass   sees   it.   sure,   he   doesn't   smile   often.   sure,   he   rolls   his   eyes   a   lot   too.   but   he   still   helps.   he   still   shows   up.   he   still   makes   room   for   people   who   need   it.   and   right   now,   that   person   just   happens   to   be   cass.   so   how   is   he   not   supposed   to   get   attached?   how   is   he   not   supposed   to   appreciate   someone   who   keeps   helping   him   without   making   him   feel   stupid   for   not   knowing   things   everyone   else   seems   to   have   learned   years   ago?

the   moment   beau   tells   him   to   just   follow   along,   a   huge   grin   immediately   spreads   across   his   face.   this   time,   cass   makes   sure   to   match   his   pace   properly.   his   fingers   stay   hooked   around   the   hem   of   beau's   shirt   while   they   cross   the   street   together,   and   by   some   miracle,   they   make   it   to   the   other   side   without   incident.   unfortunately,   the   second   they   get   there,   his   legs   begin   protesting.   his   knees   hurt.   his   feet   hurt.   everything   hurts.   he's   never   stood   under   the   sun   that   long   waiting   for   someone   before,   and   he's   definitely   never   walked   that   quickly   in   this   kind   of   heat.   he   already   knows   he's   going   to   wake   up   sore   tomorrow.   but   honestly,   he   thinks   it's   worth   it.   besides,   he's   trying   to   focus   on   the   positive.   maybe   this   is   the   universe   forcing   him   to   stop   depending   on   grab   and   angkas   all   the   time.   maybe   he'll   even   start   commuting   regularly   after   this.   it   saves   money,   helps   support   the   jeepney   drivers,   and   apparently   counts   as   exercise   too.

they   continue   walking   until   they   reach   the   jeepney   terminal   beneath   the   katipunan   flyover.   jeeps   are   lined   up   one   after   another,   each   heading   somewhere   different.   up   ikot.   tandang   sora.   sangandaan.   if   beau   weren't   here,   cass   is   almost   certain   he   would   end   up   inside   the   wrong   vehicle   and   somehow   find   himself   in   a   completely   different   barangay.   even   now,   he   only   gets   into   the   jeepney   because   beau   does   first.   he   follows   right   behind   him   and   immediately   takes   the   seat   beside   him.   there   are   plenty   of   empty   spaces.   he   could   sit   across   from   him   if   he   wanted   to.   but   they're   friends,   and   friends   sit   together.   at   least   that's   how   cass   sees   it.

little   by   little,   the   jeepney   starts   filling   up.   students   from   up.   students   from   ateneo.   students   from   miriam.   office   workers.   people   carrying   grocery   bags.   everyone   squeezes   themselves   into   the   available   spaces   until   the   jeepney   starts   feeling   less   like   transportation   and   more   like   a   can   of   sardines.   before   long,   cass   finds   himself   shoulder-to-shoulder   with   beau,   their   arms   occasionally   brushing   whenever   someone   new   climbs   aboard.   the   heat   somehow   becomes   even   worse   once   everyone   is   packed   together.   sweat   immediately   starts   forming   again   at   his   temples   and   the   jeepney   hasn't   even   left   yet.

cass   slumps   dramatically   against   the   backrest   and   lets   out   a   miserable   groan.   “   it's   so   init   na,   ”   he   complains   quietly   at   beau   with   a   pout.   “   i   can't   breathe.   ”   then   he   turns   toward   beau   with   the   expression   of   someone   moments   away   from   melting   completely.   “   do   you   have   your   fan   ba?   can   i   hiram?   ”   he   asks   hopefully   before   glancing   around   the   jeepney.   “   also,   when   are   we   going   to   bayad?   ”

   beau   didn't   wait,   walking   past   cassius   without   breaking   stride.

he'd   passed   these   streets   a   thousand   times.   more   than   a   thousand,   probably,   if   he   actually   sat   down   and   counted,   but   beau   had   never   been   the   type   to   keep   track   of   the   exact   number   of   mornings   he'd   taken   this   same   left   turn,   at   the   corner   where   the   sidewalk   crumbled   into   gravel,   the   narrow   stretch   between   the   parked   tricycles   where   you   had   to   angle   your   body   sideways   if   someone   was   coming   the   other   direction.   he   didn't   need   to   count.   the   knowledge   was   older   than   habit.   it   lived   in   his   legs,   the   way   his   feet   had   adjusted   for   the   uneven   concrete.   he   could   do   this   blindfolded.   he   was   fairly   sure   he   had   done   this   half-asleep,   which   was   close   enough. 

he   knew   which   alleys   cut   through   to   the   main   road   and   which   ones   dead-ended.   which   stretches   of   sidewalk   were   wide   enough   to   walk   two   abreast   and   which   ones   narrowed   without   warning,   forcing   you   into   single   file   or   into   the   street   itself.   knew   where   the   vendors   set   up   in   the   mornings.   where   the   puddles   formed   when   it   rained,   which   drainage   grates   were   missing   their   covers.   and   he   was   good   at   crowds,   too.   he'd   always   moved   quickly   and   efficiently,   sliding   between   people   and   cutting   through   gaps.

he   didn't   think   about   whether   cassius   was   keeping   up.

or—he   thought   about   it.   he   was   aware,   peripherally,   that   cassius   was   behind   him   and   probably   struggling.   he   could   hear   it.   the   sounds   of   cassius   slightly   falling   behind,   footsteps   of   someone   trying   to   catch   up   without   running.   but   beau   kept   walking   until   he   reached   the   road.   the   traffic   in   front   of   them   was   moving   fast,   aggressive,   uninterested   in   the   concept   of   pedestrians   as   a   category   of   road   user   that   deserved   consideration.

beau   stopped,   stood   at   the   edge   of   the   curb   and   watched   the   traffic   pass,   and   for   the   first   time   since   he'd   started   walking,   he   turned   around.

cassius   was   right   behind   him.   closer   than   beau   expected,   actually—but   his   flush   was   deeper   now,   spreading   past   his   cheekbones   into   the   tips   of   his   ears,   and   there   was   something   in   his   face   that   beau   hadn't   seen   from   across   the   street.   not   panic,   exactly,   but   the   careful,   wide-eyed   attentiveness   of   a   person   who   was   out   of   their   depth.

worry.

it   was   worry.   beau   could   see   it   in   the   way   cassius'   eyes   tracked   the   cars,   the   way   they   flitted   from   the   road   to   beau   and   back   again,   calculating,   trying   to   reconcile   the   speed   of   the   vehicles   with   the   apparent   expectation   that   they   were   supposed   to   cross   here,   on   foot,   alive. 

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙴𝚇𝚃.     𝙺𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙿𝚄𝙽𝙰𝙽 𝙰𝚅𝙴.     —     𝙳𝙰𝚈. 

                                        ❝          it   takes   cassius   a   moment   to   realize   that   beau   deliberately   walks   ahead   of   him   to   show   him   where   they're   supposed   to   go.   he   doesn't   take   offense   to   it,   though.   if   anything,   the   past   few   days   have   taught   him   that   this   is   simply   how   beau   is.   he   isn't   the   type   to   hold   someone's   hand   through   everything.   he's   dry   when   he   replies   sometimes,   rolls   his   eyes   whenever   cass   asks   too   many   questions,   and   often   looks   like   he'd   rather   be   anywhere   else.   but   despite   all   that,   beau   still   lets   him   tag   along.   he   still   teaches   him   the   lessons   he   struggles   with   in   class.   he   still   agrees   to   show   him   how   commuting   works   instead   of   leaving   him   to   figure   it   out   alone.   so   after   standing   there   for   a   second   too   long,   cass   quickly   hurries   after   him.

what   surprises   him   most   is   how   fast   beau   walks.

cass   never   walks   like   this.   his   usual   pace   is   relaxed,   unhurried,   the   kind   of   walk   that   comes   from   never   having   to   think   about   transportation.   whenever   he   needs   to   get   somewhere,   a   grab   or   an   angkas   usually   handles   everything   for   him.   he   never   has   to   worry   about   catching   rides,   finding   routes,   or   racing   other   people   for   a   seat.   but   now   he's   starting   to   understand   why   everyone   seems   to   walk   with   purpose   around   here.   if   they're   too   slow,   someone   else   gets   the   seat   first.   if   they're   slower   than   that,   the   jeepney   leaves   without   them.   so   he   can’t   complain.   instead,   he   keeps   trying   to   match   beau's   pace.   every   time   the   distance   between   them   grows   too   wide,   cass   jogs   a   few   steps   to   catch   up   before   falling   back   into   a   walk.   then   beau   speeds   up   again   and   the   whole   cycle   repeats   itself.

eventually,   he   manages   to   stay   close   enough   behind   him.   his   eyes   stay   glued   to   the   ground   while   he   walks,   carefully   avoiding   puddles   and   questionable   patches   of   water   near   the   side   of   the   road.   whether   they're   actually   puddles   or   something   else,   he   doesn't   particularly   want   to   find   out.   the   roads   aren't   exactly   helping   either.   there   are   cracks   everywhere,   uneven   pavement,   and   random   obstacles   that   make   him   wonder   where   all   his   taxes   are   even   going.   it's   already   unbearably   hot,   and   now   he   has   to   navigate   streets   that   seem   determined   to   make   commuting   harder   than   it   needs   to   be.   cass   silently   blames   the   government   for   most   of   it.   maybe   if   the   roads   were   better,   he'd   find   commuting   a   lot   more   appealing.

still,   he   can't   deny   that   this   whole   experience   is   teaching   him   something   useful.   it's   a   part   of   everyday   life   he's   somehow   managed   to   avoid   until   now,   and   maybe   that's   a   little   embarrassing   to   admit.   at   least   he's   learning   from   someone   he   actually   likes   being   around.

when   beau   points   toward   the   crossing   ahead,   cass   immediately   moves   closer   to   him.   without   really   thinking   about   it,   his   fingers   catch   the   hem   of   beau's   shirt   so   he   doesn't   accidentally   lose   him   again   in   the   crowd   and   so   he   can   keep   pace   more   easily.

“   i   don't   know   how   to   tawid   on   my   own…   ”   he   admits   sheepishly,   scratching   the   back   of   his   head   with   his   free   hand.   it   sounds   ridiculous   out   loud,   but   that's   what   happens   when   your   parents   spend   your   entire   life   making   sure   someone   is   always   there   to   do   things   for   you.   “   can   we   sabay?   ”   he   asks,   looking   at   beau   hopefully.   “   i   promise   i'll   catch   up   with   your   pace.   basta   we   walk   side   by   side.   ”

[ SIT ]  for one muse to finger the other who sits in their lap fully clothed,  keeping an arm around their waist to make them stay still. 

[ RISK ]  for one muse to drive and finger the other who is in the passenger seat. 

[ DISTRACT ]  for one muse to drive while the other gives them head/fingers them. 

[ WATCH ]  for muses to cuddle on a couch while watching tv and one of them begins to finger the other but stops every time they make too much noise. 

[ SUBTLE ]  our muses are cuddling,  sender begins to feel up receiver and tease them. 

[ STILL ]  our muses are cuddling,  receiver begins to feel up sender and tease them. 

[ GUIDE ]  while one muse is riding the other,  the one being ridden takes hold of the one on top’s hips to control their movements. 

[ CLOSE ]  our muses have sex in lotus position,  clinging to each other desperately.  

[ GAZE ]  our muses are having sex in missionary and the one on the bottom tells them to slow down so they can just look at them for a few moments. 

[ DELAY ]  one muse is trying to get ready to go somewhere while the other keeps kissing them and unbutton/unzipping their clothes. 

[ CAREFUL ]  one muse is recovering from minor injuries,  so the other takes charge and makes them stay still while they have slow,  sensual sex. 

[ REVERENT ]  one or both muses have been pining for a while,  sender body worships receiver by kissing all over their body and giving them oral. 

[ GRATIFICATION ]  one or both muses have been pining for a while,  receiver body worships sender by kissing all over their body and giving them oral. 

[ MESS ]  our muses are supposed to be cleaning up in the shower after sex,  but sender starts to finger receiver. 

[ RESTART ]  our muses are supposed to be cleaning up in the shower after sex,  but receiver starts to finger sender. 

[ CLEANSE ]  our muses have sex in the bathtub. 

[ TENSION ]  one muse is patching up the other’s injuries which leads to intense eye contact,  lingering touches and them finally crashing their lips against each other’s. 

[ DISCUSSION ]  for our muses to talk about kinks and figure out their boundaries together. 

[ APPROACHED ]  our muses haven’t been intimate yet and sender finally broaches the subject to receiver  (  feel free to add dialogue or actions  ) 

[ APPROACH ]  our muses haven’t been intimate yet and receiver finally broaches the subject to sender. 

[ SUGGESTIVE ]  our muses are hanging out and end up on the topic of turn ons,  kinks,  and what they’re attracted to. 

[ GROUND RULES ]  for our muses to discuss boundaries before trying something new in bed. 

[ OBSERVE ]  for sender to show receiver where and how they want to be touched. 

[ DEMONSTRATE ]  for receiver to show sender where and how they want to be touched.

[ LINE ]  our muses are supposed to only be pretending to be together for a mission or fake dating,  but they keep going and neither one of them is stopping which leads to them hiding away to have sex.  

[ DEBATE ]  our muses are arguing because sender is worried and overprotective of receiver,  but when they get up in each other’s faces they end kissing and groping at each other. 

[ CLAIM ]  our muses are arguing because receiver is worried and overprotective of sender,  but when they get up in each other’s faces they end up kissing and groping at each other. 

[ SENSUAL ]  for sender to slowly undress receiver,  caressing and kissing every part of them they expose. 

[ GRADUAL ]  for receiver to slowly undress sender,  caressing and kissing every part of them they expose. 

[ SERVICE ]  our muses just showered together,  sender dries off receiver with a towel and kisses each part of them they dry as they go. 

[ CARESS ]  our muses just showered together,  receiver dries off sender with a towel and kisses each part of them they dry as they go. 

COMMUNICATION

❝  well,  honestly i’ve never really had sex before and was kinda hoping you would teach me.  ❞

❝  i’ve never tried that before.  but i want to,  can we just take it slow?  ❞

❝  don’t be nervous,  i’ll guide you through it.  ❞

❝  just because i’ve never actually fucked someone doesn’t mean i don’t know what i like.  we have toys for a reason.  ❞

❝  show me what you like.  ❞

❝  can we take a break?  i’m enjoying this i just need a moment.  ❞

❝  can i be on top this time?  ❞

❝  can i be on bottom this time?  ❞

❝  just relax,  lie still and let me take care of you.  ❞

❝  do you think we could try pegging?  i’ve always been kinda curious.  ❞

❝  you can blindfold me but i want my hands free if we do that.  ❞

❝  let me know if the ropes are too tight,  okay?  ❞

❝  i think i’m ready.  if you are too,  i wanna have sex.  ❞

❝  listen,  i’ve wanted to get you in bed since you first smiled at me.  but we don’t have to do this unless you’re sure.   ❞

❝  i’m ready,  but we should set some ground rules first.  ❞

❝  can you use your mouth again?  i really liked that.  ❞

❝  do you like how this feels?  ❞

❝  yes,  i like this.  can you just—  please keep doing that.  ❞

❝  i don’t want to be touched this time,  i just want to focus on you right now.  ❞

❝  i prefer to do the giving if that’s okay?  ❞

❝  i like receiving but,  if you want me to do something i will.  i want you to feel good too.  ❞

❝  you can go harder.  i’m okay,  i want you to.  ❞

❝  i don’t want to have to think or have control.  just,  do what you want with me.  if something is too much i’ll let you know.  trust me.  ❞

❝  do you need me to slow down?  ❞

❝  what can i do to make you more comfortable?  ❞

❝  i know this is really vulnerable for you,  so we can take this as slow as you need.  you’re in control here okay?  ❞

   manila   was   trying   to   kill   him.   the   city   itself,   in   all   its   smog-choked,   concrete-baked,   godforsaken   glory,   had   decided   that   today   was   the   day   it   would   finally   succeed.   beau   wiped   the   back   of   his   hand   across   his   forehead   and   it   came   away   a   little   bit   damp   and   disgusting.   the   sun   wasn't   even   at   its   highest   point   yet,   and   it   already   felt   like   the   sky   had   given   up   pretending   to   be   anything   other   than   a   magnifying   glass   aimed   directly   at   the   back   of   his   neck. 

he   hated   it.

he   hated   all   of   it.   he   hated   the   particular   kind   of   headache   that   came   from   standing   under   direct   sunlight   for   more   than   ten   minutes.   he   hated   the   politicians   who   talked   about   carbon   emissions   on   national   television   and   then   got   into   their   suvs   with   the   aircon   blasting.   he   hated   the   corporations,   the   factories,   the   coal   plants,   the   entire   goddamn   system   that   had   decided   that   the   planet   was   a   thing   you   could   just   use   up   and   throw   away   like   a   sachet   of   shampoo. 

the   line   stretched   from   the   jeepney   stop   all   the   way   down   past   the   pharmacy   on   the   corner,   an   uneven   ribbon   of   people   pressed   too   close   together,   shoulders   and   elbows   and   bags   and   umbrellas,   everyone   occupying   the   same   sliver   of   sidewalk.   nobody   was   talking,   everybody   was   quiet,   reduced   all   to   the   same   expression,   the   same   tight   mouth   and   half-squinted   eyes   and   general   aura   of   resigned   suffering.   all   of   them   just…   fighting   fairly.   all   of   them   standing   in   the   same   line,   waiting   for   the   same   jeep,   enduring   the   same   heat.   everyone   was   just   a   body   trying   to   get   from   one   place   to   another.

in   the   middle   of   all   of   that,   cassius   was   standing   there,   looking…   bright.   he   was   smiling.   of   course   he   was   smiling.   he   was   smiling   and   waving,   waving   at   beau   like   they   were   meeting   at   a   café   and   not   in   the   middle   of   what   was   functionally   a   humanitarian   crisis,   his   hand   up   in   the   air.   and   beau   thought,   distantly,   that   cassius   was   brighter   than   the   actual   sun,   which   was   already   doing   too   much.

beau   didn't   wave   back.   he   didn't   smile,   either.   he   just   started   walking   towards   him.

cassius   was   still   smiling   when   beau   reached   him,   and   up   close   it   was   worse,   because   up   close   beau   could   see   the   flush   sitting   high   on   his   cheekbones,   spreading   down   the   sides   of   his   neck,   red   and   obvious   and—new.   he   wasn't   used   to   this.   beau   was   sure   of   it,   one   hundred   percent,   no   room   for   doubt.   cassius   had   never   stood   in   a   jeepney   line   in   his   life.   cassius   probably   had   a   driver,   or   he   used   grab,   or   he   had   some   other   arrangement   that   involved   air   conditioning   and   leather   seats   and   the   comfort   of   never   having   to   fight   for   a   spot   on   a   vehicle   that   seated   twenty   but   carried   thirty.   there   was   no   version   of   cassius'   daily   life   that   included   this. 

and   somehow   he   was   still   smiling.

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙴𝚇𝚃.     𝙺𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙿𝚄𝙽𝙰𝙽 𝙰𝚅𝙴.     —     𝙳𝙰𝚈. 

                                        ❝          even   with   the   sun   trying   its   absolute   best   to   cook   him   alive,   cassius   somehow   still   manages   to   stay   optimistic   about   the   whole   thing.   that’s   just   how   he   is.

sure,   he   forgot   to   put   on   sunscreen   this   morning   because   he   never   planned   on   spending   any   significant   amount   of   time   outdoors.   he   fully   expected   to   travel   everywhere   through   air-conditioned   vehicles   like   a   civilized   person.   so   standing   under   the   middle-of-the-day   sun   feels   less   like   getting   fresh   air   and   more   like   volunteering   to   become   roasted.   but   instead   of   complaining,   cass   decides   to   think   positively   about   it.

maybe   he's   getting   vitamin   d.

granted,   he   vaguely   remembers   reading   somewhere   that   standing   under   this   kind   of   heat   probably   gives   him   skin   cancer   faster   than   vitamins,   but   that's   not   important   right   now.   the   point   is   that   he's   trying   to   stay   positive.   besides,   beau   looks   completely   fine.   if   beau   can   survive   this   weather,   then   surely   cass   can   too.

when   beau   tells   him   they   need   to   walk   farther   down   the   road   because   that's   where   they'll   catch   the   jeepney,   a   look   of   concern   immediately   flashes   across   his   face.   just   for   a   second.   the   heat   is   already   unbearable   where   they're   standing.   the   idea   of   walking   even   farther   underneath   it   sounds   borderline   criminal.   but   then   his   brain   quickly   finds   a   way   to   make   it   sound   beneficial.

actually...   this   is   good.

walking   is   healthy.

people   their   age   are   supposed   to   get   seven   to   ten   thousand   steps   a   day   anyway.   he's   pretty   sure   his   apple   watch   says   something   like   that.   so   really,   this   isn't   suffering.   this   is   exercise.   this   is   wellness.   this   is   longevity.   see?   positive   thinking.   and   honestly,   beau   is   so   nice.   he's   helping   cass   learn   how   to   commute,   making   sure   he   doesn't   get   stranded   because   of   one   forgotten   wallet,   and   somehow   encouraging   him   to   be   healthier   at   the   same   time.   whether   beau   intends   to   do   that   or   not   is   completely   irrelevant   to   cass.

so   with   that   same   bright   grin   still   sitting   on   his   face,   he   nods   a   little   too   enthusiastically.

around   them,   everyone   else   waiting   for   a   jeepney   looks   exhausted   by   the   weather.   people   are   shielding   their   eyes   from   the   sun,   wiping   sweat   from   their   foreheads,   or   staring   blankly   ahead   while   waiting   for   the   next   ride   to   arrive.   meanwhile,   cass   stands   there   looking   painfully   out   of   place.   but   he   doesn't   mind.   as   long   as   beau   is   there   beside   him,   he's   willing   to   try   things   he   normally   wouldn't.   even   commuting.   even   walking   underneath   this   ridiculous   heat.

“   okay   then!   ”   he   says   cheerfully.   “   lead   the   way.   ”

beau   watched   cassius,   eyes   drifting   between   the   papers   spread   out   messily   between   them   and   the   way   cassius   drew   little   diagrams   while   rereading   beau’s   notes.   and   he   found   himself   wondering,   not   for   the   first   time,   why   cassius   had   even   left   ateneo   when   he’d   already   seemed   perfectly   comfortable   there.   it   wasn’t   like   he’d   been   forced   out.

cassius   had   mentioned   before,   that   transferring   to   up   was   like   some   kind   of   badge   of   honour.   something   impressive,   and   something   that   people   respected.   beau   remembered   the   way   those   words   had   left   a   sour   taste   in   his   mouth,   bitterness   curling   unpleasantly   in   his   chest   even   now   as   he   looked   at   him.   at   least   cassius   had   the   luxury   of   choice.   he   had   been   privileged   enough   to   decide   where   he   wanted   to   study,   to   move   schools   on   a   whim   without   worrying   about   what   it   would   cost   him.   tuition   fees   were   probably   just   numbers   to   him. 

beau   didn’t   have   that   luxury.   he   had   worked   while   studying   since   freshman   year.   getting   into   university   through   scholarship   had   been   the   only   reason   he   was   even   here   in   the   first   place,   but   scholarships   didn’t   magically   erase   every   expense.   there   were   still   miscellaneous   fees,   transportation,   food,   requirements,   books.   bills   waiting   for   him   at   home.   responsibilities.   he’d   learned   how   to   stretch   every   peso,   skipped   meals,   there   were   internships   he’d   turned   down   because   they   didn’t   pay   enough.   orgs   he   couldn’t   join   because   he   needed   to   work   instead.   nights   out   he   always   declined   because   he   couldn’t   justify   wasting   money   on   drinks   when   there   were   electricity   bills   waiting   at   home.

and   he   tried   not   to   keep   count   of   those   sacrifices.   he   really   did.   because   if   he   started   counting,   he   thought   he   might   start   resenting   everyone   around   him.

but   looking   at   cassius   with   his   brand-new   books,   his   spotless   ipad,   his   easy   confidence,   the   word   lucky   crept   into   beau’s   mind   yet   again.

wordlessly,   beau   reached   over   and   took   the   notebook   from   cassius’   side,   scanning   over   the   rewritten   lines   and   diagrams,   his   eyes   moving   carefully   over   the   page   before   giving   a   small   nod.   "oo,"   he   said,   "mabuti   naman   at   nakuha   mo   na   rin."

cassius   understood   it   now.   which   meant   beau   was   allowed   to   leave,   right?   there   wasn’t   really   any   reason   for   him   to   stay   any   longer.

                                                                                  𝙵𝙰𝙳𝙴   𝙸𝙽:

𝟷.     𝙴𝚇𝚃.     𝙺𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙿𝚄𝙽𝙰𝙽 𝙰𝚅𝙴.     —     𝙳𝙰𝚈. 

                                        ❝          god,   it’s   so   init.

the   thought   keeps   repeating   in   cassius’   head   while   he   stands   underneath   the   afternoon   sun,   feeling   his   skin   slowly   roasting   by   the   second.   he’s   never   been   good   with   heat.   that’s   honestly   one   of   the   main   reasons   he   always   books   a   grab   whenever   he   has   somewhere   to   be   around   campus.   a   few   minutes   under   the   sun   and   his   entire   face   and   arms   turns   red.   add   a   bit   more   time   and   he’s   already   sweating   through   his   shirt.   it’s   ridiculous.

which   is   why   commuting   has   never   really   crossed   his   mind   before.   for   cass,   the   solution   is   always   simple:   book   a   car   and   sit   somewhere   with   air-conditioning.   unfortunately,   that   isn’t   an   option   today   after   he   forgot   his   wallet   back   at   his   condo.   so   now   he's   standing   at   a   jeepney   stop   with   nothing   but   the   loose   coins   he   found   buried   inside   his   bag.   at   least   they’re   finally   useful   for   something.   and   honestly,   he   doesn’t   mind   it   as   much   when   he   remembers   beau   is   the   one   teaching   him   how   all   of   this   works.

he   wipes   the   sweat   forming   along   his   forehead   and   tries   fanning   himself   with   one   hand,   brows   furrowed   while   looking   down   the   road.   then   the   second   he   spots   beau   approaching   with   one   hand   hooked   around   the   strap   of   his   satchel,   his   entire   expression   changes.   a   grin   immediately   spreads   across   his   face.

“   bowie!   ”

cass   waves   so   enthusiastically   it’s   almost   embarrassing.   not   that   beau   could   possibly   miss   him.   there   are   barely   any   people   around,   and   cass   is   wearing   enough   bright   colors   to   be   spotted   from   a   mile   away.

without   thinking   twice,   he   jogs   over   to   meet   him   halfway.   “   you’re   here   na!   ”   he   says   excitedly,   stopping   in   front   of   him   with   a   smile   that   reaches   his   eyes.   “   ano?   let’s   go   na   ba?   ”   then   he   points   toward   the   small   group   of   people   waiting   nearby.   “   is   this   where   we’ll   hintay   for   the   jeepney?   ”   he   asks,   looking   far   too   excited   for   someone   who’s   about   to   ride   a   jeepney   for   the   first   time.