love only

i’m trying to leave you behind. i’m trying not to want you back. i’m trying not to drag you forward with me.

hi love. it’s been a moment, hasn’t it? how have you been? will it ever be the same again?

it’s been nothing but radio silence for three months now but i still think of you in every waking minute

i’m still wearing your hoodie even though it doesn’t smell of you anymore. to bed, sometimes outside (when I’m brave). you haven’t asked for it back yet. lately it’s been easier to fall asleep.

i think it’s clear you’re in love if you look at a person and it clicks that they’re comfortable. it’s clear if you look at them and the first word you think of is home.

did i mean anything to you last night or did you just need the physical comfort of anyone you could have?

yeah, he’s not you. but he’s nice, and he treats me right. I think I deserve that.

so you come asking again, after all these months. i’m over you, but i still opened my door. i still opened my door.

do you think tonight could be the night? if I know the one bar that’s open at 3am, would you leave the party with me, drunk, walk in the rain, talk with me? have I been misreading all these signals?

love is trying your best even though you’re tired. i’m trying my best, okay love?

[1:38 am] and god, the way you said I just want you to be proud of me. baby I ached. it’s like you don’t know that’s what I’ve thought back at you everyday since the first time we touched like it meant something.

it’s the little things! why do you always hug me! why do you smile at me like that! you know I can’t have you! not after you had her!

great, so I’m still in love with you.

do I like you or am I just lonely?

i keep imagining you’ll come to me. as if i haven’t been the one asking all these months, as if i haven’t been the one crawling to you. i’m tired of asking for you to hold me.

i wonder when we crossed the line from friends to lovers. you were always here next to me, you were always one of my people. but now, i can call you my Person.

and on the last day of it all, i hope it will be like it was last time.