rory

as venezuela is my home country, all of this hits especially close to home. thankfully, my family and loved ones are safe since they were in cities not as severely affected. however, many others have not been as fortunate and are now facing the aftermath of these events.

years of political and economic instability have left many communities with limited resources and infrastructure, making it even more difficult to respond to emergencies like this. there are reports of people who remain missing, and many families are still waiting for news about their loved ones. rescue efforts have been made even more difficult by shortages of equipment, ambulances, and other emergency resources needed to respond to a disaster of this scale.

if you're able to, please consider sharing information, supporting verified relief efforts, or simply helping spread awareness about what is happening.

here’s a link where you can donate if you can

i’ll try to get more help resources to post here!

Your nervous system is picking up on a pattern it has experienced before which is for example probably one where love felt uncertain, attention had to be earned, or connection came with anxiety

According to attachment research by John Bowlby and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth, we are wired to seek out relationships that mirror our earliest emotional experiences. It’s not because they are good for us, but because they are familiar to us. And familiarity, to the nervous system, can feel like safety

This is why you can meet someone stable, consistent, and emotionally available and feel nothing. No spark. No pull. No urgency

But the person who makes you question everything. The one who gives you just enough attention to keep you hooked? That’s the one your body reacts to. And it’s not because they’re “better” but simply because they activate something unresolved

Trauma research from experts like Bessel van der Kolk and Stephen Porges shows that the nervous system is constantly scanning for emotional patterns it knows how to respond to. Even if those patterns are rooted in stress, inconsistency, or emotional distance

What feels like chemistry is actually your nervous system trying to recreate a familiar emotional experience hoping this time, it will finally end differently

Learn to choose what is healthy over what is familiar. Learn to feel safe in consistency, not chaos. Learn that love isn’t something you have to earn. Because the right person won’t make you feel like you’re waiting to be chosen

References:

Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process.

Fraley, R. C. (2019). Attachment in Adulthood: Recent Developments, Emerging Debates, and Future Directions.

Freud, S. (1920). Beyond the Pleasure Principle.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation.

van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.

At the start of my employment, my boss showed me videos of people stealing, and we both had a chuckle about it. How silly they were! There was a camera overhead, and it’s not to watch the shoppers. See, we can’t actually stop shoplifters. They get away with it maybe nine out of ten times. But we, who are watched and tallied and witnessed? We are always caught.

At first it was hard to hold one hundred dollars bills. An amount I had never seen before. An amount that didn’t exist in my household. It’s normal now. Here is something that is not for me.

“What the hell, I’ll take another,” says the man, pondering our 200 dollar watches. What the hell. Total comes to 580 and not even a flinch in his face. I have been working for 11 hours today and made only 110 dollars. It will go to my rent. Today I work for free, it feels. When I get my check, I will have 35 dollars left for food and saving.

The six hundreds he hands me go into the cash register. For a moment, I imagine having money. Then I put it away, counting out his change.

I know for a fact we sell our products for double what they are worth. That I could be making commission. That they could hand me those 580 dollars and change my life and not even mark the difference in their checkbooks. He’s not the only sale they make today, but I am the reason they made it. He’s not the only one spending 600 dollars, but if I hadn’t spent two hours with him telling me about his life, he wouldn’t have spent any. I go home. I don’t own a watch.

I have watched and rewatched a video on how to make salmon four ways. My shopping list is always the same. Pasta. Rice. Tuna. If I can afford butter it was a good week. I dream of the world I will never walk in, where I can throw the best fish fillet in the cart with a shrug. I hold hundreds in my hand and look up at the camera. I put them under the cash drawer.

I go to work. I scrap together my savings. I eat my bowl of rice slowly. My manager takes a paid week off from work just for his birthday. He owns a yacht. 

i was part of their college program. i moved to the state for it. they legally owned the building i was living in and still charged me rent. i ostensibly was being charged to work for them. it was a 2 bedroom apartment and they placed 6 adult women in it in forced triples.

as many as one in ten disney employees have experienced homelessness while working for the company. despite huge efforts to unionize, strike, or otherwise demand fair treatment; disney has refused to increase employee quality of life.

disney admits publicly that a good portion of their success is because the employees (“cast members”) are dedicated, passionate, and selfless. this is never reflected in pay. even “face” characters (ie those that are princesses etc) make barely above a minimum wage.

at the time that i worked there, i made $8.50 an hour. at one point i was asked to create a human shield around a bag because a bomb dog had alerted to it. for eight fucking dollars an hour.

i now work a very cushy office job. i have bought the salmon and cooked it all four ways.

i go to the store. i am nice to the person behind the counter. she looks up at the camera while she counts out my change. there is nothing fundamentally different about her and i.

A recent analysis conducted by the AI startup Oumi at the behest of The New York Times found that the AI-generated summaries, which appear above Google search results, are accurate around 91 percent of the time.  In a sense, that may sound like an impressive figure. But here’s an even more impressive one: five trillion. That’s roughly the number of search queries that Google processes every year, translating to tens of millions of wrong answers that the AI Overviews are providing every hour — and hundreds of thousands every minute, the analysis calculated. In other words, Google has created a misinformation crisis. Studies have shown that people tend to trust what an AI tells them without question, with one report finding that only 8 percent of users actually double checked an AI’s answer. Another experiment found that users still listened to AI when it gave them the wrong answer nearly 80 percent of the time — a grim trend the researchers dubbed “cognitive surrender.” Large language models adopt an authoritative tone and can confidently present fabricated information as fact when it can’t immediately glean a straight answer. Add the convenience that Google’s AI Overviews offer, and it’s easy to imagine untold numbers of users taking its summaries at their word.

not opening the comments

letting people be wrong

letting people be wrong about YOU

letting people have a bad impression of you (see above)

knowing when your input isn't needed

spotting bot comments

take this test (https://www.keithcirkel.co.uk/whats-my-jnd/), then come back here:

it doesnt have to be a good score, you dont have to take it multiple times, you dont have to get on a good screen, etcetera. just gimme your score please this is my final project grade :)

“be grateful for what you have.”

“don’t ask for too much.”

“relationships take sacrifice.”

“no one is perfect.”

“at least they didn’t…”

“you’re lucky to even have someone.”

“don’t be so picky.”

“you’ll regret it if you leave.”

“good things are hard to find.”

“just be patient, they’ll change.”

“love means sticking it out.”

“stop expecting so much.”

“other people have it worse.”

And slowly, your standards didn’t feel like standards anymore… they felt like problems

You weren’t told to be a people pleaser, you were told:

“be nice.”

“don’t make things awkward.”

“keep the peace.”

“think about how they feel.”

“don’t be selfish.”

“just let it go.”

“it’s not a big deal.”

“why are you so sensitive?”

“be the bigger person.”

“don’t start drama.”

“just say yes, it’s easier.”

“they didn’t mean it like that.”

“you’re overreacting.”

“don’t make everything about you.”

“be easy to be around.”

“no one likes difficult people.”

And without realizing it, you learned that being loved meant being low maintenance… quiet about your needs and easy to keep

You weren’t told to abandon yourself. You were told:

“don’t be dramatic.”

“you’re fine.”

“just ignore it.”

“stop overthinking.”

“it’s all in your head.”

“you’re too emotional.”

“calm down.”

“it’s not that deep.”

“you’re making it bigger than it is.”

“just be positive.”

“don’t dwell on things.”

“shake it off.”

“you’ll get over it.”

“focus on the good.”

And slowly you stopped trusting your own feelings… and started questioning your own reality

You weren’t told to shrink yourself. You were told:

“be humble.”

“don’t show off.”

“not everything needs to be shared.”

“be lowkey.”

“don’t make people feel bad.”

“you don’t need all that attention.”

“stay grounded.”

“be chill about it.”

“don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“act normal.”

“not everyone needs to know your business.”

“be modest.”