"You've ruined it. You don't want anyone to care."

If you want to see blood: Wet the end of a somewhat soft (not crayola) colored pencil and use it on your skin. It works like the food coloring if you don’t have access to that, but also sort of “bleeds”, unlike markers. Put red food coloring on your skin Put red food coloring in some non-toxic glue. It looks like blood, and also hardens into “scabs” Fatal To The Flesh website. Click and drag on your screen and blood appears.

If you want to feel a physical sensation: Find some ice cubes or anything frozen solid and hold it to where you self harm to give you a numb-burning sensation. Hold it there as long as you can, or until it melts. Snap a hair elastic or rubber band around your wrist. Take a hot/cold shower. Go to the gym, dance, exercise Chew a piece of ginger root or a hot pepper. Put tiger balm on the places you want to cut. (Tiger balm is a muscle relaxant cream that induces a tingly sensation. You can find it in most health food stores and vitamin stores.) Wax your legs/pluck your eyebrows. Pour some candle wax onto yourself, but make sure you hold it up high enough so that the wax cools a bit before touching your skin. If it starts to feel like you’re burning yourself, stop immediately.

Try T.I.P.:

Temperature change. Dunk your head in ice water (known as the mamillian dive reflex, known to lower heart rates) or hold ice in your hand.

Intense exercise. Try not to go too far with this one. Do ten jumping jacks, run a mile on the treadmill, or do 20 pushups. Just do it until you’re no longer triggered and no more than that.

Progressive muscle relaxation. Tense and relax every muscle in your body one by one. Tense for 10 seconds, take deep breaths, then release. The self-soothe kit is designed to calm you down whenever you’re upset or triggered. Put things in it that relax you. For example: body lotion body butter lavender shae butter a scrub colored pencils tea Anything that relaxes you or helps calm you down goes in the kit, such as music, a hobby, art, or calming herbs such as lavender or chamomile. Whenever you’re triggered or upset, take a deep breath and try a few things in the kit.

if you want to see marks on your skin: Take a red marker or soft felt tipped pen and draw lines where you would self harm Put on henna, an Indian temporary tattoo-art found at most Indian stores. Put on some temporary tattoos. Either buy a package of them and apply as instructed, or draw on yourself with a permanent marker and use hairspray to seal it. You can also find suggestions for how to make temporary tattoos here. On a sketch or photo of yourself, mark in red ink what you want to do.

if you want to pick at your skin: Put on nail polish, then peel it off. Put Elmer’s liquid glue on your hands and then peel it off. Pick at the vinyl liner on the underside of a bottle cap (instructions found here) If you want a way to let out your emotions: Pick a song that has meaning for you, and write the lyrics on yourself Call a friend and talk Throw an apple/pair of socks against the wall Have a pillow fight with the wall Viciously stab an orange Scream very loudly Tear apart newspapers, photos, or magazines Write your feelings on paper then rip it up Break sticks The Calm Jar (Fill a mason jar or similar with colored water and glitter. When feeling upset or angry you can shake it to disturb the glitter and focus on that until the glitter settles.) Cut up fruits Allow yourself to cry; crying is a healthy release of emotion Stomp around in heavy shoes Buy a cheap plate and decorate it with markers, stickers, cut outs from magazines, words, images, what ever that expresses your pain and sadness and when you’re done, smash it. (Please be careful when doing this) Blow up a balloon and pop it

If you need a way to keep your mind busy: Say “I’ll self harm in fifteen minutes if I still want to” and keep going for periods of fifteen minutes until the urge fades Complete something you’ve been putting off Take up a new hobby Pick a subject and research it on the web - alternatively, pick something to research and then keep clicking on links, trying to get as far away from the original topic as you can. Alphabetize your CDs or books Play computer games or painting programs, such as photoshop Write out lyrics to your favorite song Trace your hand on a piece of paper; on your thumb, write something you like to look at; on your index finger, write something you like to touch; on your middle finger, write your favorite scent; on your ring finger, write something you like the taste of; on your pinky finger, write something you like to listen to; on your palm, write something you like about yourself Play the A-Z game (Pick a category ie. Animals, and think of an animal for every letter of the alphabet) “See, hear and feel”-5 things, then 4, then 3 and countdown to one which will make you focus on your surroundings and will calm you down Memorize a poem with meaning Do school work Learn to swear in another language Lay on your back in bed comfortably (eyes closed), and breathe in for 4, hold for 2, out for 4, hold for 2. Make sure to fill your belly up with air, not your chest. If your shoulders are going up, keep working on it. When you’re comfortable breathing, put your hand on your belly and rub up and down in time with your breathing. If your mind wanders to other things, move it back to focusing ONLY on the synchronized movement of your hand and breathing.

If you need a way to keep your hands busy: Get out a fine tooth comb and vigorously brush the fur of a stuffed animal Make a soft cloth doll; cut and tear it instead of yourself Flatten aluminium cans for recycling Put on makeup Do some knitting Do some house hold chores Bake Make symmetrical art Scribble on a piece of paper until the whole page is black Filling a piece of paper with drawing cross hatches Throw darts at a dartboard

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Day 358