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Sailor Mars!🎀

So let’s say you’re trying to deal with harassment quietly. You’re avoiding the person, doing everything “right” just to stay out of trouble. No complaints or scenes, just a classic "head down" survival routine you're enduring as best you can.

But somehow…it’s still costing you.

Here are some thoughts about what that cost can actually look like if you choose to quit, report, or stay status quo: how it shows up in your reputation and your confidence, and even your future jobs. Some of it will be obvious. But if any of this sounds familiar, you’re not nuts, you’re just stuck in a system that wasn’t built to protect you.

Oh and I'm thinking of this as a kind of a conversation starter - any other thoughts you may want to share from your own experience are very welcome (or different experience than what I've outlined here).

😇🫥🥰

1. Avoiding a harasser can make it look like you're slacking If you start avoiding someone who’s harassing you, skipping shifts, or turning down certain tasks, people might notice, but not know why. You can end up looking like you’re slacking, uncooperative, or have a “bad attitude.”

2. Avoiding harassment can cost you opportunities Work offers opportunities like mentorship, special projects, or client relationships. If you pull back to avoid harassment, people may see you as difficult, ungrateful, or not hungry enough. The people around you may stop offering chances to grow—even if you’d otherwise jump on those chances and you’re more than qualified.

3. The harasser can try to ruin your reputation It's super common for the harasser to trash-talk you, and get their friends to do it too. They’ll try to paint you as an untrustworthy liar. They'll say you made up the harassment for personal reasons, or to distract from the fact that you’re bad at your job. They may say you have a drinking problem, or you’re mentally ill.

4. Your coworkers can turn on you Even when you follow the rules and report it, HR will probably speak with your colleagues, who will likely talk and rumours may start to spread. You might get treated like a problem, or like you’re dangerous to be around. Coworkers who once had your back may go quiet. The person you reported might even stay, and suddenly now you’re the one being watched.

5. Reporting can backfire Reporting can trigger a chain reaction you can’t control. Once it’s out there, you might be pulled into a formal process that moves faster, or slower, than you’re ready for. Your name becomes attached to something messy, even if you did everything “right.” You may find yourself spending more time managing the fallout than doing your actual job. And even when people believe you, the attention can feel like scrutiny, not support.

6. The stress can hurt your performance The stress can make it hard to focus or perform, causing you to spiral as your confidence drops. You might feel like you’re overreacting or making it worse. Or like this is just the price of being in the industry. None of that is true—but it feels true, and it affects how you show up at work.

7. If you quit or get fired, your next job will likely be worse Sometimes you just need out, and that’s valid. But for most people, the next job they take pays less. And you may end up with gaps in your resume you can’t easily explain (you can’t exactly put “had to escape a hostile work environment” on your LinkedIn.)

8. Collateral damage makes you seem less employable What looks like bad luck or poor performance to others may really be a career shaped by harassment. You didn’t get the reference or you left before the promotion. Or just couldn’t give your best under those conditions. Each moment adds up, quietly, but powerfully.