Kittysilly

I know it’s hard but I still have to move on. I don’t want to ignore it anymore. I want to talk about it too. But if that one person don’t want to talk about it then it’s okay. It’s okay to move on and think about yourself first.

Also, I knew that you are really like me and I am not deserved your love but I just want you to know that I just want to talk with you again as a friend. I don’t want anything else more. We can become friend and I can help you out with that. 

I told to myself that I need money to do fake paper and my promise is that I can stop going to school so I can do this job and meet someone who can do the paper for me and then I can get out of this job. 

My plan is when I grew up, I realize I can’t do the job that I want to do, I have learnt that I just need to be happy with my life. And for whatever it is, I know that one day my mom she can find out that I am not doing what she expects me to do in the future. I just want my mom to be proud of me. I promise myself that when I have my OPT card back, I can at least work in another place, it’s okay to work for a sale company, I would be happy with that also. And then it would be great if I can go from that to the things that I want to do in the future. I know that I need to get that paper working done and then I need to go back master school too and I have to work so hard on it. 

Or else, I can think of it this way, it’s like I can do something else, I will run my own business with my idea on my hand. 

But the thing is now I have to stop for a while and I want to go back to school and have money to go to school and I don’t want to ask my mom for that kind of money at all.

SO I am here to tell you something about my life or just a general life that I want to talk about. 

We always tell ourselves  that oh hey don’t have too many friends but yeah too much friend will bring you so many troubles. But actually, you know what, just one friend can make your life miserable too. Whether you want it or not, there will always have a friend who say they like you but all of a sudden they can bite you, bring you to the tears and hurt you so bad. 

I mean I am really innocent about this life I know that. For me, I am really really just play it as I want, I forget to think about the result of it. Or shit seriously I just a dumb silly girl. 

It has been a while since the last time I wrote something in here and now I am writing back. Today is the day that it has been 2 weeks I worked here. So I really like working here at the beginning, I think it’s a good experience for me to work and have money and know how the guys actually doing. I know that being a receptionist I just listen to phone calls and I can’t complain about anything. I can’t be selfish and I know that being with this job, I got a lot of money without not really doing anything. 

Hey there! I messed up again

To my younger self. I know that you are no longer young and free anymore. That’s why I want to type this to say farewell, say goodbye to you. I know it has been 2 years since you are officially becoming an adult, you go to the world out there. I know it’s really hard since the first time when you came here, you have no one to trust in, all of the people that you live with they do not like you at…

I’m gonna wear that skirt tomorrow and I am gonna be myself tomorrow. Just open up and talk with him about everything. See the chemistry first and then see if he really likes me or not or if he looking at the other girl

Are you doing good? Are you tired? Are you crying a lot? Are you feeling confused? Are you feeling lost? Are you okay? At the end of the day?

I miss you Tammy, you are a good girl, you gonna be okay?

Idk, sometimes I felt like I want to run away so much. Sometimes I kept everything inside, something I let everything out

That was a tough week for me. I quit my job at restaurant, I though it’s okay but I know that I never face it directly and become a mature and an adult about it you know? I think tomorrow I will text chi Phuong and let her know I will handle her the uniform back and say thank you for helping me and training me all the time. I will be moving on with a lot of stuff in my life in the future. And yeah I should tell her thank you for chi Trinh and everyone at the restaurant too. I will be back to hand in my uniform too. It’s such a kid and childish if I let anyone else do that for me. I do appreciate the time working there too

I yeah recently, I just been confused about my life so much. I really want to spend time more with myself. And figuring out what should I do with my life and what is my plan if I get into college back one more time

I hope that I can graduate, please let me graduate okay?

I mean if you are really a good person, don’t or never find that person again just because you are alone, and you just want them to be yours. Hey hey don’t do that!

Can you keep calm?

I know it has been crazy recently after you go back from New York. And I know that you have been confused so much for your life recently

There will be the time when you know that it’s hard, and you get hurt and you don’t know what to do with your life

So I think right now, whenever you do something. Do good and focus on it, you can’t be all over the place

And about the boss that you have seen him today. Don’t assume that they like you, and if he likes you, just do the best for your job. It might be your first intern that you do so just chill and don’t be scared of anything

Also, if you feel like something not good about the guy that you texting, no worry, you will be fine, believe in yourself and focus on yourself first. If you feel overwhelming, just stop, don’t think about anything

And yeah, if he comes back, i don’t come back too. I mean I don’t want to come back with him anymore

I just had fight with my boyfriend and it’s so weird that he becomes my boyfriend for like 2 weeks now?

I really don’t know but yeah I am the girl who really need attention. If I like someone I want that person to be there for me all the time. I got 2 of my feets in and I believe in that person so much, being dependent on that person so much too. Because for me, having a boyfriend is like a dream come true where I don’t need to care about fucking friends out there, I do not feel alone whenever I need someone to talk to. Because basically, I don’t believe in friends. That’s why if you are my boyfriend, you are just my everything

Yeah when we fight, he did not say anything. And yeah that’s okay because we need to stop to think too. Let’s think about it simple like this, if you miss someone, why you need to hold it back? And the only reason that that one person makes you feel like you being left out is because he just does not want to meet you. And the only reason that you are sitting here and writing this note is because you like him. I mean I think I need to put myself out there and being way more nice to that person?

The more I said to myself that don’t chase love, the more I think about it and I know that it’s not good at all

I am right now just finding jobs and losing money everyday because of food and no connection.

There are so many times that I told to myself that I should not be mad like that. It makes me feel tired and I can't expect that he will be someone else. It's just he likes that and I should not expect anything from him you know?

At the end of the day, the only person that you should trust and believe in is yourself. Whenever I being in relationship, I am always like that, like the person who in the middle and try to get attention and being like oh I don't like it. I think maybe just do not expect anything and it's gonna be good you know

1. I do not have a job yet

2. I am afraid to focus so many things on relationship

3. I am really afraid to put my life into someone’s hand

Hi there! It has been a while right?

So I have been in a relationship with someone now. It’s something called too good to be true you know?

I think I would be wrong to say that I could not expect anything in the beginning. And yeah to claim that I do believe in fate and people you met in your life. He’s just so nice to me, he respects who I am and yeah I also think that I am way much more in love with myself too. And yeah I’m kinda desperate girl right? and Yeah sometimes I felt sad because why I can’t keep calm like other girls, but yeah if you like me, in the end of the day and yeah if you believe in me, you should handle it all you know?

Actually, I do think that I need to calm myself and do my things first you know. If not then it’s not my life anymore and I totally agree with him about that. It’s good to know that after a long long time, we can finally seeing each other in a serious way. And I felt thankful because he just took this relationship with a serious side. And he always my hand when I need him, he kissed me when I felt like I’m afraid. He listened to my story in the past in he knows it for real. And yeah whatever people think about you is not you at all. Just live for yourself and everything will be good you know? Be nice to people too. And yeah people who do not like you will be like that so just laugh on it you know whenever people want to bring you down

Do not afraid of anything, just do whatever you want, and be patient in what you doing and yeah don’t care about what others people think about u you know. Always belive in your guts too and you will be fine :*

The only thing that I can think of right now is just waiting for the right time to come and do not be so arrogant that oh he likes me so I can do whatever I want you know?

There are lots of things out there for you to learn and to try so just complete and upgrade yourself everyday you know? that is a good way for u to growing up. And yeah he likes weird things so haha you are weirdo so it’s okay

I don’t know why but I feel a little bit sad because he said he’s busy. I think I need to forget him for real. And from now on no more texting him or anything. And I just need to know that he’s busy. That’s all :)

It has been a really fun day today in New York. So now I kinda figure out how to use subway to go everywhere in New York. It has been so easy to travel in New York by subway.

I know a Brazil girl and she said if I come back to New York, she can help me find out a job to work on with cash and it was so nice of her you know

And then I walk into a BITE lipstick and the thing is it was really nice to have the lipstick but it super super expensive. And then I bought one for my friend and one for my roommate and I hope she like it then. 

The thing about New York is the life really overwhelming, super fast and actually I get familiar with that for the first time but then walking the whole day make me feel fucking tired. I got back home with lots of stuff and I am starving

Wanna talk to him too but he’s busy playing game and stuff so I really don’t know if he cares about me or he cares about playing game. LOL. That’s okay though, just let him do his thing and I do my things too. 

When you get into that relationship too deep, and too fast, you gonna be the person who need that person which is not good for you at all.

Right now, the only thing that you need to do is focus on your career first, finding jobs and then working on more and more youtube videos. Don’t care about what other people do and I think I will be fine :)

So this will be the time for me to enjoy New York I guess. To really know how people actually live here