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oozey mess

shark vs the universe

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$LAYYYTER
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Show & Tell
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#extradirty

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we're not kids anymore.
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

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Janaina Medeiros

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@loveebites
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To be clear. Shane's whole thing about Ilya being a Sex God is because of the limerence. Ilya is nineteen and he can get a rhythm going and that's about it. He was throwing shit at the wall when he hit that 'Get on your knees' in Nashville but only he knows that because Shane's brain turned OFF. Ilya said "Let's do a little experiment here" and the results were "Oh my god oh my god oh my god." Shane came hands free because he was that obsessed with the idea of Ilya Rozanov being inside him. Ilya said "Do you like that do you like that" because he's nineteen and he needs the validation and Shane was like "YES YES YES I LIKE IT OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO DEEP YOU'RE SO GOOD" and objectively. It was okay. Ilya fully did not know where to put his hands a couple of times. He forgot about Shane's dick. Luckily, Shane is God's special angel who can come from the idea of Ilya's cockhead being in proximity to his prostate a few times. Mind over matter, says Shane Hollander's dick. And then Ilya said "Oh God Hollander" because it was also, objectively, one of the hottest things that had ever happened to HIM, Ilya Rozanov. Shane sits on that step afterwards plotting about how he's gonna get this over and over and over again for the rest of his life and he has no idea that there are women in Boston who have Ilya listed in their contacts as "Hockey Guy 6/10". Shane Hollander cannot fathom a world in which Ilya Rozanov doesn't lay the maddest pipe this side of Lake Michigan. "Ilya Rozanov is a some kind of nineteen year old sex God" No Shane honey he was just designed in a lab to score goals and make you cum and he's done scoring goals for the night.
Post public relationship someone asks Shane and Ilya who made the first move and, without thinking, they both go "I did" which leads to them being outraged at the other one and any witnesses finding out way more than they ever wanted to know about how they got together.
Shane's like, "I was the one who introduced myself to you!" With Ilya replying "yes, but I made it romantic!" And normally Shane would never admit this under penalty of death but Ilya just engaged his competitiveness over who's responsible for their relationship so he immediately throws back, "romantic? Oh, please, you jerked off in front of me and you only did that because I was already hard." Ilya then, of course, comes back with, "you wouldn't have even been in that shower if I hadn't booked you for that commercial! And you were ready to pretend to forget it until I came to your room and kissed you."
And everyone else is just sat there thinking... I'm sorry, what happened??
Ilya + his seeing God face
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE (2005) + incorrect quotes

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today is the day when I think about the moment when "Neil reached for a gun and hit Andrew's arm instead. Andrew glanced back at him before rolling off the bed." so Andrew, did you keep your hand under Neil's pillow? How scared are you of losing him again? me too dude
foxes are shocked
A season of Hollanov faces.
There are many, many things to love about episode 5 of Heated Rivalry, but the one that cracks me up the most is the fakeout where Shane is about to leave the hotel room and is fully clothed, making it seem like he and Ilya didnβt have sex
And then the reverse shot of Ilya lounging smugly in his underwear on a bed that has been ABSOLUTELY AND UTTERLY DEMOLISHED
love that ilya is actually kinda confused when he meets shane for the first time but then as soon as shane goes for the SECOND handshake in a 2 minutes interaction his whole body language changes and hes like oh. OH hes flirting with me,, and he was !! ! (sighs) shane hollander youre so cute and lovable. ilya didnt stand a chance

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Okay obviously there is legitimate emotional insecurity on Ilya's part when Rose texts to check in on Shane. He remembers the way the world reacted to Rose and Shane, while they crafted a very different narrative for Shane and Ilya. And there's some lingering hurt because of how and why that relationship came about in the first place.
But also we as viewers know that Shane wasn't into Rose sexually, and that's what led to their segue into friendship.
What Ilya knows is that Shane is a desperate horny freak in bed who has consistently blown his mind since their first time together, and is now claiming to have been a disaster during sex.
No wonder Ilya isn't buying it.
Happy birthday to Junior over here
Fixed it
Hello this is genius, 100% what happened btw
It's so funny that the other gay players in the series are like "eew I spend all my time with hockey players why would I wanna date one" while Shane and ilya are like "beating you at hockey makes me inconceivably horny"

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he was bracing himself for bad news
at the cottage picking up rocks